"Katniss!" I heard a voice shout. My body started to tremble, was I falling into the depths of hell or gliding into God's arms? "Katniss!" I heard the voice beckon again.
Suddenly, a weight dropped on my heart and I shot up. "Oh Katniss, you're awake." Peeta sighed, relieved. "You couldn't stop screaming and you wouldn't wake up, I was so worried." He said, holding me tightly.
"Y-you're alive." I said, touching his face to make sure he was real. "Is this heaven?"
"No baby, it was just a nightmare. You're fine, we all are." He persuaded me.
"Y-you were all dead and President Snow shot you all and everyone was on the floor and I was surrounded by your bodies and the blood and I just and- and- and"
"Shhh, you're getting yourself worked up." Peeta said, kissing my temple and calming me.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breathe. Start with what you know is real. My name is Katniss Mellark. I'm on a train to District 12- home. My children are all okay. Peeta is alive. We are all safe.
"I love you, stay with me." I begged, gripping him tight.
"You know I will. Always."
**
In the early morning light, the train finally pulled into the station and we headed home. The car drove us up through the town and into our village where our house stood unharmed. I buckled Oakley out from her seat and went to unlock the door, whilst Peeta and Willow grabbed the bags. ''Go on you, go get a few more hours of sleep. School tomorrow.'' I said to Rye, kissing him on the forehead.
''Okay.'' He said, running up the stairs and stopping halfway up. ''Mum, are you okay? I heard you screaming.''
''I'm alright now, just a nightmare. Go on get some sleep.'' I ushered him up the stairs. He lingered for a while making sure I truly was alright, before heading on up.
I don't remember the last time I had a nightmare so vivid, one where I couldn't bring myself out of it. Everything seemed so real, and even Peeta couldn't make it go away. ''I'll take her up mum.'' Willow said, grabbing a sleeping Oakley from my arms. I had no energy to say no and so I let Willow take her to bed, before collapsing on a chair, relieved that they were all safe. All three of them, upstairs where nothing could hurt them.
''Come on you, let's go get some more sleep.'' Peeta suggested, holding his hand for me to take. We made our way upstairs and I clambered straight into bed. Peeta opened the window and striped down into his boxers, before joining me. As soon as he got in, I buried myself into his chest and erupted in tears. ''Shh, it's okay.'' He comforted, hugging me tight.
''I'm so tired Peeta.'' I cried into his chest.
''I know, I know.'' And he did, he knew I wasn't just physically tired, but emotionally drained too. The past night had shattered me in a way which I hadn't felt for years. ''You'll be alright, I'm here.''
''I'm scared, what if I fall asleep and I lose you again?'' I snivelled.
''You won't, I promise. I'm right here, nothing will hurt you. Try get some sleep Katniss.''
''Okay.'' I said, snuggling into his chest. ''I love you.'' I whispered into his chest as my eyes started to shut, the exhaustion pulling me into a deep sleep.
''I love you too.''
**
My eyes fluttered open and I looked over to the clock, which showed it was 6am. Time to get up. I turned to my side to see Peeta fast asleep, and after deciding to leave him for a while, as he'd been awake half the night with me, I started to get ready.
I jumped into the shower, cleaning my hair and washing all of yesterday's anxiety away. Stepping out, I wrapped myself in a towel, braiding my hair down my shoulder whilst it dried. When I went back into the bedroom, Peeta was still sleeping, so I quietly got changed into a simple white dress, as it was already starting to get warm.
Sitting down at the dressing table, I untied my braid, and towel dried my hair. In the mirror, I could see Peeta laying in the bed behind me, his chest rising peacefully up and down. As I sorted out my parting, I noticed his body become stiff and his chest rapidly started pumping up and down, whilst the rest of his body became paralysed with fear, his eyes shot open and looked to his left, where I should have been laying. His head snapped from side to side, before his eyes found me and he relaxed slightly.
Jumping up, I ran over and sat next to him. ''Shh, I'm sorry I left you to sleep.''
''I didn't know where you were.''
''Are you okay?'' He nodded his head slowly, remembering whatever nightmare he just had, before getting out of bed and going to get changed. ''Great.'' I muttered, flopping back onto the bed. Not only had I had a nightmare myself, but I've triggered Peeta's too, and every time that happened I found it harder to forgive myself.
