All Of Me | A Jily Love Story

Chapter Sixteen: Reality Calls

- JAMES -

I did not sleep that night.
I knew that as soon as I threw open her bedroom door, as soon as found her crying and screaming in her tangled web of covers - that I was never, ever going to get over Lily Evans.
It was pathetic, really. Even when I was going to be forty and married with children, I knew that I would think of Lily Evans and hesitate. Contemplate a different life; a better one.
Every morning when she had her cup of tea, she sipped it gently even though she knew it was too hot. She ended up holding out her burnt tongue with her fingers, yelping in pain.
On the occasion that she was confused, she scratched her left eyebrow and got a little crease in her forrid. Everytime she smiled, her little dimples winked at me cheekily.
She hates cooked carrots, the taste of them makes her want to vomit.
Something she loves more then anything in the entire world is sitting down to watch the sunset at the beach.
Seeing her so broken had shattered a piece of my heart. Lily was incredibly, undeniably strong. Hearing her talk about feeling stupid for being upset was a genuine eye opener. I'd never seen her falter, not once - apart from when I'd been in the hospital wing from Snape.
The sad 'coincidence' was that both of these incidents were caused by the devil himself. Snape'd hurt her far more then he ever realised or cared.
The feeling I'd gotten when I held her small body in my bare arms, feeling her sobs shake against me...it was indescribable. The feeling tore my soul to pieces and mended it simultaneously. I had held Lily until she stopped crying, until her trembling body was empty of grief. I had stroked her hair and wiped away those tears, murmuring the comforting words that she offered so much and received so little. I had cradled Lily Evans in my arms, broken - and so, so tired. Because of a low life, lying, greedy, selfish, repulsive bastard who not only tried to kill me, but had intentionally hurt Lily. Someone who he vowed to love and care for.
In the most despicable, cruel way possible. The moment I'd turned around that corner, the moment I heard Sirius's yell, I hadn't given a flying fuck what happened to me. I didn't care who else was there, what people would say -
I looked at Lily in that moment and saw the single tear roll down her cheek as she gave up any last ounce of hope. I looked at Snape and saw his tongue in her mouth, his hand inside of her -
If Sirius hadn't warned been there to hold me back the way he always did, I swear I would have fucking killed Severus Snape.
I'd never, ever felt anger to that extent. Seeing him lay his filthy hands upon Lily's pure skin, darkness of hell on the halos of heaven...It had ignited a roaring fire inside me that I hadn't known had existed. I shuddered to think what would have happened if Sirius and I had not been heading down to the empty classrooms at that precise second. Watching Snape hurt her had been sickening and agonising enough; I couldn't even imagine being inside her head, feeling her terror.
Days later, it still haunted me.
And It would likely still haunt me until the day I died, I was almost certain of it. Being hurt, being betrayed, it was a different kind of pain to watching the one you loved being treated with that same behaviour. I couldn't understand it. How someone so pure and giving could be beaten so thoroughly with life's hardships. Not only had she lost a best friend forever, but he'd taken something from her that very same night.
Despite it all, since that horrific day - something between me and Lily had changed.
She had expressed her feelings to me so openly, had been so raw with me. She had cried, cried and cried while I'd intently listened, absorbing every single word. It meant more to me than she could ever know. I would never forget that night; the way I'd gripped her in my arms, the way her voice broke when she'd admitted she had given up. Never in a million years, would I forget.
It was almost like I'd fallen in love with her all over again.

...

