chemicals dean lewis
(attached picture: Luna)
Luna
"Are you feeling tired today? Do you feel strong enough to eat something?" The nurse asked me. I nodded at her. These past three days I have been so hungry. Even though I told them I could eat, they worry themselves and all I get are my pills.
"Oh, Luna, I don't think you should eat today," she said, flipping through her clipboard.
"Oh, Sarah, I think I should. I tried to tell you I've been hungry and you haven't let me eat for three days. I don't care what's best for me, I'm hungry and I want food." I'm never this rude to the staff, but recently I've been finding myself more and more irritated at everything and everyone, and today it was bad. My patience has just been getting thinner over the years, worse now since I'm so close to my death.
"Luna, c'mon-"
-"I'd like some soup and a sandwich please." I interrupted, dragging out the, 'please.' I stared at her blankly until she left the room with a sigh. Ever since I saw a patient walk past my door with a tray of hot soup, my stomach has been growling.
Living with this stupid disease is extremely painful, but it has its small perks. Most of the time I can get what I want, just because everyone felt pity for me. But in the grand scheme of things, I'm really not doing okay at all. I'm in pain for the majority of my life, even laying in bed. When I was younger, I didn't feel bad most of the time, but as I grew older, the medication slowly lost its effect.
I can get any pillows I want, watch any T.V. show I want, I can request to change my room. This hospital practically spoils me. But this wasn't what I wanted. I don't want to live in this hospital that reeks of illness and disinfectant. All I hear is crying and coughing and beeping and it drills its way into my mind to the point of screaming in hopes that it will all go away. I can't tell them what I would actually want, though.
I want to leave this hospital and explore with someone. The sheer spontaneity of just going somewhere with no plans is really something I would admire in a person. I haven't seen much of anything. All I can do is watch the sun rise and set every day, waiting for something. Anything.
Sarah returned with a bowl of hot soup, a sandwich and a glass of orange juice. My stomach growled with impatience. The hot white steam wafted into my nose.
"Thank you." I smiled. She nodded her head.
"You're welcome. I'm going to go check on another patient but if you need anything just call."
I grinned and she left, the big grey door closing behind her. After finishing my lunch, I looked down at the floor and kicked my heels against the side of my bed.
I wanted to stand up, something that I don't do as often as most people.
Slowly, I lowered my bare feet to the ground, and the coldness of the floor sent stings through my feet and up my legs. I wrapped my shaky hand around my IV drip, tubes connecting to various parts of my arms.
I didn't bother looking in the mirror before leaving my room, something I was only supposed to do when I had the nurses' permission.
The hallways seem different now. I think the last time I left my room was months ago. They seem to be more crowded with sick people and the ugly hospital smell is burning my nose. It was much more comforting in my own room.
I stopped myself and walked quickly back to my room, my heart beating fast in my chest.
***
No doctors or nurses had come to check on me since ten o'clock. It was now midnight, and my whole body wanted so bad to feel the cold floor against my feet again. It was sort of like a drug, it gave me a rush of adrenaline that I craved.
I opened up the door, looking down both ends of the hall before stepping out. The lights were still on, but it was dimmer than it was in the day.
I slowly just walked, waiting for something to present itself. The coughing and noises had quieted down, leaving me not wanting to rip my hair out.
For now.
I noticed a door on my right side, a little plaque with a drawing of stairs on it. It opened for me.
"Weird," I whispered to myself, squeezing myself in.
The atmosphere suddenly changed to something colder. The stairs went up forever, but I craved a little adventure.
It would be a hard and long process to get my IV drip up all the stairs with me, but I've never been more determined to do something in my life. Even so, this is something I could actually control. I'm finally on my breaking point with this sickness and everything that comes with it.
Slowly but surely, I eventually made my way to the top. There were no more stairs. Only two other doors, one which was locked, and the other a door with no labels.
I opened it with a shaky hand and gasped as my heart started beating at the sight. I had found my place. The place I can come to for escape, to breathe, to refresh my lungs and talk to the stars.
I was on the roof of the hospital, overlooking the huge city illuminated by lights. The sky was painted with stars tonight. For once I felt healthy. The air filled my lungs with something almost like comfort.
I looked around the rooftop and noticed another person leaning on the parapet.