- THIRD PERSON -
10 hours had passed since the horrific event.
Lily Evans lay unconscious in the hospital wing, concealed behind a screen. Deep purple bruises caressed her undereyes, her paled lips slightly chapped and hair pulled up into a hasty knot by the matron. The remainder of her body was covered with a thick white quilt, tucked in at the edges to seal her away from the cold. Her freshly washed clothes were folded neatly on the nightstand, leaving her wrapped in nothing but a thin hospital gown. Sitting in a wooden chair besides her with his head bowed low over the quilts, James grasped both of Lily's clammy and scarred hands in his own. His glasses were set wonkily on his face and hair messily unkept. As his eyes fluttered closed James moved his paled lips, startling the silent atmosphere of the room.
"I'm so sorry Lily." He whispered into the cold night, his voice breaking on her name. James exhaled shakily, squeezing her hands. "I am. I'm so sorry. I - forced to watch....but I should have tried harder. I was stupid, I- I didn't think." James's shoulders shook slightly as he paused, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his Quidditch sweater. "I...the others don't know I'm here. Although living in a seperate dorm, it isn't hard get away with things these days." He paused, and it was eerily silent for the next few moments.
"I'm too ashamed to admit how awful I feel about it." He whispered. "I only wish that I could go back in time and prevent it all. Head to the three broomsticks for a beer, where we would've laughed for hours and gotten back to school safely. We shouldn't have gone. You were right Lily. You always, are aren't you?" James chuckled bitterly, his breath catching. "I'm sorry...that you're hated in our world. For something that you should be proud of. For something you can't help." His voice trembled as dragged his bloodshot eyes up to her pale, scratched face. "Oh, Lily." He whispered in agony, shaking his head. "I can't bare this. You deserve all the love & happiness the universe has to offer. You give so much, time and time again, and all you get is shit. From school, the ministry, from home - " He cut off, raising his head to glance miserably at the evening Daily Prophet that sat upon her visitors table. It was buried amongst a small collection of flowers, chocolates and cards; however the front page stood out like a full moon in a sky of ink. James's eyes scanned over the photograph of Lily, who lay concerningly pale, unconscious and drenched in blood upon the hospital bed. Madam Pomfry attempted to shoo the camera away, her hands swiping at the lense.
MUGGLEBORN ATTACKED AND ALMOST KILLED IN HOGSMEADE AMBUSH YESTERDAY AFTERNOOON:
Lily Evans, a Gryffindor seventh year attending Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and wizardry, was enjoying a normal day in Hogsmeade with her fellow Gryffindor seventh years, when they were abruptly ambushed by a 'throng' of a dozen cloaked attackers. With valued evidence, they are claimed to be he-who-must-not-be-named's 'deatheaters' - the ring leader being Bellatrix Black, an ex Hogwarts pupil. Bellatrix and co ambushed Lily and her six companions through an out of bounds alleyway leading back into Hogsmeade's Main Street. The majority of them managed to flee from the oncoming curses, when they realised little too late that Evans was the only one being targeted. They claim that this is because of her Muggleborn heritage. It was in this moment that she was hit with an impedimenta jinx, followed by the spell Petrificus Totalus moments later. Bellatrix then proceeded to torture Evans with the unforgivable cruciatus curse, whilst her six companions were forced to watch after being captured held in place by the deatheaters' (combined effort) incantation.
This occurred for an estimated thirty minutes minutes, before Bellatrix moved on to physically torturing Evans with a dagger and the heel of her pointed boots. Another onslaught of the cruciatus curse followed soon after.
By the time that Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts, and Poppy Pomfrey, the school matron, were warned by nearby students and arrived at the scene - Evans was impaled with the dagger. She was rushed to the Hogwarts Hospital Wing, where her condition remains unstable.
Black's whereabouts is henceforth unknown after she left the crime scene late afternoon. Avery Robinson, Grayson Mulciber and Lucius Malfoy were also spotted to be seen under one of the cloaked mask, says source Sirius Black, cousin to Bellatrix, who was there with Evans.
He now leaves a comment for the prophet:
"I've never been close with my cousin. We haven't had family gatherings since before Hogwarts. I don't know who the rest the 'snakes' were, but I saw Malfoy's hood fall. It was definitely Lucius. Could recognise him anywhere. Avery and Mulciber, on the other hand, revealed themselves willingly. I doubt they'll be returning to school."
Black was both distraught and heavily concerned for Evans, as were the four other friends whom accompanied her that day. A second source, Remus Lupin admitted to seeing Werewolf Fenrir Greyback. Greyback was witnessed approaching the female teenagers, and came seconds close to harming Evans. Luckily, Lupin says, Black ordered him to retreat before he could take her life. Lupin confessed this all with a hard face, and is not available for interviewing.
We wish Lily a speedy recovery, and hope that she does not require Saint Mungos treatment.
