Jack Gilinsky
I didn't really know what to think when I walked into the hotel room to discover that everything was trashed.
At first I thought it was some joke, but the second I saw that Nadia, Hannah, and Johnson were all just confused as I was, I knew something was wrong.
"Do you think room service could've done it?" Nadia suggests, a worried expression covering her face. It pisses me off to see her like this. Whoever did this shit is going to pay.
Johnson shakes his head. "I doubt it..."
"Are we seriously thinking about this?" Hannah objects. "It's obvious who did this."
It takes me a minute to get what she's hinting at, but then I realize.
"Fuck," I mutter, running my hands through my hair. As if I didn't have enough to be stressing about right now. I can't believe I even let myself forget about them for this long. Did I seriously think they were done with us?
"What?" Nadia asks, looking perplexed.
"Justin and Nate." Hannah reckons.
Nadia's face goes from confused to angry in .2 seconds and as bad as this may sound it was hot. But I quickly have to push that thought out of my head because this is serious and if they've somehow gotten into our room then who knows what else they are capable of.
Well, I know what they're capable of and I'm sure Jack does too, but I really don't want to think about that right now.
"We have to leave," he announces, practically reading my mind.
"No shit," Hannah says.
I sigh. "No, he means like - right now. Grab whatever shit is yours as fast as you can and let's go."
"Why? Do you think they're still here?" I'm not sure how but Nadia's able to switch emotions faster than Usain Bolt. Now she's scared, and there's no way in hell I'm going to just stand here and do nothing about it.
"We're all going to be fine," I tell her, lightly touching her wrist. "Just get your stuff together so we can head out."
"Where are we supposed to go?" She argues, eyes blazing. Holy crap how many feelings can a person have in less than sixty seconds? I wrap my hand in hers and take a deep breath. I'm hoping that if she can see how calm I am (or how calm I'm trying to be) and that she'll follow suit.
"I can push our flight to an earlier time," Jack blurts out of nowhere as he shoves a bunch of shit into a bag.
"What flight?" Hannah queries the same time I ask, "how?"
"I have my ways, don't stress, just hurry and pack."
"Wait, what flight?" Hannah repeats, finally walking around the room and picking up her clothes that have been strewn all over the room.
"We're going back to Omaha," I tell them, slamming shut the drawer that happened to have my favorite shirt in it. I can't find it anywhere, and I bet Nate stole it. He always tried to wear it when I was living at the apartment with him. Goddammit.
"All of us?" The amount of hope in Nadia's voice is enough to make me melt.
Johnson stops for a moment, giving her a small smile. "All of us."
There's a moment of silence, and I'm not sure what to do or how to feel. I think another personal conversation is about to happen between Nadia and Johnson, so I grab Hannah and shove us into the bathroom.
"What the hell? I was about to grab my charger," She hisses, trying to shove past me.
"Grab your bathroom shit, they need privacy."
Hannah laughs. "As if a bathroom door can conceal their voices."
I shrug. "It's the thought that counts. Now hurry before Nate comes back and tries to get you to suck his dick."
Jack Johnson
I know what Nadia's thinking. That since I'm going back to Omaha I'll be there for good, and it kinda makes me feel like a jackass.
"Listen...don't get too excited," I start, zipping up my bag. I'm done packing but since I rather be doing something than standing still while talking to my sister about this, I grab Jack's shit and start packing it.
"What do you mean don't get excited?" She questions, dropping a sweatshirt back where she found it. Oh, God, here we go.
"Just, yeah I'm coming back with you, but who knows for how long..."
"I know for how long," she insists. "For as long as you're out of college and jobless and unstable."
I can't help but scoff. "I'm anything but unstable right now, Nadie. If you don't remember I got us all tickets to the baseball game yesterday and also bought us all tickets to Omaha and I'm in the process of getting them moved to tickets for today - that shit is not easy."
"I don't mean money wise, and I don't even wanna know where you're getting all that from. I mean mentally."
"Who says I'm mentally unstable?"
"You've gotta be kidding me." She laughs. "Ever since Dad died-"
"Don't start with that shit," I warn her, interjecting before she can say anymore.
"You haven't talked about it since it happened, Jack, why can't you stop holding back for one second?"
"I'm not talking about this with you. That's in the past."
"Why not though? We're family, we're supposed to be able to have a civil conversation about this. It may have happened a few months ago but that doesn't mean it's stopped effecting you." Tears swarm in Nadia's eyes and I have to fight so hard to suppress all the pain that's building up inside of me.
"Now's not the time."
"No time is ever the time, Jack! I've been dealing with this by myself since the accident! So has Mom! She never wants to talk about it with me either and I just can't take this anymore! I feel so alone I just wish he was still here!" She sobs. "I miss him so much!"
I choke back my own sob, tears free falling down my cheeks. Fuck. "I'm sorry, Nadia! I'm so fucking sorry that some drunken idiot had to kill Dad, and I'm sorry that I hate talking about it and that Mom hates talking about it because every time it's mentioned we have to relive it! It hurts too fucking much, Nadia, I'm not strong enough for this."
"Don't you dare say you're not strong enough," she belts, her cries racking throughout her whole body. "You're one of the strongest people I know next to Mom, we've gone through so much if we weren't strong we wouldn't be here right now. You don't have to be strong to talk about him - to remember him. You just have to be willing."
"I'm not willing, that's the thing! You have to understand that, please," I beg, rubbing my face with my hands. I don't want my sister to have to see me like this. I'm a fucking mess.
"I get it, alright? I know how much it hurts. I feel that pain every morning when I wake up and remember he won't be at my graduation. He won't be there when I'm getting ready for prom. He will never walk me down the aisle at my wedding, we'll never have our father and daughter dance," she sobs again, the veins in her neck popping out.
"Why do you want to put yourself through that? I just want to forget? Why don't you want to forget?" I ask, my face filling with blood. I can only imagine how red I am. I try my best to control my tears but I don't think anything has ever been as hard as this. I take a deep breath, hiccuping as I do.
"I don't want to forget, Jack," she whispers. I watch as she falls on the bed beside her. "I'm scared to forget."
"Why?" I slowly walk towards her, our eyes locking. She looks so hurt. And I know exactly the pain she's in right now and I wish somehow I could make everything bad in this world go away so for one second we could feel nothing but bliss.
"I'm starting to forget him," she sniffles. "I don't want to forget him, I'm so scared, Jacky." My lips tremble hearing her use the nickname she used to call me when we were little. Then I realize that I'm scared too. And instead of running straight into my fears like Nadia's doing, I'm running away from them.
"You're never going to forget him, Nadie. I'm never going to - Mom's never going to. He's always going to be there, you don't have to worry."
Without a word, she sits up in the bed and wraps me in her arms. I hug her tight and squeeze my eyes shut.
As much as I hate to admit this, I needed that conversation, and I know Nadia needed it too. In the end, all we needed was each other, and I can't help but be mad at myself for leaving my family during the time they needed me the most.
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okay I actually cried while writing that lmao, but anyway thanks for reading I really appreciate it.
I hope you liked it and feel free to comment and vote!! chapter 45 will be up whenever I get a chance, thanks for your patience.
- gilinskyshigh