The car had flipped so many times that I had become disorientated before I could even sustain the concussion that had me drift in and out of consciousness; my little body could not handle the impact. I jumped in my booster seat. My bones and muscles and joints, and insides felt like they were being crumbled and smashed into a tiny box. My torso and head pressed hard against the windshield while my arms and legs flailed. I don't even know if it's still bright outside. I was fleetingly aware that the bloody taste in my mouth made me cringe at the flavor. At times my eyelids fluttered, and I thought about what had just happened.
Why the pain? Oh, why so much pain?
I cried out to my mom, "Mommy?" No answer. "Daddy?" no reply from him too. I sobbed, crying out for them and crying hard to wake them up as I use every weekend morning. I would jump on dad and fist his bareback as a drum, and mom would join by tickling his sides until he woke. Athena and Ares would jump in and tackle him to wake him up fully. But that will never happen.
"Mommy... Daddy..." I tried struggling out of my chair, but the glasses on my skin would hit a nerve sending my brain I'm in pain. "Mommy, I'm hurt... Daddy, help me..." No matter how much I called for them, they'd never respond. The world must have kept flickering its figurative light switch because my vision flashed from bitter darkness to blinding white light.
"Mommy... Daddy... Thea... Ares... Mom-"
________________________________
"Effie, get up. You're going to be late."
My eyes shot wide open as I went up drenched in sweat—that nightmare. I pulled up my knees and hugged my legs, putting my head in between. I took slow and deep breaths easing my shaking body and my soul.
"Effie, are you up?" I didn't answer. "I'll use the bathroom first."
Ares' bellow voice saved me and woke me up before I would be trapped in my nightmare, unable to escape it. My eyes land on the door. I heard my brother knock on the door, telling me to get up once more, then he dragged his feet into the bathroom in the hallway, hearing a door close. We have two, one in the master bedroom-my parents' room and the one in the hall where three siblings share and fight over who gets to go first.
It will get wild in the morning, but since my parents are gone, everything lively in this house no longer exists.
I slowly moved out of bed, put on my fluffy slippers, and gathered my clothes for school. Choose a black cardigan. No care if it's warm outside fall is coming up, and I'll be the one who is laughing at those who dressed so little. Then I pulled out a graphic black t-shirt with a Pikachu on it, black leggings from my dresser, and converse in black. Everything I wear is in black, and I like it that way. I didn't care much about what I wore because it was school. It represents my mourning, my grieving. I wasn't ready to move on, not yet.
I walk out of my room, hugging my clothes, and at the same time, Ares, my brother, comes out of the bathroom while steam from inside is smoking out. His short black hair is damped and loose, and his five o'clock shadow has been shaved as the towel wrapped around his waist reveals his torso with tattoos of the Filipino sun on his right chest and a Japanese design covering his whole right arm. He has another one on his back with the Greek words agape, pistis, and theos.
Love, Faith, and God
"Morning, sis," he greets with a smile as he plays with his damp hair, brushing it back. "Sorry about the steam kind of cold in the morning."
"It's okay," I say quietly.
Ares groans, rubbing his face. "Effie, please speak up." I could tell by the sound of his voice he was cranky from waking up early for work. "You are seventeen, and you're not making friends with that soundless voice."
I lowered my head and quivered my lips. I heard Ares swear under his lips, and before he could apologize and silence me, thundering footsteps came from the kitchen. Then we both hear a roar, causing Ares to freeze.
"Ares, you ass, are you making Effie cry again?"
"No!" He hollers back. He's shushing me to keep quiet, but I don't say a word as usual. I felt like I was being bullied by my brother, who didn't mean to hurt me, but the tears just suddenly appeared in my eyes, putting my brother in a tight position at the head of the house.
My brother winces as we both see an angry woman stomping her way toward us and stop. Athena stands there, her hip-swaying to the side, arms crossed over her chest, holding a kitchen knife and spatula, glaring at Ares. She reminds me of our mother.
I watched Ares swallow hard. His Adam's apple went up then down.
"Want to test me, little brother?" Athena warns as she glares at him, tapping her feet.
I know Ares wants to run from our older sister, but he knows not to mess with her, especially holding kitchen utensils as murder weapons.
"No, I'm not. I swear," Ares protests and leans back not to get into our older sister's face. "I'm just telling her to speak louder."