We now ask you, to any Witch or Wizard who is reading this, to please warn the ministry immediately if you see any sign of Bellatrix Black, Fenrir Greyback, Avery Robinson, Grayson Mulciber or Lucius Malfoy - where they will immediately be sent to Azkaban, with no trial.
We send our prayers to the young teenagers that witnessed this horrible crime, and hope that they keep safe. There will be no more Hogsmeade trips from Hogwarts students throughout the duration of the school year.
This morning, in the town of Dublin -
James exhaled sharply, leaning down to rest his forehead against Lily's ghostly pale arm.
"If only you knew how in love with you I am, Lily." He whispered against her skin, sniffling slightly. He sat there for many moments before pulling away. James leant in to hover above her face, caressing her cheekbone with his thumb and brushing away a stray hair. James pressed his lips to her forehead gently, letting a single tear slide down his cheek. He removed himself from the wooden rickety chair, gazing into Lily's sweet face for a single moment - before turning on his heel and trooping out of the cold empty room, his head hung low.
...
- JAMES -
I didn't have words to describe the impact of the physical and mental pain I was feeling.
The several inch deep wound embedded into Lily's abdomen might as well have pierced my own heart.
The love of my life was almost murdered before my eyes.
She was transported to the hospital wing, bleeding profusely with the high chance of meeting her end. McGonagall had naturally done her best to calm us down, but gave up when we saw that even Dumbledore was slightly panicked. The world was too bad a place to exist without Lily Evans; the mere thought of it was unfathomable.
The afternoon sun flared - seeping into the clouds, creating a swirling, fiery colour of deep orange. Unable to stop the shaking that racked my very bones, I'd stared down at the spot where she had been tortured. Where Lily Evans had been put under the worst pain you could possibly experience. Think of all the forms of torture that you can imagine; crucification, disembowelment, evisceration. Anything. Take them all, think about how agonising they would be - and combine them. That...that is the cruciatus curse.
This very thought alone was enough to make any man or woman cringe into their homes. But this had happen to Lily.
My Lily.
Her blood stained the street, like spilt paint. I stared at it for several silent moments, before vanishing it altogether. Reality was inconceivable. Lily lay on a stretcher, inches close to - I couldn't even think the word. But she was close. She was far, far too close.
Here we were, standing. Uninjured. Unscathed. Privileged. How was that fair? Who decided that this was to happen? Any God in the sky was morally corrupt, if these were the plans that he brewed. Lily....Lily. Why Lily?
The six of us slammed the hospital wing doors open ten minutes later, skidding to a halt at the entrance to the vast room. I felt all of the blood drain from my face at the sight of her scarlet stained overalls lying upon the stone floor. I sensed Marlene clutch on to Sirius's arm like a lifeline, but I didn't see it. I didn't see anything.
"McKinnon! Potter, Black -"
A vague pressure shoved against my chest, but I barely noticed.
"You cannot be in here - Lupin, get them out, at once -"
A second, firmer force yanked on my arm. I remained oblivious to whoever they were.
Lily was bathed in the evening sunlight that streamed through the wide windows. She lay upon the stretcher, so terrifyingly still. So, so small. Fragile. The exact opposite of what Lily Evans had always been.
"James, please - listen to me -"
"You need to get these children OUT of here, Minerva!"
A soundless ringing echoed through my eardrums, creating a barrier between myself and the rest of the world. I remained oblivious to the blur of people surrounding me. That was, until, the doors suddenly swung open. I turned my head, as if in slow motion, my heart beat thundering in my ears like a drum. In came a short, stubby man wearing ministry official robes. I watched as he roughly pushed a hysterical Marlene out his his way, shoving something in Pomfrey's face and began to attack the scene with bright flashes and loud, echoing clicks.
Unable to see anything but Lily's body rapidly emptying itself of blood, I roared at the man and yanked him up by the collar, slamming him against the nearest wall. The Daily Prophet photographer choked in surprise, spitting a string of profanities in my face as I quite literally threw him from the room without another photograph. No one scolded me - Pomfrey even even went as far as to praise my actions. I didn't give a shit if that was something to be punished for. A millionth detention added to my record, what's the harm. All I could feel was a bubbling, boiling rage that consumed the very whole of my being from the lack of respect that he'd represented. There was someone dying, and all he was concerned about was getting payed.
Marlene had collapsed to her knees, her hands clenched in a praying position. Tears streamed from her eyes as she rocked back and forth.
I stumbled backwards, a single tear sliding down my cheek as I watched Madam Pomfrey wave her wand in swift movements, stitching the body that I loved back together. Sirius and Remus were trying to pull Marlene to her feet, their faces contorted with anguished pain, eyes glistening with the tears they tried so hard to hold in. I merely stood, gazing over them as though the world was tipping upside down. I dragged my gaze to Alice and Mary, who were crying into eachother's shoulders. Frank stood mere feet away, his face significantly pale with one palm pressed up against the wall as though he couldn't trust his own two feet to hold him.
My chest ached, as if I'd been winded with the force of a concrete slab. Lily was fading, and all I did was stand still.
