Trigger warning: this imagine is... Well, a pretty serious one. If you get triggered because of anything that involves suicide, I wouldn't read this one. If you're unsure about reading, then don't read it, okay? Just please don't read it if your trigger by suicide or suicidal thoughts or stuff like that.
Where did it all go wrong? Well, my list goes on and on and on. For me, it all started when I was born, mostly because I wish I wasn't. I'm getting nothing from being alive in this world. All it's doing is making me feel worse and worse.
I stared down at the long cake knife in my hands. Only one big long cut, and it'll all be over. None of my family was home. My dad was at work, my mom went to get groceries, and my siblings all went to their friends house. This was the perfect time to finally end it.
I brought the knife to the end of my wrist. One big slice, that's it. It'll all be over. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and pressed the tip of the knife down, sliding it down to my forearm. In only a few minutes, I'll be dead. At least that's what I thought.
When I opened my eyes, I saw no open flesh. My arm was completely fine. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I brought the tip of the knife back to my wrist, and sliced again. Still nothing. I just wanted it all to end. Why can't I just end my misery now?! Once again, I brought the knife back to my wrist.
"Are you really sure you want to do this, Y/N," a soft voice sounded from behind me. My grip tightened around the knife. I didn't want anyone taking me out of this. Tears started to swarm my eyes as I slide the knife down my arm once again, with nothing happening. "...Y/N?" The voice called me.
I turned my head slowly around to look at the person talking to me. He was short, not quite chubby, with a leather jacket, and a fedora sitting upon his reddish-brown hair the swooped gently to the side. His hands were folded I front of him like a soldiers, and his blue eyes seemed sad. I got up from the floor, dropping the knife, and turned to him.
"Who the fuck are you and why are you here?" I asked him bitterly.
"Well, Y/N..." He started to walk towards me slowly. With each stephe took, I backed away. When he noticed he wasn't making any progress he stopped moving. "I'm an angel," the man almost whispered to me. My eye brows furrowed in confusion.
"If your an angel, then where are your w-".
And right before my eyes (and before I could finish my sentence,) wings sprung from the mans upper back. Pure white feathers spread around my small room, just about engulfing me. His wings were huge and beautiful. Not all were they pure white, but at the tip of each flight feather, the color turned to a sparkling silver. And when I say these wings were huge, I mean they were huuge. Larger than a vultures wing span. Large than a giant eagles wing span.
The man stared at me while I marveled at his wings. A slight smile was spread across his face, probably happy that he shut me up. I shook my head, and stared back at the man.
"You still never answered why your here," I told him. He nodded his head and retracted his wings.
"I've come here to talk to you." I let out a frustrated sigh, and that made him look defeated. "Y/N..." He started. "Do you know what happens when you... Die?" He asked me slowly, hoping it would sink in quickly. But I just shrugged my shoulder at him.
"Depending on what you believe in, you go where ever the religion says you do."
"No," he sighed, looking me straight in the eyes. "I mean what happens on Earth." I didn't respond. "Can I take you some where, Y/N?" Before I could even make a noise, he jerked forward, grabbed me around the waist, and spread his wings. And then in a blink of an eye, he flew us straight through the ceiling, into another dimension.
There I was, in front of my family. Or, well, the front of my transparent house, basically. My mom was in bed and refused to leave it, Dad was trying so hard not to break, my older brother wasn't home, and my oldest brother was in his room, sobs coming from his unmoving body scooted into his desk. My family was broken... Even more than it is now.
Suddenly, everything in front of me flashed, so now I was in our kitchen. My family silently eating their pizza. I saw my older brother, Marcus, look over to the empty seat across from him. His light brown eyes glistened with tears.
"I miss Y/N..." Marcus spoke softly to no one in particular. The rest of my family stopped what they were doing immediately. And me? Well, my breathing stopped for a second. Marcus was that kid who hates everyone but his friends. He wouldn't talk to anyone in our family. But now, suddenly he speaks out, saying he misses me. I walked around the table so I was standing next to him. I extended my hand to touch his shoulder, but it just went straight through.
"I know..." My dad choked out, not looking up from his plate. "We all do..." And that's when my mom bursted into tears. My dad put his arms around her, and tried to calm her down. My brothers just started at them, silently crying to themselves.
"Why did they do it..." I heard my oldest brother, Chris, whisper to himself. He shot up from his seat, and slammed his fist of the table. "WHY DID THEY DO IT?!?" Chris screamed at the top of his lungs. It was as if he was waiting for answer, but no one could give him one. No one but me.
Another flash and now I'm in front of my best friend. She lays in her bed, her room not getting any light. From what I can tell, she's been there for days. Every few minutes, I can hear a whimper come from her, and then it'd stop. She moved her head, and stared at the picture of the two of us. The picture was from eighth grade graduation.
"Oh Y/N... I don't know what to do without you..." She cried.
Another flash and I'm in front of the rest of my friends. Well, my friends and the rest of the school. They're all sitting together in the auditorium, quietly asking each other why me and my best friend weren't at school today. The principle asked everyone to quiet down. She talked about how something tragic happened with one of the student in the school. She paused for a second, and then stammered about how I commit suicide the night before.
