Song For This Chapter -
You Me At Six - Crash
"Just crash, fall down, I'll wrap my arms around you now."
*Caspar's POV*
Her body shook in my hold as I carried her across the hospital car park, to where the car was extremely messily parked. I had failed to park properly as I jumped in the car as soon as I got the phone call from Marcus explaining the situation. Summer's breathing rate had slowed right down, signalling to me that she was asleep. Every day over the past few days had been such a rush, I can't imagine what's going through her head right now.
My hand dug awkwardly around in my pocket for a few seconds before I pulled out the car keys, laying Summer down on the backseat, strapping her in. I pressed a kiss to her forehead before shutting the door and walking round to the drivers seat.
The drive home was quiet. Only the sound of Summer's soft snores could be heard in the car. I pulled into the driveway, I stopped the car but did not move. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. How did we get to this?
Summer, the once strong, beautiful, confident girl, was now curled up in my backseat, weak and broken. She didn't deserve this, no one deserves this. I slammed my hands down in the steering wheel in anger before climbing out of the car, bringing Summer into my arms and carrying her into the house with me.
The house was eerily quiet as Alfie was out with Zoe. Mentally, I thanked whoever it was who had made us all live so close together. I slipped my shoes off by the door and then continued up the stairs, a midly aware Summer in my arms. She stirred a little as her body bounced softly in my arms up the steps. A small moan fell from her lips as her eyelids began to flutter open.
"No..shh...shh...go back to sleep angel." I whispered, her now dull green eyes looking up at me.
She scrunched her face up in the most adorable way, her nose crinkling. Slowly, she began returning to her sleeping state as I reached the last step. Thank God my sister and Andrew had gone to a hotel for the night as I would not have been able to handle them and I definately don't think Summer would have.
I finally reached the bedroom, feeling my way round the dark walls before reaching the bed. I softly placed her onto the mattress. She immediately curled into a tight little ball, her snores returning. I couldn't help the chuckle that fell out of my mouth as I covered her with the duvet, removing my own clothes down to my underwear and climbing in with her.
My arm slipped over her waist, the coldness of her body contrasting my own, and brought her tight into my chest. Whatever happens, whether Olivia improves or....well, doesn't, whatever happens, I will never ever let Summer brake anymore. No matter what.
Those were the last thoughts in my head before I fell asleep.
Summer.
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A loud groan left my lips as I was woken by the front door shutting. I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I took me a few minutes to come to my senses and piece together the situation. Wait...why was the front door being closed? Who's here? Or more importantly...who's not here?
I shifted my gaze over to the other side of the bed, which as I supsected, was empty.
"Shit!" I cursed aloud. Where the hell was she? The house was pitch black meaning she was no longer in the house, she had left. Where the hell would she go?
Without another thought, I jumped out of bed, the time on my phone reading 2:24am. I sighed, typing in my new favourite number and waiting for it to ring. I squished the phone between my ear and shoulder, pulling on an old pair of jeans over my legs. As the first ring came through the phone in my ear, the starting notes of Kiss You came from the bedside cabinet. I ran over, seeing she had gone, leaving her phone here.
"God damn it Summer!" I shouted, hanging up my phone and sliding it into my pocket. I threw hers back down on the bed, throwing a t-shirt over my head in a rush. I had to find her. This chase felt all to familiar as I was reminded of the time at PlayList, where she had run away from her problems. She was beginning to make a habit of this.
I slipped on an old pair of Toms over my feet before escaping through the front door attempting to follow her footsteps. On my way out, I had picked up a torch from the cabinet by the door. I flicked it on, allowing me to see in the early morning darkness.
"Come on Summer, where the hell are you?" I sighed, my feet moving at an uncontrollable pace. I crossed the road in front of my house, reaching the park where Summer and I had been only a few nights ago. My feet sunk into the mud, my shoes being covered, but my mind was not focused on that. I was only focused on finding the girl I love and keeping her safe.
I could feel my breathing become erratic as I ran, the torch shaking in my hands. Suddenly, my foot hit something hard, sending me tumbling down, my head hitting something sharp on the ground.
"Fuck!" I cursed aloud, the side of my head now stinging. I pulled myself back up to my feet immediately, brushing it off.
I spun frantically on the spot, my heart hoping she was around here somewhere, when I noticed her. Immediately, I ran towards her, my chest pounding with relief. As I reached her kneeling figure, I dropped the torch, my body dropping down beside hers.
"Su-Summer, what are you-"
"I was with you. That night." she stated.
"What?" I whispered
"I could've- If I hadn't of been thinking about myself that night, thinking about you, being with you, I would've got there quicker. Instead, I was being selfish. I-I could've saved her." Her voice broke into soft sobs at the end.
I could feel my heart shattering, the pieces stabbing at my chest.
"Don't." my voice cracked. "Please don't blame yourself for this."
I knew this would happen. I just knew she would be able to find tiny little details inside the situation to find it possible to blame herself. She was that kind of person.
"Who else is there to blame?" she spoke, her tone defeated as she continued to stare off into the distance.
"Blame the drunk drivers, blame Olivia, just please, don't blame yourself! It was nothing to do with you Summer! You weren't there, you can't be at fault!" My voice became desperate as I pleaded with her to come home.
"Exactly! I wasn't there! Every time I have a stupid little problem, Olivia is there for me. She helps me. But, when she's in danger, was I there? NO! I was spending the night fulfilling my own selfish needs with you." Her eyes were fixated on a spot in the distance.
"Summer, you need some rest. Come on, I'll take you home and we'll get you cleaned up." I sighed as I looked at her. Somehow, her whole body was covered in mud. My clothes, her skin. Her hair was knotted as she stood up slowly with me.
