(so this is the chapter that somehow got deleted. i have to re write it again,ugh! if you already read it, its fine you wont have to read it again. but, the chapter wont be exactly the same since i dont plan the chpters out but its still the same events that happen :) )
i woke up to feeling hot, too hot. i look over my shoulder and see that harrys arm is warpped tightly around my waist and the heavy blanket is covered over both of us, doubleing the heat in my bed.
i get out of Harrys embrace smoothly so i dont wake him and walk over to the window seat to open up the window that overlooks a various amount of trees. when i open the window, the slight breeze automatically rushes through my bedroom, the sky is a light gray signaling that it will probably rain soon.
i decide to take out the journal that i keep hidden underneath the black cussion of the window seat. i feel like i haven't written in this black leather book in ages, which is because i havent.
i open the book and scan throught the pages until i get to the last entry i've written in. Septemember 21 is written on the top right corner of the white lined pages. remebering writing this entry bring back bad memories.
junior year of high school.
the year that made me life start to crash and fall. the year my best friend, well now ex best friend, amanda, turned her back on me in such a horrible way.
as i reread this entry i start to feel sad all of a sudden. i still cant figure out why she would do these types of things to me. she would randomly start laughing at me during class or while i would be walking through the halls or standing at my locker. her and her new possy of friends would point at me and laugh while looking me up and down, probably making jokes about my hair or the type of shoes i was wearing.
i would try to act like i was paying no mind to them but the echoing of their laughing and loud talking would sometimes bring tears to fall down my cheeks; i would always wipe them away quickly before they even got a glimpse of me being weak,
i remember when i had to drop one of my classes just so i wouldnt have to face some of the people there. i would constantly rearrange my busy schedule of a school day just so i would have to deal with any of that type of torture.
one time, a senior guy with long hair down to his shoulders, dropped my stacks of books out of my hand and then kicked them all over the hall, making people laugh all around me. In gym class, girls would corner me in the locker rooms and call me names that Amanda proabably told them that i was.
i even tried to talking to Amanda one time to see what i possibly did for her to stab be in the back. she just laughed in my face, making it seem like the knife was gliding against my bare skin, making me cry out in pain and have a scar left behind. a scar, like a memory. A memory of how Junior year would never be forgotten.
And with that, i look over at the person who lays peacfully on my bed. His face looking angel-like in the dim lighting in my room. his mouth slightly opened for air and his arm wrapped around the pillow.
its strange to see someone who is so dark and mysterious, seem so special to me. He's someone i never thought i'd be interested in, even the slightest.
He's always been there when something went wrong. and the sorry look he always has in his eyes for me makes me believe that he really does care. he cares about my feelings, how i'll react to the stuation. he cares about me.
he is one of the few people that haven't hurt me in any way yet possible. yet, i thank him mentally for that each and every minute, hour and second i spend with him.
we may be oppsites in the visualization way but on the inside we have some similarities.
everything that has just come to mind about him, is now spread over the journal page in dark blue print. the first time in months i've written in this journal and this entry just happened to be about him.
i didnt bother to mention the constant rollercoaster ride that wont stop because that will all just keep going. im just afriad that my heart will soon stop if i fallto hard for him, that one day it'll stop and i wont be able to write about him in the journal the way that i am now.
A sudden buzzing noise along with a a ringing sounds from across the room. i emmediatly shut the journal quickly and place it back under the window seat where it was.
I see Harry's arm reach across to the bedside table to retrieve his phone. his body stays still as he places the phone to his ear and speaks. "what?" his morning voice sounding clear but yet, raspy.
"alright,...alright fuck, fine!" he says more sternly through the phone. he doesnt say anything else as he just presses end on his phone screen
his arm then reaches accross the other side of the bed where i was laying. he realizes im not there and his head shoots up and looks around the room.
"im over here!" i laugh as his head shoots towards in my direction,
he smiles at me when he sits his body upward onto the bed. he rubs his eyes "what time is it?" he says while yawning.
i take my phone out from underneath me and click the home button to check the time. "its five thirty."
"ugh! i should get going." he stands from the bed and walks over to the beenbag chair, where he left his jacket and keys.
i look down at my hands. i thought he was staying,
"can you stay?" i iask, sounding like a little kid asking for a candy bar.
"you want me here when the devil comes?" he tries to joke around.
"stop calling her that!" i scold him.
"okay, what about bit-"
"dont call her that either." i stop him before he could even finish his crude remark. "she's still my mother Harry." i say and look out of the window, the slight breeze making my hair blow into my face and i place the strands behind my ear.
i feel the window seat sink in and a slight warm air start to surround me when i know Harry has taken a seat right beside me.
"why do you want me here?" he surprsingly asks.
im sure he would've thought why i would want him here.
"i want you to be here with me when i tell her everything." i tell him and his gaze is now focused onto the wooded area outside of the window.
"you really want to tell her everything?" his question surprises me. it almost seems like he doesnt want me to.
"should i not?" i wonder, he doesn't answer. "Do you not want me to?" i try to ask again.
"shes not the best at explaining." he almost whispers. his eyes coming up to meet mine just as they were moments ago.
"i know." is all i say.
"alright, but i have to get to my mums for a little while. dick head must have called her." he stands away from me, the air suddenly returning back to its regular cool temperature.
"when will you be back?" i ask as he puts on one of his black boots and starts to tie the shoe strings together.
he stands up from the bed and grabs the light purple hoodie from my desk chair before tossing it to me. i qive him a questioning look and he smirks at me before walking closer.
his lips brush over mine, making his minty breath fan over my face. "i'll be here when you talk to your mum, you'll be there when i talk to mine." he places a quick kiss on my lips before pulling away and retrieveing his keys off of the bed again.
"okay, we need to hurry! we only have a little over an hour until my mother comes home!" i yelp and leave the bedroom to run down the stairs and out of the front door.
__
we pull into the familiar large house's driveway. thw way Harry's jaw stiffens and his body posture changes, makes me realizes that he abosoluely dreads coming to this house.
i cant help but think that everything that has happened so far is all of my fault. everything; all my fault. if i hadnt gone to that stupid party and went up those stupid stairs none of this..
"what are you thinking?" Harrys deep voice pulls me away from my thoughts.
"nothing." i smile to try to make it seem like it really was nothing,
"don't lie," he almost seems to whisper. his eyes look to be the most lightest green.
"im not," i lie again. he sighs and chooses to let it go. but i know, that later on he will just question me about it again.
he opens the car door and i do the same.
expecting him to knock at the from door, he does the opposite and just walks in as i follow behind him.
"Harry?" Anne's voice calls from what seems to be coming from the black and white family room.
he doesn't answer as he walks towards the way her voice was calling.
i see more people than i have expected to be here.
Jeff, Anne and mr. Brown, are seated on the large black sofa.
at the corner of my eye, i see tow other figures sitting down on two of the single arm chairs.
my heart beats fast.
its my mother. and my father.
(i will be updating the new chapter tonight as well but it will be late :D)