My tears are dry and I am showered and somewhat mentally stable by the time Steph returns from the movies.
"So, how was your.. hang out with Hardin?" she asks and grabs her pajamas out of her dresser.
"It was okay, he was his normal ..charming self" I tell her and manage a laugh. I want to tell her about what we did but I am too ashamed. I know she wouldn't judge me but I don't want anyone to know, I just hope Hardin doesn't tell anyone, although I wouldn't put it past him. Steph looks at me with concern evident in her eyes and I have to look away.
"Just be careful okay, you're too nice for someone like Hardin" she says and I want to hug her and cry into her shoulder. She knows Hardin better than most people and she even thinks I should stay away.
"How was the movie?" I change the subject. She tells me how Tristan kept feeding her popcorn during it and that she is really starting to like him. I want to gag but I know I am just jealous that Tristan actually likes her, the way Hardin doesn't like me. But I do have someone who loves me and I need to start treating him better and stay away from Hardin, for real this time.
Eventually Steph falls asleep and I do the same shortly after.
The next morning I force myself out of bed and get dressed. I feel drained, I have no energy and I feel like I could cry at any moment. My eyes are red from crying last night so I walk over to Steph's dresser and grab her makeup bag. I pull out brown eye liner and draw a thin line under my eyes and on my eyelid. It makes my eyes look much better. I put on a little powder just to cover under my eyes and give my skin a little color. A few swipes of mascara and I look like a new person. I am pleased with the way I look and I put on my tight jeans and a tank top. I feel naked so I grab a white cardigan out of my closet and put it over. This is the most effort I have made in my appearance for a regular school day since picture day my senior year of high school.
I stop by the coffee house and grab Landon a drink too. I am still pretty early to class so I walk slower than usual.
"Hey, Tessa right?" I hear a guy's voice say. I look over and see the preppy boy, Logan I think was his name.
"Yea, Logan right?' I ask him and he nods.
"You coming over again this weekend?" He asks. He must be part of the frat. Of course he is, he is preppy and gorgeous.
"Oh no, not this weekend" I laugh and he joins in.
"Bummer, you were fun. Well, if you change your mind you know where it is" he laughs. "I gotta go or I will be late, see you around" he gives me another smile and walks away.
Landon is already seated and thanks me repeatedly for bringing him coffee.
"You look different today" he says as I sit down.
"I put makeup on" I laugh and he smiles. He doesn't ask about my night with Hardin and I am grateful. I am not ready to talk about it yet. Just as I begin to stop thinking about Hardin, it is time for Literature.
Hardin is sitting in his normal seat in the front. I want to ask Landon to switch seats with me but I don't want to have to explain why. Hardin is wearing a white t-shirt for once and his tattoos are visible underneath it. It amazes me how attractive I find his tattoos and piercings, I never cared for either before. I look away quickly and pull out my notes. I hope Landon arrives soon so I won't feel so alone with Hardin.
"Tess?" Hardin whispers as the class begins to fill up. No. Don't answer him. Ignore him. I repeat to myself.
"Tess?" He says again, this time louder.
"Do not speak to me Hardin." I say through my teeth and still avoid looking at him. I will not fall back into his trap.
"Oh come on" he says and I can tell he is laughing at me.
"I mean it Hardin, leave me alone" My tone is harsh but I don't care.
"Fine, have it your way" he says equally harsh and I sigh. Landon walks in and I am so grateful.
"You okay?" Landon asks kindly.
"Yea, I'm fine." I lie and class begins.
After class Hardin walks out before me and doesn't try to talk to me again. We continue ignoring each other all week and I am beginning to forget about our mistake. Each day that passes without talking to him makes it easier to not think about him when I get back to my room. Steph and Tristan have been hanging out all week so I have had the room mostly to myself all week which has been both good and bad. Good because I get a lot of studying done but bad because I am left alone with my thoughts about Hardin. All week I have been wearing a little bit of makeup but wearing my normal baggy and conservative clothes. By Friday, I feel like I am really over this whole mess with Hardin, that is until everyone keeps talking about the party. There is a party there every Friday and usually Saturday too so why they feel the need to get excited about it every weekend blows my mind.
After being asked by at least ten people if I will be at the party, I decide to do the only thing that I know will keep me from going. I call Noah.
"Hey Tessa! " he chirps into the phone. It has been a few days since we have actually talked on the phone and I have missed his voice.
"Hey, do you think you could come visit me?" I ask.
"Sure, we will plan it out and maybe I can come next weekend" he says and I groan.
"No, I mean like today. Like now, could you leave right now?" I know he likes to plan things just like I do but I need him to come now.