Athen sighs and puts down her hands to her sides. "Don't get angry at her. She's been through a lot since Mom and Dad passed."
"I know."
"And the foster home."
"Yes," he grunts in annoyance. "How could I forget?"
"Now, apologize."
Ares looks at me. "Sorry, baby sis." He leans in and kisses the top of my forehead. Then he walks away to his room and shuts the door.
I hear Athena exhale a long sigh, then look as she shakes her head. "I swear. Don't worry, Effie, one day. One day you're going to be yourself again."
"I'm sorry."
Athena smiles and blushes a strand of my hair back behind my ear. "Don't be sorry. It's just your brother and I are worried about you."
I lower my head to the floor.
I had images of the accident in my head that gave me the feeling of a nail to my brain once I tried to remember.
"We don't blame you," Athena pulls me away from memory lane. "It's that dumb driver's fault. We are glad that you survive. Otherwise, we would have lost both you and our parents. It's going to be okay." She kisses my hair and walks back to the kitchen.
Watching her go had me anxious to know if I had made things much harder for her and Ares.
I remember the accident as clear as day. It felt like it was yesterday. Next month will be eleven years, and I will never forget it. Flashes of memories from my head of the crash would sometimes appear, triggering my guilt and causing me to verbally cry out in pain as if knives pierced my skull, stabbed my brain, and the only way for me to forget was to ease that pain. I'm already scarred with cuts from the crash. They are reminders of how my parents died.
I was a spoiled brat and treated like a princess because I was the youngest wanting the attention. I whined about obtaining what I wanted and, because of it, had lost my parents' lives.
My parents' car had collided with a truck driver who fell asleep on the road. The impact was quick. I next remembered waking up in the hospital bed with Athena and Ares by my side. Their eyes were swollen and moist with tears, and when I had asked where mom and dad were, they had fallen into silence and told me I was the only one who had survived.
I was a spoiled brat and treated like a princess because I was the youngest wanting the attention. I whined about obtaining what I wanted and, because of it, had lost my parents' lives.
My parents' car had collided with a truck driver who fell asleep on the road. The impact was quick. I next remembered waking up in the hospital bed with Athena and Ares by my side. Their eyes were swollen and moist with tears, and when I had asked where mom and dad were, they had fallen into silence and told me I was the only one who had survived.
We have no parents, and our next of kin from the Philippines didn't want us because my mom married someone who wasn't a doctor or lawyer. Typical. My sister wasn't old enough to take care of two of her siblings, and social service had us put in different foster homes for some unknown reason. I felt lonely without them. Sixteen was still too young for Athena to take care of us. It took her two years to take us back.
Athena had taken a job working at a nursing home. Then when Ares graduated high school, he decided to work at a construction company to help out. But every week, he would come home with a full smile on his face marred with busted lips, swollen eyes, and purple-black bruises and told us, "I'll buy anything you want, just ask Kuya Ares here" then he would add wink as if he had scored big from playing a slot machine. I was still young and unsure of what he meant. It seemed he was doing something illegal that Athena nor I ever suspected.
I owe my siblings a lot, and I need to do something for them. But I don't know-how.
I went to the bathroom and changed into my clothes to wear today for school. I took a shower last night because I didn't want to wait an hour for Ares to finish. He takes longer in the bathroom than the girls in this house. It takes one hour for him to shower, thirty minutes to shave, and extra minutes to look at himself in the mirror to kill time. Sometimes I think he is so much like a girl. I let my hair fall smoothly down and looked in the mirror. I see myself looking like Samara Morgan from the movie The Ring, using my hair as a black veil, hiding my face from everyone else. I then brushed my hair as it rained back like silk to give one look at myself in front of the mirror.
I came out of the bathroom entirely dressed, grabbed my backpack from my room, and heard Athena hog calling us to eat. The door slammed shut behind me when I saw Ares in front of his room buttoning up his plaid shirt, smiling at me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, and leading us to the kitchen. The smell of a delicious breakfast fills the whole house. Athena, her back was facing us, wearing her two-piece navy blue scrubs and her hair in an updo bun.
I grabbed a seat, and Ares took the one next to me, starting to fill his plate with scrambled eggs mixed with tomatoes, spam, and sometimes fish - yeah, definitely cooked fish in the morning to start the day. My siblings and I are half-Filipino, and half-white, so we sometimes eat breakfast with fish and other unusual meals with rice that replaces sausages, hashbrowns, and pancakes. We are very cultural with our Filipino heritage.
