Hello my darlings (waves at all of you), I hope you're all well.
My current favorite song is safe in your hands by Eli Lieb. Should you get a chance to listen to it, I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do.
People protect what they love.
~Jacques Yves Cousteau~
*Unedited*
Sophie
I was tired of staying in the house. I had become bored of this unending routine. I missed my job, it may not have been the best job or even my dream job, but I missed doing something with my time. I rarely left the house these days, and when I did, it was for a few minutes shopping with my grandmother.
"Sophie," my grandmother called. I knew she was in the kitchen because I could hear the dishwasher running. I got up, taking a moment to put on a sweater.
She probably wanted to berate me for staying cooked up in the house.
"Go out," she kept saying, "link up with your friends and stop mopping. Have fun"
"I'm not mopping," I would retort
"Then what are you doing? Nursing a heartbreak? Darling, go dancing; you may find it will hurt less."
Nana was very intuitive. I sat down on one of the chairs at the dining table, watching her tidy up around the kitchen. I was tempted to tell her everything, but I couldn't. But she was right; I had to start going out more.
I had promised Raphael I wasn't going to date, but truth be told, I didn't want to; I just wanted him to know he wasn't the only one—that I had options.
"Do you want to tell me about him?"
"Why do you think this is about a man? "
"Honey, you have heartbreak written all over you."
I shrugged, moving my eyes from her face to the window. I didn't want to cry anymore; I have cried over Raphael for too long and too much; I didn't even think I had enough tears left, yet here I was crying again. I could feel my cheeks glistening with tears.
The whoosh of my grandmother's long skirt was the only indication that she was about to sit next to me.
"Tell me about it," she urged softly, reaching out to wipe off the tears that were still coursing uncontrollably down my cheeks.
The whistling sound of the kettle heating was comforting. It was a sound I always associated with home and nana. This was home; I shouldn't be sad; I should be happy that I was finally home with my grandmother after so many months.
"Tell me about him," She insisted. "You're in love with him," She said it like a statement and a question.
"No, I don't love him. Not anymore," I replied grudgingly, leaning back on my seat, lifting my legs, and putting them on the stretcher of the seat. I heard my grandmother shift on her seat, but I didn't look at her; I was hoping she would give up on the conversation, but she did not, nor was she going to.
"Did he cheat on you?"
I shook my head
"Hit you?"
"No. Raphael would never hit me."
"At least we have established his name is Raphael."
"Darling, what did he do that was so horrible you cannot forgive him for it."
"He lied to me" That was the only version I could tell her
"Was it a necessary lie?'
"What do you mean? He had no right to lie about anything, whether he deemed it necessary or unnecessary."
"Do you want to tell me what he lied about? Maybe I could help" I shook my head again, sniveling wiping off tears with my sweater. The kettle had stopped whistling, but we continued sitting in silence now. I couldn't tell her who Raphael was; I just couldn't betray him in such a way.
"If you'll not tell me, that is okay. But sweetheart, to be able to move on and get over him, you need first to accept that you still love him." nana's voice was soothing, gentle, and right.
But I refused to accept that I still loved him, and for one blessed minute, I managed to block him out of my mind. But then I remembered everything I was trying to block—the sound of his voice, his smile, his deep voice, the way he held me at night, or the way he liked to lean over me, whispering flatters during dinner when everyone was seated. The only sound in the room was the chirping of cutlery.
"You smell amazing. Is that a new perfume?" He would whisper, and I would shyly say, "No, it's the same one you complemented yesterday."
"Are you sure? because yesterday you smelled exquisite, but today you smell divine." I would smile shyly, as I had on so many occasions, then poke his ribs playfully and then pretend it was unintentional.
It was a game we played. A game I loved because it showed me a side of Raphael that most people never got a chance to see, but it also put me at a center stage, drawing attention to me, which I didn't like. But how I felt with him at that time, flirting with him way outweighed the. Embarrassment.
"Let's make some tea," my grandmother said, kicking me out of my reverie. She loved tea, which is why I loved it too. While most children grew up taking fresh juice for breakfast, my nana brought me up with a cup of tea every morning.