Wrenching my eyes back to her rapidly paling body, I watched Madam Pomfrey's wand fly at lightening speed. She murmured unintelligible spells underneath her breath, her eyes clenched shut and stable, blood stained hands hovering over her bleeding stomach. I knew in that moment that Madam Pomfrey would fight tooth and nail with every single thing left in her to keep Lily alive. And for a split second, I had faith. Before -
Dumbledore came bursting into the room with a deafening bang, shoving me into the wall with a firm hand.
"Who let you inside?" He whispered as my head spun in endless circles.
"Albus - " For the first time, I truly saw McGonagall. She gestured a trembling hand to the six of us, shaking her head. "They sprinted in here, I couldn't - "
"Albus," Pomfrey gasped, her eyes snapping open. Dumbledore's head turned to her in alert. "These children need to leave. Now."
My heart lurched with a jolt of terror as I followed Dumbledore's stare. For the first time in my seven years of being around Madam. Pomfrey, I could honestly admit that she looked frightened.
As soon as it had come, my hope vanished.
The Matron continued, averting her gaze back to Lily's shuddering chest. Her breathing was rasping, a spurt of blood now dripping from her lips.
"NOW, Albus - I need to strip her down, she's leaving me -"
Without a second to protest, we were thrown from the wing. We gave in against the steel arms that bound us, letting them herd us from the cold space, too shocked to know how to respond.
I reached out a useless, trembling hand, as if I could let her know that she would be alright, as if I could hold her -
The hospital wing doors slammed close inches from our faces. It echoed through the empty hallway like a gunshot, robbing the restricted air from my lungs. We stood in silence for what seemed like years. Staring at the walls, the ceiling, the floor. Standing. Staring. Waiting. Praying. Hoping. Not knowing what to do with ourselves. Not knowing who would leave that room. Not knowing anything at all.
After what must have been ten minutes of this unbearable torture, or perhaps it was hours, I sniffed loudly into the cold night air. After hastily wiping the stray tears from my face, I silently turned on my heels. Without glancing back at the gaunt, empty faces that turned to me, I walked. I walked aimlessly down the corridor, my feet the only thing keeping me going. Right, left, right, left.
I was in shock.
My bones felt as heavy as lead, my mind spinning with endless possibilities. I couldn't make sense of it all. What would I do, while waiting? What was the point of living, when she's not here? It didn't seem right that I continue on with my night, as if it were any old school day - continue doing normal things while Lily...dies. On a stretcher.
How do you..absorb that? How do you live? Do I lie in bed alone, unable to fall asleep? Do I cry? Do I talk to someone? I didn't understand. It hurt to much. Too much to think.
As I walked like a zombie, right left, right left - someone's brittle grip latched onto my left arm. The hand was small, but clenching down so hard that I wouldn't be surprised if it left marks the next day. My feet instinctively halted, my body tensing up. How does one speak? What did it matter anymore?
I turned my head a fraction of an inch, glancing down to find myself staring right into Marlene's shining hazel eyes. Her face was swollen and blotchy, an endless waterfall of tears flowing down her cheeks. Her nails dug firmly into my wrist as the unbearable burning in my eyes reignited. I glanced up to the ceiling, wiping at my face.
"James," Her plea was a whisper, deafeningly loud in this vast empty corridor. Her words hung in the air, waiting for my nonexistent reply. Marlene let go of her grip on my wrist, sliding her trembling hands around around my torso and squeezing me tightly. My body tensed up at her touch, freezing so helplessly as we had been in that dreaded square. Her frame shook against my chest as I stared down at the top of her head, a frown creasing between my eyebrows. I closed my eyes, concentrating on my breathing. The steady contraction of my diaphragm, the feeling of my lungs filling up with oxygen.
It's Marlene. A little voice murmured in the back of my mind. I took a deep shuddering breath, focussing all my attention on my senses. I could feel her warmth as she wrapped herself around me, unsure if she could stand any longer without the support of another. I could feel her shaking, her quiet sobs vibrating against the crook of my neck. Marlene was breaking. And she needed me.
You're broken, James. The voice said. You need her.
My muscles abruptly slackened, and I felt myself noticeably slump in her arms. I gasped as the tears began to fall upon her hair like raindrops, my hands trembling as if there was an earthquake exploding beneath my flesh. Instinct overtook me and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling Marlene into my chest. I hugged her so close, so tight, in the hopes that I could hold all of her pieces together. To let her know that I was here. I was here, and just as broken.
She sobbed into my chest at my response, a domino effect occurring and causing my body to mock hers. My chest shook with a relapse of sobs as I rest my cheek against her forehead, a hand sliding to her hair in comfort.
Marlene needed the support as much as I did - more even. Much, much more.
"Listen to me, James. She'll be okay." Marlene choked out, gripping me firmly. "We can d-do this."
Lily Evan's heart stopped beating for exactly 3.89 seconds that night.
The very worst 3.89 seconds of my miserable life.
...