Sorting my hair out, I went to wake the children up to get them ready for school. ''Willow darling get up. School soon.'' I said, popping my head around her door.
''Alright.'' She yawned. ''I'm meeting Thomas for breakfast before school starts so I'll be gone earlier today.''
''Alright love.'' I smiled at her.
Walking down the corridor I bumped into Rye who was already dressed. ''Up already Mr?'' I raised my brows at him.
''Not tired.'' He shrugged.
''Alright, well come down once you've packed your bags while I get your sister up.'' Padding along to the nursery, I head Oakley stirring in her bed. She jumped down and toddled over to me, stretching her arms out.
''Mu-ma.'' She said, wrapping her arms around my neck and snuggling into my shoulder.
''You need to get changed missy, your Auntie's coming in a bit to take you and Summer to the park.''
''Yaay!'' She squealed, excited.
Since Haymitch was coming over today, Cressida kindly offered the take Oakley for the day and take the girls to a wildlife park or something. Dressing Oakley in a white t-shirt and yellow pinafore, Willow came in to say goodbye, before leaving. ''There you go missy, all dressed.'' She gave my cheek a slobbery kiss and we went downstairs. ''Right Mr, what do you want?'' I asked Rye.
''Can I have one of those cheese bagels please, but with melted cheese in it as well.''
''Of course, I'll pop it under the grill.''
After Rye had had his breakfast, Peeta came down, making himself a coffee. ''You can stay here while I take Rye to school if you want.'' I said, cleaning up.
''Thanks.'' He mumbled, grabbing his mug and a newspaper before going into his office. The only time Peeta ever used his office was if he brought work home after a day at the bakery, or needed to escape, hence why the children weren't allowed in there. I put on Oakley's shoes, raking my mind of what could be up with him, when there was a knock at the door.
''Hey.'' I said, opening the door to see Cressida with her hands full.
''I'm so sorry I'm late, Jenson overslept and Prim couldn't find her shoes and Gale had already left so everything was a bit of a mess.'' She rambled.
''It's fine, don't worry. I was just getting Oaks ready.''
''Well I've had to call for a car we're that late and there's a spare seat so we can take your Rye from you if you want?''
''Oh no I-''
''I insist, there's room.''
''Okay, thankyou Cress.'' I said hugging her.
''No worries, I'll see you around 4?'' She shouted down the pathway.
''Yep, that's great. Thanks for taking them!'' I yelled back, closing the door.
Deciding to try and figure out what was wrong with Peeta, I made him some pancakes, with fresh yoghurt and blue berries, along with a cold glass of lemonade. I balanced them on a tray and walked down the corridor. ''Knock knock.'' I said, opening the door with my elbow.
Peeta was sat at his easel finishing off a painting he started a few months ago. As part of his therapy, he painted parts of his nightmares, it was meant to release all the 'demons', buried in his mind. Months ago he'd had one of the day I shot Coin, where he'd tried to stop me taking the nightlock pill, but he got there too late- I woke him before I bit into it and so he never finished the painting.
But now, as he was hunched over his easel, I saw my body, laying on the ground. Dead. The worst part of it was Snow's evil grin, staring down at me before, he died himself. ''Peeta.'' His body turned around to face me.
''I'm sorry for being so cold this morning.'' He admitted.
''It's fine.'' I said, placing the tray down on the side. I walked over, climbing onto his knee and hugging him. ''We'll be alright.''
''I know. Just a bad part.''
''Just a bad part.'' I agreed.
An hour later, Haymitch came over, we all had some lunch and then watched television, catching up a little. ''Look you two there's something I've got to tell you.''
''Should I get the letter?'' Peeta asked, standing up. Haymitch nodded and for a second I was confused, but then I remembered back a few weeks when I'd found it in the bottom of the drawer. I had told myself to ask Peeta, but I suppose I never got the chance.
''What does it say?'' I asked as Peeta trudged up the stairs.
''It's just explaining things, I wanted to write it all down and tell you both when I was ready sweetheart.''
