I decided to go home and face Terrance. I borrowed some clothes from my sister to travel back home.
I walked in and he was sitting on the couch. "What's up? Why did you go out for coffee when you have coffee in the house?"
I walked around and sat down next to him. "I didn't tell you the truth." I said to him as I grabbed his hand.
"What do you mean?"
I told him all about going down to get the mail, panicking, and running over to my sister's house. "Okay so what does this mean?" he asked me.
"I don't know. I'm sure that we jumped into this way too fast and maybe we need to take a few steps back and think about our relationship."
"I asked you all of this. You said you wanted to be with me."
I looked down and said, "I know what I said. I am sorry."
"So, some lunatic writes a few lines on a piece of paper and you are now ready to give up on us?"
"I didn't say that. I think that my feelings for Lamar, Anthony, and you, are too much. My mind is cloudy, and I just need some time to see what I want."
"Adriana you have got to be kidding me. You are still thinking about being with them?" He pulled his hand away from mine.
"I just want to make sure that I am doing this for the right reasons. Do you know if I am just with you to get back at Lamar, or because I want to be with you?"
"Adriana, I love you. I don't know if I can handle being without you. I have faught too long to be with you to just give up on us. Give us a try."
I grabbed his hand again and said, "I know that you love me, and I wish that I could say the same. I love you as a friend. I'm just not sure if I am in love with you. So much of my life has been a lie...I don't know who I am in love with. I don't think we should date until I figure out what I want to do."
He pulled his hand away from mine. Then he looked at me with a look that I have never seen before and said, "You think that you can just play these little games with me? I've done nothing but treat you like you were supposed to be treated."
"I'm not playing anything with you. You are my friend and I love you. You act like I wanted this to happen."
Tears formed in his eyes. "You have been teasing me and flirting with me since I told you how I felt about you. You even moved into my building so that you could torment me more." He started to raise his voice."
"Now you're just being malicious. I didn't know you lived in this building and you know it."
"Yeah whatever." He said even louder.
"Please calm down people might hear." after yesterday I didn't want my neighbors to think that is what I brought to the building. A bunch of cussing, fussing, and fighting.
"I don't give a damn about these people. Do you think I care about these people?
All I care about is you. And apparently, to you, everyone is more important than me." he put his hand in the air and said, "You can't decide if you want to be with a deranged psychopath that can't stop fucking everything that walks past, or a psychotic freak who dated you for his sister. Then he stood up from his chair and said, "This is real life, and when you play games people get hurt.
"That is not what I am doing." Then tears started to run down my eyes profusely.
"Bull, Adriana. Isn't that why you won't cut any of us off completely? You want to keep us just close enough so that you don't fully lose us. If you can't see a man that truly loves you," he said as he pointed to himself, "then you deserve everything that you get. You got me running around looking like a pathetic loser. When all I ever done was care about you. Now, you want me to sit on the side lines and wait with the other two candidates. I'll make your decision a little easier for you. Take my name out of the running." He then walked away towards the door. Then he turned back around and said to me. "You're no better than Lamar." then he left.
Was I that person? Am I acting like Lamar? I couldn't take thinking that I was like him. I called my sister.
"Hello."
"It didn't work out as I planned." I cried into the phone.
"What happened?"
"Can I come over?"
"Of course. I will see you when you get here."
When I got to my sister's house, she made me a cup of tea and we sat down and talked.
"So, he didn't understand what you were saying at all?"
"No, he called one a deranged psychopath that fucked everything that walked past him and the other a psychotic freak who dated me for his sister."
She laughed "I'm sorry, but he is dead on. I can't believe he said that to you. He's always seemed like a guy who would never yell or talk like that."
"Yeah, I guess it is different when you are getting your heart broken. You know what's crazy? I never even thought about them like that until he said it."
"I know. You know what they say about hindsight?"
"I think I made a mistake. I should have just dated him and let it work itself out."
"You can fix it. It's not too late."
"Yes, it is. He never wants to see me again. I wouldn't want to see me either. I think I just need time to myself and figure out my life."
"Can I stay here tonight? I couldn't bare running into, Terrence."
"Sure, you can stay here for as long as you want."