I slowly opened my eyes, I had a crazy headache so I leaned up and rubbed my head, looked at my phone and it was just 5:04am. I looked to the other side of the bed and no one was there, I don't know if Ryan was still here or if he had already left, I know he works early.
"Hello? Are you still here?" I said as I got up and walked out my room and peeked in the living room, no one was there. I started hearing water from the shower so I went towards the bathroom door instead. The light was dim and it was cracked, I could see the steam slowly coming from out the door. I opened it and I seen him standing in the shower, the shower doors and fog was making it too blurry to even see. I slowly slid open the shower door, and I seen Josh's back.
"Josh?! Josh is that you?" He turned around and my stomach turned to knots, and my nerves were getting the best of me by the second. I laid my head on his chest and put my arms around him, feeling the hot water hit against my back. How was he up and here, how was he in my shower, where was Ryan? "Talk to me Josh, say something. How did you wake up, how did you get here?" I cried and put my hands on his face and couldn't believe that I was holding Josh in my arms, he was awake and alive and I didn't have a clue how. "Josh?"
"I was never gone? You know I love you Liyah I'd never leave you again." He said in his deep voice, the voice I haven't heard in months and been longing for ever since.
"What are you talking about, you've been in a coma for months? You were gone! Why aren't you answering me!?" I yelled out and I felt his hands grab mine move them from off his face. He walked from out the shower, and out the door and it was so steamy I couldn't see anything, or where he went.
"Josh?!" I said walking slowly out the shower, shirt dripping wet leaving puddles on the floor, fighting the steam trying to find the door but I couldn't find it. "Josh where are you?"
"I'm still here Liyah."
I jumped up from out my sleep, out of breath and hot, I felt like I was about to have an anxiety attack. I really need to stop having all these realistic ass dreams. I looked over at my phone and it was the same time that I saw in my dream, and I even heard the shower running. "Ugh, Liyah I know you aren't losing your damn mind now." I said to myself as I got up and looked at the same, cracked door and the steam. I went inside and opened the shower door, but it wasn't Josh this time.
"Are you okay? You came in here so quietly." Ryan said and I just looked at him, I know I was probably looking crazy as hell, early in the morning, messy hair, my face on a scale of ten probably a solid three. It was the first time we had sex last night but I was too out of my mind to even comment about it. "Is something wrong you look like you've seen a ghost?"
"I'm fine." I said walking out the bathroom and shutting the door. I went and grabbed my phone and seen if I had any important messages or calls but I didn't, just the same stuff. I sat there on the bed, confused and could feel myself getting sick. I knew I shouldn't of rushed and said I loved Ryan, I still can't even have a decent dream without Josh in it.
"You sure you're alright?" He said coming out the bathroom to get the rest of his clothes, kissing me on my forehead. I didn't wanna tell him about the dream, I wouldn't know how too if I even tried.
"I'm sure. I just need to go see Lily." I said fake smiling and going in the bathroom to shower and get ready. Hopefully by the time I got out he'd be gone, I cared for Ryan but I needed time to myself for today, after that dream I feel like I need to runaway, or that I was just starting to go crazy.
******************
I got down to the hospital, I peeked in her room and she was still sleeping. I smiled and went next door to Josh's room. It was still early in the morning so it was kind of dark, so nothing but the light from his machine was lit up in the room, they had the room lights very dim. I rubbed his arm and carefully slid myself on the small empty space of the bed, laying my head on Josh's chest and my arm around his body.
"Why won't you wake up? You're making things hard for me. There's someone that I think loves me, and I don't know if I feel the same about him. I miss you so much that it's controlling me. I don't know if I want to move on but something tells me to not let go of you."
I said but as you know I got no reply, I'd do anything to hear his voice. I kept my head against his chest and just listened to his heart beating, and cried until I was slowly starting to fall asleep.
I was about ten minutes in my sleep, but then I felt his hand that was under mine, I felt it move. I jumped up and looked at his face, his eyes were still closed and it looked the same. I don't think I was that far into my sleep, I know what I felt. I slowly got up from the bed and got the nurse that was just outside in the hall.
"I felt him move, his hand moved."
"Are you sure? Did you see it move?"
"No but I felt it, my hand was ontop of his-"
"It could've very well just been a twitch, it happens sometimes. If he was awake or waking up, eyes are usually first." She said looking at me, she was the expert but I still didn't want to believe what she was saying, to me it was a sign of progress. Then again, she could be right. I've been so stuck in my head ever since the dream this morning.
"Okay, you might be right though. It just scared me that's all. I don't know-"
"It's okay, I'll make sure to look in on it. But you look restless, you should go get some rest." I nodded my head and walked out the room wiping the tears from off my cheeks. I didn't have anywhere to go for a distraction, I was out of work and Tay was out of town for a few days. I had nothing else to do but stay at the hospital, but before I could even relax I seen someone walking from down the hall that I didn't want to see, which was my mom.
"Why are you even still here? Don't you think you've done your fair share of destruction in my life? Leave me alone!"
"I just wanna fix things! You won't even give it a try!"
"Cause I know how you are! You're manipulative, and a liar! Do you need me to go down the list?"
"I'm sorry about all I put you through in the past, everyone is older now including you, I have a granddaughter that doesn't even know who I am. You can't hide from me forever, from where you came from." My mom was the best unpaid actress I knew, if she wasn't on so much drugs and drowned in alcohol every other day Hollywood would love her. She could lie her way out of anything, and it was terribly amazing.
"And she won't. All she needs is me, that's all she had from the start. That's all I had from the start. And I don't hide anything about myself, I just keep a small circle."
"Your dad called and asked about you by the way."
"I don't care! Why are you even standing here telling me! I'm sure the whole family finally called and asked about me, did they ask for my credit card numbers too or did you say you didn't quite get those yet?"
"No Liyah, and I've changed!"
"No fuck that! Fuck your 'change', you didn't change! Do you know how many attempts from you I got over the years saying you've 'changed'! You'll never change! And if you think you'll be anywhere near Lily you better think twice. Any of you!" We were yelling so loud I'm sure people on the other floor heard us.
I could see the anger in her face, that anger she'd get when I'd tell her no when I was younger. It feels good to see her get this way, and not be able to hurt me because of it. Without a word she walked back down the hall, and I watched her get on the elevator. I had to get out of there before I caused a scene, and before I really went crazy but I waited a couple minutes before leaving, just incase she chose to be stupid and walk back up here, I didn't want her anywhere near Lily or filling Josh's head with shit, I don't know if he could hear but she was the devil, she was so evil she probably would be the one to wake him up.
I finally was able to leave and just got in my car, this morning was just an emotional rollercoaster for me. Before I pulled off my phone rang, I didn't look at the name instead I just answered it out of aggrevation.
"What?!"
"Well good morning to you too." I heard Ryan say and laughing on the other end.
"I'm sorry, I just had a morning to remember, I'm not really in the mood-"
"I'm sorry your having a bad day, wanna talk about it?"
"I don't, I just don't wanna think about it."
"Alright babe. How about we go on a date later, just you and me? I have something I want to talk to you about."
"Sure, what is it? Is something wrong?"
"Don't worry about it, it's nothing to worry about. Just relax babe, I'll see you soon alright?" He said hanging up the phone quickly, which made me mad. I hated surprises, I liked to know what was going on or what you had to tell me. I've never felt so confused, I still was so stuck on Josh, couldn't let go. I liked Ryan but I'm not sure if I loved him, I don't think I should've told him I loved him too, guess we'll see how tonight goes, maybe it'll help me sort my feelings out.