Part 3 of 4
AH! THIS IS EVERYTHING WE EVER SAID!!!!1!
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Requested by:
@kenzid01
Do not read if you do not like mentions of suicide, rejection, cursing, or overdose.
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You had the absolute, hands-down, most amazing, best friend in the ENTIRE world. They were your partner in crime, your secret-keeper, and someone you could always lean on for anything.
Or at least, that's how it used to be. You used to have raucous adventures late at night, you used to FaceTime at obscene hours, and most importantly, you used to tell each other everything. Then you moved to stay with Luke, and things took a turn for the worst.
Your FaceTime calls were being ignored, they didn't even seem interested in texting you. You would snapchat them silly selfies and they wouldn't respond, even your most high-quality memes were given no attention. You didn't know what was wrong. It was like an overnight change, your best friend wasn't being all that friendly.
You had to text them, you wanted to know what was going on, why they were being so distant.
Y/BF/N: what's going on bud? Y u no text back???
-read 2 hours ago-
Y/BF/N: wow. Leaving me on read? That's cold ☹️
-read 27 minutes ago-
Y/BF/N: hello?
-read 9 minutes ago-
What? Why? You were becoming more and more upset. They were doing this on purpose. They knew how much you hated being left on read, they knew that you always felt hurt when you were so blatantly ignored. You knew that they were using their knowledge of you against you, in order to upset you, and it was working. They were being cruel, cruel for no reason. It was upsetting.
You took in a deep breath, maybe they were busy with something? Maybe they were in a situation that didn't allow them to text you back. You shouldn't freak out yet. With a newfound, but fragile optimism, you put your phone down.
You had to get your mind off of it, pocketing your phone, you went downstairs to go maybe talk to Luke.
You found him watching some weird movie in the living room. You plopped down on the couch next to him and dug into his popcorn bowl.
"Hey! I thought you were upstairs talking to Y/BFF/N?!" He pouted, pulling the bowl back closer to him.
You cringed and folded into yourself, you came down to specifically not think about Y/BFF/N.
Luke noticed and paused the movie, "Y/N? Is everything okay?"
You froze, tell him the truth and worry him? Or just keep it to yourself? You didn't feel like you were worth stressing him more, so you lied. "Yeah, just a little bit cold," you shivered for effect.
"Oh... here, take this," he pulled a blanket off the top of the couch and wrapped it around your shoulders, "better?"
"Much better, thank you Luke," you smiled at him and he patted your shoulder.
"Of course," he replied, and then the movie turned back on. The crisis had been averted, relieved, you turned back to the screen.
Unfortunately, the movie didn't help. You sat there and watched it, but all you could think about was Y/BFF/N, and how they hadn't texted you back. Wait. Maybe they had texted you back but you couldn't tell because you hadn't checked in a while.
"No," you whispered quietly to yourself. You were supposed to not be thinking of them. You were distracting yourself.
"Huh?" Luke asked. Whoops, he must have heard you.
You shrugged and nodded back toward the TV. He sent you a funny look, but turned away. As soon as he wasn't paying attention to you, you stuck a hand in your pocket.
You could feel your phone just waiting for you to look, you were so tempted to check that you started arguing with yourself.
It would just take a second.
Nope, you had self-control.
Maybe something awful had happened to Y/BFF/N and they had just been able to send you a text.
That's unrealistic.
Oh! I think I felt it vibrate! You definitely need to look!
It's on silent.
You know you're dying to.
You're right!
You slumped down, disappointed that you had absolutely no self-control. Pulling the screen out, you hit the power button to see if you had any notifications.
None.
They hadn't texted back. They haven't called. They didn't DM you. Nothing.
You were devastated. You hadn't noticed before but you had really expected a reply.
It must have shown on your face because for the second time, Luke paused the movie. "Y/N, what's wrong? You can tell me."
"I'm-" your voice cracked, "I'm fine Luke, just a sad puppy story on Twitter, made me tear up," you lied again.
This time Luke didn't look so sure, "really? Can I see?"
"No," you said too quickly, "I mean, you wouldn't like it, it was really sad. Uh, I need to go do some reading, see you later." You rushed out of the room and upstairs to your waiting bed.
You felt like crying. You were so pathetic. So useless. You couldn't function without Y/BFF/N, and you were freaking Luke out. You should just go to sleep. Maybe you'd get lucky and never wake up.
Curling up under your duvet, you sighed and closed your weary eyes.
Your sleep was restless and terrifying, you dreamed that Luke was upset with you, that he didn't love you anymore, that you were a massive disappointment. You woke up at midnight to voices in the other room.
As you came to complete consciousness you recognized that they weren't voices, but a singular voice, Luke's. By the heavy approaching footsteps, you guessed he was walking up the stairs to his room.
"She's been acting really weird lately," he said to someone on the phone. Was he talking about you? He must be, you're probably the weirdest girl he knows.
You of course couldn't hear the persons response.
"I don't like it either," he admitted. Was he calling you an 'it'? Or maybe he didn't like your personality, or how you acted. Either way, he was right at his door now, you probably wouldn't be able to hear anything else.
"No, I don't know what I'm going to do with her yet," was the last bit you made out before his door closed. Your heart dropped, he was going to do something with you? Did that mean shipping you off to Jack or Ben? Would they even want you? Were you that screwed up?
Yes.
Before you could dive into that rabbit hole of despair your phone screen lit up! It must be Y/BFF/N, they finally answered?!
