Chapter Music: "Darkwell" by Brandon & Derek Fiechter
It was a mistake for Merihem and me not to sleep at all since I had visited his apartment. We both knew that the following day's lesson would be with Mr. Stanwood yet we played board games all night. Apparently, my friend had many games to pass his free time as he would often find himself alone, day and night.
"Don't get me wrong, I love people," he told me that night which we spent together, "It's just that a lot of them seem to avoid me and others are not interested in the things I like."
"Do you have something certain in mind?" I asked although I could already imagine what his response would be.
"Apart from games and animals, I love discussing serious topics," he replied, earnestly.
"That's to be expected. Most people are shallow."
Instead of voicing his objection, as usual, Merihem only grinned, pondering.
"What?" I smiled back.
"Nothing. You just remind me too much of someone."
Most likely, that would be Astar. It wasn't that he knew many people who could agree with me.
"You don't share my opinion then," I smirked. Implying that I reminded him of his Master was the best way for him to be polite when reacting to my statement. I already knew where this discussion was going.
"That's a way to look at it," his gaze turned intrigued, probably because the conversation was getting too interesting. "But one can't choose their likes and dislikes."
"Keep talking," I grinned causing him to mimic my expression.
"It's just that I can't really blame them, you know?"
I nodded in understanding. "In this logic, we didn't choose to be superior either. But everything is judged here. Why should we suffer their unfair treatment while they get away with it? I don't remember many of those accepting us, considering that we didn't choose to be who we are either."
Merihem's face clouded over: "So would you like to enforce justice if you could?"
"Yes."
Despite the fact that we had discussed this topic several times already, we never seemed to get tired of it. We essentially knew where it would lead us, yet we foolishly hoped that one could adopt the view of the other. And that was why, pretty often, our conversations would reach a dead end.
That, along with the fact that almost everything seemed to be connected to that small hypothesis: I valued my independence partly because of the awful society, I loved analyzing dark concepts partly because of the awful society, I loved technology partly because of the awful society. To be honest I was sometimes grateful to the awful society as well. Thanks to their ignorance and greed, I felt more unique and I could enjoy a great variety of things besides socialization.
Merihem, of course, could not keep up with this logic. To him introversion was merely a state of exile; a situation he would gladly exchange if he could feel at home along with people. That was the only thing he needed so as not to feel lonely. The major reason he was still my friend was his selflessness; his interest in me and his willingness to spend time together despite our differences. I very much preferred him to those whose mind was similar to mine yet they stuck to their egocentric way of life.
Hence this time, as always, he didn't like my answer and it wasn't that he simply disagreed with me. I could tell there was something more there, which he wouldn't be able to disclose to me. I somehow got the feeling that it was all related to Astar. He was most likely familiar with his cruel 'justice-enforcement' methods.
After that short awkward silence that was spread between us, we kept playing the board game, unable or unwilling to talk for a while. Little by little, we found things to discuss but we evidently avoided touching upon controversial issues. We were having fun but each one had their own preoccupations during the whole time.
Not long before our morning course, Merihem and I had finished our last game and I was helping him tidy up his room. It was then when I noticed him behaving a little differently. He had focused his eyes somewhere in the room but, at the same time, nowhere in particular. I had seen that kind of reaction in the past. He was communicating with someone. Was it him?
My friend's panicked face confirmed my suspicions.
"Astar's coming!" he almost yelled.
It would indeed be peculiar if he saw me there so early in the morning but there was nothing for me to feel guilty about. I did my best to remain calm, despite my bad feeling.
Before I had time to respond –or even to move– his familiar black figure appeared before us. Once he spotted us both, his eyes widened imperceptibly. Well, who wouldn't be surprised?
"Morning," he said to both of us, yet his eyes were only looking at me.
For some reason, he didn't look angry, nor stunned anymore. His usual sharp aura was gone too. His gaze was gentle and, perhaps, a little sad.
"G-good morning, Astar." I smiled hopelessly.
"Good morning!" said Merihem cheerily. "Thanks for bringing the potion."
Astar only outstretched his arm towards him in order to give him something –the potion, probably– and kept penetrating me with his grey eyes.
"You have some explaining to do," he told me, calmly yet seriously.
"Um, Master, we have to prepare for our morning lesson," Merihem jumped in, discreetly.
"Sophia was going to her apartment to get ready, correct?"
We nodded.
"Then I'll walk her there," Astar's voice didn't leave any room for objection. Not that we would have any. I wanted to clear things out and besides... I'd really love to spend some more time with him!
"Sure, thanks," I agreed, avoiding his eyes.
I grabbed the small bag that I had brought with me and we left the room together. Since I had decided to be with him, I had a pretty good idea about what kind of man he was. And for that very reason, his serenity felt somewhat threatening. The more I thought about it, the more panicked I got. That was a side of him I could only discover by being his lover.
"I'm not going to kill you or anything," he said in an amused tone as we were walking.
"Do I look that bad?"
"Uh huh."
"Sorry. But you already know I'm afraid of you."
"I never said I didn't like it," he shot me a predatory grin.
In other words, 'Well done being scared of me'.
I shivered at the realization of how much I liked that answer. However masochistic that might sound, I had missed that unique demeanor of his, even though I'd seen him a few hours ago. Once he assured me that he wouldn't kill me and I saw that he was relaxed enough to make snarky remarks, the anxiety I harbored changed its form.
"Wipe that smile off your face, kiddo," he spoke in a somewhat annoyed tone. "When I said that you had explaining to do, I meant it."
"Sorry."
With a sigh of surrender, he spoke more softly: "Did you forget what you told me last night?"
His question came completely out of the blue. What did last night have to do with anything? Wasn't he mad to find me in Merihem's apartment?
"What?" I uttered.
He smirked, "Did you think I'd have a problem because I found you with him?"
"You don't?!"
"Why is this so surprising?"
"Are you so sure I see him as a friend and nothing more?"
"No."
I stopped walking and turned to look at him in disbelief.
"What?" he asked, turning to face me. My reactions seemed to entertain him more and more.
"Aren't you jealous?" I furrowed my brows. What kind of relationship did he think we had? Most people I was familiar with would be jealous and possessive; otherwise, they didn't care. I knew I had hoped for him to be selfless but I didn't expect that much acceptance.
"I am," he stopped smiling. "But if I tied you down against your will, that would make you unhappy, wouldn't it?"
"You..." I couldn't believe how altruistic that sounded. "Do you expect me not to tie you down as well?"
"What's the point?" he asked as if what he was saying was obvious. "That would also make you unhappy."
"So what you're saying," I desperately tried to gather my thoughts, "is that you'll be loyal to me but I don't have to?"
"Well done, genius," he grinned and started walking again.
"But that's not fair!" I followed him, at a loss.
"Then here's one case there's no room for justice."
Seriously? Would he throw such an important principle away just to make me happy? I hardly expected him to be like this when I first heard of his views in that restaurant. What a beautiful, beautiful turn of events!
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