I slowly became conscious again, dropping in and out of sleep everytime I tried to awake. But eventually, when I opened my eyes, I wasn't forced back into a deep sleep- I was awake. As I opened them, I was momentarily blinded by the bright lights above, until my eyes adjusted. My head still hurt a little, but I was glad I was finally awake. Next to me I heard the constant beep of my heartbeat, and attached to my arm was some sort of drip. ''Mum? Oh you're finally awake.''
I looked over to my side to see Willow sat beside me, holding my hand. ''W-what happened?'' I asked weakly.
''You collapsed, and then a pool of blood started seeping out of you. Luckily, we were already in the hospital. Do you remember that mum?'' She asked.
''Yes, we were visiting Haymitch.'' I remembered. ''Wait, how is he, is he alright?'' I sat up quickly, wincing at the pain still stabbing my abdomen.
''He's fine, worried about you though.'' She smiled. Suddenly it faded, and her eyes lost their happiness. ''I, I should go tell the doctor you're awake and tell dad.'' She said, standing up.
''Wait Willow.'' I shouted, she turned around, standing at the top of the bed. ''Does your father know?'' All she could do was sadly nod her head, before leaving me- alone. Something at the back of my mind was telling me that something wasn't right, and even I could feel that. I put my hand on my stomach, gently stroking it, awaiting for the Doctor's return. ''Mummy has you. Mummy loves you both.'' I whispered, as a tear fell down my face.
Suddenly, a Doctor came in, holding his clipboard, and making his way over. ''Mrs Mellark, I'm Doctor Charlesworth.'' He said, holding his hand out for me to shake.
''Urm hi.'' I whispered, sitting up more to get comfortable.
''So I'm aware you know that you were pregnant, with here it says twins.''
''Yes. That's correct.'' I told him, my heart suddenly tightening at the formality in his voice. ''I-is something wrong?''
''Unfortunately Mrs Mellark, you've had a miscarriage. One of your babies just wasn't strong enough. At this stage, you will have to give a still-birth, and afterwards I can talk to you and your husband about what happens next.''
''M-my baby.'' I whispered, feeling like everything had collapsed. ''W-why?'' I stuttered out.
''We cannot give you the definite reason, as these things happen and it's hard to tell why. However, judging by your blood levels, and how tense your womb seemed to be- we can conclude that it was a result of stress, and only one of your children could survive.''
The tears started rolling down my face, and I couldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried, they just kept on coming, the pain of not even being able to protect my child was too much. All of this was my fault. ''I'm truly sorry Mrs Mellark. I'll be back later when we can perform the C-section.'' And with that, Doctor Charlesworth left me there, crying into a pit of sorrow, but mostly a pit of regret. Regret for not telling Peeta and regret for not protection my unborn child.
Suddenly, the door burst open, and Peeta came running it, his hair sticking up in all different directions, and his eyes filled with worry. ''Peeta.'' I cried, as he came over, climbing on top of the bed. He slid his arms around my waist, and I snuggled into him, crying the hole in my heart out. ''I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.'' I sobbed. ''A-a-and now one of them is gone, and I can never forgive myself.''
''Shh. I know, it's not your fault Kas. You've tried telling me and that's all that matters.''
''Peeta, t-they said it was stress.'' I cried. ''I couldn't even protect them before they came into this world. I failed.''
''Nobody can stop these things Katniss. Shh.'' He sniffled. ''I wish you would have told me. Why didn't you?''
''I was scared. So, so scared. I was going to, and then I found out it was twins, and I froze Peeta. That's two more people I had to protect. And I was right to be scared, because now I've lost one.'' The tears wouldn't stop, they erupted down my face, each one reminding me of our dead baby. ''Then I didn't want to tell you, because of Haymitch, and we were arguing and, and- I'm so sorry.''
''Shh darling, you don't have to be sorry. We'll give this little one the best send-off alright? It's not your fault, you're safe and so is that one in there. I'm going to protect you both, shhh.'' Peeta held me for the next hour, whilst I cried, and cried, and cried. We stayed curled up on the hospital bed until I calmed down, Peeta kept whispering in my ear, comforting me as he stroked through my hair.
''Who else knows?'' I asked, sniffing as the tears came to a stop.
''Just me, Haymitch, Effie and Wills. We told Rye and Oakley you had a really bad stomach ache.''
''We should tell them.''
''Not yet. Let's just get the caesarean over with, and make sure the other one's a little fighter like it's mother. I love them both so much already Katniss.'' Hearing Peeta say that broke my heart, he'd known for what, a day? And yet he loved them an incredible amount. Knowing that I'd deprived him from loving his unborn children tore me apart, because now one of them was gone, and he never even knew.
''Are you ready Mrs Mellark?'' A doctor said walking in. I nodded slowly, as Peeta jumped off of the bed and sat in the chair. ''We're going to numb everything from here and down.'' He said, gesturing towards my chest. ''And then, we're going to get your baby out. This is a very difficult procedure while there's still a twin in there, but we have full faith that it will successful.''
He injected something into the side of my stomach, and prepared me for the operation. ''Peeta.'' I said, grabbing his hand. ''Stay with me?'' I asked, the terror consuming my body.
''You know I will. Always.'' He smiled, as the procedure started.
Twenty minutes later, our baby was being held by the Doctor- silent. The eerie sound of nothing, drowned my ears and the sound of not hearing our baby cry for the first time, destroyed me. ''Would you like to know the sex?'' I nodded slowly through my tears. ''You've had a little girl. We'll get her cleaned up, and if you wish you can hold her. But if that's too painful, we can take a photo, or we can describe her to you if you want.''