It's a tradition I had come to appreciate. We bonded over tea the way men bonded over beer. Gossiped over it, laughed, and cried over a steaming cup of tea; I guess it was only befitting that my first heartbreak should be talked over a cup of tea.
Nana placed my cup of tea in front of me as she sat down. We talked over some more; most of the time, I spoke while sniveling, but by the end of it, I felt better, and nana had tricked me into going out with Gabs, who was also spending most of her time indoors.
She was as wrenched as I was, which I figured was about Aldo. I knew I had been a terrible friend, thinking only about myself without really asking what had happened between them. So I sent her a text message asking her whether she was up for a night out.
I wasn't feeling well; most times, I felt like throwing up, but nana was so happy at the possibility of me going out tonight I could have gone out sick just to make her happy.
Gabs replied to my text message with one single word.
'Sure'
My grandmother left an hour later for her bridge game, and I went back to my room to sleep until 7 pm. I slept most of the time, but even then, I woke up tired and sleepy.
Waking up was harder than I expected. I wanted to go on sleeping, keep my heavy eyelids closed. But I had promised nana to have a night out, and Gabs was expecting me, so I dragged myself out of bed straight to the bathroom.
I didn't feel like taking a bath, so I took a shower instead. Minutes later, I was out, ready to dress. I chose a knee-length black chiffon dress and black sandals.
Dressing up reminded me of Raphael. On our first night out when I threw up all over him. When we were in Italy and when he flew me to Paris for dinner. I think that was the night I realized Raphael wasn't just rich; he was wealthy. It was also the night I knew he was the love of my life.
It was not about his wealth; it was the way he took care of me.
When we were in Paris, I got a headache, and Raphael carried me all the way to our hotel from the nightclub he had taken me that night because I had mentioned, rather coyly, that I wanted to go dancing. Later in our room, he had washed my face in warm water, wiping out my makeup and changing me into pajamas. My life with Raphael had been like a fairy tale until it ended with so much force. Not only did it break my heart into pieces, but my life was also shattered.
I took out my purse and dropped it in my handbag, checking whether I had some lip gloss, kleenex, and the pepper spray Romano gifted me the day after the night we all went out for pulse launch. That still remained one of my best days; we were all together, happy.
My face looked a bit drawn, but I didn't care; I felt as I looked. I called for a cab which came in less than 10 minutes.
It was a beautiful night, warm and inviting, a perfect night to go out. I got in the cab's back seat, directing the driver to stop at the next gate to pick up Gabs.
Gabs wore a short lace skirt and a bare shoulder top and heels too high I couldn't even attempt to wear. Her hair reached to her waist, shinning in the light; she was gorgeous even the driver noticed because I heard a soft whistle.
Slumping beside me on the right, she kissed my cheek as she bent to take off her shoes. She smelled amazing too.
"You look really gorgeous" she smiled at me, totally slyly. She put her small crutch bag between us but not before she took out a pack of mint, placing one piece on my palm.
We drove in silence but chewed in unison; it felt right, with Gab's head on my shoulder.
"I saw him kiss someone else, Sophie," She said abruptly.
For almost a second, I didn't know what she was talking about. I was so caught up in myself that I had forgotten my best friend in my own pain and heartbreak; I had become selfish and uncaring.
I slept almost until midday every day; I barely helped my grandmother around the house; I just slept throughout and missed Raphael. I felt like he had uninvitedly taken residence of my heart and my life and refused to vacate.
I held Gabriella as she cried on my shoulders; I let her cry before I could ask for details. The driver kept looking at us in the mirror with a puzzled look; he probably wanted to ask why such a beautiful girl was weeping.
"Aldo kissed someone else?" she nodded, whimpering.
"Oh Soph, it was not only heartbreaking. It was maddening; I wanted to kill him with his own gun."
"You're not the murdering type," I chuckled, trying to sound humorous, but she wasn't amused.
"I would. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him so badly, but my pride stopped me in time. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he had hurt me."