You grabbed your phone and squinted at the bright light. You were sorely disappointed to find that it wasn't Y/BFF/N, but one of your other friends.
Sliding your finger across the screen, you unlocked your phone anyway to read the texts.
Y/F/N: Y/N, I don't know how to tell you this, or if you know already, but Y/BFF/N is posting things about you on like everything
Y/F/N: *screenshots*
You looked at the pictures she had sent and you couldn't believe it. You opened twitter and looked up Y/BFF/N account. Only you couldn't see anything, they had blocked you. The same story on all other social media outlets.
As the dread filled you, you reopened the pictures of the things Y/BFF/N had said.
Y/N is so clingy I swear I've had enough of her in the last week to last a lifetime
Y/N doesn't get a f****** hint. I left her on read every time and she still won't stop texting me
She's dumb as ****.
WHY CAN'T HER TINY BRAIN REALIZE THAT I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN
No wonder Y/Partners/N broke up with her
I've known her longer than any other person, and I can confidently say she is an inbred moron
Idk why she's still here, if I were here I'd do the world a favor and die
...
You were speechless, mostly because you were crying so hard. Tears were flowing down your face so fast that you couldn't see. You couldn't think. They were right. They knew you the best. You were right when you thought you were stupid and a waste of space.
You had always taken their advice in the past, why not now? Luke didn't want you. Your best friend didn't want you. You didn't want to live anymore, not like this.
The decision was made. You took your phone, got up, and headed toward the bathroom. The medicine cabinet was in there, there were enough drugs in there to OD. You walked in and closed the door, not bothering to lock it because well, nobody else was awake to do anything.
You took all of the bottles of pills out of the cabinet and set them on the floor. You sat in front of them and took in a deep breath. You felt better then you had in a long time. There was something so freeing about the idea of no longer having to suffer through life.
As you reached forward to grab the closest bottle your phone slid from your pocket. Your screen was lit up.
You glanced down and saw a message from Luke.
Luke: I know you're asleep right now Y/N, but I might leave for the studio before you get up! Have a great morning and an amazing day! I love you and remember you can tell me anything! ❤️❤️❤️ - your favorite brother
You smiled at the picture and thought about Luke, he must feel bad for you, that's why he was texting. He would be the one to find you. That's how he would remember you. Cringing, you decided to send him a text to remind him that this is what you wanted, it's not his fault.
Y/N: Luke, you're asleep right now, and I know that you're going to find me tomorrow so I want to tell you that there was nothing you could do. This is what I wanted, it's what I needed. Please understand, I love you.
There. You wouldn't want to disappoint him more. Now at least he wouldn't have to worry about shipping you off to who knows where. You reached forward to pop open the lid on the first bottle.
Well this was it.
"Goodbye," you said quietly.
"NO!" Luke burst in and with an unLuke-like amount of hand-eye coordination, he swatted the pills out of your hand before you could take any. Apparently he wasn't asleep like you had assumed. But more importantly, he was going to stop you, and you couldn't have that.
"LUKE!" You screamed watching as the little blue pills scattered across the floor. Ignoring your cries, he picked you up and held you close to him.
"Did you take any?" He asked, gripping you tightly.
"Luke I-"
"Y/N," he said gruffly, "Did. You. Take. Any?"
"No," you admitted.
"Good," you felt a fair deal of tension leave his muscles as he took you from the bathroom into his bedroom.
You spoke again when he set you down on his bed, "I don't know why you stopped me it would've been better for everyone."
"No," he snapped around to face you, "no it wouldn't, it would've been universally bad actually." He took in a deep, steadying breath, and you saw that he was trying to hold back tears.
"Luke," your voice cracked a little, "nobody likes me, not even you, don't lie, I heard your phone call earlier. Y/BFF/N blocked me on everything. They said that I would be doing the world a favor if I died."
"What?! I was talking to Mum earlier, we were both worried about you because you've been acting off. As for Y/BFF/N, do you know why?" He sat down next to you and put his head in his hands.
"They said I was a clingy, inbred, moron," you stared at the floor.
"Hey, you're not clingy, and you're definitely not inbred," he pulled you onto his lap.
"If you say so," you shrugged.
You felt Luke tense again, "Y/N, why are you being so calm...?"
You sighed and looked up again, "They've known me longer than anyone else, they're right, I'll just try again some other time when you're not around."
With your confession Luke broke. He was all out sobbing, squishing you into his chest.
"No no no no Y/N, you're needed, your family needs you, all of your other friends need you," he hiccuped, "I may not have known you as long as Y/BFF/N, but I know you better because I know you're priceless."
Priceless?
"Do you mean that?" You asked quietly. The amount of emotion Luke was showing was uncharacteristic, and extremely sincere. Could he be right? Could Y/BFF/N be wrong?
"Yes, I mean every word, you're unique, my only sister, my only younger sibling, you have no idea how happy you make all of us. Y/N, I didn't know what I was missing until I met you," he said, pulling you impossibly closer to him.
Oh no, you felt the waterworks coming. You started crying. Luke wanted you. Your family wanted you. They thought you were worth it. They thought you were priceless.
"I, I guess maybe you're right."
He was. You were so so happy that Luke had gotten to you in time because he was so right. You were important and you made people happy no matter what a fake friend said. You couldn't let people influence you like that, and now you didn't. Nobody could tell you who you were because only you knew. Only you defined yourself and only you decided what your worth was. Priceless.