Raine woke up with a terrible pounding against her forehead. It was like someone was hammering against the area right between her eyes. She rolled over to find Stacy sleeping peacefully next to her. How they got to Raine's place home seemed like a total blur.
Raine glanced at her phone only to find that she had somehow spent two days at the party doing way too much ecstasy after her sexual escapade. She groaned at all the notifications on her phone and dreaded all of the emails that she needed to respond to.
She rolled out of bed and felt her stomach lurch forward, causing her to slump. She staggered her way to the bathroom and let everything in her stomach spray into the toilet. Before she knew it, Stacy was behind her, holding Raine's hair back and rubbing her back.
"Let it all out love," Stacy cooed.
As thankful as Raine was for her support in the moment, she couldn't help but compare Stacy to the the remnants of puke that had left a nasty aftertaste in her mouth. It was fun while it lasted.
For the rest of the day, Raine more and more sick. Helplessly, she relied on Stacy to take care of her as the fever attacked her like no tomorrow. Little did she know, this was just the beginning...
~
"You tested HIV positive," the nurse said as she peered down at the results.
The white clinic walls and sterile material on the counter next to the shiny silver sink closed in on Raine. She sat quietly in the chair across from the nurse who read out the results for a second time. Her heart stopped beating and she was no longer in her own body.
"That's not possible. I've been careful," Raine shook her head. "There must have been a mistake."
"Unfortunately the likeliness of two HIV tests coming back with the same results are low," nurse placed a hand over top of hers as if it would help console Raine in the moment.
This is not happening. There's no way.
"There is treatment though. Most people's HIV will never get to the point where they are diagnosed with AIDS. It's now a manageable chronic illness," the nurse nodded, chewing the inside of her cheek, "Now, I do need to tell you that you have to call the people you've had sexual activities with since your last test."
"Call them?" Raine blinked.
"Yes, you can either leave their numbers here or you can call them yourself. We do this because it's a public health issue," the nurse said matter-of-factly.
"But I always used protection," Raine pointed out.
"Doesn't matter," the nurse shrugged.
Shortly after, Raine was left to herself in the room as she slowly dialed Stacy's number.
"Hello, Stacy speaking," Stacy's voice was comforting.
"Stacy... I," Raine's throat choked up.
"Raine?" Stacy asked, "What's wrong my love?"
Raine paced around with the wired phone in her hand. She kicked the spinning chair just because she wanted to.
"You need to get tested for HIV because I tested positive," Raine blurted out and then added, "... I'm sorry."
There was a long pause.
"I've got to go," Stacy said abruptly and then a click was quickly followed by a dial tone.
It was all too much. Raine had people yell at her, hang up on her, and some that were panic stricken. The only person she wasn't able to get a hold of was Chris. Raine wanted to curl into a hole and die.
The words meant nothing as they echoed into and out of Raine's mind. She walked out in a zombie-like state with a couple of pamphlets and business cards about HIV.
Twenty-nine missed calls and seventy-six unanswered texts later, the loud banging on front door was unbearable. It was like a giant starving ogre was trying to get in to eat her alive.
Raine finally rolled out of her bed and opened the door to find Quin. She was still in the same plaid shirt and track pants that she had been diagnosed in. Her hair was a mess and the color was drained from her face.
Quin's his eyebrows shot up and he placed a hand on her forearm, "What's wrong?"
Raine turned around and pointed at the pile of pamphlets on the floor. She couldn't bring herself around to say it. Quin came in and shut the door. He walked over and found the pamphlets on managing HIV.
He went silent for a moment and looked around, "Have you been eating?"
Raine shook her head.
"How long have you been in here?" Quin asked.
Raine shrugged. She really didn't know. She was numb.
Quin pulled Raine into tight hug, "Everything's going to be okay."
Raine to erupted as she shook further into his arms. The emotions just poured out of her like a soda can that had exploded. She sobbed loudly into his arms because everything hurt. It hurt to be alive. It hurts to be alone.
As if he knew what she were thinking, Quin wrapped his arms tighter around her and said, "I'm here."
She sunk into him and continued to shake uncontrollably.
"I fucking hate her," Raine said into his chest.
"Chris?" Quin asked softly.
Chris? If only she were here. Raine shook her head.
For the first time in Raine's life she had so much disdain for the woman she once loved.
"Did you get it from Stacy?" Quin asked.
"No, she doesn't have it," Raine wiped her wet face.
After her visit to the sexual health clinic, Raine met with a social worker at an agency to help her understand the diagnosis. They went through a whole bunch of things about how the law required her to disclose that she was someone living with HIV to every sexual partner and the trouble she could get into if she didn't. They had gone through how she needed to eat to manage her symptoms and more that Raine couldn't really recall. However, the one thing that did stick in her mind filled her with an uncontrollable rage.
Her hands were gripped onto the arms of the chair in the carpeted office. She stared at the young professional before her.
Raine repeated slowly, "So there's a pill that people can take once a day to prepare their bodies to come into contact with HIV and this prevent themselves from getting it... and it is called PrEP."
"Yes, it can only be taken by someone who does not have HIV so it's a really good option if you don't want to use protection with a partner who doesn't have HIV.
Stacy said she was on PrEP.
"Can get HIV from sharing needles even if the needle was just stuck into the person and then removed?" Raine started piecing things together.
They nodded, "Yes, nurses sometimes get these things called needlestick injuries where the needle just breaks the skin and they often use another medication from the emergency room within 72 hours to prevent HIV from happening," the person nodded, "If you accidentally share a needle with someone, try to get them to the emergency room right away."
Raine felt her knuckles go white from hanging onto the wooden arms of the chair.
"What substances do you normally use?" they looked back at her warmly.
Raine got up, "I have to go," she said as she ran to the bathroom. Everything she felt was so overwhelming that she needed to hurl.
Raine explained her conclusions to Quin, who proceeded to lividly pace around in her place.
"I'm going to kill that no good piece of trash!" he raged as his bald head bobbed up and down with every step.
"Yeah, well she sure as fuck is protected," Raine rolled her eyes. For the first time since her diagnosis, she grabbed the TV remote and sunk down into the couch.
She turned it on and regretted it immediately.
There Stacy was with her makeup and hair done perfectly on the news.
"I hear that you're working on a book with well known author Gordon Miller? Can you tell us a bit about that?" the host crossed her legs and brushed her long blonde hair behind her ear.
"Ah yes, I'm quite excited to be working with Gordon. The book is called The Secrets of Hush: My Life with Raine. Raine is quite a phenomenal woman, but it's because of our relationship together that founded the idea of Hush. You'll find all the details behind how a school girl became a CEO. You know, before all her success and before this HIV diagnosis.
Raine's jaw dropped as she shook her head. No. No. No. This isn't happening. It can't be. This is a fucking nightmare.
"She can't just tell your medical records to everyone. Fucking sue this bitch!" Quin placed his hand over his mouth as his widened eyes looked around.
Raine turned off the TV.
"Go home Quin," Raine said quietly.
Quin nodded, "Are you going-"
"Now," she demanded as she pushed him towards the door.
"Okay, please call me later," Quin said worried.
The moment the door shut, Raine felt her blood pressure shoot through the roof. She returned to the living room sweaty and red. She pulled the flat screen TV off the wall and smashed it into the ground.
"FUCK!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs.
The blood vessels in her forehead rose as she flipped over the glass coffee table and listened to the sound of glass shatter into a million pieces.
"FUCK YOU STACY. FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" She spat out as she stared up at the ceiling as if Stacy was controlling how her world functioned.