All Of Me | A Jily Love Story

Chapter Fifty Seven: A Marauders Night In

A/N:
This chapter is so chaotic, pls enjoy

- JAMES -

It had been two weeks since the single best night of my entire life.
A Valentine's Day I knew that I would never forget or stop cherishing, no matter how many follow. As of that night, it had been two weeks of stealing kisses in the corridors, sneaking into broom cupboards together, stolen moments alone and nighttime rendezvous.
Lily and I were smitten.
I was utterly and wholly obsessed with everything about her. We still sent eachother silly little notes throughout the day - I kept most of them tucked away in my backpack as a keepsake from her. Last week she'd surprised me after quidditch training, standing in the doorway of my room in seductive red lingerie. I'd almost started drooling on the carpet.
Two weeks of making love on any and all surfaces that we could - every couch and table in our common room was now tarnished, to Mary's utter disgust. And although I was overwhelmingly grateful and inexplicably euphoric, two weeks of non stop sex was starting to take a toll on me.
I was fucking knackered.
I couldn't think of more than one day from now since Valentine's that we hadn't shagged somewhere hidden, public, or in the secrecy of our king sized beds.
I was currently sprawled across big red, changing the colours of picture frames around the room. Lily had been in the shower for twenty minutes now, the soft pattering of water drowning out any other sound. A few moments ago I'd noticed the sudden silence and absence of her beautiful singing. I suddenly grew suspicious, glancing towards the open bathroom doorway.
"Lily?" I called out, nudging my frames up the bridge of my nose with a knuckle. When she didn't reply I dragged myself from my armchair and strode into the open bathroom, coming to a sudden halt. Lily was curled on a ball on the cold white tiles, eyes closed and knees pressed to her chest. Her arms wrapped around herself, wet hair splayed across her shoulders and so dark that it was almost brown. Half of me wanted to laugh and the other half wanted to cry as I studied her face. She looked so young in sleep; with the absence of eye bags or that frown of concentration she so often wore. The shower water continued to fall, hitting her ivory skin softly.
"Lily?" I murmured through my smile, studying her parted rosy lips and flushed cheeks. She continued sleeping soundly so I slid to my knees, edging closer to the open format shower. I reached out a hand and brushed her fingers softly, not wanting to miss a second. Lily jolted at my touch, her head snapping upwards and bright green eyes widening in surprise.
"...I -" She glanced around, eyes settling on the fallen razor sitting at least a foot away. "I only sat down for a moment."
"You're exhausted." I grinned, watching her confusedly try to focus on her surroundings. "Are you finished?"
She opened her mouth and closed it again, nodding once. After that I'd turned the shower off and helped Lily to her feet, refusing to let her get out a fresh towel and instead doing it for her. I wrapped it around her lithe body, so beautiful and soft - drying her waves of auburn hair with one flick of my wand.
Lily stumbled after me into her room, tugging on her favourite satin emerald pyjamas. I watched her with a grin, laughing quietly when she stumbled towards me for a kiss.
"Night." She mumbled, patting my chest and waddling to the edge of her untucked bed. Lily fell asleep the instant she rolled up into her duvet, a soft sigh slipping from her rosy lips.
I'd been working her too hard.
Her obvious exhaustion had highlighted how tired I was myself. It was a Friday night and I was utterly knackered. All I wanted to do was roll into bed next to her, but I knew she'd have a fit if I 'touched her clean bed with my filthy unwashed body.' The thought made me grin as I stumbled back towards the bathroom, exhausted and heavy, but more happy than I'd ever been in my entire life.
Saturday was another surprisingly warm day following a cold week of snow and wind. The rolling hills of Hogwarts shone brightly in the absence of snow, with a cloudy sky half concealing the winter sun. After a day sprawled out by the lakeside snacking and chatting and quick dinner, Sirius dragged me to the boys dormitory for a bottle of whisky.
"It's like we don't even see you anymore, Prongs." He said to me with a sigh, slumping onto his fore poster bed. I exchanged an amused look with Moony, lifting a hand to scratch my bare chest.
"I see you literally everyday."
Padfoot glanced to me, dragging himself up onto his elbows. "I don't care, it's not the same."
"It is odd having one empty bed in here." Wormtail sighed, tugging a red knit sweater over his head.
"I'm here now," I spread my arms wide with a grin.
"Not the same." Sirius grumbled, tilting his head back for a swig of whiskey. I frowned.
"I already stay here once a month."
"A month!" Sirius repeated, shooting me an incredulous look. "As if that's enough."
"Where is this coming from?" I asked amusedly, glancing to a quietly chuckling Moony. Padfoot grumbled something intelligible and I raised my eyebrows.
"It's nothing." He waved a dismissive hand.
"Does someone miss me?" I cooed, and he offered me a scowl.
"No."
"C'mon. You miss me."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "A little."
"Don't make him cry," Moony warned him with a grin.
"Yeah, careful." I snorted, but Sirius was still frowning slightly. "What is the matter with you, Pads?"
"It's not the same!" He exploded, gesturing to me haphazardly. "Nothing is the same..."
"It's been almost six months, Padfoot."
Sirius grumbled again. "I blame Lily. Now you've got a girlfriend -"
"Oh, shut up."
"I do." He said bluntly, fidgeting with his pants waistband.
"I was the one who had to deal with you and Marlene," I pointed out, slinging a hand to my hip. "And I was the single one, so you can't complain."
"You're always with her." He gave me another sulky look.
"Yeah, well." I rolled my eyes. "You're always with Marlene. Also, I live with her."
Wormtail and Moony snorted.
"Will you live with her when we leave?" Padfoot asked abruptly. I blinked.
"No."
Sirius's head snapped towards me. "What?"
I gave him a quizzical frown. "I thought...I thought we were going to live together."
He stared at me for a moment, stormy grey eyes hardened, before a brilliant grin stretched across his cheeks. "Yeah. So did I."
"For Christ's sake." Remus muttered in the background.
"Is this what you're on about?" I asked Sirius in surprise. "You think when we graduate I'm going to go off and live with Lily in our perfect paradise and never speak to you again?"
"Maybe. Just a little." Sirius muttered, scratching the back of his head.
"Mostly he just misses you." Remus said to me, and I grinned.
"It's always Lily this, Lily that..." Wormtail teased me. 
I laughed with them, but it was slightly forced.
"What is it?" Moony asked me instantly. I hesitated, glancing to Sirius again.
"I'm not really one of the arsehole friends, am I?"
Sirius blinked. "What?"
"Y'know," I went on uncomfortably, scratching the back of my head. "One of those Pratt's who get a girlfriend and ignore their mates."
"Nah." The three of them said at once. I blinked.
"I'm just teasing you, Prongs." Wormtail grinned at me. "Look at us now, hanging out. It's different because we're all so busy, not because you've forgotten us."
"Well said." Remus clapped him on the shoulder. "Well said, my friend."
"Lily knows who you love the most, anyways." Sirius smirked at me.
"Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes. "You lot..." I paused, straightening up. "Look I know I have a girlfriend now, but that could never change the Marauders."
"We know, James." Remus snorted at me. "You're not abandoning us, you're in love. Stop being emotional."
