Jen's pov
Sometimes I just wish you were here so I could tell you how much I need you and how hard every day has been without you. Each night I put my pillow on my head. I try to tell myself that I'm strong because I have gone through one more day without you.
I feel my heart breaking more and more every morning I wake up without you. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. Then it slowly crept into me that it won't matter how bad I wanted or needed you. The world moves on. With or without you, but I can't. I can't bear the fact that I might lose you or have already lost you. Because if I ever did, I'd have lost my friend, my soul mate, my smile, my laugh, my everything.
I stared at the picture of the three of us next to our bed. Tears were welling up in my eyes. 'Where are you?' I whispered to Colin in the picture as I slid my finger over his face.
I pressed the photo frame against my chest as I dropped myself back on the bed. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
I felt Ivy's soft hands caressing my face. 'Don't cry Mommy' she said as she laid down beside me. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and took her in my arms.
The past few days had been the most terrible. I had contacted his parents as Josh had said, but he was not there. His mother had not heard from him for weeks either, while they normally have contact on regular basis. She, too, did not believe that he would abandon me. They have informed the government in Italy and in the meanwhile they are looking for him there. We have not heard anything yet and with every day that went by, a piece of hope was dying.
His parents would fly to Italy today and I would go there too. They had strongly advised me not to go because of the pregnancy, but I insisted. After all, he is my husband, and although we were not able to do much more in Italy, it felt better than just waiting. Unfortunately, I could not take Ivy with me and that broke my heart. I thought it was bad enough that she had to miss Colin for so long, but I had to go. Luckily my mother liked to take care of her, although she obviously had something to complain about him.
-13 days earlier-
Colin's pov
I woke up in a pitch-black room. I tried to find out where I was, but when I tried to get up, I felt the pain in my head. My hand slid carefully through my hair and I felt a huge bump coming up at the back of my head. I tried to remember what happened, but the last thing I remembered was Lauren and the two masked men.
My hand slid across the floor and the wall next to me. I noticed that I was still in the van. Why did not anyone take me out? I sat up and leaned my back against the side of the van. We were driving and I had no idea where we were going and why.
After a few minutes the van stopped. I waited impatiently for the moment when the doors would fly open and I would have some fresh air again, but the doors stayed closed. For a moment I thought they had forgotten me or that they had driven me to the hospital in the van, but when it took longer and longer, I felt confused. Where did I end up? And perhaps more importantly, with whom?
I crawled with all the strength I had left in me towards the doors of the van. I pressed my ear against the door and hoped to hear something, so I might find out where I had ended up. My head hurt too much to focus on sounds, but what I could figure out was that the van was outside and not in some shed.
I lowered myself to the ground and sighed deeply. I closed my eyes and soon dozed off in a restless sleep.
-Present day-
Jen's pov
I stared out of the small airplane window at the clouds and the small landscape below us. My thoughts wandered off to you again. If I knew... If I just knew that it perhaps would be the last time I would see you, I would hug you a little tighter, kiss you a little longer and tell you that I love you one more time.
I felt a tear roll down my cheeks. I quickly wiped it away and grabbed a pen and notebook from my bag. My mother-in-law had advised me to write everything that bothered me, everything I felt and everything I didn't. My pen slid over the paper and I wrote everything off that had bothered me the past few days.
'Dear best friend, soulmate, husband,
I haven't seen you in a while. I haven't got to see your smile for a long time. Lately everything had been looking hazey. I don't know if I'm mad or just in pain. I can do everything with you in my life, but without you... I'm lost.
Since you've been gone it has not been easy. I really hope that you're good. It broke me into a million pieces when you didn't came back to me, to us. I miss you every day and I want to thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, thank you for inspiring me, thank you for being a great husband and father. You made me a better person, you made me a mother.
It's so hard to do all this without you by my side. It's the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I'm doing it. I'm doing it for you and I wish you were here. But you're not... I just hope that you're proud of me. All I have right now is only the thought of you. I'm trying to stand tall, for you and for our little girl.
No matter what you do or where you are. I will always, always love you and nothing can change that. Wherever you are, take care of yourself, be strong and come back...
I hope you will read this one day, because that means you're still out there somewhere.
Until we meet again.'
♥♥♥
A/N: I've decided to put in some small Colin-teasers in some of the upcoming chapters and surprise you one day with a whole Colin chapter 😉
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