"Are you the same girl who spent years longing for her boss? You were docile and agreeable then."
"Aldo brings out the worst in me; I didn't even know I had the ability to want to hurt another human being until I saw him drive his tongue in some chic's mouth."
"Maybe that is how love is. Beautiful, magic, unpredictable, fragile, and downright savage."
"Is that how you feel about Raphael?" the mere mention of his name took me back to a time I didn't want to go back, but I was glad I could talk to Gabs about him; I needed to talk about him, maybe talking about him was my way of getting him out of my system— a detox so to speak.
"My feelings for Raphael transcends anything I can think of. He makes me feel beautiful, sexy, intelligent; he listens to me, and he makes me stronger. Raphael has never, can never put me down to elevate himself. He is confident in his own masculinity..." I hesitated to take some time to sneeze.
"You know something else," I said as I sniffled. "If I were smarter than him, or maybe talented in anything that would put me on anything resembling world adoration, he would take a step back and let me shine all the way while cheering me on."
We talked, cried, giggled over stupid remarks we made and laughed, but by the time we entered the nightclub with newly made-up faces and puffy eyes, it was a forgone conclusion that we still loved the men we claimed to hate and swore we never wanted to see again.
"Let's dance!" Gabs said, shouting over the noise, pulling my hand as she walked to the dancing floor. We danced as much as we could, awkwardly and without rhythm, but we loved it. And just as it had happened the night Raphael launched pulse, a man grabbed both of my hands, pulling me to him, forcing me to dance with him.
I was scared, not only for me but for Gabs, who kept trying to pull my arms. It was painful, a push and pull, and my limbs couldn't take it anymore. I pulled my right foot, which was more flexible than the left, intending to hit his groin, but he grabbed my thigh instead.
I could feel his filthy hands drawing my dress to bare my legs. I was scared; his wicked smile and eyes were filled with lust. People danced around us, the noise would make it impossible for anybody to hear me, and he knew it. I could see he read my thoughts because he smirked and sucked his lips in a disgusting erotic way, making me feel dirty. I thought of Raphael wishing he was with me.
Just when I thought my only option was Gabs and screaming the place down, the guy was suddenly lifted off of me by his neck. Bruno stood with his right hand around the guy's neck, looking like an avenging angel.
I wanted him to be hurt, to be scared as he had scared me when I imagined being raped on a dancing floor full of people, half of whom were high while the other half extremely drunk. But When I saw his eyes begin to bulge, I realized Bruno intended to kill him.
"Don't you dare kill him!" I whispered authoritatively.
"Are you sure you don't want him dead?" There were some similarities between Raphael, Bruno, and Romano when they were angry; their eyes become expressionless like Bruno's were at that moment.
"Please don't kill him," I pleaded; he glanced at me for a minute or so before dropping the guy to the floor. He whimpered loudly, touching his neck before he disappeared through the crowd.
It took half a second before I ran into him, and he uncomfortably put his arms around me. I could feel his unease, but I didn't care; I felt safe.
"What are you doing here?" I asked after a while.
"Visiting." he smiled cornily.
"I'm sure you can come up with a better lie than that" I glared at him.
But he just smiled, kissed Gab's cheek, and told me I was ungrateful.
"How long have you been here?" I asked him.
"Since yesterday," he said, dramatically rolling his eyes.
"So if this had happened before yesterday-" I hesitated, imagining it.
"Nothing would have happened; Romano was here."
I stared at him. I wasn't sure whether I was angry or happy.
"Is he spying on me?"
"No, he is keeping you safe. But Piccola, don't be mad at me, be mad at him. Hell, I will even join you at it."
"Why would you join me?"
"Because he has become unbearable to live with since you left."
Darlings,
Thank you so much for taking your time to read this continual crossroads between Raphael and Sophie. I hope you enjoyed it.
I also apologize if the previous chapter was in any way confusing, it was a flashback to the day father Josè revealed who Raphael was, which led to Sophie's leaving. We are now on the same page.
Please don't forget to leave me a comment and click on that lil star.