"Sensitive baby," Sirius cooed as Remus tousled my hair affectionately.
"So you just miss me?" I grinned, slumping on the edge of Padfoot's bed.
"Everyday." He said solemnly, clapping a hand to my shoulder. "You're not here to catch the bugs and throw them out the window anymore. Peter can't be bothered, and Moony just laughs at me."
"Because you scream like a child." Rem laughed, sitting opposite us where Peter was chewing on a liquorice wand.
"Shut up." He replied gruffly, glancing to me. "I don't do that."
I grinned at him. "Sure, Padfoot."
"We also sleep in sometimes by accident." Wormtail sighed. "You were always so much better than our alarm clock."
"Wow. Thanks, Wormtail."
Moony grinned. "I had to actually learn how to use the bloody thing."
"I miss the way you used to do our laundry." Sirius sighed, folding his arms. "It was so much better when you took our hampers down every week."
"You even folded our underwear." Peter grinned.
"No one will ever fold my underwear like you, Prongs." Remus said sorrowfully.
"I s'pose Lily does it for you, now." Sirius grumbled offhandedly, turning away.
"Nah, I'm still on washing duty." I grinned at him, and he glanced back to me in surprise. "She tried to, but she doesn't fold things properly so I told her to go off and make use of herself."
Sirius stared at me for a moment before shaking his head. "You two have a weird relationship."
"Just because it's different, doesn't mean it's weird." Remus pointed out. Sirius glanced to him.
"Well Moony, you're both."
"Thanks, Sirius."
"Yeah, it's whatever."
"We actually ended up having sex on top of the laundry." I added mildly. Sirius and Remus snapped their heads back to me.
"I take back what I said." Sirius said, impressed.
"I hope you washed that load again." Remus snickered, accepting a liquorice wand from Peter.
"Yeah, almost forgot though." I slung a casual arm around Sirius's bare shoulders. "It's nice to be back here with the lads."
"Bet Lily doesn't fold the toilet paper for you." Sirius added rather haughtily, giving me a hopeful look.
"No," I mused. "Not like you, Padfoot."
"So she could never replace me."
"Never."
He grinned. "Dicks before chicks."
"But you never left love notes on my nightstand." I pointed out, giving him an unimpressed look as I  sipped on my whiskey.
Sirius tutted. "Whatever, I bet mine would be better anyways."
"Definitely."
"I miss your singing in the shower." Wormtail said to me with a dramatic sigh. "Christmas carols all year round."
"It is awfully quiet sometimes." Remus agreed, his shoulders slumping slightly as I grinned. "But then Sirius gets back and it's fine."
Padfoot puffed out his chest with a proud grin. "Yeah, that's right."
I spied a lonesome dart on his nightstand and reached for it with my free hand, turning to aim for the dartboard hanging from the bathroom door. Remus ducked out of the way and I gasped at him, affronted.
"Remus," I exclaimed indignantly. "I am a chaser."
"Just a precaution."
"Wanker." I squinted at the dart board, tongue poked out in concentration and hand steadying aim.
"Three," Wormtail announced in a booming voice. "Two - one -"
The dart flew from my hand, hitting the bullseye with a light thud. I grinned in triumph, lowering into a bow as Sirius cheered.
"Still the best, I see." I grinned, turning to scan the room for the other discarded darts.
"Bet." Sirius challenged with a daring grin.
Twenty minutes later after two winning rounds from yours truly, the Marauders had upgraded to a new and improved game of darts.
"This is dangerous." Remus was sighing, watching us with his arms folded and head tilted to the side.
"It's fine," I brushed off from where Sirius and I stood in the middle of the room, adjusting a broken lever of the crossbow Sirius had stolen from Hagrid in third year and forgotten about.
"I found this bad boy the other day," He was telling me with a grin as Wormtail snickered in the background. "I forgot I had it, it was under my bed."
"I shudder to think what else you found." Remus commented disdainfully, and I grinned.
"It wasn't that bad, actually." Padfoot mused.
"I wasn't asking."
"Well, since you're so curious," Sirius grinned at Remus, who rolled his eyes. "There were a few odd textbooks I never read, an old joint that I've been looking for for months, and some red velvet handcuffs."
"Classy." I grinned. "I'm sure Marly's been missing those."
"Well," Sirius frowned slightly, adjusting his grip on the cross bow and ducking slightly to squint into the lense. "Seeing as we've never used them...no, she hasn't."
"Good lord," Remus muttered as Peter choked on his whiskey.
"Ah." I gave the crossbow lever one last shove and it clicked into place. "Well, nevermind then."
"Yeah." Sirius frowned. Then his eyes lit up and he turned to me, grinning. "Want to borrow them?"
"No, thank you."
"They look clean," he added, causing Remus to mutter something blasphemous.
"Remus John Lupin!" I gasped. "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"No, she's never home." He replied casually, and Sirius snorted. He eyed the crossbow in our hands, watching as Padfoot poked his tongue out in concentration, fiddling with the strings.
"This is a very bad idea." He said eventually when I stepped back, watching Sirius proudly.
"Shut up Remus." He retorted, raising the crossbow slightly and squinting.
"This is a brilliant idea." I grinned, reaching for the whiskey I'd left sitting on Peter's dresser.
"If you behead me," Remus warned. "James, you're in charge of the funeral. And Sirius," he added, pointing an accusing finger at him. Padfoot turned to grin at him over a shoulder. "You have to tell my parents. And Lily. And Marlene. And everyone," he added, waving a dismissive hand. "That you killed me with a crossbow."
"Gladly." He said cheerfully, and I roared with laughter at the look on Remus's face.
"As long as I'm not the practise target." Peter grumbled. There was a quiet pause before Sirius and I looked to eachother with a shared growing grin, slowly turning back to Peter.
"No." Remus said before we could get a word out.
"Just an Apple," Sirius excused hastily as Peter's jaw dropped.
"Hey!" He exclaimed indignantly.
"Sirius, you are not using poor Peter as a practise target for your crossbow."
"We could use a larger fruit." I suggested, and Sirius snorted. "Like an orange, or...grapefruit." I slowly faded off at the look on Remus's face.
"Just an idea." Sirius grumbled as I sipped on my whiskey, trying to suppress my grin.
"A terrible idea."
"We've had worse." I grinned.
"Well, yes." Moony rolled his eyes. "This is bad enough, I can't believe I'm letting you two play crossbow darts. Drunk," he added, lifting his own whiskey to his lips.
"Eh." Sirius shrugged.
"More regrettable things have happened." I waved a dismissive hand, putting my whiskey down to help Sirius fix the last string. Moments later Remus was muttering some sort of prayer as Sirius cheered loudly for me. I lifted the cross bow to eye level, grinning widely and hoping that Lily wasn't about to walk in the door.
"Why have we never tried this?" I asked in wonder as Peter joined in the cheering, both of them now chanting my name.
"Potter, Potter, Potter -"
"There are so many reasons." Remus was the one to reply in a disdainful tone as I let the arrow fly, pulling the crossbow out of the way in time to see it hit the second ring around the bullseye.
"Could've been worse." Sirius said after a brief pause as the cheering slowly died down.