Athena seats herself at the table. As she fills her plate, she stops and stares at me. "You are not going to eat?" She asks while Ares is stuffing his face like a pig.
"Not that hungry," I reply, taking a piece of spam into my mouth.
"Okay, I'm done," Ares mumbles with food in his mouth and drinks his cup of orange juice to drown it. "Awesome food ate. Bye kiddo, have fun at school," kissing me at the top of my head before he rushes out the door. The roaring sounds came off his bike as he left the driveway.
"He sure is in a rush," Athena says, "He doesn't start his shift until 8:30 because he wanted to sleep in a bit more. Lazy ass." I played with my fork as I got up from my seat, strapping my bag over my body.
"I have to go."
"Okay, oh, wait," she stops me to a halt. " I won't be home tonight. We are short-staffed, and I got a shift to stay at the nursing home. Ares will stay out late too, said something about one of his buddies' birthday. But, would you be okay here by yourself?"
"Yeah, I guess," I answer in a non-committal way, like it doesn't matter to me whether my older siblings stay overnight. They are adults, so it's okay for them to do whatever they want.
I say my goodbyes as I walk out of the house. Before leaving, I see a moving truck appear in front of the house next to mine that has been vacant since the Jeffersons' moved out a few weeks ago. Now it seems a new family has moved in. One guy came out of the truck carrying a heavy box to get my attention. My throat clogs as he stands on the ramp - shirtless. He placed the chest down and felt drawn to him for the first time.
Heat covered my face as I stared at him like an Adonis
God. Wait, Adonis God? What the hell am I thinking like this about some guy? Who I have no feelings for. I need to focus on school and not boys.
I studied the guy; he looked about my age, six feet tall, hair up in a bun revealing the side of his head shaved. I trail my eyes on his exposed upper body and sun-kissed skin as I get a good glimpse of his tribal tattoos that starts from his arm, covering the whole body part, almost painted on his right side.
I can't take my eyes off him, which worries me. I had to leave before its too late. I have never seen a man this good-looking in my life; well, there are two men I admired; my dad and Ares. But this guy, he outshined them. No one is that perfectly good-looking unless naturally born that way. When he finally notices me staring, our eyes lock, I find sapphire blue eyes, and I completely lose it. My insides are screaming for this neighbor of mine, and I'm starting to hate myself for it. Shirtless let loose his hair and combs it through his fingers as an excuse to flex his biceps. My face turns redder than ever.
"Hey, Logan!" A male voice from inside the neighbor's house holler makes me flinch. "Fix that later. Get your ass to school."
"Alright," the shirtless guy hollers back, and I learn his name. He looks back at me again and winks at me, making my whole body feel warm. As I turned away, heading for school, I saw him flash a dreamy smile.
What is up with that guy?
He can smile like that, and I will make him swoon easily.
Typical Rom-Com movie.
I shouldn't stare at him like that, or else he might get the idea that I want him. Pfft! As if there is no way a guy like him wants a girl like me. I'm a nobody, and I should stay invisible.
The school is just down the street, making it easier for me to walk without wasting gas and money. The roads are always busy on Mondays, and once the walk sign appears, I rush towards the school and to the first period, English Literature.
I passed each student down the hall like a maze, avoiding anybody in my way, and no one noticed me. I was no one, a lonely, outcasted girl who just wanted to get through my senior year in high school. Entering the classroom, the first one to arrive, I see Miss. Walker sits at her desk, reading the journals the class had turned in last week. Miss Walker is a young woman in her mid-twenties with short strawberry blonde hair and honey brown eyes. The boys in her class love her because they check her out. Perverts.
I know her as Jordan because she's close friends with Athena and Ares, and she is the same age, but at school, I have to call her Miss Walker. There are no romantic feelings between her and my brother, but I get the sense she likes him secretly. They are best friends. Ares sees her as one of the guys. Before, she looked and dressed like one but now.
I can't lie; the woman is beautiful in her unique way. Tall, slim, and having a badass chick attitude, the guy in here love it. Only when she is off-campus, she's Jordan Walker, but on campus, she's Miss. Walker. I knew her because she was the same age as Ares. They went to the same elementary through high school together, and my brother told me she was one of the guys because she lived with men; four older brothers and a widowed dad.
