All Of Me | A Jily Love Story

Chapter Twenty Four: Quidditch, Blackinnon, And An Afterparty

- JAMES -

"Prongs, you absolute shit." Moony was hissing into my ear.
"How was I supposed to know there was a bloody table in the middle of the corridor?" I shot back, groping blindly on the cold stone floor for my wand.
Padfoot, Moony and I were sneaking back from the kitchens at one in the morning one cold Friday, and for some inconceivable reason, I'd completely forgotten the cloak. Although Padfoot had been in charge of the map last and forgotton that too, so I didn't feel like too much of an ultimate failure.
"With your wand light, you nutcase." I could practically hear Moony rolling his eyes.
"James? Where are you?" Padfoot whispered from the darkness. I opened my mouth to reply, when several things happened at once. A deafening crash echoed in the near distance, and several choice curse words slipped out of Padfoot's mouth. I'd finally gotten a grasp on my wand from the cracks in the floor and lurched up to my feet; the back of my head slamming directly into Remus's skull. I stumbled over a lump in the stone and soared backwards onto my arse, clutching at my head.
"Bugger!" I exclaimed in a loud whisper as Sirius moaned something similar a few feet away, Remus tutting to my left.
"Moony?" I hissed, ducking my head slightly as I wrenched myself back to my feet. "Moony, where'd you go?"
"I'm right next to you." He replied tonelessly.
"I knew that." I shot back, quickly dusting myself off.
"You done yet?" Sirius's sarcastic voice floated through the air, followed by something that felt like his knuckles rapping against my forehead.
"I don't think China have quite heard us."
"Yeah, let me just -" I whipped my wand out and silently light the tip, bending over in the wandlight to snatch up the whiskey. Yet before I could so much as reach the ground I sensed a slight movement in the darkness, and looked up in alarm. Straight ahead in the blinding wandlight was a bright pair of scathing red pupils, staring at me. They glared into my soul, sending chills down my spine. Two fluffy ears followed the scarlet eyes, and then an entire fluffy face - when
a sudden, long meow pierced the silent night.
"Oh, for fuck sakes -"
"The whiskey!" Padfoot hissed anxiously as Mrs. Norris the third pawed the stone floor, hissing.
"Too late - " Remus muttered as a faint, familiar yell rung through the next rounding corridor. "Gap it!"
We'd been at this school long enough to not take any chances. Before we knew it Filch would be rounding the corner with those awful chains he threatened us with on every rare occasion that he did catch us. We fled off around the corner, Moony tripping over his own feet in front of me and Padfoot skidding close behind. We didn't stop for many corridors, Sirius and I cracking up all the while.
"Ah, that was a close one." I panted as we rounded the last step to the seventh floor.
"Not the worst we've been through." Sirius barked out a laugh, shaking the hair from his face. "That damned cat needs a trip to the pound."
"Well, we certainly weren't discreet." Remus snorted and shot me a look, turning to the mournful monk. Or was it mourning? I couldn't even remember anymore, and I honestly didn't care. He mourns about everything either way.
"Gillyweed."
I scowled at Moony, shoving him through the portrait hole and clambering in after him.
"How was I supposed to know there was a bloody stack of tables in the corridor?" I exclaimed incredulously, kicking my shoes off besides the coat stand. "A corridor, I mean seriously, we were far from any classroom -"
"Yeah, and a cooking pot hanging from the suit of armour!" Sirius scoffed, swinging the portrait hole shut.
"That's what it was?" Remus asked mildly, looking to him over his shoulder. "I thought you were being dramatic."
"Whoever did it, they're one smart tosser." I grinned, pacing backwards in the direction of my armchair.
"You used to pull that stunt all the time, if I can recall." Sirius snorted, before hurling himself onto the couch. He landed directly in Marlene's lap and puckered his lips in her face, batting his long lashes. She shot him a disdainful look before glancing away as if he weren't even there, continuing the conversation she was having with Mary on the loveseat. He smirked, rolling himself from her lap and squeezing in by her side.
"My point exactly," I grinned, falling into my armchair besides them. "I am the smart tosser. Smart tosser is me."
"Oh, but of course." His smirk curved into a wide grin. "On that note, I think I put those tables there earlier in hopes of tripping up Filch." 