"I'll get it next time I just needed a practise turn." I insisted, watching Wormtail retrieve the arrow for me. "Thank you Wormtail, darling."
"You won't be fetching it for us like that when it's your turn to be the target." Padfoot grinned at him, tousling his hair with a free hand.
"If anyone has to be the target," Wormtail huffed irritably. "It's Prongs."
I lowered the crossbow slightly, turning to give him a look. "You're just mad because it's your fate."
"Yeah, stop trying to hand your responsibilities over to Prongs," Padfoot jumped in after draining the last drop of his whiskey, tossing it over his shoulder. It landed in our recycling bin with a loud clatter. "He's got enough on his plate."
"Shove off." Peter grumbled.
"Kidding, Wormtail." Sirius cranked open another whiskey, swigging deeply before adding, "Now find an apple."
"Get off it." Moony scolded defensively. "All poor Peter wants is a single moment of peace."
"Is it not more peaceful with me gone?" I asked in surprise. I was usually the one to come up with the ridiculous plans that Sirius eagerly embellished. We were the master minds, per say, while Wormtail cheered us on and Remus spent the entire time explaining to us why it was a terrible idea. After a few years he was now accustomed to protecting Peter from being convinced to join in with us. When Peter broke his arm from one of our pranks, Remus had insisted that 'enough was enough' in his best teachers voice.
We all burst out laughing for roughly ten minutes before McGonagall found us crying in the corridor at two in the morning.
"You sound old." Sirius said to Remus with a frown.
"Yeah." I agreed, giving him a disappointed look.
Remus rolled his eyes and grumbled something indistinguishable. Sirius and I exchanged a triumphant grin. This meant that Remus was grudgingly accepting our so called terrible idea, but if anyone dies, it's on us.
"Great, so we'll need fruit." Sirius rubbed his hands together eagerly.
"Just let me get this shot," I jerked my head towards the dartboard, raising the crowbar to eyelevel.
"2 sickles he makes it." Padfoot said in the background.
"2 he misses."
"2 he kills us all in the process."
"Shut up, Moony." I grinned, squinting in the lense. "This is kind of difficult with glasses."
"That's a pathetic excuse for your inadequacy." Sirius commented.
"You're a pathetic excuse."
There was a pause. "Well, yeah."
We all snorted, apart from Remus, who was still muttering something or other.
"Count down for me, Wormtail." I urged.
"Three," He said in the same booming voice. "Two - one - "
I let the arrow fly, hastily looking up and nudging my glasses up the bridge of my nose. I watched it pierce the bulls eye directly, followed by a splintering sound. The three boys cheered loudly, Wormtail hurrying to collect the arrow.
"2 sickles, boys." Sirius was smirking.
"I think you hit the wall," Peter grinned over his shoulder before yanking the arrow out of the board.
"Whoops." I glanced behind me from where I stood, roughly in the middle of the room.
"Maybe go from farther back." Remus suggested.
"Let's test Potter's distance co-ordination." Sirius had knocked back another whiskey and was now grabbing another, grinning at me manically.
"Honestly, these comments are getting ridiculous." I straightened up, accepting the arrow from Peter. "I am a chaser, you utter knob."
"The best chaser Hogwarts has seen in thirty years..." Peter lay a dramatic hand to his forehead and Remus snorted.
"Who said that?"
"Me." I grinned at him.
Another fifteen or so minutes passed, and the crossbow darts game had been upgraded yet again. I now had assigned areas to stand behind all around the room, and If I didn't make the target, I had to have a shot of tequila.
"Don't worry, it's watered down." Sirius lied through his grin when Remus protested. The look on my face after knocking back three had told him otherwise.
After making a bullseye from the far corner of the room, with no glasses, Sirius also took his own shot of tequila 'just for the hell of it.'
Remus eventually opened another whiskey to 'numb his anxiety.' He was soon grinning from ear to ear and cheering whenever I made the target, sweater forgotten on his bed.
"Moony is so fun after a drink." Sirius grinned at one point. They proceeded to do elegant ballet dancing for me whilst Peter sung opera, pausing to cheer when I made the bullseye.
After another ten minutes, Remus was back to shaking his head and telling us that what we were about to do was a terrible idea.
"Don't encourage them, Peter." Remus was groaning as Wormtail stumbled out our dorm in search for the fruit bowl that we kept on the coffee table of the common room.
"Moony," I said to him as Wormtail returned moments later with not only an apple, but the entire fruit bowl. "I'm going to need you to calm down."
"And shut up." Sirius called out drunkenly.
"And pull yourself together." Peter added, placing the fruit bowl on a chair.
"Lily's going to kill me." Remus mumbled to himself before tilting his head back and draining the last of his whiskey.
"Good lad." I grinned, adding "She'll kill us both, don't worry."
Soon I was standing against the wall with my arm outstretched and a large grapefruit in my palm.
"Sirius, why are you the one with the crossbow?" Remus exclaimed as he returned from the bathroom, eyes popping madly at what he was seeing. Padfoot barked a laugh from where he stood at the back of the room, lowering the crossbow to grin at me.
"I'm the target because It was my idea to play crossbow darts." I recited. "Also, I am far more drunk than him."
Remus glanced to me hesitantly. "True."
"No more bathroom breaks," Wormtail said to him as he sat down. "I need you to be here if something goes wrong, you know what I'm like under pressure."
"Good lord." Remus muttered, gripping onto the bed post.
"Ready?" Sirius called from the other end of the room, grinning at me over the top of the crossbow. I glanced to the grapefruit in my palm, wondering If I was about to die. I turned back to grin at him.
"I was born ready."
Wormtail cheered loudly, slowly fading off at the look Moony gave him. Padfoot disappear behind the lense, adjusting a few levers.
"Three," Wormtail began to countdown in that same booming voice, raising his whiskey. "Two - one - "
I extended my arm as far as I could from my body, squinting one eye shut as the arrow went flying. There was a loud thud and splintering of wood and I blinked, turning my head to see that it had been embedded into the wall inches above the grapefruit.
"That was a brilliantfirst shot," I said, impressed, as Wormtail cheered. Sirius tilted his head to the side slightly, lifting a hand to his bare hip.
"I've done better."
"Well, you didn't hit me."
"And that's always a relief!" Remus exclaimed rather hysterically. Peter yanked the arrow from the poor wall. Then,
"Again." Sirius demanded.
Moments later he was aligning the arrow with the grapefruit sitting in my palm, telling Remus to shut up for the millionth time.
"I just have to say it. This idea is ten times worse than the actual crossbow darts -"
"I couldn't give two fucks, Moony."
"Three," Peter's voice had become more and more high pitched as the number of empty whiskey bottles collectively increased. "Two -" A hiccup. "One -"
Sirius let the arrow fly, and this time I turned to watch it land as a loud flash and click told me that Remus had taken a photograph with Lily's camera. I blinked and the arrow had pierced the grapefruit's thick skin, pinning it to the wall behind me. I gaped at it while Sirius let out a roar of triumph, punching a fist into the air. Wormtail squealed with excitement and I tilted my head back to cheer loudly, grabbing my whiskey from the dresser and stumbling forwards to embrace Sirius. He threw an arm around me, the other raised in self praise while Peter continuously cheered. Remus raised the camera again and I grinned widely, lifting my whiskey as Sirius planted a kiss to my cheek.