Two days later, Lily remained unconscious.
The entire school had either seen the paper, watched her arrive back in the stretcher, or gossiped - as no one, not a single student, would stop talking about it.
It was a huge effort not to snap at every single person who muttered our names as we walked past. How was it that she experienced such a horrific event, yet it It was rare to hear even a glimmer of empathy for Lily throughout the mass of rumouring.
The only people who'd shown a true, overwhelming amount of support was everyone back at Gryffindor common room.
On the first day back, a huge group of kids had gotten together to arrange gifts for Lily. After they were given permission to visit her (insisting that their eyes were burning from the nonexistent onions) they met us at the common room, laden with flowers and chocolates for both the girls and Marauders. We hadn't expected it, not at all, and most of us were too choked up to give thanks. One little girl was even crying, and ran straight into Alice's arms for an embrace. I assumed they were friends - because Ali promptly burst into tears, accepting the peonies she offered and hugging the little girl even tighter.
The group was mainly silent. We walked from class to class, ate, and slept. I felt....robotic, almost. I couldn't stop fiddling with whatever was in my hands, and my head shot up at any small sound, my heart thumping in my hears. Paranoid, you could say.
I was currently staring at Lily's empty seat in potions, my eyes heavy, my body a needless weight. My gaze drifted from the wooden stool, grazing over the dungeon - when I, accidentally, met Snape's piercing glare. His eyes were brimming with so much unending loathing that even I was taken aback. His expression screwed up into an accusation as those onyx eyes narrowed further. What now, he was pissed off at me? Blamed me, for what happened? For all I knew, he had been there.
I shook my head in exasperation and returned my gaze back down at the meaningless page of words before me. I didn't give a shit what he thought. He's very, very lucky I didn't throttle him for what he did to her -
I spent the nights alone in my lonely common room, no Lily there to make me laugh at all the cute little things she does. All the hilarious things she says, the pink blush she gets in her cheeks when she realises that she'd said something funny, and that I couldn't stop laughing.
The teachers were unusually solemn at meals and classes, the school much quieter then usual despite the gossip. People were afraid. And it wasn't hard for me to admit that I was, too.
I was fucking terrified.
Notices had been sent around announcing that all future Hogsmeade trips were cancelled and patrols were to be lengthened. I met with the prefects briefly to inform them so - doing my absolute best to flash a wide smile. I'd gotten halfway through and choked up slightly, apologising profusely when I ended up cutting the meeting short. They had all seen past my excuse about homework - a few reds, yellows and blues even going so far as to give me tight hugs and words of comfort. They had meant more then anyone of them would ever know.
Last period, Tuesday afternoon, McGonagall stopped me and Marlene when the bell rang to dismiss the lesson. Her face was grim, but there was hope shining in her eyes. I searched her face anxiously, letting that hope fill in my chest like a helium balloon. Slow, and then all at once.
"Did she wake up?" I half demanded half questioned, Marlene scooting slightly closer into my side. A sad smile tugged at McGonagall's mouth, her eyes softening.
"Unfortunately not. Potter."
My balloon popped abruptly. "Not yet. I just wanted to say - she's looking much better. However It seems that hat the curses and bleeding combined seems to have inflicted the impression of a coma on her body."
"A coma?" Marlene whispered, her bottom lip trembling slightly as she gripped my arm in support. I wrapped an arm around her waist, giving her a little squeeze. A coma. A coma.
Would she ever wake up? Why was McGonagall being so calm about this? What was wrong with her?
"Not to worry, Miss. McKinnon." She continued, with surprising warmth. "She will be alright. Madam Pomfrey managed to stop the coma's course with her magic, but her body is still in shock. We are hoping she is going to wake up sometime in the next day." Her smile returned, even daring to meet her brisk eyes.
"Oh my Merlin," I breathed, slumping in relief. Marlene laughed, her face breaking into a wide, consoling smile.
"Of course she will." She sighed, leaning against my shoulder. "She's Lily."
"Thank you so much, Professor." I murmured, doing my best not to reflect on the scene of Lily twitching on the floor like an experiment. It already haunted my dreams, and every other single thought through my day. Minnie slid a stiff hand over my shoulder in support, and offered another brisk smile - before swishing past us and out the classroom.
"It seems like she's been gone forever...when in reality, it's only been two days." Marlene's smile widened, and she shook her head.
"I'll see you at dinner." I muttered after a few moments, swinging my bag over my shoulder and taking off around the corridor without a second glance.
Five minutes later I dropped my bag off onto my usual armchair and grabbed my broom, which was leaning against the fireplace. I tugged my tie loose and tossed it onto the nearest table, undoing the first few buttons of my shirt.
My hands flew to my hair, before I hitched the main window open and hopped onto the window sill. I took a long, deep breath, swinging myself onto my broom, before soaring out into the fresh open world.
