POV - Jay
Warnings: Mentions of jealousy, anger, self-inflicted pain (not self-harm)
Word Count: 1940
-Begin One Shot-
"I am such a fucking idiot..." I said out loud, as I stood in front of the wall, leaning forward so I could hit my head on it, only to pull my head back to do it again.
"No shit Sherlock." came an American girl's voice from across the room, a tint of anger in her tone as she sat on her bed, a glare trained on me that would make even the hardest of men tremble.
"Why."
I hit my head again,
"Did."
Another hit,
"I",
Another hit,
"Say that",
Another hit,
"To him."
This time I hit my head against the wall continuously, the pain that I was supposed to feel long gone. I hurt too much emotionally anyway to even feel any physical pain even though I deserved to feel both.
"As much as I love watching you hurt yourself, that fucking banging is giving me a migraine so I am going to ask you to stop before I dislocate your shoulder."
The cold tone the girl used was enough to make me stop immediately causing me to get slightly woozy as I stood there, my head spinning from the constant abuse that I had been putting on it. It was worth it though to not have my shoulder dislocated. I know she can do it and I have even seen her in action. It was a scary sight, to say the least.
"Thank you." said the girl, her tone still tight.
I grumbled something and turned to look at her, my vision slightly blurry but I could still somehow see the pissed off look on the smaller girls face.
I watched as she glared at me for a minute more before she sighed, her hand coming to her head as she closed her eyes and began to rub her temples, and irritated sigh coming across her lips.
"Okay, so, as much as I enjoy watching you hurt yourself because you fucked up and you hurt my best friend horribly, you need to figure out how to fix this shit ASAP."
"I doubt any of this is fixable," I said, turning so my back against the wall, using it as a support as I slid down so I could sit on the floor, my knees coming up so they were resting against my chest, my arms against my sides as I found an interesting spot on the wall to stare at.
"Maybe not," answered the girl honestly, "But it doesn't hurt to try, does it?" she asked, her normally hopeful tone coming through her anger.
"It could hurt," I answered, self-loathing filling my body as I thought about all the pain I caused. I could hurt the supposed-to-be, love of my life more than I already have. I could hurt him so much that he shuts down, never talking to anyone again, holding himself up in our once shared home, all because I was a fucking idiot.
"It could but you know what would be worse." the girl spat at me, her tone making me flinch, "Not doing a damn thing and it hurting Michael worse than it already has."
I shrugged my shoulders. What was the point, I already fucked up majorly here, there was no going back no matter what I did. I fucking let my jealousy and possessiveness of the man I claim to love, get in front of me and distract me to the point where I let the most awful things I could think of come out of my mouth, just so I could hurt him, all because I was jealous.
Good job, Jay, you are now officially worse than Trump.
I was so lost in the hatered of myself that I did not hear Kaila, Michael's best friend and protector, get up from her bed and stalk over to me. It was when I received a swift kick to my leg that looked up from the point in the wall that I had been staring at to look up and see her angry face, almost pure red, her normally bright green eyes dark with hatred. A shiver rippled down my spine as the smaller girl and I stared at each other.
"Look here, bitch. We aren't going to have this shit right now. All this self-hatred and self-loathing, though while deserved, isn't fucking help right now so you have five seconds to drop it and figure out what the fuck you are going to do or I swear to god, I will call the Twins and send them over to comfort Michael instead of Christopher."
"You wouldn't," I said slowly, my interest peaked at the girl's threat. Kaila knew how badly Racka Racka wanted to get into MY husbands pants, letting them anywhere near him, especially when he is in this state, would only result in one thing. I could feel my anger and jealousy flare up as the pain I was feeling ran into anger as I began to glare at the girl.
"Oh I would." she said confidently, "Michael does to have something during all this shit and if you won't do something, I am going send someone who will. There is only so much Michael cuddling with my husband will do for him and you and I damn well know it. He either needs you to get up and try to apologize or some good ol' "comfort" from a pair of bogans. So," she said, her arms crossed over her chest, those green eyes matching my glare without a problem, "what's gonna be, pussy boy?"
"Fuck you," I growled, getting up from my seat on the floor, which allowed me to tower of the girl, my glare intensifying. "Fuck you, you vindictive cunt."
"No thank you, I already have a husband who is extremely good at that." she bit back, a cheeky grin coming to her face, completely unaffected by the glare of the anger that I knew was radiating off of me.