"Fuck Marlene," He said hoarsely, wiping his mouth with the back of a hand. "Let's get married, Prongs."
"Okay." I grinned. "Lily can bugger off with her, they'll manage without us."
"That is how God intended it." Sirius said to me seriously as I dragged my head back to look at him. We stared at eachother for a moment before snorting loudly.
"What's next?" Wormtail exclaimed excitedly, hurrying towards us with the arrow in hand. Sirius and I shared another slow growing grin.
"Peter!" Remus wailed hopelessly, slumping back against his bed.
"Maybe we should give him a sleeping potion." Sirius suggested.
"Yeah, he'll get grey hairs from this." I agreed with a slight grimace, tilting my head to study him as he dragged himself up into a sitting position.
"You most definitely will not be giving me a sleeping potion." He said hotly. "Someone needs to be conscious to arrange your funeral!"
"Brilliant, thanks Moons." I grinned at him, clapping Sirius on the shoulder. He roared with laughter at the look on Remus's face, ushering me towards the wall that was now dotted with arrow holes.
"An apple!" Peter cried out, bowing lowly as he presented it to me. I saluted proudly, accepting the fruit.
"Thank you, my lovely darling Peter, the light of my life and soulmate - "
"James if you don't stand against the wall this instant I'm going to let this arrow fly and it will slice your neck open." Sirius called out, cutting me off entirely.
"Oh, sorry." I stepped back and flattened myself to the wall, arm extended far away from my body.
"My bad Prongs," He grinned at me, raising the crossbow to eye level. "It's not because I hate you, I can just sense that I'm quite trollied and I wasn't sure I could trust myself to keep still or accidentally kill you."
"Another reason that you should not be doing this." Remus was saying tonelessly as I grinned.
"It's fine Padfoot, things happen. If you killed me I'd forgive you."
"Oh, for fucks sake -"
"Hey, hey, hey." I cut in, voice slurring slightly. "This is a safe space, Moony."
He paused. "What?"
"You're not drunk enough." Peter said to him.
"He's not drunk enough." Sirius grinned at me overtop the crossbow.
"I am most definitely not drunk enough." Remus agreed, glancing to the half empty whiskey in his hand.
"Boring." I said to him. Then I turned back to a grinning Sirius, straightening up. "Fire away, Padfoot."
He raised the crossbow, shifting his feet slightly as he pulled back on the lever.
"BEHOLD!" He yelled out dramatically, flicking his raven locks of hair. "A -"
But then the door to our dormitory flew open with a loud bang. The four of us turned to the doorway to see Lily in her emerald green silk pyjamas, coming to a sudden halt. She looked at me, shirtless, standing in front of the wall with my arm extended and green apple ripe in my palm, to a shirtless Sirius, who stood ten metres away with a crossbow. Her bulging eyes then flitted to Remus, who sat on the edge of his bed and was guiltily trying to apologise "I'm sorry Lily, you know what they're like, they wouldn't listen -"
To Peter, who was contentedly eating the grapefruit Sirius had previously pinned to the wall.
"Oh." My lips tugged into a lazy grin as Lily's eyes darted back to me, her mouth hanging open. "Hello, darling."
"Darling?" Sirius exclaimed suddenly, yanking the crossbow from his face. "Is that you, Ginge? How - "
But Sirius's sentence was drowned out as the lever nudged against his chest, releasing the crossbow. I blinked at Lily and turned my head to watch in slow motion as Remus shot to his feet and yelled my name. The arrow barrelled directly towards me.
And shot clean into my bicep.
There was a shocked silence as I stared at the arrow protruding from my arm, vaguely aware of Peter's loud scream in the background and familiar shrieking that sounded like Lily.
"...Ow." I said as a sudden shooting pain rippled through my arm. I blinked in surprise, watching as a trickle of blood slid from the arrow.
"Oh shit," I heard Sirius exclaim, and slowly turned my head to see him drop the crossbow. "My bad Prongs, er - "
"YOUR BAD?" Lily was screaming, flaming hair flying behind her as she raced into the room. "YOUR BAD? YES IT'S YOUR BAD SIRIUS, YOU SHOT A FUCKING ARROW THROUGH MY BOYFRIEND'S ARM -"
"It was actually my idea," I recited with a drunken grin that made Remus swear loudly. Lily head snapped towards me and I recoiled into the wall at her furious expression.
"Don't even get me started with you." Her voice trembled as she lifted a shaking hand, pointing to my arm. I slowly turned to see another trickle of blood slide from the arrow. "You...you -"
"Merlin's pants, Merlin's pants -" Peter was wailing as Sirius drunkenly stumbled towards me.
"I knew this was a bad idea - " Remus was gripping handfuls of hair, shaking his head. "I knew this was a bad idea, such a terrible, stupid idea - "
"You're all as useless as eachother!" Lily was shrieking. "Remus, I trust you to not let these things happen!"
"I'm sorry." He whispered weakly, shaking his head. "I'm sorry Lily, I tried - "
"And Peter!" Lily was screaming now, flinging a hand towards a hysterical Wormtail who was now hyperventilating into his liquorice wand paper bag. "You know better than to encourage this - "
"Peter barely did anything," Sirius waved a dismissive hand. "He might have gotten the fruitbowl for us, but -"
"You," Lily hissed through gritted teeth, rounding on Sirius. She took a single step towards him and he backed away slowly, raising his arms in surrender.
"Ginge, I -"
"You could have KILLED HIM!" She shrieked, shoving her hands into his chest. "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF I WASN'T HERE, AND THAT ARROW WENT DIRECTLY INTO HIS HEART - "
"Sorry to interrupt," I said in a slightly slurred voice as the four different voices around me raised to several different tones of screaming, all blending into one sound of chaos. I stared at the arrow tail sticking out of my arm, watching as blood began to slide at a faster pace and my vision fog slightly. "But there is a very real arrow sticking out of my arm."
"Merlin's beard -"
"There is blood," I added as someone raced towards me, the soft hand on my chest telling me it was Lily. "and I can't really see anything."
"James, look at me."
"...Er, where is that?"
"You've killed James!" Wormtail shrieked in the background, followed by a distressed noise and what sounded like a whiskey being opened. There was another scream and then some yelling, followed by a loud curse.
"I'm right in front of you." Lily's voice had increased in octaves as she spoke. I felt her hands on my chest, and then my face, yanking me to look at her. I blinked, my blurry vision clearing enough to see her anguished expression.
"Hey, beautiful." I grinned drunkenly.
"You are the biggest fool I've ever met." She said in a hoarse whisper, shaking her head.
"So...do we take him to Pomfrey?"
There was a pause as Lily dragged her gaze away from me, turning to stare at Sirius.
"Are you fucking drinking?"
"Er -"
"Of course have to take him to Pomfrey, Sirius!" Peter was crying out. "There's an arrow in his arm!"
"There is an arrow in my arm." I repeated as Wormtail started to hyperventilate again.
"My point exactly." Sirius said in a relaxed tone. "He'll be fine, look at him."
There was a pause as I sensed everyone turn to face me. I grinned.
