EVER SINCE Rounan decided to accept Zixin in her life, he had never failed to show her how much she deserved to be loved. He never afraid to love her openly even some of his fans did not like Rounan for him. She was happy. They were happy. However, there were times that she felt that she was not good enough for him, and she felt that she did not love him deep enough. It seemed a part of her heart was still with Wei Ting even though Rounan believed that she had stopped loving Wei Ting.
Rounan was fixing her hair when her sight fell on the photo on the table. It was the photo of their first anniversary, and now they had been together about one year and half. Zixin had done so many good things to her that she vowed to give all her heart to him tonight. They had been busy for the past few months with their new dramas that they did not have much quality time together.
Since today her schedule was empty and Zixin had finished the shooting earlier, he wanted to take her out for dinner date. Rounan frowned when she heard sound of doorbell. She did not expect anyone other than Zixin today. If Zixin was here, he could just enter her condo because he had the access card and knew the password. She checked the screen monitor and smiled watching Zixin brought the bouquet of roses closed to door camera.
"Good evening, Pretty," Zixin greeted once the door was opened. He gave her the flowers and kissed her on lips.
"I miss you so much," then his lips moved to her cheek as he slowly pushed Rounan inside, but Rounan immediately stopped him. Zixin pouted when Rounan moved away from him.
"Why? Don't you miss me?" Zixin tried to pull a cute face so his girlfriend would let him inside, but Rounan knew him better.
"Of course, I miss you but I know we will not make it to dinner if I let you inside now," Zixin smiled mischievously when Rounan finally caught him. Yes, Zixin had a second thought about their dinner date tonight. Probably they could cancel the reservation and had dinner on her bed instead.
"Wait here. Let me just put these flowers inside and take my things. We are leaving in minutes," Rounan playfully warned him not to come inside. She then quickly went to her room to get her things. After that, she went to living room to switch off the television. She was about to press the button on remote control when the breaking news on the television caught her attention.
'The famous actor and singer, William Chan Wei Ting, 40, has involved in major road accident with a car this evening. He was unconscious at the scene while the other victim...,' Rounan could not hear anything after that. She felt her world had stopped moving and her heart had stopped beating. The remote control slipped from her grip and fell onto the floor. The sound of remote control hit the floor had surprised Zixin and he immediately went inside to check.
Rounan did not know what happened but her head became lighter and her vision was getting dark. The next thing she remembered was Zixin called out her name before she fell inside his arms. She had fainted from the shock. Rounan did not know how long she had loss of consciousness but she woke up later on her bedroom bed. She looked around and finally recalled about the news she had watched before fainting.
"Wei Ting Ge," she called his name in panic. Rounan immediately left her bed and grabbed whatever she needed before leaving the room. She had to see Wei Ting right now. She had to make sure that he was okay. Zixin was on the phone at the living room when he saw Rounan hastily left her room.
"Rounan, where are you going?" Rounan surprised to see Zixin at her place. She had totally forgot about him and their dinner date. Zixin grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Stop Rounan! Where do you want to go?"
"I have to go to hospital to see Wei Ting Ge," she replied in tears. She had to see him right now. Zixin gripped Rounan's shoulders and turned her body to face him. He even slightly shook her body to drag her back to reality.
"Rounan, has you lost your mind? Did you forget that he is currently in Hong Kong?" Rounan looked at Zixin in surprise. How could she forget that Wei Ting was in Hong Kong for months now because of his new drama?
"Don't worry. I have an update about him. He is fine and only sustained minor injury," Rounan could not help but cried in relief when Zixin informed that Wei Ting only had cerebral concussion and no bleeding inside the brain. For his leg, he sustained close fracture and only requiring leg cast for period of time. Rounan hugged Zixin tightly and cried on his shoulder. She thought she had lost Wei Ting forever.
After that incident, Rounan had kept in touch with Wei Ting from time to time to get update regarding his recovery progress. As for Zixin, Rounan did not if she was overthinking or was just being too sensitive but she noticed that Zixin seemed avoiding her. With their tight schedules, they seemed grew distant over the past two months. One night, Rounan returned to her condo and Zixin had waited for her for dinner.
"Oh, you are finally home," he greeted her brightly and went to kiss her cheek. Rounan just curled a small smile as she looked the foods that Zixin had prepared for them.
"You didn't tell me that you want to drop by tonight," she said, trying to hide the awkwardness in her tone.