"Sweet of you."
"Agh, bollocks." Remus muttered irritably, flopping down besides Mar and glaring into the fire.
"Grumpy wolf?" I raised an eyebrow at him, scanning his face. He glanced to me, furrowing his brow.
"We left the drinks in the corridor when you fell." He waved an absentminded hand, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "And to think - I tried to talk you guys out of going in the first place. Now we don't even have booze. You've corrupted me."
"Okay, as if that didn't happen a long time ago." Mary snorted in exasperation.
"Someone's nearing their monthly cycle." Sirius sung, twirling his hair between his fingers and looking around innocently.
"Wema we, a wema we, a wema we..." I sung quietly, bobbing side to side to the tune. Remus glared at me in a way so terrifying that I almost glimpsed a red hot flame in his eyes, his lips thinning considerably in a manner not unlike McGonagall.
"A wema we, a we - oh, calm your tits." I snorted at his opening mouth, ready to shoot me a retort. "Kidding, drama queen. There's always booze in my room, who do you think I am , a responsible Headboy?" I flashed him a wide grin and flicked my wand in the direction of my open door. I cocked my head slightly as a slight clinking issued behind the walls, before two bottles of Rosmerta's - (the young dazzling young waitress who had recently been employed at the three broomsticks by her family, which had started the business generations ago) deep red wine.
"Love a sip of Rosmerta," Sirius smirked, catching one of the bottles between his hands and swiftly popping the cork. It rocketed towards the ceiling, rebounding off one of the wooden beams and hitting the top shelf with a small thwack.
"Oh, I don't know." Marlene wrinkled her nose in distaste, inching away from him slightly. "I think I could do without a 'sip'."
I popped the second brimming bottle, holding it up as the contents frothed and overflowed the sides.
"Where's Ginger?" Sirius asked, completely obvious to Marlene's disgruntlement. She rolled her eyes and shot Mary an exasperation look, folding her arms.
"It's wine O'clock baby!" A familiar voice sung in answer, plastering an instant smile to my cheeks. I looked up to see Lily emerge from her room, wearing a white knit vest, floor length blue skirt and an auburn knot atop her beautiful head. She gave me her custom wide, sparkling smile, and it lit me up from the inside out.
"It sure is." I grinned, taking a long swig and offering the bottle on her way past. She tilted her head back and swallowed a few mouthfuls, flopping down into her armchair besides the roaring fire.
"Hey, Ginger Ninja." Remus smile at her
"Where've you been?" Sirius asked curiously, taking a swig of wine and wiping his mouth the back of his hand. Marlene watched at him in disgust, arching an eyebrow.
"Oh, nothing." She replied mysteriously, her emerald eyes twinkling.
"Now, Lily." Sirius sighed heavily, shaking his head. "I know we're very close, but that doesn't mean you should feel inclined to masturbate while we're in the next room." He cupped a hand to his mouth, whispering audibly "It's not exactly socially acceptable."
Lily threw her head back and laughed loudly, slumping back into her armchair.
"Charming, Black, charming."
"I know I've already called you a pig today Sirius, but I feel that it's necessary to repeat myself." Mary snorted, kicking her heels onto the coffee table. "Sirius, you are a pig."
"Filthy, filthy boy." Lily sighed, patting her chest. "Well then, how was your adventure to the kitchen?" She glanced to me, a familiar sparkle in those emerald eyes.
"Most unfortunate." I rolled my eyes, flashing her an easy grin. "Long story short, we came back empty handed."
She promptly gasped, looking to the boys in shock.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" She cupped a hand to her ear. "The Marauders failed to sneak a crate of whiskey?" She frowned, leaning in. "Their mischief has not been managed?"
Marlene snorted loudly, falling back against the couch.
"God, I love you Evans."
You're not the only one, I thought bitterly.
"You should ashamed!" Mary exclaimed dramatically, laying a hand to her forehead. "I know I am!"
"To be fair, I can't remember the last time we failed such an easy task." Remus shook his head in sorrow, letting out a long sigh. "I think...I think I might be losing my touch."
My jaw promptly dropped.
"Moony!" I yelped indignantly, lurching forwards in my armchair. "How dare you say such a thing! No, no don't jinx it! Touch wood! We still have - what, eight months of mischief left?"