"Oh my god." Remus muttered, and Peter made a strangled whimpering sound.
"He is NOT fine, Sirius - "
"Calm down, alright? We just need to take him -"
"He is PINNED to the WALL by an ARROW!" Lily screamed at him. "Do not tell me to calm down, Black!"
"Am I?" I asked mildly, turning to squint at the arrow in my arm. It was indeed embedded into the oak wall behind my pierced flesh. "Huh. I am, too."
"My hand SLIPPED!" Sirius roared in reply, flailing his arms about. "THE SAFETY LOCK WASN'T ON, I-"
"THE SAFETY LOCK WASN'T ON?"
"It's not my sodding crossbow!" Sirius yelled in frustration. "I don't know how it works! What the hell do you want me to do, heal him?"
"Hmmm, well for starters I was thinking you could APOLOGISE, for SHOOTING my BOYFRIEND!"
"For Godric's sake, Ginge, he told you himself it was his idea -"
"Maybe," Remus interrupted angrily. "Instead of yelling at eachother, we could maybe try and get the arrow out of our friend's arm."
"That would be nice," I mumbled, vaguely noticing the shooting pain increase and pulse slightly.
"Shit, shit, shit - "
"Everyone, stay calm, alright?"
"There is nothing to stay calm about, Sirius!" Lily was screeching again as she hurried towards me, hands on my face. "James, my love, can you hear me? Are you in pain? Oh my god, look at you -"
"What d'you mean? I look great." I grinned at her, wincing slightly as my arm shifted and the arrow twisted slightly. "Ow."
"Don't move," She urged, voice strangled and high pitched.
"I am not trying to."
"Christ above, the blood -"
"Did it get on you?" I mumbled, blinking against the blurriness in my eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean -"
"What the fuck is he saying?" Sirius muttered in the background.
"He is drunk and bleeding, Sirius."
"You fucking shot me, Padfoot." I mumbled.
"So that's why you can't feel anything." Lily muttered. "Alright." She took a deep breath. "James, ordinarily you're supposed to keep the object in if you're healing a wound, but with magic, it's slightly different."
I nodded, not understanding.
"Are you healing him yourself?" Sirius yelped in the background.
"I'm removing the arrow." Lily's voice was steady. "And then, depending on...what happens, we're taking him to the hospital wing. Immediately."
"Slight problem." Sirius cut in mildly. "Er, he's utterly sloshed out of his mind."
"Oh, his birthday is next month." Lily flapped a hand. "He's injured, Poppy won't give a flying shit he's practically her adopted Headboy son."
"She's right." Remus mumbled.
"Can't we take him now?" Peter asked fearfully. Lily shook her head, hesitating.
"He's... quite literally pinned to the wall." A pause. "If I move him with the arrow in his arm...-"
"Oh." Someone said.
"That would hurt." Another voice.
"Yes, it would." Lily said faintly, glancing to me.
"...I'm going to vomit." Someone mumbled.
"Bathroom." Lily ordered, pointing in the direction of the door as Peter stumbled past.
"What can I do?" Remus was asking anxiously as Lily's hands slid to my arm, compressing slightly. I blinked again and Sirius was there, grinning at me.
"Want a whiskey?"
"Sirius, will you shut up?" Remus exclaimed.
"No, that might actually be a good idea." Lily said, turning to me. "This is going to hurt, even if you are drunk - but the whiskey will help."
"Brilliant." I mumbled.
"Oh." Remus paused. "Sirius, go get a whiskey."
He rolled his eyes. "That's what I thought."
A moment later Sirius and Remus were each squeezing one of my hands as Peter poured whiskey into my open mouth. Lily stood with her hands compressing either side of the wound, murmuring to herself.
"Do you have the linen?" She asked no one in particular.
"Right here." Remus was the one to reply, giving my injured arm hand a squeeze.
"Warm water?"
"On the dresser." Peter said in a strangled voice, halting his whiskey pouring.
"Okay." Lily took a deep breath and I dragged my eyes to her.
"Hello, beautiful."
"This is going to hurt." She warned me, reaching a hand to grip my face. "I can't pull it out straight away. I have to snap off the end, which means..." she winced, and that was real physical pain flickering in her eyes. "Which means that you're going to have to slide forwards slightly."
I took a deep breath and nodded.
"How are you going to snap the end off?" Sirius asked in wonder. There was a brief silence.
"I hadn't thought of that."
"If you use magic it could easily cut him." Remus offered helpfully. "You'd have to be very careful."
Lily swore. "Okay, okay...-"
"I have a saw." Sirius said suddenly. My eyes dragged to him, and he grinned at me. "Muggle studies, remember?"
"Of course you have a saw." Lily muttered. "Why, I don't want to know."
"Yeah, and it has a yellow handle with -"
"Just go and get the bloody thing." Remus snapped at him. Sirius gave him a look and muttered
"That was rude," before disappearing. He returned moments later, handing Lily what looked like a large, teethed knife.
"That looks sharp." I said in a slurred voice, frowning. Lily looked at me then, her face drained of blood.
"I'm not using it on you." She scowled. "I'm going to saw the end of the arrow off."
"Great." I loosed a deep breath. "Excellent."
"Brilliant." Sirius offered.
"Okay. I'm ready." I grinned at Lily, who watched me with wide eyes. "Just kiss me first."
"What?"
"Kiss me."
Lily rolled her eyes at me and let go of her grip on my face. "I'm not going to kiss you, James."
"I'd kiss you if I were your girlfriend, Prongs." Sirius muttered to me, and Lily scowled.
"How would you feel," I slurred. "If I died in this room, and you denied me my last wish of a kiss from my beautiful girlfriend?"
"You're not dying, you idiot, you have an arrow in your arm." She snapped.
"Kiss me."
There was a pause as Lily turned to stare at me for a moment before sighing. She grabbed my face again and stretched onto her tippy toes to kiss me full on the mouth.
"Better?" She asked hotly, and I grinned.
"I can now die peacefully. I always knew you'd give in to me, Evans."
Lily rolled her eyes. "James, this will hurt, alright? But I need you to move your arm forwards."
"Is that really -"
"Yes Remus, I have studied this."
"Goodluck, mate." Sirius muttered to me with a grimace.
"On my count," Lily said to me, holding my gaze.
I nodded once, closing my eyes with a deep breath.
"I will always love you, Prongs." Sirius said to me as Lily braced her hands on my arm.
"One,"
"I can't watch." Someone whispered.
"Two,"
"Don't wet yourself, Peter."
"Three."
I clenched my jaw and grit my teeth, hissing slightly as I very slowly slid my arm forwards on the embedded arrow. Panting heavily I paused, opening a single eye to see Lily wincing.
"It's not enough." She bit down on her lip, glancing to me. "One more."
I loosed a deep breath and nodded again.
"You can do it, Prongs." Sirius squeezed my hand. "Deep breaths, do it with me - in, and out."
I nodded again, copying his breaths as he raised and dropped his hand like a yoga instructor.
I tugged again, this time letting out a strangled groan through gritted teeth.
"Okay, stop - stop James, that's enough -"
I bit my lip, feeling my face crumple in pain. "That was fucking terrible."
"What can I do?" Remus was asking Lily as I opened my eyes. She glanced to him and hesitated.
