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*play Angel by Jireh Lim*
Namumugto parin ang mga mata ko. Magmula nang malaman ko ang totoo, hindi parin ako nakakatigil sa pag-iyak. Ngayon ko nalang medyo napapakalma ang sarili ko.
But honestly, I still feel like crying all over again. Pero kailangan kong pigilan ang sarili ko. I need to be strong when I finally see Price again.
The doctor said he’s finally awake. Kaya naman heto ako ngayon, nakatayo sa harap ng kwarto ni Price, pinipigilang tumulo ang mga luha ko, trying hard to look strong when in fact, I’m really not.
Huminga ako ng malalim. I needed to get in there. So I opened the door, preparing myself for what I might see.
And there he was... lying on the hospital bed.
I never thought I’d see him in that place... so soon.
He looked me in the eyes when he saw me.
He smiled—a smile I’ve always been longing to see again.
I felt so stiff. I couldn’t move. I was caught off guard at the sight of Price in his hospital bed—so weak and fragile. But he kept smiling at me. His eyes never left mine, and because of that warmth in his eyes, I finally gathered the strength to walk towards him.
I took small slow steps to him, my eyes still trying to take in what was in front of me.
As I got near him, I started to smile. I remembered that I had to be strong. But I couldn’t ignore the choking feeling in my chest, and the tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
“H-Hi, love,” I whispered with a smile, trying my best to look strong for him.
Patuloy lang siyang tumitig sa akin. Pakiramdam ko matutunaw ako sa titig niya. At parang lalo pang sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa bawat segundong nagdadaan. I was trying so hard to keep my tears from falling.
“Saydie,” he finally said.
And that’s when I broke down.
It’s been so long since I heard him say my name with so much...love.
I just couldn’t help myself anymore.
I ran to his bed and hugged him tightly. I started crying yet again. Hindi ko na napigilan ang nararamdaman ko. I was so broken.
“P-Price... H-How.... Bakit hindi mo sinabi sakin?!” I asked in between my tears. “B-Bakit, Price? Bakit?!”
He held on to me, too. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “I’m sorry, Saydie. I-I... I’m really sorry.”
His voice cracked, like he was crying too.
“I-I...I just can’t do this, Price,” sabi ko. “H-Hindi ko kaya!... Hindi ko kaya... I just can’t lose you!”
He hugged me tighter, and I continued to cry. I buried my face into his chest and wept. I just couldn’t contain my emotions anymore.
“Shh...” bulong ni Price sa tenga ko. “You’re not losing me... I’ll... I’ll always be yours.”
But I cried even harder. Hindi ko lang talaga lubos maisip na... pwede siyang mawala sa akin. Hindi ko kaya. Just the thought of it... kills me.
I pulled away from his arms and faced him. “Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin? Why did you keep this from me?!”
Umiwas siya sa akin ng tingin.
“I... I’m sorry,” sabi niya nang hindi parin tumitingin sa akin. “I... I just didn’t want to hurt you.”
“What?!”
“I didn’t want to hurt you. So I kept my condition from you,” tuloy niya. “Alam kong masasaktan ka ng sobra-sobra ‘pag nawala na ako. Kaya naisip kong lumayo nalang sayo, para kahit papano... mabawasan yung sakit na pwede kong idulot sayo.”
He suddenly looked into my eyes and said, “But my love for you never changed.”
I stared at him for a while, trying to understand what he just told me. Pero grabe parin yung sakit.
“H-How... could you do that to me?” tanong ko.
“Believe me, every second without you felt like death itself!” he answered. “Sobrang sakit na mawala sa tabi mo, Saydie. Ang sakit na alam kong nasasaktan parin kita sa ginagawa ko. But I just thought of the future, when... I’m gone. Alam kong magiging masaya ka... sa piling ng iba... without me in your heart. Alam kong mas magiging masaya ka ‘pag kinalimutan mo ako.”
“Kung ikaw nasasaktan, paano pa kaya ako?! I was devastated!” sagot ko. “Sayo ko lang naramdaman ang ganitong saya, Price, at hinding-hindi ko to mararamdaman sa ibang lalake. Ikaw lang ang nakakapagpasaya sakin ng ganito, Price. God gave you to me for that happiness. I’ll never find it in anyone else.
“I’d rather feel whatever pain I deserve...than forget about you for even a second.”
Tinitigan lang ako ni Price. He stared deep into my eyes. Hindi ko maintindihan ang emosyon niya. Para siyang natutuwa ng sobra, pero nasasaktan din.
“You don’t understand, Saydie,” sabi niya. “I’m setting you free.”
I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. For a few seconds, I couldn’t move; I couldn’t speak. I just stared at him in disbelief.
“Did you even hear a word I just said?!” halos isigaw ko. “I’M NOT LEAVING YOU!”
“If ‘freedom’ means being without you, then I don’t want to be free,” sabi ko. “I’m with you no matter what happens. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health... till death do us part... That was my promise, remember?”
This time, he was the one staring at me. It wasn’t because of disbelief or shock. He was just speechless.
“I can’t believe this,” I heard him whisper to himself. Nakatitig parin siya sakin. He was staring at me in...awe. Like he just saw an angel.
“God really loves me,” he said. I can see tears starting to form in the corner of his eyes. “I don’t deserve to be loved by Him, yet He does. He loves me so much... to give me someone like you. I-I... don’t deserve to be loved like this. I’ve pushed you away. I’m... setting you free, but still you chose to stay; you chose to be with me. I can’t believe someone like you... could love me that way.”
Napangiti ako bigla sa kabila ng mga luhang tumutulo sa mukha ko.
“I do... I love you,” sabi ko sakanya ng may ngiti.
Nakita kong may tumulong luha mula sa mga mata niya. He was crying; and it was tearing up my heart even more.
“B-Bakit?” tanong ko. “Bakit ka umiiyak?”
Suddenly, my heart started beating faster. I felt like there was something more he had to tell me. Kinabahan ako bigla.
He looked at me and continued to cry.
“I’m... I’m sorry, Saydie,” sabi niya at patuloy na umiyak. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry for making you go through this. I-I’m... I’m sorry for hurting you like this... Minamahal mo ako, pero sinasaktan lang kita... And someday... I’m going to leave you...soon. I’m... s-sorry.”
Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang mukha niya. I looked straight into his eyes.
“I’m your wife, remember? No matter what happens, I’m with you. We’re going to go through this together. We are going to face this together. That’s what married couples do,” sabi ko. “I will always be with you. And no matter what, I’m not going to leave you... And you’re not going to leave me.”
“We’ll face this together, okay?” sabi ko ulit. “Together.”
Finally, a smile formed once again on his lips.
“Together,” he said, making me smile despite the tears and the danger threatening his life.
I’m not going to leave you, Price. And you’re not leaving me.