Dearest, DEAREST Everald_Haas,
I apologize for making you wait for such a long time for your story to be reviewed! ): (12 July 2012 was when she Everald_Haas asked, today's date is 20 December 2013).
What I have read so far is SO intruiguing. I decided that from now on, I will be a MUCH tougher critiquer/suggester/etc.er, but your story disarmed me!
I'd say the only thing to critique is to sort of... make it clearer, as in, what's happening? There was Drake, then there's Magnus and then Simeon, and then PINK then Loki and then a priest? I understood she has had two kids... but now she is pregnant again?
I understand the relationships, but as the book progresses, specify the times if you're going to go Quarantino* on your readers. ;)
I saw your AN (Author's Note) at the end of 'Introduction to Playwriting', but flashbacks are critical! I agree, some of your characters' pasts are very spotty, not only the main.
Questions readers are asking:
-Er... Why is Magnus important...?
-Simeon! Simeon! I want to learn about Simeon, AND the kids!!!
-I want to learn about her religious life! That priest = epic.
-I want to see the three girls together!
-What happened to Drake? Is he relevant? Was that her past or present or future?
-IS SHE PREGNANT OR NOT ATM?!?!?
Note: reread every single sentence with meticulous detail. I noticed a few slips of grammar/spelling of the words.
Ladies and gentlemen, unicorns and penguins, lamps and pillows, this book deserves a read! I am shocked to see only 12 reads! D:
I think you should keep going! It is definitely worth to continue writing.
Sorry for having taken so long ):
xox,
JULIAN <3
*Tarantino Quarantino is famous for his movie 'Pulp Fiction' where there are three different plots and there are about four or five main events/scenes from each different plots that are interjected at random times. Example: if you have plot 1 with scenes a, b and c, and then plot 2 with again, a, b, and c, and plot 3 (etc.), you end up with something that looks like this: 1c, 2a, 3b, 3c, 2c, 1b, 2b, 1a, 3a. Meaning, identify the past and present using italics (memories and dreams = italics).
Date: 21 December 2013