"Do you want to do it or shall I?"
Sirius gave me an incredulous look and muttered rather sneakily, "No one asked me."
"You're pissed as a horse, that's why." I said hoarsely.
"I'll do it." Remus took a deep breath, nodding once. "I'll do it."
"Okay." Lily looked relieved. "I'll hold him." She looked to me again. "Stay still. If you move, Remus will chop off your arm."
"Brilliant." I mumbled faintly, closing my eyes at the throbbing pain extending throughout the right side of my body. Sirius began to distract me by talking about Lily's boobs as the sawing began, each motion rocking my arm slightly. I winced at the sensation and rough sound of wood being cut down.
"Just imagine your face buried in them," Sirius was saying to me, voice raising slightly over the sound of Remus's sawing.
"Really, Sirius?" Lily was muttering.
"My face is buried in them," I mumbled. "Like two beautiful mountains before me."
Sirius choked on what sounded like a laugh. "Yeah, sure. Okay, two big mountains. Now, think of her nipples -"
I made a strangled moaning sound then and he paused.
"Was that from the pain or were you thinking about her nipples?" Sirius asked me amusedly.
"It was a bit of both."
"Well, that's great. Okay, two perfect nipples -"
"Done." Remus panted suddenly, and the sawing sensation halted. I exhaled a breath of relief, wrenching my eyes open to see the arrow head embedded into the wall behind me, leaving the rest of the arrow speared through my arm like a kebab.
"Wow." I said faintly.
"I need to pull it out," Lily said to me, gripping my chin. "Okay? I need you to let me pull it out. You're doing brilliantly," she added weakly, scanning my face. "Just...keep thinking about my nipples."
I grinned at her tiredly. "Well, if I have to."
She rolled her eyes.
"Wormtail," I mumbled, turning my head in search for him. "Do the countdown for me one last time."
Remus muttered something that I chose to ignore, tilting my head to accept the whiskey Peter offered. I swallowed a few mouthfuls and nodded once, resting my head against the wall.
"Okay." Wormtail took a deep breath. "Three."
At this point Sirius has started singing 'Yesterday,' by the Beatles.
"Two - "
"Suddenly," Sirius sung dramatically, clinging onto my hand. "I'm not half the man I used to be -"
"Three -" Wormtail's voice became hoarse, and a loud curse slid from my lips as Lily tugged on the arrow. A blinding pain shot through my entire arm and shoulder, and I felt a trail of hot, sticky blood coat my skin. The smell of it threatened to choke me as another jolt of pain coursed through me, and soon it was a constant ache that had me hissing through gritted teeth.
"Fuck me," I groaned, vaguely sensing Remus squeeze my hand. Lily was now panting, the stabbing pain residing for the briefest of seconds before she tugged again.
"Thanks for the offer Prongs, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline." Sirius was saying to me. "Marlene wouldn't be happy with me."
I gave a choked laugh which soon turned into a hoarse yell as one of Lily's hands gripped onto my arm.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry - " She kept repeating in a frantic voice.
"Whiskey," I yelled through my teeth. 'WHERE IS THE WHISKEY?"
"Oh my days," Sirius was exclaiming as Peter tilted the emptying bottle of whiskey into my mouth. I gulped it down like water, not caring that it splashed onto my chin and neck, gladly escaping the blinding pain in my arm.
"It's empty." Wormtail said fearfully as I wrenched my eyes open to see Lily give one final yank. I watched the arrow slide free from my arm, a sudden whoosh of blood flowing onto her hands.
"I'm sorry," I was groaning as she cursed, dropping the arrow to the floor. "I'm sorry Lily, your hands were so pretty and clean -"
"Linen!" She exclaimed rather frantically, holding out a bloodied hand. I blinked and Lily was mopping the blood on my arm with a warmed strip of white cloth, revealing a large hole in my bicep.
"That'll leave a gnarly scar, mate." Sirius was saying to me eagerly.
I watched Lily accept another piece of linen from Remus, now tying a knot around the base of my shoulder.
"Are you cutting it off?" I asked her fearfully.
"It's to halt the bleeding." She said in a trembling voice, lifting another ripped piece of linen to compress the wound. "I'm going to get you to lie down, okay?"
"Please don't chop it," I begged as Remus and Sirius both shifted their hands to my back, helping me move from where I stood flattened against the wall. "Minnie will never forgive me, we have a match next week -"
"Of course you're thinking about Quidditch," She breathed in my ear as Wormtail gripped onto my feet. "We're going to lift you up, alright?"
"Mmmhm."
Seconds later I was being hauled to the floor, Wormtail grunting at the weight.
"Someone get him a pillow -"
There was a sudden bang and pattering of footsteps as my body connected with the hard wooden floorboards of my old dormitory.
"What on earth is - " The voice abruptly cut off.
"Merlin's summer bloomers."
Someone screamed, and I thought it might be Alice as another familiar voice cursed loudly.
"He's fine," Sirius assured them as I dragged my eyes open, my blurry vision slowly adjusting to the ceiling.
"Fine?" Someone repeated faintly.
"I've been better." I admitted to Sirius and he grinned at me with a pat on the shoulder.
"Would someone like to tell me what the fuck is going on?" Marlene demanded as I dragged my head upwards to see Lily wiping my arm with another ripped piece of linen, this time dry.
"Sirius thought it would be a good idea to shoot my boyfriend in the arm with a crossbow." Lily said in a terrifyingly calm voice, and Sirius spluttered.
"How many times do I have to tell you? It was his idea!"
"Says the man with a crossbow."
"You shot James?" Marlene shrieked at him.
"We were playing crossbow darts!" Sirius shouted in reply. "My hand slipped, okay?"
"You were playing what?" Lily exclaimed furiously, snapping her head to stare at him. Sirius flung a finger at me.
"It was his idea!"
"It was my idea." I recited with a grin.
"And you let him?" Alice asked in outrage, the three girls spinning to face Remus.
"I tried to stop them!" He wailed, throwing his arms in the air. "I'm sorry!"
"It's fine, Lily's a healer." Sirius grinned at her. "Aren't you, Ginge?"
"Someone do me a favour and hex him." She growled without taking her eyes away from my arm.
"Hey, Padfoot?" I mumbled, dragging my eyes to him. He looked away from Lily, an instant grin on his face.
"Yeah, Prongs?"
"I don't think I can marry you anymore." I confessed, voice slurring. "Lily is so good at healing me, I don't think I would last five minutes without her."
"Fair enough, Prongs." Sirius grinned at me as Marlene asked someone what the hell I was talking about.
"I love her too much." I sighed. "Also, she gives really good blowjobs."
Sirius tilted his head back and roared with laughter.
"As if you'll be getting one of those anytime soon." Lily muttered and I grinned, the sound of Sirius's hysterical laughter filling the dormitory.
"The bleeding isn't heavy." Lily was muttering to herself. I glanced down to see her wrapping the wound with a larger strip of dry linen. "Okay." She looked up to me, her ashen face tight with concentration. "I'm going to take you to Pomfrey now."
"Yay." I grinned tiredly, closing my eyes. "My favourite woman. Next to you, of course." I added when Sirius made a dramatic 'oooh' sound.