Due to there still being a baby inside of me, there wasn't an afterbirth, and so I was stitched up, given something to kill the pain and sat there, waiting. ''She's just going through a few checks, and then we can discuss how you'd like to see her. We do offer, say, little memoirs here. We can put her hand and footprints onto an informal birth certificate if you'd like, along with a sonogram.''
''We'd love that. Thankyou.'' Peeta smiled. ''How're you doing?'' He asked, as the Doctor walked away.
''I'm alright. I don't feel any pain.'' I said. Despite not being able to feel the physical pain of the caesarean, the emotional pain for losing our little girl, was something completely different. I felt empty, yet I felt distraught at the same time, and the only pain which could measure up with this was Prim's death.
The doctor came back, ten minutes later, holding the sheet with her footprints on. They were tiny. Smaller than anything I've ever seen before. ''Would you like to hold her? The choice is compl-''
''Yes please.'' I cut in.
''Okay, we'll bring her straight through.''
I let go of Peeta's hand, just after he gave it a comforting squeeze, and kissed my knuckles, promising me it would be ok. The midwife, brought her in, she was on top of a small shawl. Handing her over, I was shocked at how tiny she was, she was no bigger than my hand. Our baby girl. She was still curled up tight, looking peaceful- just like she was sleeping. I placed my finger on her chest, gently stroking her. ''Hello baby girl. Mummy and daddy love you.''
''We'll always love you sweetie. Our little angel.'' Peeta cooed, kissing her ever so gently. When the pain got too much, she was taken away and I was left there, yet again feeling so empty.
Hours past, and Peeta still sat beside me, comforting me. ''We should name her.'' I said into the silence.
''Not now Katniss, let's wait a while.''
''Okay.'' Another hour passed, and we remained in the same, comforting position. Eventually though, I had to tell him to take the children back to the hotel and get some food, and after must persuasion of that I would be alright, he and Effie took them back. ''Excuse me?'' I said to one of the nurses.
''Yes Mrs Mellark, what can I do for you?'' She smiled brightly.
''Could you possible provide me with a wheelchair please?''
''I'm afraid I've been ordered to not let you out of my sight.'' She sighed.
''Please, I need to see Haymitch. You know him right? He's dying and I need to see him, I couldn't say goodbye to my little girl, and don't want to not get the chance with him too.'' I begged.
She sighed, before rolling her eyes at me. ''If anybody asks, I didn't give you permission alright?'' She said, raising her eyebrows. I quickly nodded, as she helped me into the chair.
I faintly wheeled myself down the pearly white corridors, the smell of antiseptic drowing my nostrils. Making my way down corridor, after corridor, I finally found myself outside of Haymitch's door. I gingerly stood up, pushing it open and sat back down into the chair, wheeling forwards. ''Oh sweetheart.'' He said, sighing deeply.
I pushed myself over to the side of his bed, taking his hand. These past few days you could tell how ill he was gradually becoming. His hair had thinned even more, the grey strands sticking up at all angles, his eyes were sucked back so far into his head from the weight loss, his cheeks were hollow and he looked plain ill. ''How're you doing?'' I asked.
''Apparently not too good.'' He sighed, before shaking his head in confusion. ''Katniss, why didn't you tell him?'' He asked.
''I don't know.'' I sighed. ''Have they told you?''
''They told me you lost one of your babies.''
''A girl.'' I sighed. ''And it's all my fault.'' I cried again. ''Peeta keeps telling me that he doesn't blame me and that I shouldn't apologise, but it's true- it's all my fault Haymitch. If I wouldn't have been so damn stressed, then none of this would have happened.'' I snivelled.
''Wait, you lost it to stress?'' He asked. I nodded slowly, not quite knowing why he was asking. ''Katniss, it's all my fault. I'm sorry sorry.'' He panicked. ''I never meant for you to mourn me the way you are. Oh my god, I killed your baby.'' He said, his eyes filling with panic. ''Katniss, it was all my fault. Your little girl, I killed her.'' He said, tears filling in his eyes. ''I'm so sorry.''
''Haymitch this isn't your fault.''
''Yes it is. If I would've just acted braver, you wouldn't have worried so much, and then she might still be alive.'' He said, wiping away a falling tear.
''Oh Haymitch. You're already being so brave, and so strong. What's meant to be, is meant to be.''
''You're a good women Katniss. I'm just so sorry, you lost your little girl.''
''So am I.'' I sighed. ''I wonder who she would have looked like.''
''As gorgeous and as smart as your other three, I'm sure. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for putting you all through this.''
''Save it for later.'' I smiled.
''I don't think there's going to be a later Katniss. I can feel it, you know?'' He explained.
''Don't.'' I said, squeezing my eyes shut to try and stop the tears. ''I've already lost one person today, I can't lose you too.''
''I know, and I'm sorry, but it's coming. I just want you to be prepared.''
''I don't ever think I'll be prepared. I'm just sad that this one in here,'' I said, holding my stomach, ''Will never see their Uncle Haymitch.''
''You look after them then, bring them up as strong as your other three.'' He demanded, raising his eyebrows.
''Yes but, they won't have you to help.'' I sighed.
''That one doesn't need me, I can already tell it's going to be a fighter.'' He chuckled. ''Now, go get some rest- tomorrow is time for my goodbyes''...