Sirius belched loudly, patting his stomach.
"I really cannot believe you just said that," He said seriously, shaking his head. "Remus, I thought we were brothers."
"You will never lose your talent for mischief!"I exclaimed in a strangled voice, staring at him. "Moony, I'm genuinely concerned for you -"
"I was yanking your wand, Merlin's bloomers." He gave a heavy sigh. "Of course I still got it. Who would I be, without my Marauder identity?"
I slumped back into my armchair in relief, sliding a hand down the side of my face.
"Oh god," Sirius exhaled, wiping his forehead. "Got me nervous there for a minute."
"That was highly amusing." Lily snorted, leaning in to pass the wine over to Mar. "If I'd known I'd get that reaction, I would've said it long ago."
"Don't scare me like that, Moony." I said weakly, reaching forwards to the accept the wine from Padfoot. "I mean it, you're not funny."
"But -" Mar gasped, looking from Sirius, Remus and I. "If he's not funny...does that mean he's 'lost his touch'?"
"It only gets better." Marlene sighed, her wide grin sparkling.
"Shut it, MacDonald." Remus laughed, nudging her in the side.
"I want to get incredibly drunk!" Sirius sung in a slow, wavering opera, raising his hands above him as if gesturing to the heavens. "And fall on my face."
"Then go and fetch us some more booze, fartface." Marlene complained, shooting him an annoyed glance. His eyes flickered to her deviously, and within seconds - Sirius's position had drastically changed. He spun his entire body with a certain skill that only Sirius Black was capable of, lifting his arse directly up into Marly's face and letting out the loudest fucking trump I'd ever heard come from that wanker's asshole.
I roared with laughter, banging my fist on the arm of my chair as Marlene swiped for him ferociously. He dodged her blows, grabbing the wine as he did and pitching himself to the floor, simply howling. We laughed loudly as Marly waved a hand in front of her face, nose scrunched up in repugnance. After a few moments of this she even lifted the front of her shirt over her nose, retching into the fabric and going so far as to pull away from the couch.
"Who's fartface, now?" Sirius grinned as he rolled on his side to face her, resting his head on a hand.
"What a charmer." Remus sighed, leaning his head back against his arms in relaxation. "I'm jealous of you Marlene, really."
"Godric, Sirius - " She choked, squeezing herself besides Remus and Mar on the loveseat and physically gagging into her hand. "That was really, really bad -"
This only made Sirius laugh harder, his shoulders shaking from the impact. He rolled over onto his front and snorted into the carpet, trying and failing to form a coherent sentence.
"Are you sure you didn't shit yourself?" She gasped, continuously retching. "Honestly, it's smells like, like a used nappy - full of Indian food-"
Sirius's howls of laughter cut the end of her sentence short and she scowled, but I discreetly caught her mouth twitch.
"You dog." Lily laughed from her armchair, clutching a hand over her heart to try calm her breathing.
"Oh, god -" I suddenly exclaimed in disgust, catching a pungent whiff. I jumped up from my seat and scrunched up my face, plugging my nose with two fingers. "- Mate, that might just be your worst -"
"Shit, don't wave it over here!" Remus yelled frantically, lurching upwards. "I've experienced quite enough of this over the past -"
"That was my worst." Sirius hollered into the carpet, the mead still clenched in his grasp.
I edged further and further away towards the portrait hole, waving away the suffocating toxins.
"What the fuck did you eat?" I yelled into the chaos, gagging over my shoulder.
"Go and check your pants, right now!" Mary demanded, seizing a pillow to smother her face.
"Ooh, I better." Sirius grinned, flashing her a wink. "Felt a bit wet -"
"Kill me, kill me now." Remus cut in with a groan, rolling over and burying his face behind Mary's shoulders. I choked on my laugh, and despite only being in the kitchen moments before, turned to the coat stand and seized my invisibility cloak from the peg I knew it hung from. My feet dug themselves into my converse as I stuck my wand behind an ear;
a couple dozen whiskeys were in order. Why Dumbledore continued to stock the kitchens, I'd no clue.
"If you wankers want to get drunk," I drawled to the laughing hooligans, letting an easy grin stretch across my cheeks. "We shall indeed, get drunk."