"That's it...come on..." I spoke softly. At this moment, I felt as if I was speaking with a child.
Her hand held mine as we walked. I felt her grip tighten as a car flew down the road.
"It's okay. It's okay." I repeated as the car passed. I looked over to her as we crossed the road, her bottom lip was wobbling as she attempted to hold in the sobs, dark circles framing her eyes. She still looked beautiful. Through all the pain, there was still a fragment of beauty.
As we reached the front door, I could tell her heart was not in contact with her brain. She was far off, distant, she wasn't the girl I fell in love with.
And that broke me. Knowing that she was assuming the worst. God knows what was going on in her head at the moment, but I knew it was along the lines of blaming herself for her sister's accident. I knew she thought Olivia was going to die.
But me? I didn't know what I thought. I hoped Olivia would make it. The two of them always seemed so strong, so together, but now, with one broken, the other one is also shattered.
As I led her up the stairs, I could not help but think what it would be like if something like this had happened to Theo. If it was her, laying there, unconscious, not knowing what the outcome would be, well, would I be like this? Like Summer is now. Practically a zombie. Emotions running high. Would that be me?
I shook it off, my head filling with too many ridiculous, heartbreaking thoughts. Summer was shaking in my arms as I hugged her tight. I just needed a moment to bring her back. We stood in the doorway of my room, my arms tight around her shoulders as I held her to my chest.
Slowly, she responded, her arms snaking around my torso, holding me. Whether I was holding her for support or she was holding me, I don't know. All I know is that I need to get her clean.
"Come on. Let's get you in the shower." I whispered, unravelling my arms from around her.
She softly nodded against my chest, her silent tears smearing on my shirt. I took her hand and led her through my room, into my en suite.
I shut the door, encasing us both in the silence of the house. As she stood there, in the middle of the bathroom, unmoving, I couldn't help but sigh. I walked over to her, pressing a soft kiss to the middle of her forehead before gripping the bottom of the shirt she was wearing, which was still mine, and pulling it slowly over her head.
"Good girl." I whispered as she raised her arms to help me.
I pressed another kiss to her now bare thigh as I removed my jogging bottoms from her legs. She shivered as the cold air hit her. Without another thought, I stood back up to full height, trying my hardest not to admire her perfect body.
Now was not the time to be thinking and wanting to do these things.
"I'm going to take your underwear off, is that okay?" I spoke, again like I was talking to a child. The only response I got was a tight nod as her eyes followed my every move.
Taking the nod as a yes, I firstly removed her bra, the straps falling down her arms as I slid it off. I then hooked the side of her pants with my finger and pulled it down her legs and over her feet, leaving her completely revealed.
I sucked in a deep breath as I moved back up her body, my mouth pressing kisses to every inch of skin.
"Everything's going to be okay." I repeated as I reached her ear, pressing a kiss to her head, before leading her to climb into the bath.
As she stepped in and sat down, her body immediately curled up, hugging her knees to her chest. I grabbed the shower head from above her, pulling it off the wall and switching it on.
I ran it over my hands a few times, checking the temperature before I held the warm water over Summer, her body becoming encased in warmth. Her muscles visibly relaxed as the liquid hit them.
The water become brown as it ran, the mud being removed from her skin. I knelt down beside the tub, reaching over to grab the bar of soap. I ran the bar over her body, tiny bubbles forming along her skin.
As I rinsed them off, she once again began to shake. I knew what was going on in her head was something she wouldn't want to talk about and I knew it was affecting her. Without thinking, my heart pounded in my chest and I climbed into the tub with her, my fully clothed body becoming damp and heavy. I sat behind her, my legs were on either side of her body as I pulled her flush to my chest.
I wrapped my arms tightly around her body, the shower head discarded by her bare feet.
"Baby it's okay. Shh. I love you. I love you so much. You're safe. I'm not going to leave you by yourself through this." I spoke softly in her ear as I slowly released her body from my hold.
I squirted a blob of shampoo onto my hand, massaging it into her hair. I then grabbed the shower head from beside her feet and ran it over her hair, the bubbles running down her body once more.
My chest felt tight as I watched, the livelyhood of the bubbles contrasting massively with Summer's once lively body, now a dead weight.
My jeans and shirt were becoming heavy on my body as the water splashed onto them. But I didn't care. As long as I was as close to Summer as possible, nothing mattered.
I repeated the same process with the conditoner, her hair becoming smoother and much less tangled.
"Summer. Baby, let's get out." I spoke, switching the shower off and climbing out of the bath. She slowly stood up, following my actions, her eyes still hollow inside. She was seeing, but she could not see. I pulled the big fluffy towel off the rack, wrapping it round her. Softly, I rubbed it up and down, drying her delicate skin. I then secured the towel around her and led her out of the en suite, into my bedroom, where I covered her body in a clean pair of my clothes.
"I'll be back in second." I kissed her wet hair, leaving her stood in the middle of the room.
As quick as I could, I put away the wet towels, removing my soaking wet clothes from my body and putting them in the washing machine downstairs. I ran quickly in my wet boxers back up to my room where Summer was now sat on the floor. In a flash, I removed my wet boxers, replacing them with a clean pair before making my way back over to where Summer sat.
"Let's go to bed." I told her, lifting her arm slowly off the floor. It was now way past 3am.
I laid down on the bed, pulling Summer with me, holding her to my chest. Her fingers scratched tightly at my chest as she felt for something to cling on to. I felt her panic as there was nothing there, but quickly replaced her panic with my own fingers, lacing into the gaps between hers. Squeezing her hand lightly, assuring her that I was still here.
"Nothing's in our way.
I said, nothing's in our way."
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- Jazz - x
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