It was Sunday morning. Marlene and I found ourselves hovering about in the library precariously, cautious of any wrong moves that might set odd Madam Pince. She had forced me to come with her so that we could find the new Quidditch book that the librarian herself had released yesterday, called: Quidditch through the the ages, by Kenith..Something.
We were searching for new tactics to use against Slytherin in our upcoming game. They had training today, so we took the opportunity to happily criticise them from the common room window - like we did every week. The only slight thing about this situation was, that - well, I'd sort of gotten a life long ban from the library in fifth year for setting Madam Pince's hair on fire. Just a wee bit problematic.
Which, explained why I was currently hovering nervously at Marly's side disguised by my invisibility cloak, while she scanned the shelves impatiently.
"Third time around. Can't find it." She grumbled, sighing deeply and causing a strand of hair to flutter from her face. "I bet you one of the snakes got it out."
"You're probably right, there." I replied, shrugging - and even though she couldn't see that, it was habit.
"Agh. I suppose I'll have to go ask Madam Pince..." She sighed deeply, biting down on her lip. "Oh, where are you?" She shot to her right, no where near where I stood behind her.
"Um, I'm not coming with!" I whispered frantically, thinking of how horrific Pince's reaction would be If she caught me scanning her precious shelves. Marlene merely rolled her eyes to herself and muttered something that sounded like 'bloody whimp', before promptly disappearing behind the shelves.
I glanced up to the ceiling, clicking my tongue. The library was much too silent for me, anyways, it was almost eery. I honestly didn't understand why people enjoyed to study in here, all alone...Merlin, how utterly boring.
"And..well - I was thinking of talking to him again." I suddenly heard a familiar voice float through the thickly binded book stacks. From the muffled sound, it seemed as though It were  coming from the row behind. I pressed my ear against the bindings to hear better, until I realised that the girl who's voice was familiar wouldn't see me anyway -
But right on time Marlene skipped around the corner, a shiny book in the crook of her arm.
"I got it!" She exclaimed happily, holding out the blue flashing book and looking around for me, slightly confused. I stifled a laugh as she frowned, huffing and searching for where I could possibly be standing. I hastily reached a hand out from beneath the cloak and seized the book, shhhhing her. I gripped her arm with my other hand and yanked her behind the shelf, feeling like a bit of an idiot.
"Oi!" She she hissed indignantly, pulling her hand away. "Paws off, Potter."
I anxiously whispered for her to be quiet, and poked my finger out from under the cloak to gesture to the voices.
"..I was thinking, maybe I should actually ask him out this time, you know? Just so I'm clear on what I want. Maybe he'll understand better." Jessica Vane's confident, boasting voice floated through the pages and dusty wood, a puddle of dread pooling into my belly. Marlene snorted, and had to stifle a giggle - so I smacked my hand over her mouth, hissing for her to remain quiet. If we got caught, we wouldn't get out for hours yet.
"I dunno, Jess..maybe he just doesn't think of you like that..." Someone else whispered in reply, sounding rather impatient.
"That's Meridith. Vane's 'BFF'." Marly, who had pushed my hand off her mouth, drawled.
By the sound of it, Meredith was obviously aware of what everyone else in the school knew - that I just wanted Jessica Vane to bugger off.
I voiced these thoughts to Marly and she sniggered, nodding in agreement.
"Well..I think he's starting to fancy me. I swear we had serious eye contact the other day." Vane replied haughtily, defensively.
"Yeah," I breathed in Marly's ear. "If 'accidentally stepping on my foot' at lunch yesterday counts as eye contact."
She almost choked. "I can't stay here any longer." She whispered, tapping her foot upon the ancient creaky wooden floorboards.
"Wait til they leave, or we'll be here forever." I warned her, my mind already running over each traumatising alternative. "She'll tie you up to a chair and interrogate you for about ten years, I'm not lying, Marly."
She merely waved a hand in my face, side stepping around me and turning back out of the isle - only to walk face first into Vane herself as she strolled last with Meridith.
I watched in amusement as Marlene stifled to roll her eyes, faking a massive smile and greeting the Gryffindor. A loud groan nearly escaped me as Vane beamed at her like she was the only human left on earth - batting her eye lashes and snaking a hand upon her shoulder as if to seduce her.
"Hey, Marlene! Wow, we were just looking for you."
I spied Meridith awkwardly whistling and looking up to ceiling, her expression clearly saying that she thought otherwise. Honestly, Meridith just wanted to go eat her lunch in peace. Like us all. Where was the justice? The democracy?
"We wanted to ask you something about James." Vane continued, biting down on her lip - was it in another attempt to look sexy?
"We trust you, and you see like you spend a bit of time with the charming lad." Her smile was so big and faked that I very nearly spluttered at the plastic appeal of it. Marly grimaced at Vane, and helplessly looked around at her surroundings for an escape - me.
In realisation, I began to slowly sidle from between Marlene and the tall dusty old shelf, the common room floating into my mind. I chuckled quietly so that only Marlene could hear, and I was sure I saw her scowl as she aimed her foot at my shin behind her.
