Ikaw at Ako by Jhonoy Danao. Music suggested by contralto1997. You can listen as you read.
"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will get you everywhere" - Albert Einstein
A/N : In life, you draw lessons from past experiences. You analyze things and logically form conclusions and lessons . You remember and you learn. But you don't only use logic, you consider feelings too.
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RJ refused to think.
She's gone. It's as simple as that. The only logical thing to do now is to throw himself at whatever remaining tasks that are needed to be done in completing the activity center. It's what they came here for, not to mop in sadness over a woman who was not supposed to be here in the first place.
And worked he did, even if he's still feeling a little bit weak.
But when nightfall came, the emptiness returned. How can he begin to undo the last six days? He wants to feel angry, not sad. He is angry. Pero bakit nga ba? Sino ba siya?
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"Ano ang sabi ni maliit na p kay maliit na q?" Wally tried again. It's now the second night after Meng and Paolo left. The three had just finished their dinner with RJ barely touching his food.
"Ano?" asked Jose, glancing at RJ's serious demeanor. He's pretty sure that he has not smile for the past two days.
"Eh di 'About face!!!'" Wally laughed at his own joke as he also watch the unsmiling face of RJ.
"Ano ba Tisoy, magsalita ka naman! Mauubos ko na yung alphabet jokes ko, wala pa rin sa 'yo."
"Asa ka pa, Wally. Ako nga kuminis na mukha ko sa kaka..."
"Matutulog na ko kuya Jose, kuya Wally. Inaantok na ko." RJ stood up, discposing his leftover dinner.
"Inaantok? Sinong niloloko mo? Eh siguradong hindi ka naman makakatulog. Saka bakit ayaw mong lumipat sa kubo, bakit sa tent ka pa rin tumutuloy?"
Fed up with the sympathy that he sees every time they look at him, he turned to face them, "Ano gusto n'yong sabihin ko? Na namimiss ko siya? Na nagagalit ako dahil ni hindi man lang niya nagawang magpaalam? Na sana hindi ko na lang siya pinayagang sumama dito? Na sana iniwasan ko na lang siya? Ayan, kuya Jose nangyari na sinabi mo! Pero bakit hindi ko magawang ngumiti?"
"Nanligaw ka ba at binasted ka na? Sinabi bang hindi ka gusto o hindi ka gustong maging kaibigan? Niloko ba niya tayo? Hindi na ba talaga kayo magkikita? Ang sabi ko sa 'yo noon, huwag ka munang magdrama! Dahil hindi pa tapos ang script!" Jose started to leave when he remembered something.
"Eto yung sulat niya na tinapon mo kahapon. Huwag kang magkaila, nakita kong hinahanap mo kanina. Hindi ko alam ang laman niyan. Pero basahin mo ulit baka sakaling matauhan ka." he put down the still crumpled paper and left.
Wally approached him and pat his shoulder. "RJ, kung nakita mo lang sana kung gaano kalungkot si Meng nung hinatid namin sila. Gusto man niyang itago pero halatang umiiyak siya habang pababa kami. Hindi ko man alam ang pinag-usapan n'yo o kung ano ang nangyayari sa inyo. Baka naman may dahilan lang talaga siya. Nung nagpaalam siya sa akin kahapon, niyakap pa niya ako. Pero alam ko, iba gusto niyang yakapin."
RJ just stood there, staring at the crumpled letter.
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The rest of the week became a blur of activities in the village with the three preparing for the arrival of the people from the government agency that will take over the project after they leave.
With the activity center finally completed, they stacked it with the books they brought with them. They arranged a corner where they put off-the-shelf medicine for emergencies,along with the herbal plants that the village already use.
They also started training the villages on practical knowledge on cleanliness in everyday living, They went around and looked for things available in their environment that could be of use to them.
And through all these, RJ remembered.
He saw the two girls that used to go with her. They are using her notebook and trying to write the alphabet. 'Pasensiya ka na sa papel, pinilas ko lang ito sa notebook ko, malay ko bang may susulatan ako.' She really tried to get to know them.
They dined with different families every night, asking them questions about their problems and how the government can help. He noticed one of the village women wearing one of her shirts. 'I met great people of another culture. I learned so much about Mangyans, their rich culture, values and their plight.' She understood them.