I saw the shock and sadness on everyone's face. One of my friends shot up from their seat and started yelling about how it's not true, that they just saw me yesterday. Another one of them was yelling my name. The others were either crying violently, or crying while trying to clam the two who started to yell. But they wouldn't stop. All you could hear in the auditorium were my friends crying and yelling loudly. The principle went on with whatever else they had to say. But I didn't care about what they said. I just cared about how broken my friends were. Abut how much I wanted to see their smiling faces again.
I wanted the sadness to stop. I wanted no one to care about me. My eyes burned from the tears that would not stop flowing. I don't know how long I've been crying, but I know it must have been a lone time.
The flash happened again, and now, I guess it's a year later. To the left, I could see my family and their emotions and thoughts. They were still thinking about me, wishing I was still alive so they could take me out, or show me something, or just... Hug me and never let go.
In front of me was my best friend. To everyone else, she seemed fine. Underneath her fake smile, I could see depression eating away at her. I could see all the things we planned to do together, all the late night conversations, how she wished I just would have told her something was wrong. She didn't want to go through anything like that again, but I just made it happen again. All the pain she went through all those years ago, she now dealing with again, but much worse. Now she's scared about going through all these life experiences without me there to keep her steady.
To my right was the rest of my friends. Each one of them thought about me in a different way. How they should have done more things with me, or that one funny thing I did with them, or regretting those stupid fights we had because they didn't know what I was going through. I see them regretting not seeing something was not quite right with me.
All of these people plus more were devastated I was gone. I changed their lives permanently when I didn't want to. I had such a big impact on their lives, that they never want to forget about me.
"So, Y/N. Do you know what happens now?" The angel asked me. I slowly nodded my head, tears continually falling down my cheeks. "Can I show you one more thing?"
"If it involves more sadness, no..." I replied to him softly, not wanting to take my eyes off of everyone. He walked towards me, and grabbed my shoulder. Once again there was that flash, but now, we were just in complete whiteness.
"I want to show you your future." He flapped his wings hard, and the dust around us turned into pictures. "Just a few hours from now, your best friend will know you're not okay." He pointed at the first one. "And after that, you'll finally get the help you've been secretly wanting." He went onto the next picture while the first one just turned back into dust.
"In a few years, you'll finally get your dream job, a nice apartment, and a good income. You'd be living with your best friend, and the relationship with your parents will be okay. I think you'll be excited to know that you'll finally get that pet you always wanted." He looked over to me, a smile tugging on his lips. I smiled back at him because, yes, I was actually excited to hear that. Again, the picture disappeared, and he went to the next one.
"Around 6 years after moving in with your best friend, you'll be moving in with your fiancé. You'll be happy and healthy without a care in the world. And you're fiancé, well, let me say they're the perfect match for you." He explain as the picture fell once again. But after that, there were no more pictures. All those pictures I just saw, I looked extremely happy. There was just one thing I did t understand.
"Why are you showing me my future?" I asked him. He turned to me, and looked me right in the eyes. His blue eyes had hope written all over them.
"To show you there's a light at the end of every tunnel. No matter how small or faint the light may seem to you, it's still there." He backed away from me, a grin forming on his face. "You just gotta keep moving to get there. But-" he paused, looking concerned. "You do know you won't remember anything that I showed you about your future, right? That Anything else I showed you will just seem like a dream you had?" I sighed, wishing that it wasn't the case.
"I understand," I replied to him. He smiled at me, his wings extending so he can take off.
"I hope I helped you see it's not worth it, Y/N." I smiled at him the most genuine smile I've given in such a long time. He started to flap his wings, the whiteness around us starting to fade. Once the whiteness is gone, I know what will happen. I'll just wake up where I was before. But I wanted to know one thing before that all happened.
"Hey!" I called up to the ascending angel. He looked down at me, trying not to go up any farther. "I never got your name, stranger!" He smirked at him, and shook His head.
"I'm Patrick. Patrick Stump," he shouted down at me and continued to ascend.
----
I snapped out of my daze with a knife in my hand, inches away from my wrist. Dreams I've had in the past started buzzing through my mind. Dreams of my friends being shocked, and my best friend and family being broken. My eyes widened and I threw the knife across the room. I didn't want to die. But thoughts of just ending it slithered around in my mind. The worst thing was that I actually didn't know if I wanted to die.
"Hey Y/N-" my best friend brayed through my door. "Sorry I didn't call before I-" they stopped mid sentence and saw me sitting in such a way only a person who was terrified of something would sit. I couldn't bear to look at them right now, but at the corner of my eye, I could see them looking to the place I couldn't keep my eyes off of. That's when they saw the knife. I started to cry when I knew they saw it, and that's when they ran over to me, and cradled me to calm me down. I don't know it, but in this moment, my life will change for the better.
Fuck this was long. I'm supposed to be getting up early tomorrow and yet hear I am, spending over an hour to finish this.... (I cried writing this over half way through...) FUCK WHY DO INDONTHIS TO MYSELF I'm sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. I don't feel like rereading this all the way through and fixing any of them. Sorry :P