"Be quiet, James." Lily said tiredly. I grinned at her, looking upwards as Peter lifted my head, placing a pillow on the floor beneath me.
"Thanks Wormtail. I love you."
"I love you more, Prongs."
I gave a contented sigh and closed my eyes, feeling suddenly drunkenly overwhelmed with the blinding pain that ripped through my shoulder every passing moment.
The last thing I heard before I was consumed by darkness was Sirius muttering,
"I bet I could've made that shot if you hadn't come in, Evans."
There had been a loud slapping sound and angry yell, before I'd blissfully sunk into oblivion.
"I don't get paid enough for this." A sharp voice was saying as the world slowly came back into focus. There were more voices, and a familiar muffled laugh that made me drag my eyes open.
"Hey, Prongs." Sirius grinned down at me from the end of the bed I was tucked into. I frowned, blinking slowly.
"You're in the hospital wing."
My eyes darted to my left, where Lily sat. Her hands cupped my own, giving me a tight squeeze as I met her eyes.
"Hello, darling."
She sighed slightly, and I thought she might be resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "Hello, James."
"Idiots." Someone muttered, and I glanced up to see Remus standing behind her. He was shaking his head, dark eyes shadowed. Lily smiled, giving me another squeeze.
"Yeah," She sighed, scanning my face. "but you're my idiots."
Sirius made a strange spluttering sound, and we all turned to him. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me, Evans."
Lily pursed her lips.
"Potter."
I tore my gaze from her beautiful face to where Madam Pomfrey stood on my right, hands on her hips with a stern expression.
"Poppy!" I exclaimed dramatically, flashing her my best grin. "Hello my love, how have you been?"
"I've been better." She gave me a cold look. "Before I woke up in the middle of the night to you baffoons banging around the hospital wing."
"That was just Sirius." Moony offered remorselessly, and Padfoot gaped at him, affronted.
Poppy flapped a hand. "Lily did the right thing in removing the arrow, but I'm afraid I must now heal it. Which will hurt," she added, not sounding very sorry at all.
"What's a bit of pain?" I drawled.
"Insolent boy." She tutted. "Now, put your head down."
"But -"
"Lie down, or I will make you."
"Sounds kinky." I winked at her, giving a rasped chuckle at the look on her face. "Alright, alright..." I slowly lay back against the pillow, bracing myself.
"Squeeze my hand." Sirius urged, and I did, reaching out to him at the end of my bed. Then I found Lily with my left hand and clenched my eyes shut. I heard her breath hitch as she whispered,
"I'm sorry."
Madam Pomfrey didn't count down like Wormtail before a jet of blinding pain shot through me. I let out a bellow of pain and grit my teeth, squeezing Sirius and Lily's hands so hard I wouldn't be surprised if they fell off.
"Oh my god," I heard someone mutter.
"Why is he in so much pain?" Sirius demanded as I screamed through my teeth, slamming my head back into the pillow.
"I am healing the tissue." Poppy replied sharply, adding no further elaboration.
"You're doing great, James." Remus offered in a strained voice as I groaned, wrestling against Madam Pomfrey's restricting arm.
"I think I'm going to vomit again." Was the last thing I heard before darkness consumed me, and I was falling, falling, falling -
"I think he's awake."
"Foolish, foolish boys." Madam Pomfrey's stern voice was lowered to a mutter from somewhere to my right.
"Is that you Poppy?" I managed to drawl, slowly dragging my eyes open.
"Be quiet, you." She snapped as someone sniggered in the background, followed by a light thud.
"I don't know how you let them do this." I heard Lily's angelic voice and I smiled to myself.
"Well, Miss. Evans, you did a fine job." Poppy was saying as I dragged my head up to see that I lay atop one of the farthest beds from the entryway, naked besides my Gryffindor boxers.
"Why can't I feel anything?" I asked suddenly. "Did you chop it?"
"Madam Pomfrey decided that you'd endured enough pain. Sirius convinced her to give you pain relief." Lily said instantly and muttered, "imbecile."
I grinned, eyes darting towards my numb arm. A coin sized red welt could be seen in the centre of my bicep.
"Liar." Sirius said, and I glanced to him. He was grinning at me from his seat at the end of my bed. "It was Lily, she was panicking."
My eyes darted to her. Lily's cheeks warmed.
"You were worried about me, weren't you?" I teased, and she immediately scowled.
"Sirius shot you in the arm, James, of course I was worried."
"Thank Merlin nothing vital was hit." Madam Pomfrey was saying in a sharp voice, prodding something with her wand. I turned to see her tap the round scarring with the tip of her wand, watching in fascination. I had no feeling below my shoulder, the entire length of my arm numb. "You would have bled like a pig. Of course, It would have been fine, but still..." She gave me a sharp look. "Don't look so smug, young man. You are not as impressive as you think."
"You're an idiot, is what." Lily was grumbling in the background. "Gave me a right heart attack."
"It is kind of funny, Ginge." I heard Sirius say, and snorted.
"Yeah in a week, maybe." She snapped in reply. "You are all such dimwitted trolls sometimes, how can I leave him with you alone ever again? And not even with Rem?"
"At least nothing broke." Sirius said mildly. There was a pause before Remus said hoarsely,
"To be honest Padfoot, I'd rather break my arm than get shot by an arrow."
I grinned while both Madam Pomfrey and Lily scowled.
"Are my lovely ladies here?" I asked the room, tilting my head backwards in search for any familiar faces.
"No," Lily said in a sharp voice. "They went to bed."
"To bed?" I asked in surprise.
"It's three." Peter said glumly.
"Oh." I grimaced. "Sorry for interrupting your beauty sleep, Poppy."
"And the entirety of the Gryffindor tower, for that matter." Lily hissed in reply.
"Your screaming was a large factor of that."
"Don't even talk to me, Sirius."
"Sorry."
"Did someone at least send word that no one was dying?" I asked amusedly, lifting my head to see Sirius sitting with his arms folded, both Remus and Peter sitting side by side on the neighbouring bed. Lily remained squeezing my left hand from her seat, brushing her thumb over my palm in a soothing motion.
"I love you." I grinned at her. She heaved a sigh and looked up to the ceiling in response.
"Goodluck with that one." Sirius muttered to me, making Lily scowl.
"So," I glanced around. "Anyone? Did you send word?"
"Yeah." Sirius waved a distracted hand. "Osborne thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard."
"He would." I grinned as Madam Pomfrey straightened up.
"That will hurt tomorrow." She warned me, flicking her wand over a shoulder. "I've left some pain relief on your nightstand, but I'm in half a mind to keep it with me."
"He would deserve that." Lily muttered.
"Can I leave tonight?" I asked casually, blowing a strand of hair from my eyes. Poppy rolled her eyes as a large sheet of bandage and a few other little accessories levitated to my bedside.
"Yes, Potter, you may leave. After I give you a  sling." She added with a sharp look.
"A sling?" I asked incredulously as Sirius barked a loud laugh. "Really?"
"Like I said," Poppy ripped into the fabric so violently that I flinched. "It will hurt in the morning. You mustn't put any pressure on it for two days. No, Potter." She added when I opened my mouth to protest. "I don't want to hear it. If you want to play in that Quidditch match next week -" My jaw dropped. "- you'll need two days in a sling."