Moments later, Peeta came down holding it, and sat down beside me, breathing uneasily. ''Hey are you alright?'' He just nodded.
''Peeta, if you're not-''
''I'm fine Haymitch.'' He snapped.
''Peeta.'' I said grabbing his hand. As soon as we touched, he snatched it away and a familiar anger radiated from his body as it tensed up. ''Peeta, it's not real.''
There was something different about the way he was looking at me, his eyes were still the same blue they've always been, and you could still see the real Peeta in them. But his attitude, and mind had been taken over. He scrunched his face up, trying to fight his thoughts off as they overtook his body. His arms clutched to the sides of the chair, but it didn't seem to work and when he opened his eyes they were as dark as Snow's soul.
''Peeta, come back to me.'' I said, crouching in front of him and grabbing his wrists. I leaned forwards to give him my lips, but as I did, he used it to his advantage and threw me back, my head smacking against the fire place. He stood up and started walking towards me, but Haymitch jumped up, grabbing his arms and pushing him back down onto the chair, wincing greatly. ''Haymitch, don't. You might get hurt. Let me go, he wont harm me.'' I pleaded.
Standing up slowly, I went to touch my throbbing head, and as I pulled it away I saw my hand was covered in blood. ''Peeta.'' I said softly, sitting next to him. ''It's not real.''
He furrowed his brow deeply, looking confused. ''B-but, you're a mutt?'' He stuttured unsure.
''No, she's your wife.'' Haymitch confirmed. ''Peeta, look at me.'' He said, turning his head. ''This isn't real, you're letting him take you again. Katniss is your wife and you have three children. Two girls and a son. Peeta you have a son, try really hard to picture him. He has your blonde curls.''
''A son?'' He sounded unsure.
''Yes, try to picture him.''
''What colour eyes does he have?'' Peeta asked. Haymitch tensed up, because like me he had grey eyes, and anything could trigger his anger again, hence why Haymitch didn't ask him to picture Willow- she was a spit image of me.
''Grey Peeta. He has grey.''
''I-I can see him in my mind. Show me a picture.'' I stood up and walked over, picking up one of Rye's school photos and passing it to Haymitch.
''Look.'' Haymitch said, placing it in Peeta's hands. ''Your boy.''
''He has Katniss' eyes.'' Peeta acknowledged, staring at me.
''Yes he does.'' Peeta's grip on the frame tightened as he stared at the picture, trying to figure it out. ''Peeta look at me again.'' Haymitch demanded. ''Tell me what you know is real.''
''What I know is real?'' He asked, furrowing his brow, creating wrinkles on his forehead. ''I-I don't know. I can't tell.'' Peeta sat there for a while thinking. I suppose it was good he wasn't certain I was a mutt, it meant the old Peeta was still inside battling against the venom. ''I-um. Did you have a red plaid dress?'' He asks staring at me.
''Yes. When I was five.''
''I remember. You were singing on the stool with two braids, real or not real?''
''Real.''
''You tried to kill me though. The Quarter Quell, you made those monkeys chase me. There were other times too- I was told I had to kill you.''
''Peeta that's not real.'' Haymitch said. ''We were protecting you.''
''Okay. I need some time.'' Peeta said, standing up and leaving the house.
He often did this when he was confused, he'd leave and always find himself in the meadow where everything would finally make sense and come flooding back to him. He just needed to find himself.
''Haymitch, thankyou. I don't know what I would've done without you.''
''No need to thank me sweetheart. It's what family do.'' He said, stopping a stray tear falling down my face. ''Will he be okay by himself? I worry about you both.''
''He'll be fine. Can I read that letter now?'' I asked, picking it up from where Peeta had dropped it.
''I'd rather you read it together.''
''Are things that bad?'' I asked.
And I knew they were, because Haymitch, who was the most honest person you'd ever meet, couldn't speak, couldn't nod or shake his head, or even look me in the eye. He looked down, his eyes filling with sorrow and swallowing a lump rising in his throat. His eyes pooled with tears and one of the strongest men I knew was breaking, bit by bit. ''In a bit, when Peeta's back.'' He managed to choke out before standing up and walking upstairs, not doubt to do something I've never seen Haymitch Abernathy do. Cry.