She acted and hung out with the guys, not caring what others thought. Other guys never dare touch her because the men in her family and no women wanted to mess with her - well, you all know what I mean. She can kick their asses the minute they open their mouths. That's what I love about her. She never cared about what people thought of her. She does what she thinks best.
During middle school, she would hang out at our house playing video games or playing basketball at the nearby park. Jordan was always welcome; now, she sometimes comes to visit; she was there during our parents' funeral, and her family gave their condolences. When Ares and I were separated from Jack Walker, we called him Big Jack, Jordan's dad, a family friend, wanted to take us in, but his hands were already full raising five children of his own, and taking us would be chaos. We didn't want to be a burden to the Walkers.
Jordan sees me, and her lips curl into a smile. "Morning, Effie."
"Morning," I smile back.
It's weird to have someone you have known for a long time as your English teacher.
"I read your journal," she starts to say before I can get to my seat. I freeze. I look at her as she folds her hands together and rests her head on it, staring back at me.
I gulp.
When she makes that face, I can't hide anymore. She sometimes gets scared but is not at the same level as Athena when she looks.
"I'm sorry," I plead with guilt in my low tone of voice. "I couldn't write what you assigned."
Jordan shuts the composition notebook as our journal entries. "Look, I'll let it slide just this once because I know you, and you've been going through a lot. But, I was hoping this topic would make you open up and express yourself. That is why doing journal entries are for writing down your thoughts and feelings."
"I'm sorry," apologizing again, looking down to the floor.
I heard Jordan sigh handing me my journal. "I'm going to give you until the end of the year to answer the topic; otherwise, you will fail my class and won't graduate. And I can't have that. This assignment will be your extra credit."
That seems fair.
"Okay," I say, walking down the aisle and heading to my desk.
"I'm not scolding you, but it's your last year here, and college is going to be harder, and the professors are much tougher than they look."
"I understand."
"Good," Jordan smiles. "Go on and take your seat."
I nod and look down at my journal, opening to the page where I read the topic question:
What would I most like to change about my life?
Now, what kind of question is that?
I can't answer that question for her to read when she already knows. What do I want to change about my life? That I've never been born so my parents would be alive and could raise my older siblings as planned.
I couldn't reply to the subject and left the page blank before turning it in. With a light scold, Jordan has given me the whole year to come up with an answer, or I won't leave this hell hole. I'll be stuck attending summer school while everyone has the best time of their life.
As I made my way towards the back of the class, I halted. There, sitting on top of my desk, was something that made me groan. Sitting there with her nasty ass was Paris Blake, one of the most popular girls in school and the biggest bitch in town. She brags about her parents and their wealth and the things she buys using their credit cards. At school, she hangs out with the other cool kids, especially one whose name I don't remember, but I've heard this girl be called the most beautiful girl in school.
Paris is sitting at my desk as if nobody sits there. I sit there. I wanted to yell at her to get off, but I couldn't. She's talking to some boys who catch my attention. It didn't bother me that they were in my class, just that Paris made herself in a comfortable spot with her ass on my desk like it didn't matter to her. I avert my eyes back on the two students as I gaze at one of them, with whom I sought to be familiar.
Maybe they are from another class who waltz themselves like they are wrong.
I see that there are twins: replica, identical twins, only the difference is the hair; one I know has his hair in a ponytail instead of a bun. It was a slick back undercut shaved on the sides, and the other has a similar look, but his hair is a bit shorter with a clean frontal hair line-up cut. Both have dark hair, and I couldn't make out the eyes because they were looking the other way, but I saw one from the other guy. My guess is his brother has blue eyes too. They wear the same clothes. Only the one with long hair has a white tee v-neck that inflates his body as it shapes the outline of his muscles, while the other wore a leather jacket. Both boys were huge compared to my small frame and 200 pounds of muscle. Are they even high school students
Wait, correct that - why are Jason Mamoa and Dwayne Johnson even here?
And they are two of my favorite actors. I could feel like I'm dreaming, and I guess you are wondering like a chick who wears black has a thing for sexy buff Samoan guys. I think people have something that not most people do.
No high school boy can look this good and packed with everything girls dreamed of being with.
