"Are you ready to get up?" Hardin asks at least an hour later.
"I know I should, I just don't want to." I tell him and rub my cheek against his chest.
"I don't want to rush you, but I really have to piss." He tells me and I laugh, climbing off of him and the bed.
"Ow." I say before I can stop myself.
"You okay?" He asks for the thousandth time. His hand reaches out to help steady me.
"Yea, just sore." I tell him. I cringe when I look at my sheets.
"I'll toss them." He pulls the sheets off the small bed.
"Not in here, Steph will see them."
"Okay? So where?" He moves up and down on his heels. He must have been holding his bladder for a while.
"I don't know.. can you put them in a dumpster or something when you leave?"
"Who said I was leaving? So what, you sleep with me and then kick me out?" His eyes dance with amusement. He grabs his jeans and boxers off the floor and puts them on. I grab his shirt and hold it out to him.
"Just go pee, take the sheets out on your way just in case." I don't know why I care so much, but the last thing I need is Steph drilling me for information about losing my virginity.
"I won't look like a creep or anything, carrying bloody sheets to my car at night." He says, I scowl at him and he balls the sheets up and walks to the door.
"I love you." He smiles before walking out.
Now that he has left the room I have a little time to collect myself. I wonder if I look as good as I feel. I feel warm and oddly at peace. The memory of Hardin hovering over me while he moves in and out of me makes my stomach clench. Now I know why people make such a big deal about sex. I really have been missing out, but I know that if my first time wouldn't have been with Hardin it wouldn't have been so amazing. When I look in the mirror, my mouth falls open at my reflection. My cheeks are glowing, my lips are swollen. I squish my cheeks and move my hands around, somehow I look different. It's the slightest of change and I can't quite put my finger on it but I like it. I take a second to admire the small red marks littered across my breasts. I don't even remember when he made them. My mind takes me back to him making love to me, his mouth hot and wet against my flesh. I am snapped from my thoughts by the door opening causing me to jump slightly.
"Admiring yourself?" Hardin smirks and locks the door.
"No.. I .. " I don't know what to say. I am standing in front of the mirror completely naked, fantasizing about his lips on my skin.
"It's cool babe, if I had your body I would stare at myself in the mirror too." He says and I flush.
"I think I am going to take a shower." I tell him while trying my best to cover myself with my hands. I don't want to wash his scent off of my body but I need to wash everything else off.
"I'll take one too." He says. I raise an eyebrow at him and he smiles. "Not together, I know. However, if we lived together we could."
Something has changed in him too, I can see it. It's the way his smile is a little deeper and his eyes brighter. I don't reckon that anyone else would be able to spot the change in him, I know him better than anyone despite the fact that there are still many secrets of his that I plan to uncover.
"What?" He cocks his head to the side.
"Nothing, I just love you." I tell him and his cheeks redden slightly and his face splits into a grin, mirroring mine.
We both seem to be giddy and high off of each other. I love this. When I move to grab my robe he steps in front of me.
"Have you at least thought about living with me?" He asks.
"You just asked me yesterday, I can only make one life altering decision a day." I laugh.
"I want to sign the paperwork soon, I have got to get out of that damned frat house." He rubs his temples.
"You could just get it on your own?" I suggest again.
"I want it to be ours."
"Why?"
"Because I want to spend as much time with you as I can. Why are you so hesitant? Is it the money, I would pay everything of course."
"No you wouldn't." I scoff. "If I was to agree to this I would contribute, I am not looking for a free ride." I cant believe we are actually discussing this.
"Then what is it?'
"I don't know.. we haven't known each other that long. I had always thought I wouldn't live with anyone else until I was married." I explain. That's not the only reason, my mother is a huge reason along with the fear of having to rely on someone else. Even Hardin.
"Married? That's an ancient idea you have there Tessa." He chuckles and sits down in the chair.
"What's wrong with marriage?" I ask. "Not between us. Just in general." I add.
"Nothing wrong with it, it's just not for me." He shrugs.
This discussion has taken too serious of a turn. I don't want to speak about marriage with Hardin, but it does bother me that he says marriage isn't for him. I haven't ever thought about actually marrying him, it is way too early for that. Years too early but I would like the option to be there eventually and he basically just said he never plans to get married. I don't want to be married until I am at least twenty five and then have at least two children. I have my whole future planned. Had. My subconscious reminds me. I had everything planned until I met Hardin and now my plans are constantly changing and shifting.
"That bothers you doesn't it?" He asks. I am convinced that Hardin and I making love has tied an invisible string between us tying together our bodies and minds.
"No." I try to hide the emotion in my voice but it comes out heavy. "I have never heard anyone say they don't want to get married. I thought that's what everyone wants that is the central point of life right?"
"Not exactly, I think people just want to be happy. Think of Catherine, look what marriage brought her and Heathcliff." I love that we speak the same narrative language. There is no one else that would speak in this way to me, the way that I understand the best.
"They didn't marry each other that was the problem." I laugh. I think back to the time when there had been so many parrels between my relationship with Hardin and Catherine's with Heathcliff.
"Rochester and Jane?" He suggests. Hardin's mention of Jane Eyre pleasantly surprises me.
"You're joking right? He was cold and withholding. He also proposed to Jane without telling her that he was already married to that madwoman he had locked in the attic. You aren't making very many valid points here." I point out.
"I know, I just love hearing you ramble about literary heroes." He brushes the hair off his forehead and in a childish moment, I stick my tongue out at him.
"So what you are saying is that you want to marry me? I can promise you that I have no bat crazy wife hidden in my house." He takes a step towards me. I know there is no wife, but it's the other things he hides that worries me.
"What? No, of course not. I was just speaking in terms of all marriage. Not us specifically." My heart is beating out of my chest as he closes the gap between us. I am naked and talking to Hardin about marriage, what the hell is happening in my life?
"So you're saying you wouldn't?"
"No, I wouldn't. Well I don't know, why are we even discussing this?" I hide my face in his chest and feel it shake with laughter.
"I was just wondering. But now that you've presented me with a valid argument I may have to reconsider my no marriage stance. You could make an honest man out of me" He looks serious but here is no way he is. Right? Just as I begin to question his sanity, he laughs and kisses my temple.
"Can we talk about something else?" I groan. Losing my virginity and talking about marriage is way too much for my mushy brain.
"Sure. But I am not dropping the apartment thing, you have until tomorrow to give me an answer. I won't wait forever." He says.
"How sweet." I roll my eyes and he stands up to hug me.
"You know me, Mr. Romantic." He says and kisses my forehead. "Now, lets get a shower. You standing here naked makes me want to throw you on the bed and fuck you again."
I shake my head and pull out of his embrace before wrapping my robe around my body.
"Are you coming or what?" I say and grab my toiletry bag.
"I would love to come, but I guess a shower will have to do for now." He winks and I swat his arm as we walk into the hall.