I growled, not in the mood for her games.
"You are a fucking bitch, you know that?" I spat out.
"Only when I need to be," she answered back, shrugging her shoulders.
I growled at her animalistically, but again, she didn't care. I didn't scare her and she and I both knew that.
It didn't hurt to try though.
"Now, fucktard, what are going to do?" she began, capturing my full attention, "Michael has kicked you out of the house, changed the locks, and grabbed the papers so he can file for divorce, which all happened because you got jealous and then disappeared, like a bitch, instead of talking it out. You fucked up hardcore and got so god damn jealous because he was cuddling with a TAKEN MAN at a fucking party, your one year wedding anniversary none the less. He was fucking drunk Jay, you knew that there was a possibility that he would do that, hell, fucking Elliot knew that, but your fucking uncontrolled jealousy caused you to blow up at them both and say some stupid shit to Michael. Some honestly really fucked up shit that cut him deep and hurt him in ways that I have never seen him be hurt before. What was it that you said to him again?"
The weight of regret filled my stomach and my anger began to fade again, my eyes moving from hers so I could look at the ground as I spoke.
"I said he just used me and Lachlan to get his Twitch and YouTube channels off the ground and to the point he was at today," I spoke softly, tears beginning to form behind my eyes as I remembered the least favorite words that have ever come out of my mouth.
"And?" Kaila prompted.
"That he wouldn't be where he was without me." the tears continued to gather.
"AND?"
"That he was a horrible signer and that I had been lying to him about how good he could sing all these years." a tear feel.
*SLAP*
He head snapped painfully to the side as the girl in front of me fully bitch slapped me, which I deserved, but still, that shit hurt.
"You fucking piece of trash." she spit. I turned to look at her, slightly scared she was going to slap me again, "I shouldn't even let you anywhere near him for saying shit like that, ESPECIALLY ABOUT HIS FUCKING SINGING!" she yelled, making feel small as I flinched. The girl glared at me for a moment more before she let out a deep breath, closing her eyes before opening them again, the green softening slightly, "That isn't my call though. Michael is hurting and he misses you, even though he will never admit it. He thinks all of this is his fault and I can't have that. He is hurting himself so much over this." her tone was sorrowful and hurt. "I need to let you try to work this out with Michael, it's the only way that I know he can one day be happy again. With or without you. You two at least need to talk this out, even if it is not going to work out."
Her words stung but I knew it was the truth. This would be my only chance to apologize to Michael and the only slim possibly get him to consider taking me back. If he would even give me a chance. I mean, I did run off to Brisbane with Lachlan for the last three months and ignored all contact with him...I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to see me...after all I said and the way I treated the situation afterward, I shouldn't want him to take me back.
I love him so much though.
"So what's it going to be, you little bitch?" asked the girl who stood across from me, a glare in her eyes.
"I don't know." I answered honestly, "I want to get Michael back, but I don't know how." I said honestly, the pain in my heart increasing, "I mean..I fucked up, why should he even consider taking me back?" I asked desperately.
"He shouldn't, but maybe he will,l if you put forth the effort to apologize and actually make things right."
"How do I do that?" I asked, my voice broken, fear raging in my heart. "How do I make him understand how sorry I am? How much I love him? How much I hate myself for doing this to him? How? Tell me how Kaila!" I said desperately, my body shaking as I looked at my only source of hope right now. She knew Michael better than anyone, she loved more than I did, especially with all things considering. I sometimes questioned if she loved him more than her own husband. Still, though, she knew him and loved him, surely she would know what I could do to make him consider taking me back.
Kaila just shook her head, "Sorry hun, that's something you will have to figure out. If you really want him back, if you really love the man you call your husband, you will have to come up with a solution, there is nothing I can do to help you, Jay. If you want to get him back, you will have to do this all on your own."
I let out a deep sigh.
"I know."
-End One Shot-
A/N: And yes I am back with a Michael/Jay one shot. Those of you who have been with me for awhile knew this was coming. lol.
Part 2 will be up either today or tomorrow, it depends on how my brain wants to act honestly. I know some of you (MichaelFoley2) will be probably chomping at the bit for the next part and you will have no patience, (Michael), but I must ask you to be patient. (Michael)
I hope you enjoyed reading this and may your day be filled with love, smiles, and laughs.