I glanced at his ponytail and started to remember his name, Logan. I recognized him the moment I found him talking to Paris. He's not the kind of guy I usually fantasize about. The only thing that captivates me is his beautiful eyes that pop out more than his tan skin. As his back was facing my way, I suddenly felt a gust of invisible wind blowing flower petals as he slightly turned his head, creating an onsite movie scene. This sort of scene seems irrational and possible, but I see it loud and clear through my eyes. Mom had told me about her first encounter with dad, she saw a divine light shining upon him, and it made her swoon. I wasn't sure how that happens, but she said it is the feeling of having someone you like. I feel electrified by his eyes, and I can see myself swimming in them as if I'm on vacation in Hawaii, which I would love to travel to.
This theory my mother came up with didn't make sense because I was only four, so I was too young to understand the word "like" to someone I didn't even know.
Realizing my place, I shook my head, erased these inappropriate thoughts, and inhaled.
I didn't want to stand there for the whole period and approached my desk. I duck my head and hold behind Paris while she makes flirtatious jokes and brags about how wealthy her parents are. I swiftly make my way like a ninja hiding my aura. The twins notice my presence, caught like a jailer escaping prison, and tilt their bodies to the side of Paris as she talks and looks behind her at me.
"Um...hello?" She smacks her lips. "Are you two listening?"
"There is someone behind you," says the one with the shorter hair.
I watch Paris shift her body around, let out a yelp, and then scowl. "Shit! God, don't sneak up on me like that," holding her hand over her heart.
"Y-your in my seat," I say in a stuttering whisper.
"And can you speak up?" She says with annoyance in her tone. "It's like talking to a fucking wall."
We both heard Miss. When she cussed, Walker cleared her throat loud enough for the whole class, especially Paris. She groaned.
"I-I...you're in the m-my seat," I stammer, repeating what I said.
"W-w-well, can you wait," Paris mocked me like I had a lisp? She turns her body around. "People are talking here, so anyways..."
I heard a few snickers from the students who heard Paris insult me. I put my hand in front and squeeze them tight as I close my eyes to make it all go away.
This day could not get any worse.
"Hey," I wince at the sound of a husky voice as a desk scoots back. I looked up through my hair and saw the guy with the ponytail standing up. "This your seat?"
I glanced at him looking dumbfounded, when he asked me a question. I nod my head in response.
Logan looks at Paris, who seems to be enjoying his stare. "Get off her seat."
"Why bother? She's just a nobody," Paris leans forward, showing her cleavage. "But I'm a somebody, definitely a somebody."
"Just get off so she can sit down," his voice seems annoyed and not affected by the way Paris expresses herself with her seductive approach.
"Come on, baby," Paris purrs. "She's not important. That girl is nothing. People call her the girl from that horror film - The Ring."
"Why?" Said the other twin.
"Because have you seen how she looks?" thumbing behind her, pointing at me. "Who dresses all black as if someone died here. And also because she killed her parents," Paris laughs hard, with some snickering heard while others ignore her comment.
"Ms. Blake," Jordan slammed her hand on her desk, glaring at Paris. "May I remind you to respect your classmates and not make false remarks about their personal life just to be used for entertainment."
"All I'm saying is true," she shrugs, not caring about what she said. "She's cursed. Her name doesn't even match her whole get-up." Paris flips her hair back.
"Enough!" Jordan demands. Although I'm her student and a close friend, she doesn't like the idea of anyone bullying me. "You go straight to the principal's office and explain why you are there."
"But-"
"No, but's. Go," Jordan says firmly and points to the door.
Paris grunts loudly and kicks off my desk as she glares at me. "You are so going to get it, emo bitch," she mutters a growl, then shoves me, grabs her bag, and heads out the door. I see that the twins watch her ass move, and I inwardly groan. The bell rings. The bell is a wake-up call as I gaze at Logan, his eyes are staring back at me, and I know at that moment something has changed. My life will no longer be accessible and at peace, and Logan being in my business has somehow cracked the invisible wall I've created to keep people out. Somehow, Logan is different, and I am too scared even to admit there is someone who could bring me out from these walls.
Definity is too scared to admit it.
"Okay, class, take your seats," Jordan ordered, making everyone inside her class sit at their desk. "And before we get started, I would like to introduce you to two new students from Hawaii."
I hit my head on my desk and let out a groan.
Kuya - older brother or cousin or friend or someone older than you who is male.
Ate (pronounce A-te-h) - an older sister, cousin, friend, or someone older than you who is female.
I know it has the exact spelling as ate, but that is how they spell it in the Philippines.