They accompanied the villagers in their 'slash-and-burn' farming and taught them how to make organic fertilizers and pesticides using natural materials and ingredients. He looked at the kalabasa flowers in full bloom. 'Are these some kind of wildfloweres?......Oo, I know rhyme and stomach at bulaklak.......Ano ba kasi tawag dito, I've never seen these in flower shops?' He smiled remembering how she burst out laughing upon learning the name of the flower. She appreciates the simple things
In looking for the medicinal plants that the villagers used, they reached the hot spring. He silently laughed remembering how she valiantly told him to get out when she learned if was he who brought what she requested. 'Anong ginagawa mo dito?.....Did you bring the package?... Oh, you know what I mean! My clothes, iabot mo na nang makaahon na ko dito.' She never fail to impress him with her poise and dignity even when angry. Specially when she's angry.
They came to the nook in the rain forest where he found her in their rescue mission that rainy day. He recalled how worried and anxious he was to find her, afraid that she's already crying or in panic or worst hysterical. And yet, he found her calm and collected watching the rain, a true-blooded pluviophile like him.
He closed his eyes, the poignant moment and her words still very vivid on his mind. 'Alam mo, hindi ako natatakot nung naghihintay kami kanina. I need to be brave for the three of us. But I know that somebody will come for us sooner or later. For some strange reason, I was not surprised that it was you."......."I'm glad it was you." He still remember the tender look in her eyes and the way she leaned on his shoulder. You can't fake those emotions. She's clearly as affected as he is.
He shook his head, smiling, when he recalled how she quoted a movie for the first time. The girl is full of surprises. "I have to warn you, I've heard that relationship based on intense experience never work"...."Jack Travern from the 1994 movie Speed..." As much as she tried evading the topic, she was clearly worried at how sudden their feelings maybe developing.
At night, sitting on top of the stairs of the hut, while listening to someone play their native musical instruments and holding the piece of bamboo that she gave him with the letters 'NOPQR' inscribed, he always remember her face, her expressive eyes, her voice during their talks. He recalls how animated she can be when voicing out her opinions, how her face would break out into smiles, how she would laugh even at simple jokes or how she would be as happy as a kid while playing with the children..
And how can he forget? He always recalls how she spit fire like a goddess when he told her not to fall for him.
"Okay, fine! You want the truth? Oo na, CRUSH KITA! Yun ang problema mo? Pero hindi mo ba alam na isang pera, isang muta na lang crush ngayon? Actually, nangongolekta talaga ako ng crushessss! Plural! Gusto mong malaman kung pang-ilan ka sa listahan?"........."Don't push it. I maybe grateful to you for allowing us to go with you, but that doesn't give you the right to question how I feel. As long as I don't flirt with you, hanggang hindi kita nilalandi, MY FEELINGS, MY PROBLEM!
And he wonders with a smile, 'Pang-ilan nga kaya ako sa listahan?".
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The day came when when it's time for them to leave. The people from the NICP are already here and they have already completed their transition. They have said their goodbyes to the elders and to the village with a promise to go back should they find another opportunity.
Standing by the lone tree at the now familiar summit, RJ looks at the mountain range that they need to hike again going down. He pulled out his wallet from his backpack and got her letter, worn out from being crumpled but still whole. He cannot remember the number of times he has read the letter that he already knows the contents by heart.
He tried to sort out what he's feeling. He's no longer angry. Sad definitely, but simply because he misses her.
He's a very logical person. Analyzing the letter, he understood now and he agrees with her.
He has a lot of questions too. The time they spent here as two strangers, may have been too ideal to be true. They cannot ignore the fact that they have their own worlds to go back to. While she's scared of her feelings, he has his own fears too.
Pero sabi nga ni kuya Jose, hindi pa tapos ang script. Ikaw at ako.
"Whether our journey will have continuation or this is the end, only time can tell. But if ever our paths should cross again, I will be more than ready to start that friendship and the rest of the journey with you. I hope you are too."
She said that she's not hard to find but she wants their next meeting to be a happy accident. She calls it serendipity and he calls it coincidence.
"Meng, you're forgetting something. It can still be a chanced meeting but I can always increase the probability."