"Am I not welcome here?"
"Oh, it's not like that. It just I would not let you wait for too long if I know that you are coming tonight," Rounan quickly clarified as she did not want any misunderstanding between them.
"Okay. Let's have dinner. I'm really starving," Zixin pulled the chair for Rounan as usual. He had always been so sweet and gentleman to her, always treated her like a queen. However, the atmosphere between them tonight was unusually awkward and slightly tense. Zixin did the talk most of them time while Rounan only listened and responded occasionally.
"Honestly, her acting skill is crappy yet she is so arrogant and refuse to listen to other people," Zixin talked about Han Lee Na, 22-year-old new comer that did not have talent or skill in acting yet managed to get the main role because her family background. She was a spoiled princess and it was very difficult to work with her. She always gave other staffs hard time. Everyone seemed intimidated by her, but not Zixin.
"She even trying hard to flirt with me," Zixin looked at Rounan, hoping she would get annoy or mad because someone was trying to steal her man. However, her reaction did not meet his expectation. She just nodded and continued digging the spaghetti using fork, barely eating it.
"Let me get the water for us," there was about two third the remaining water inside the jug, but Rounan did not notice it. Zixin took it away and put it on kitchen counter before he went to fridge to grab a bottle of mineral water.
"Oh, Wei Ting Ge called me this morning," he said, grabbing a small bottle inside the fridge.
"Really? What did he say to you?" Rounan immediately responded eagerly. Zixin did not reply instantly. He closed the fridge door and went to kitchen counter, staring at Rounan from his place.
"Zixin, what did Wei Ting Ge said to you?" Rounan impatiently asked again. When he remained quiet, Rounan left her seat and went to his side. Zixin gripped tightly the bottle in his hand and looked at Rounan with serious face.
"How come your response is so different when it comes to Wei Ting Ge?" he asked with low voice. Pain etched on his face. Rounan frowned in confuse.
"Wei Ting Ge, was he your crush that broke your heart years ago?" now her reaction changed into surprise, and it had said it all. Zixin looked away as he started laughing at his own stupidity.
"Crush is probably not the best word to describe your feeling for him. You actually love him, don't you?" Rounan felt warm tears pooled in her eyes when Zixin asked her so. Zixin was waiting for her answer. He hardly prayed for her to deny it, but her silence was the answer to everything. Zixin felt deceived.
"I have never thought that Wei Ting Ge is the man that you are secretly in love with. How fool of me for not realizing it earlier when I have always noticed how your eyes would lighten up at his sight, how your lips curled a smile at his words and jokes, and how contented you look just by looking at him from far. I thought it was merely and admiration and respect you have for him. You have always been a huge fan of him anyway," Zixin looked up as he was trying hard to hold back his tears.
"When you fainted last time after heard the news about his accident, I convinced myself that you are fainted from shock. But when you kept calling his name and crying in your sleep and the way you acted after you gained your consciously, I realized that he is the man that hold your heart, not me," Zixin finally burst into tears.
Rounan remained quiet as she had nothing to say to defend herself. She slowly fell onto the floor and leaned her back against the kitchen counter. She pulled her knees closer to her chest and hugged them while crying. Honestly, she thought she had stopped loving Wei Ting because she was genuinely happy and in love with Zixin.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed while looking at Zixin apologetically. But she did not wish for Zixin to forgive her for deceiving and hurting him like this. Zixin then quietly sat on the floor beside Rounan.
"When you quietly watched Wei Ting Ge and Lin Yi hugged at my place last time, do you still in love with him at that time?" Rouan was taken aback by his question. She looked at him in disbelief as she did not expect him to see it too. Zixin was looking for Rounan when he saw her stood behind the glassy door, looking sad at those couple while gripping her shirt over the chest. He did not think much either at that time since he did not know her true feeling for Wei Ting.
"Is my love not good enough for you to get over him?" he asked painfully. Rounan started hating herself for hurting Zixin like this.
"I don't know, Zixin. I don't know my heart anymore. I do love you. It's true and I thought my heart has stopped loving him. I was ready to give you all my heart because you are deserved to be loved wholeheartedly but....," Rounan stopped as she could not continue her words. She just looked at him with tears running down like a river.
"But you realize that you can never love me the way you love Wei Ting Ge," Zixin continued with closed eyes, tears running down his cheeks. Rounan continued sobbing while Zixin remained quiet. There was no word between them after that. They just sat there, crying and sobbing while quietly reminisced their good times together. What they had shared for the past one year was real. Their feelings for each other were real.