My eyes fluttered closed, feeling the wind and the fresh smell of pine wood encircle me. I wooshed past the Gryffindor tower and did a few loopty loops around the turrets, breathing in the fresh scents. The smell of the earth after it had rained, the fresh green grass. I did a few laps around the castle, waving at the silly Gryffindor first year boys that watched me eagerly from their dorm. My eyes were drawn the lake and the Bret my broom automatically direct me there as if it knew.
Within seconds I was skimming the surface, feeling the water ripple beneath me - the smooth current taking over my mind. Snapping my eyes open, I took steady deep breaths, angling my body low against the honed wood. With an agonisingly slow control, I lifted my feet from beneath me. After several slow moments of concentration they found out he broom surface, balancing on the tail steadily as I lifted my torso upwards. I spread my arms open wide, standing taller on my broom with each second. I was a bird - a hawk on the night, blending into the waters and soaring low. It was the most exhillirating feeling in the entire universe.
I was soaring.
"WOOOOHO!" I roared into the night, looking upwards and gazing at the setting sky. This was where I felt most alive. The water spoke to me, the wind whistling me to go on, the trees whispering in thanks. I grinned for the first time in days, my jaw aching from the impact and heart shuddering with adrenaline.
Here, I was home.
...
It was now Wednesday, the very middle of lunch.
I was picking at my apple pie absentmindedly while the boys talked quietly about the oncoming full moon, which was already tomorrow night. Peter had rejoined us once he heard about Lily - He was as anxious and torn up as any of us were, desperately asking how we were and coming with us to each visit in the wing.
"McKinnon!" McGonagall's sharp voice beckoned my eyes like a magnetic force. My head snapped up.
"She's awake?" Marlene was already standing up, folding her arms into her chest anxiously. Sirius glanced from me to McGonagall, leaning forwards on his forearms. I stared at her, preparing myself to spring from the bench. She hesitated, glancing from the five of us who were present, before nodding once.
"Be gentle - she's still fragile." Her thin lips curved into a smile, knowing that we were all practically running there already.
LiIly Lily Lily.
Lily was okay.
And we did run. All the way up the marble staircases and many, many floors, panting and gasping with exertion as we pushed oursleves around corners and corners. Sirius heaved a gasping, unfit Mary onto his back halfway, and I ran metres ahead of them, so fast that I almost tripped over my own feet when I skidded to a halt. I ran a hand through my tousled hair, panting slightly as Mary slid from Sirius's heaving back. We stared at the familiar closed doors, before I reached forwards and wrenched them open. My heart almost shuddered to a stop when I saw her; alive and breathing. Lily was sitting up in her bed in a hospital gown, looking the exact same to when I last saw her - except her skin was perhaps a single shade healthier. Lily's unwashed hair was pulled back into a knot against the back of her neck, large purple bags painting her under eyes. She was extremely fragile, like a piece of tissue paper, perhaps - but her eyes were open. Lily's head shot up at our entry in the vastly cold room, her facing immediately breaking into the biggest, most radiant smile I'd ever seen. It knocked the very breath from my chest. How could she be so happy?
Marlene was the first to her bed, followed closely by Mary. (Peter wasn't with us, and neither Alice was Ali - probably with Frank. McGonagall was surely finding her now, she would come visit with us when we came back after dinner. There was no way we were leaving her alone in here now that she was awake).
"Merlin's Beard Lily, you've never scared me so much in my life." Mary sighed heavily, gently pulling herself from their embrace and shaking her head.
"I'm sorry." Lily murmured in reply, her faded emerald eyes glistening with silver. Her cracked lips tugged up into a small, tearful smile.
"Nevermind being sorry," Remus cut in exasperatedly, his brow furrowed in concern as he paced towards her. "How are you holding up?" He seized himself forwards, embracing her gently in his arms. Rem buried his head into her pillow, Lily clenching her eyes shut as she squeezed him back.
"Oh, I'm...better." She replied lightly, scanning his face as he pulled away. "I felt much, much worse when I first woke up, about half an hour ago. But...I'm okay." She let out a long sigh and glanced up towards me, her eyes sliding to the person to my right. Sirius shifted audibly on his feet, as though nervous.
Lily inclined her head slightly, a breathtaking smile spreading across her frail cheeks.
"How are my boys?" She croaked, spreading her arms wide in welcome. Sirius, who had been very silent, (which was unusual) abruptly leapt forward and hugged Lily so tightly she had to tell him to be more careful, as it hurt too much. He loosened his grip, still holding her to him firmly. Lily rubbed his back soothingly, glancing at us concern over his shoulder, having not expected this reaction. Sirius gave her one last squeeze before pulling back to press a kiss to her cheek, grasping one of her hands in support.
"Just so you know, I'm going to kill my cousin." He hissed, letting go of her to straighten up and lean against the nightstand. "That's not even a fucking joke, Lily. As soon as we get out of here, I'm on it." Sirius glanced behind him, and proceeded to open one of her many boxes of chocolate.
"Oh, please don't." Lily replied disdainfully, exhaling sharply. "You might get yourself tortured and stabbed." She rolled her eyes, letting her lips tug up into a bitter smile. Sirius scowled at her in reply, his raging eyes narrowing.