"I have practice after school, I am still at school now, I am just at lunch"
"Please Noah, I really miss you. Can't you just leave now and come here for the weekend? Please" I am aware that I am begging him but I don't care.
"Uhm.. yea sure Tessa. I will come now. Is everything okay?" I am actually surprised squeaky clean Noah is agreeing to this but I am so glad he is.
"Yea, I just really miss you. I haven't seen you in almost two weeks" I remind him and he laughs.
"I miss you too. I am going to get a slip and leave in a few minutes so I will see you in about three hours. I love you Tessa"
"I love you too" I say and hang up. Well that settles that, any chance that I may end up at that party is now gone. I have a newfound sense of relief as I walk to Literature, until I look at the front row and see Hardin hovering over Landon's desk. What the hell?
I rush over and Hardin slams his hand on the desk. "Don't ever say some shit like that again you prick" Hardin says and Landon moves to stand up. Landon must be insane to try to fight back against Hardin. Landon is muscular and all but he is so kind, I can't imagine him hitting anyone.
I grab ahold of Hardin's arm and pull him back away from Landon. His hand raises into the air and I flinch, once he realizes it is me he drops his hand and curses under his breath.
"Leave him alone Hardin!" I yell and turn to Landon. He looks just as mad as Hardin does but he sits down.
"You need to mind your own business Theresa" Hardin spits and moves to his seat. He really should sit in the back somewhere.
I lean over and whisper to Landon, "are you okay? What was that about?"
He looks towards Hardin and sighs. "He is just an asshole, that pretty much sums it up" he says and smiles. I giggle a little and lean back over. I can hear Hardin's ragged breathing next to me and I get an idea. A childish idea but I do it anyway.
"I have some good news!' I tell Landon in my best mock cheery voice.
"Really? What's that?"
"Noah is coming to visit today and he will be here all weekend!" I say and smile while clapping my hands together. I know I am overdoing it but I feel Hardin's eyes on me and I know he heard me.
"Really? That is great news!" Landon smiles. Class begins and ends without Hardin saying a word to me. This is how it will be from now on and it's fine with me. I wish Landon a nice weekend and walk back to my room to touch up my makeup and grab something to eat before Noah gets here. I laugh at myself a little while doing my makeup, since when am I the type of girl who has to "touch up her makeup" before her boyfriend comes. I know it is since that day at the stream with Hardin, that experience changed me and the way he hurt me after changed me even more. It is only a slight change but I know it is there.
I eat and straighten my room up a little, well my side is already clean so I fold Steph's clothes and put them away, I hope she won't mind. My phone finally buzzes with Noah's text saying he is here. I jump off the bed and rush outside to greet him. He looks better than ever in navy blue pants, a cream cardigan and white shirt underneath. He really does wear a lot of cardigans but I love them. His welcoming smile warms my heart and he wraps his arms around me and tells me how nice it is to see me.
"Are you wearing makeup?" He asks as we walk back to my room.
"Yea, a little. It's just something I have been experimenting with" I explain and he smiles.
"It looks nice" he compliments me and kisses my forehead.
"Thank you. So what do you want to do this weekend while you're here?" I ask him. He says he I can choose so we end up browsing through Netflix to pick a movie to watch. Steph texts me and says she is with Tristan and she won't be back tonight so I turn the lights off and we sit against the headboard with Noah's arm around my shoulder and my head on his chest. This is me, not some wild girl swimming in a punk boy's t-shirt. The door opens and I expect to see Steph, but of course it is Hardin.
His eyes go straight to me and Noah and I flush. He came here to tell Noah, I know he did. Panic takes over my body and I scoot away from Noah.
"What are you doing here?" I snap and Hardin smiles.
"I am meeting Steph" he answers and sits down. "Hey Noah, nice to see you again" he smirks and Noah looks uncomfortable. He is probably wondering why Hardin has a key to the room and doesn't bother to knock.
"She is with Tristan, probably already at your house" I tell him slowly, silently pleading for him to leave. If he tells Noah now I have no idea how I could recover.
"Oh, really?" he asks. I can tell by his smirk that he came here just to torment me. He will probably stay until I come clean to Noah myself. "Are you two coming to the party?"
"No.. we aren't. We are trying to watch a movie" I tell him and Noah reaches over and takes my hand. Even in the dark, I can see Hardin's eye focus on Noah's hand on mine.
"That's too bad. I better go.. Oh and Noah" Hardin says and my heart drops. "That's a nice cardigan you're wearing" Thank god. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Thanks it is from Gap" Noah says. He is clueless and unaware that Hardin is making fun of him.
"Of course it is. You two have fun" Hardin taunts and leaves the room.