"What are we after this?" Zixin finally broke the silence between them. Zixin was still not looking at Rounan but he could feel her hand lightly touched him.
"I deserve a hell for hurting you like this and you deserve someone much better than me," that was it. Zixin did not need further explanation to make him understand what she had said just now. Zixin could not hate Rounan at all. He knew that she did not love him from the beginning, but he could feel that she genuinely had fallen in love for him during the process of nursing her broken heart. Zixin did not say anything after that. He just quietly grabbed his things and walked away, leaving Rounan who was still crying on the floor.
Their break up was quiet. Because Zixin currently was working on high budget fantasy drama, The Moon and The Stars, they had to continue pretend as lovers. That was the least thing she could do for Zixin even though it was not enough for him to forgive her. Zixin's cheating rumour also had been cleared up when they went out for dinner date, denying the rumours their paradise was in trouble.
Few months later, she was approached by the production team of 'The Promises' and was offered as the female lead. She was hesitated at first because the male lead had been confirmed which was Wei Ting. He had fully recovered from the accident and had returned to work since last month.
"Are you sure you want to work again with Wei Ting?" asked Yuxi in concern. She had become her assistant for almost eight years, and she had seen how she had fallen in love with Wei Ting. She also witnessed how Rounan recovered from the heartbreak.
"I don't know when I can stop love him but I need the closure for myself. The more I spend time with him, the more I can convince myself that nothing is going to change between us. He will forever see me as his younger sister, nothing more than that," she decided to do something about her feeling for Wei Ting. She needed to learn to let Wei Ting go from her life.
Even though it was so painful to hide her true feeling when Wei Ting was with her almost 24/7, and it almost drove her insane whenever they had to kiss on the set, she had accepted the fact that Wei Ting would be never be hers.
There was one night where she went out for dinner with Zixin as they needed something to hype the Zixin's new drama, Wei Ting suddenly called her phone. She wanted to ignore his calls but Zixin had grabbed her phone. He smirked after seeing Wei Ting's name.
"You still have not letting go your feeling for him, right? Let me help you," Zixin said and answered the call afterwards.
"Rounan, can you hear me? Are you alright?"
"Hello, Wei Ting Ge! It has been a while since I greeted you," Zixin kept his gaze fixed on Rounan's face.
"Where is Rounan?"
"She just went to the restroom. Is there anything urgent until you need to call her at this hour? Didn't she inform you about our sweet dinner date plan tonight?"
"She doesn't need to inform me anything. It is fake date anyway. Rounan is too kind to help you cover your shameful cheating scandal," Zixin chuckled sarcastically at his reply.
"About cheating scandal, it just a mistake. The reason I ask Rounan not to disclose about our breakup is because I am trying to win her back. I want her back in my life,"
"You can try but I promise that I will not let that happen. Rounan does not deserve an asshole like you,"
"Wei Ting Ge, who are you to stop me? Her boyfriend?"
"Rounan is like a sister to me. I will protect her from someone like you. I'll make sure that you can't step any closer to her in the future,"
"Then good luck in stopping me. I also will not give up until Rounan accept me back in her life," Zixin ended up the phone call and looked again at Rounan.
"Does that help you? No matter what happen, he will never see you as a woman," Zixin stated the matter of fact. It hurt but it helped Rounan to slowly released the rope that she had been holding onto and hurting her for many years now. The next morning when Wei Ting looked for her beside the lake, he reemphasized how much he cared for her like his own family.
"You care so much about me, huh?" he grabbed her shoulders and turned her around, so she was facing him.
"Of course, I do care about you. You are not only my little friend. You are my sister and my family. Of course, I want the best for you," it hurt to hear it, but she believed that it would not hurt her anymore in the future. Then Roby came and summoned him to return to the tent. Before he left, he gave her a strawberry candy.
"Okay. Please come back to the tent as soon as possible. Don't spend time too long here," Wei Ting said as he was taking few steps backward.
"I'm waiting for you, okay?" Rounan just smiled at him. He turned around and left with a big smile on his face. He looked happy and she wanted to remember that beautiful smile. Her aim was not to get rid her feeling for Wei Ting, but to feel contented by just loving him unconditionally and without any regret. Rounan wiped away the tears on her cheek. She promised that one day this pain would go away.
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