"Lil-"
"Please stop joking about what happened." Marlene interrupted, glaring at her best friend intently. "It wasn't just one of those stories in the prophet this time. It really happened to you."
Lily's face hardened slightly as she surveyed Marly, her bottom lip trembling slightly.
"I know." She whispered after a moment of silence. "I'm sorry."
I pictured Lily writhing on the floor, blood pouring from her open wounds, screaming and screaming and screaming - pictured the endless nightmares, the pain -
An involuntary shudder escaped me and I let out a shaky breath, pulling a hand through my hair. My own personal hell on earth - second to being in the friend zone. That was also hell on earth...but nothing, nothing else in my entire life, would ever tear me up to this extent.
Lily glanced to me now, noticing my little noise. The corner of her mouth tugged up into a small smile as a single tear slipped down her cheek. I felt my eyes burn as I watched it fall, threatening to copy her.
"Hey there, Lil." I whispered, blinking away the wetness.
"C'mere." Lil murmured, opening her arms as far as she could without wincing. She smiled at me encouragingly through her delicate tears. I let out a shaky laugh and practically lurched for her bed, pulling her into my arms as gently as I could. This made her chuckle lightly and squeeze me even tighter. I held her close, my chin on top of her hair, her cheek against my neck. A long, relieved sigh escaped my mouth, her warmth and scent engulfing me despite the frostiness of the wing. She was back, and alive. My Lily.
When we finally pulled away from one another after what seemed like millenniums, tears were racing down her face faster than I could count. I knew from several years of probing questions & harassment that Lily Evans, was not a crier - and for some reason it made me smile. She trusted me enough to let me see that. However my heart simply cracked in two as I scanned her, the fears, the anxious shadows in her eyes - the clenched fists and clammy skin.
"Lily..." I murmured, sitting on the edge of her bed. It creaked beneath me, echoing in the silent room. I locked her paled emerald eyes with mine, letting her see everything I was feeling.
"I need to say that I'm so, so sorry. That I didn't do more. I know you'll insist it was no ones fault, which may be true, but....I could've done more." I shook my head, letting my gaze travel to the window and scan the top of the forbidden forest. "I could have been faster. I could have gotten the others to apparate - I could have reached you when I saw you fly past, Merlin Lil I..." My voice shook slightly as I pulled my eyes back to her broken face. "We are never - never going to let that happen to you, ever again. I promise you, Lily."
She whimpered, shaking her head adamantly. I scooted closer and gently caressed her cheek with my thumb, brushing away her many tears. She continued to shake her head at my words as I pulled away, holding my eyes in hers.
"Don't you dare be sorry James." She hissed, the fire I loved so dearly flaming to life in those too pale emerald eyes. There she was. "With the predicament we were in.... I know what spell they used to silence the square. Muffliato - one of Snape's creations. I think it's likely he wasn't there, but....they made it near impossible for us to escape. Apparating would have been stupid and risky, what with how many there were. We're really just lucky that Ali and Frank came looking." She heaved a deep breath, scanning my face. "It's all... a rush still. It feels like it was just an hour ago. I -" she winced, recoiling away from us and clenching her hands against her stomach. "I can still - feel her."
If I had though my heart broke before, it was nothing to how it shattered beneath my chest now. I was surprised she could not hear the impact.
"I am going to kill Bella." Sirius whispered from besides me, his tone deadly calm. He ripped a chocolate frog open vehemently, tearing the head off with his teeth. "I'm going to motherfucking kill her. Whether it's now or in twenty years - I want her to look into my eyes, and see what she did." His voice trembled slightly this time, betraying him.
"I'm just so sorry, Lily. It's beyond unfair." Remus muttered bitterly, shaking his head. "The way they're targeting Muggleborns. I can't fathom their reasoning, it's...barbaric. It's brutal."
"I've never been more ashamed of my status in my pitiful, miserable life." Sirius agreed, gazing out of the window. "And I've hated myself for it longer then I can remember."
"No Sirius, don't say that." Lily whispered, her face glistening with tears.
"I'm sorry too, Lil." Mary whispered from Marlene's side. "The whole damn thing doesn't make any logical sense. I mean - my blood is pure, and you've always been so much smarter then me."
It was silent for a moment before the six of us burst into laughter, Lily's head falling back into her pillow with a soft thump.
"It'a true." Mary half laughed half cried, wiping her eyes distractedly.
"You're full of it, MacDonald." Lily chuckled, wiping her own cheeks.
"It is, so unfair." Marlene mumbled after a moment of silence. I winced, unable to block the ringing of Bellatrix's taunting voice in my ears.
"The entire idea that people with nonmagic parents consume less ability...Merlin, it makes me want to be sick." I admitted. "Anyone who knows you can see that you're the smartest witch of our age." My voice lowered to the faintest whisper. "Out of all of us....you are the one who deserves this the least, Lily."