I groaned loudly while Sirius laughed his head off, ignoring Lily's devilish glare.
"So you don't want to play Quidditch?" Madam Pomfrey prodded skeptically, raising her eyebrows.
"No!" I exclaimed hastily, jerking my head upwards. "I mean yes, yes! I'll wear the sodding sling."
"And you are sorry for interrupting my sleep for the millionth time."
I pursed my lips. "I am truly, deeply sorry for interrupting your sleep for the millionth time, Poppy."
"And you will look after yourself."
I loosed a deep sigh, reciting "and I will look after myself."
"And not be an imbecile."
I rolled my eyes. "Is that necessary?"
When Poppy merely glared at me with wide eyes and a stern expression I grinned and shook my head.
"Fine. I promise not to be an imbecile, my dear Poppy. Better?"
She sighed, straightening up and continuing her work with the sling. "No, but it'll do."
Five minutes later my arm was tightly wrapped in a white sling, the vile of pain remedy in Lily's pyjama pocket.
"Anything else I need to worry about?" I grinned up at Madam Pomfrey from where I sat on the edge of my bed. She frowned at me, dusting her hands off on the sides of her light blue robe.
"No. But you can say goodbye to that cursed crossbow." She gave Sirius a sharp look. "I'm sure Hagrid will be relieved to see it."
"You told her?" Sirius demanded of Remus in outrage, spinning on his heels.
"You shot James!" He retorted in equal incredulity, pointing at me. Sirius stared at him for a moment.
"Yeah, that's fair."
"I owe you my life," I promised Madam Pomfrey as she tightened her robe with a disapproving glance at me.
"The day you leave this school will be the first good nights sleep I've had in seven years." Was all she said before shuffling towards her office, the sound of Sirius's sniggers filling the air.
The five of us made our way back to the Gryffindor common room, Sirius and I still in nothing but briefs. Lily accompanied us to the boys dormitory, banishing the bloodied linens and snapped arrow before I had a chance to see them. I staggered over to my four poster bed and sunk into the mattress, watching Peter and Remus tiredly drag themselves to Moony's bed opposite mine. I let out a long sigh, rolling my head upwards to face Lily. She had halted in the middle of the room and was watching me with a deep frown, arms folded tightly.
"Hello, my love."
She arched a single eyebrow, but I saw her lip twitch slightly and grinned.
"Here we go." Sirius muttered underneath his breath, cowering away from Lily as she turned to glower at him. He joined Peter and Remus on Moony's bed, the three of them watching us with expressions of fear mixed with amusement. I dragged my gaze back to Lily in her emerald satin pyjamas, auburn hair tied up in a knot and feet snug in fluffy slippers.
"Am I in trouble?"
"Take a guess." She replied shrewdly.
"No?" I asked her weakly. She pursed her lips.
"Take another guess."
"...Just for the night?"
Lily sighed and let her arms drop to her sides. "I don't know, James."
I watched her walk over to me in slight fear, feeling myself relax at the hand she slid around my good shoulder.
"You reek of sweat and whiskey." She wrinkled her nose as I leaned in to kiss her forehead.
"And you smell like heaven." I grinned at her, knowing fully well that she was utterly furious with me.
"I hate you sometimes." She mumbled, tilting her chin to gaze up at me. "Drunk, arrogant fool. I can't believe I left Remus in charge and he still let this happen."
A tired sigh from Remus. "I'm so sorry, Lily."
"You can never leave a Marauder in charge." Sirius grinned at her. "You know better."
"Yeah, well." She rolled her eyes. "I thought one night would be fine."
"Still love me?" I teased, laughing as she pouted and reluctantly allowed me to kiss her cheek.
"What would you do without me?" She replied, giving me a pointed look. "Now I'm going to bed, before any of you come up with another clever idea to get yourselves killed."
"G'night, my love." I grinned, giving her a tight squeeze. "Please forgive me."
"Maybe."
"Night, Lily." Peter said glumly, followed by an indistinguishable sound from Remus, who was slumped back against my bed.
"Goodnight, Ginge." Sirius grinned at her, swooping forwards to kiss her cheek before she could duck out of the way. Lily swatted his arm and scowled, failing to hide her smile.
"I love you!" I called after her as she padded towards the doorway, waving over her shoulder. "Are you going to break up with me?"
"Ask me in the morning!" I heard her muffled yell from the stairs before the door slammed shut.
I grinned, grasping onto Sirius's drawers to stabilise myself.
"I thought she might kill me." He admitted, scratching the back of his head.
"She could've hexed you at the very least." I grinned at him, and he laughed.
"She slapped me good, Prongs. Right here," He added when I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Sirius pointed to his left cheek, and I noticed that it was tinged a slight pink.
"That's my girlfriend." I grinned.
Some fifteen minutes later we lay in our single four poster beds, the dormitory pitch black and silent. It felt strange shifting my leg to the side and not feeling Lily's soft touch or warm skin against mine, nor her tickling breath on my neck. Even more strange was that if I moved my foot another inch it would dangle off the tiny bed I'd spent six years sleeping in.
"Well." I sighed at one point, staring up into the canopy darkness. "That'll make a good story."
"True." Peter snorted.
"'What's that scar from, Dad'?" Sirius mimicked in a high pitched voice from a bed over. "Well son, one upon a time when we were young and even more irresistibly handsome, your godfather shot me in the arm."
I laughed loudly. "That's exactly how it'll go."
"Fools." Remus muttered.
"It could've been worse." Padfoot said casually.
"How on earth could it have been worse, Sirius?" He demanded from the darkness.
"Well, he could've died." It was silent for a moment before we both snorted loudly.
"That is worse." I grinned.
"Ah." Sirius paused. "Sorry for shooting you, Prongs."
"S'okay, Padfoot." I sighed. "I still love you."
"Could've happened to anyone."
There was another pause before we snorted again, Remus grumbling somewhere in the background.
A sudden muffled shriek pierced the air and I snapped my head towards Sirius's bed.
"What is it now?" Remus demanded.
"...There's a spider above me."
"What kind of spider?" I snorted at his terror.
"It's big. And black."
"That's what she said." Peter whispered from the darkness. Sirius made a strangled noise.
"That was a good one, Pete. I would laugh, but I'm paralysed with terror."
"Is it on your bed frame?" I asked amusedly.
"Yes."
"Well, you shot me." I snorted. "I'm not getting up."
"That's fair." A muffled curse. "Moony, will you kill it for me?"
"Is it trying to hurt you, Sirius?" Remus asked tiredly.
"It is on my bed and it is hurting my heart."
I fumbled in the darkness for my wand and murmured quietly "Engorgio."
There was a loud, horrified shriek from Sirius's bed, followed by a sequence of terrified screams that made me laugh so hard until I was crying into my pillow.
"JAMES," Sirius screeched as Remus's laughter started to come out in rasped wheezes. "I AM GOING TO DESPISE YOU, FOREVER -"
"Yeah, well, you shot me."
"This is karma, Sirius." Remus said to him and I grinned.
"Engorgio."
Sirius's following scream of horror was louder than the rest.