Sucking in and dodging it, I hastily hurried along the isles and past the dusty bookshelves, passing huddling groups or clubs and studying students. I swiftly dodged a table where two Ravenclaws were arguing about the properties of murtlap essence, and almost walked straight into Pince's long, witchy looking nose. I held my breath as she sniffed in my direction, her eyes narrowed and brow furrowed. I very, very agonisingly slowly stepped back a few feet, before simply taking the risk and skidding through the open door into the main fifth floor corridor. I whipped off my cloak and ran, glancing back anxiously to ensure that she wasn't barging past the suits of armour after me like an angry rhinoceros.
Five minutes later I casually pushed through our common room portrait hole to see if anyone was still chilling on the couches playing chess or something. In Sirius's case, raiding my room for my food stash. However I heaved myself up into the portrait entrance whistling, I almost bowled right over a small, delicate person coming my way. Lily was standing right in front of where I was moving towards, her eyebrows raised and her hands up, as if she were prepared to catch me.
"Careful now, Jamsie." She teased. "Need any help getting through, there?" Her eyes twinkled cheekily as I did a quick scan of her appearance. She wore black muggle shiny tights, and a burgundy nike shirt. Sports clothes, possibly? Surely, not.
"I just escaped from the library. Marly got caught by Vane." I laughed, shuddering. "I did warn her. Poor soul."
"Christ almighty." She groaned, sliding a hand down the side of her face. "The biggest cow I've ever met. But you got the book?"
"She went to ask Madam Pince," I said in sorrow, tutting at the memory. "Never even made it to her desk."
"Ah." Lily stifled a grin, nodding in understanding. "Vane."
"Vane." I agreed morbidly, holding a hand to my heart.
"Weren't you banned from the library like five years ago?" She asked me quizzically, eyebrows raised.
"Fifth year, actually." I replied matter of factly, frowning. "I was studying for our OWLS, you see."
"Ah." Lily nodded, barely containing her laugh. "Prank gone wrong?"
"Er..." I cocked my head. "More like getting frustrated at my Herbology essay and in my streak of absolute paramount fury, setting fire to the parchment. I also accidentally threw it at Pince's hair." I shrugged, waving a hand airily. "Whoopsie daisy. These things happen, Evans."
"Course you did." She sighed exasperatingly, rolling her eyes. "You need to be careful with that woman. She's evil incarnate."
"Oh, I know." I replied darkly. "If you think you've seen her bad side...she was threatening to take me to where Filch keeps his chains. Her face was the perfect shade of magenta." A tinkling giggle escaped her, causing the corners of my mouth to curve up into a smile.
"So, you going somewhere?" I asked curiously, pushing my glasses up my nose with my knuckles. Her attire suggested so, and I found my eyes lingering slightly as I took her in for a second time. Lily flicked one of her 'French braids', as she called them, behind her shoulder and shrugged.
"Just going for a run." She replied casually. "Stress relief." She pointed to her feet which were snug in black sneakers, with the word Reebok printed on the sides. Must be a muggle brand.
"Well, have fun I guess." I flashed a grin, ruffling my hair again. "Where are the others?"
"They went to Hogsmeade through the one eyed witch." She replied, fiddling with a gold ring on her right pointer finger.
"Without me?" I asked, offended. She grinned at me cheekily, but shrugged.
"I s'pose so. Don't think you'll catch them, unfortunately, because they left about a half an hour ago. You should probably study, while you can. I'll see you later." With that she disappeared through the portrait hole, her auburn braids waving behind her. I sighed and flopped onto a stool, putting my feet up on one of the round wooden tables. Studying on my own, how perfect.
How boring.
I scanned the grounds outside the shiny window to my right, and smiled slightly at the little second years that screamed and ran away from the giant squid. Over a few fields, the Quidditch pitch was full of blurs of green and silver. I grumbled at the sight and reluctantly summoned a collection of books, parchment, a quil and some ink out the bag that was still sitting on my bed. I very, very painfully proceeded to competent homework for about one hour, reading up on unforgivable curses and writing an agonising essay on it. I rolled up the completed essay, and decided to start reading 'Quidditch Through The Ages' for a head start on tactics, and to take my mind off the snakes' training. I was halfway through chapter one - when what feels like two simple seconds later I was being gently shaken awake.
"Wha-'?" I jerked upright in alarm, my glasses sitting dangerously on the crook of my nose. A quilt slid from my shoulder, landing onto the soft carpet besides me. I scratched my nose and glanced up at my surroundings, disoriented. Right above me my favourite red head was watching, her braids out now so that her hair fell down around her in a curtain of intense waves. She was now changed into faded blue denim flares and a white tank - the sports things all gone. I glanced down at the homework strewn table, where Quidditch through the Ages lay open right where my face had been. A small puddle of drool smudged one of the words midway through the page describing the wronski feint.
"I got back about fifteen minutes ago," Lily spoke. "Decided I would only wake you for lunch." She ran a delicate hand through her mane of hair, flicking a small feather off my shoulder.
"Thanks." I murmured, ruffling my hair and stretching my legs underneath the table. Well needed power nap was always appreciated.
"Come on, sleepyhead. Sirius is probably spiking our juice with fire whiskey." Lily beckoned for me to follow her as she swayed gracefully towards the portrait entrance.