"Oh, James." She whispered, reaching out to grip my hand. I glanced up, unable to prevent the burning in my eyes. Her face was pulled in pain, a relapse of tears trickling down her cheeks.
"Don't you say that. No one deserves this, not even - well, maybe Bellatrix does." Sirius scowled in agreement. "But really, I was just unlucky. I th-" Lily cut herself off at the six incredulous expressions that stared back at her, and laughed. "Okay, I'll admit that it wasn't luck. That was a stupid thing to say. It's because I'm Muggleborn, I know."
"Every single one of those curses were aimed at you." Sirius snarled, clenching his fists. "It was orchestrated."
"Let's not forget that Bellatrix has always held a grudge." Marlene said thickly, snaking an arm around Mary's waist. "With the whole Snape thing and whatever else it was she's been bitter about all these years."
"That's true." Lily sighed, her chest heaving.
"I swear to Godric, If Avery and Mulciber so much as step a foot back here..." I said through gritted teeth, trying not to squeeze Lily's hand too hard. She started, her eyes widening in surprise.
"Avery and Mulciber were there?" She asked, glancing from me to Sirius.
"You didn't seem them?" Marlene asked softly, her eyebrows pulling together in a frown.
"And Greyback." Remus said hoarsely, gazing out of the window. "Fenrir Greyback. He was the one who...touched you."
A wave of fury washed over me, reigniting the roaring lion in my chest. Lily recoiled at Rem's words, her face contorting in shock.
"Greyback..." She shook her head, struggling to comprehend everything at once. "That makes sense, kind of. But Avery, and Mulciber...I suppose they'll come back anyway."
I hissed, seething at the images in my mind. "They'll be sorry."
Lily laughed, a bitter cold laugh that did not suit her. "Merlin, I won't even stop you. Please, help yourself." She let out a long sigh, turning her head on her pillow to gaze at the gift covered nightstand at her side. "I'm assuming you've all seen the profit?"
"Unfortunately." Marlene growled.
"You'll be glad to know that James threw the photographer against the wall as soon as the pictures were taken." Mary chuckled slightly, wiping her eyes.
Lily's smile returned, her eyes finding mine.
"My personal bodyguards." She laughed lightly, glancing to Sirius. I tried to smile back, but I'm sure it was more of a grimace.
"You're a true Gryffindor, Lily." Mar murmured, her striking blue eyes glistening with fresh tears. "The very bravest person I know. I wouldn't have lasted five minutes in that."
Lily let out a small tinkling laugh, delicately brushing loose hairs from her eyes. Her face smiled but her eyes did not - the usual twinkle gone out. I wondered how long it would take for it to spark back to life.
"You would have Mary." She replied softly. "I tried my best to think of you all, to hold on to your smiles. I think that's what got me through it, but...In the end, I started to fade."
I winced, an involuntary shudder racking my bones at her words. She grabbed my hand almost immediately, and squeezed it tight. I gave her one right back, meeting her eyes.
And the world simply imploded.
Because I was in love with Lily Evans. She had survived death. And now I had the chance, the honour - to hold her hand. Touch her delicate skin.
Lily Evans was alive and well. The world lived on.
"Group hug." Marlene murmured, half laughing half sobbing. We all scooted in together, barricading Lily's bed like a shield with her snuggled in the middle of us. Relief and love was flowing through every vein in my arrogant body. Lily Evans was a survivor. A fighter. She made it through this - she could make this war, too. I knew she could. I would fight for that until there was nothing left in me but my rotting bones.
"I love you guys." Lily whispered from beneath us all, her body trembling with the force of her bone rattling grief. "Thankyou, for everything. Thankyou endlessly."
...
Lily was excused by Madam Pomfrey three days later.
She was still in pain, that was obvious - but being who she was, she adamantly denied it. Apart from this, she was back to her completely normal, intelligent, beautiful self - with all her blood inside her body where it belonged.
It was the second night that she'd been released from the hospital, and I'd found her snoring lightly into an open book at the library. I'd searched for her for at least forty minutes, as she'd been gone for three hours without telling anyone where she'd gone. I'd sprinted to Sirius in a panic, thinking that Bellatrix had her hanging off the astronomy tower or something inconceivable. He had looked at me incredulously, arching an eyebrow in exasperation.
"You sound like Diggory." He muttered, flopping backwards into his bed. "Piss off'.
I gently lulled Lily from her sleep, laughing at the confused expression painting itself across her cheeks. She gave in when I insisted to help put her things away, apologising for scaring me.
We walked back to the common room, making a short pit stop in the kitchens on the way.
Lily & I sipped on our warm cups of cocoa on the couches, and talked for hours. She ranted about Madam Pince for about twenty minutes, before she saw me snorting silently and abruptly stopped, turning a bright shade of pink.
"She's utterly useless, the sour old cow." Lily was scowling. "She literally knows nothing, about anything!" She sipped her cocoa and traced her hand down the page of a very boring looking book. "I mean, she actually knows everything about everything, but she doesn't have to be such a screeching bitch about it."
"Which is why I stay far away." I remarked, throwing my fifth failed attempt at an essay into the roaring fire.
"Well, you're banned - there's a difference." She sighed, before shutting the boring book angrily and tossing it to the floor in frustration.
"Hey, be gentle with the books." I mocked her teasingly. Lily's mouth twitched.
"Absolutely nothing about that bloody spell." She muttered to herself, sighing through her nose.
"What spell?" I inquired quizzically, peeking down at the book upon the floor. 'Unforgivable Curses & Black Magic. Intrigued by the Dark Arts? This is the right book for you.'
I pulled a face, retreating into my pillows.
"Any sign of the spell Snape used on you." Lily explained, exchanging a similar expression of disgust with me. "It's pretty dark...but, turns out he is a genius. An ugly, evil, brewing, greasy genius." She grimaced, pulling a hand through her hair.
"Huh." I replied mildly, no knowing what to say.
She glanced to me from my side and I saw her mouth twitch slightly. The corner of my own lips tugged up into a smile, before I averted my gaze back to the fire - letting myself sink into the flames.
Completely lost in thought....plotting, thinking wondering - was Filch really hooking up with Pince? I swear I heard some weird noises in his office the other day when me and Sirius were putting a load of dung bombs in his corridor. And on that last patrol with Lily, in the broom cupboard by the charms corridor....that moaning had not come from a third year -
My thoughts were interrupted by Lily's soft tinkling laugh. I raised my eyebrow at her, glancing up to her angel's face.
"There's a cockroach in your hair." She chuckled, placing her hot cocoa on the rickety coffee table and scooting over next to me on the sinky cushions.
"Here." She brushed her hand through my mop of locks and I shivered at the caress of her slender fingers. Something flicked from my head - but I didn't notice. Because her fingers were now adjusting my glasses ever so slightly, her mouth curving upwards as if she found them amusing. Lily's arm remained in the air for a prolonged amount of time, holding my frames, our eyes locking together. Sparked with curiosity, she cocked her head a fraction of an inch.
A warm jet of something soothed my chest, Like a spark of fire - singing through my flesh, shocking my very bones - widespread universes and galaxies alike watched with wide eyes -
Lily abruptly let her arm drop. She coughed slightly, and looked away.
I shook my head slightly, rubbing my eyes.
I didn't realise how tired I was....perhaps I was cooking up illusions. I stared back into the dying embers in silence, the flames telling me stories. I was so deeply lost in thought, that all my eyes saw was the crackling soul of a certain Gyrffindor girl. Lily's face swam into my view, blocking everything else. But then my mind wandered to Voldemort, to his Death eaters. To Mulciber - and Avery, the way they'd threatened and name called Lily for years. The way they'd stood by on Saturday, hissing insults in my face....
My boys. The girls. Dumbledore. The secret group that he'd created to fight against the dark side, of which he was concealing from the ministry. The only hope to win this war... Dumbledore.
He called it the 'Order of the Phoenix.' Mum and Dad were part of it. Mum'd told me & Sirius it was a secret, and that few were to be trusted with it. She didn't say anything else.... only smiled, and told me I'd find out soon enough. That I had other things to worry for.
But Dad had told me stories. In his recent letters, concealed with charms. He wrote about their plans, or what they had so far. He wanted to keep me in the loop...he said that in case anything were to happen, he needed me to know what was going on. But of course, they were fine. They're the best Aurors the ministry have got. I haven't got one single doubt in my mind that they could easily give up, or fail. They've kept precautions like this my entire life, what with being Aurors and all.
A single log fell into the flames with a loud crack and I jerked out of my trance.
"Sorry, must've dozed off or something - " I yawned and pushed my glasses up my nose with a knuckle. When Lily didn't reply, I turned to my left. Besides me amongst the pillows, she was curled into a little ball, sound asleep. A single strand of her hair lay over her face and fluttered ever so slightly every time she took a breath.
I let out an admiring sigh at her beauty, absorbing the way her lips pouted like a baby when she slept. The way her dimples creased.
"I will never let anything happen to you, Lily Evans." I whispered into the night, my heart cracking in two at the image of her laying broken on her hospital bed. My lips curved up into a small smile in the silence, before I set down my cocoa. I snaked my arms around her waist and gently lifted her delicate body from the squishy cushions. She sighed slightly in her sleep, her eyelids twitching. I brushed the hair from her face with a wide smile. She was a heavy sleeper, I'd learnt.
Once I'd removed Lily's shoes and tucked her softly into bed, I watched her for only a minute before making my way to my room. I shook my head at my reflection, watching as the bright light seeped from my eyes.
"You're never gonna get her, James." I murmured, letting my eyebrows stitch together in a frown. "Stop fishing for a possible sign."
With one last self disapproving grimace, I flopped straight atop my quilts without even removing my glasses.
I woke up the next Saturday morning in the exact same position.
...