So I had started this chapter already then got off wattpad and it fucked me up goood, coz I hadn't saved yet so I lost half the chapter and this is me re-starting, I feel fucked. Damn it. Hope it'll work out.
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Flame's POV.
What I had witnessed yesterday evening was still replaying in my head, I mean I knew Cainine was a little crazy but yesterday she was talking and acting like a completely crazy person. I knew this Hayley girl had the ability to make her act crazy recalling the incident on the rooftop but it was easy to see the pain she brought to Cainine when she was right there.
Hayley was exactly what I'd picture as an ex of Cainine, beautiful blue eyes, flawless skin, her long wavy hair and the way she had the ability to speak softly to Cainine even when Cainine was yelling and completely loosing her shit. Even her walk was sexy, how she touched Cainine and it was clear that her touch made Cain freeze in place and become more vulnerable. She however seemed to not be surprised by Cainine's anger, it was either she liked to see it or she knew she did something that deserved that reaction from Cain. I was guessing both, judging by how she took the reaction.
I turn and lay on my back and stare at the ceiling, recalling the hurt that was clear in Cainine's eyes after Hayley left, she looked so wounded and I just wanted to hug her and tell her that it would all be okay though I knew nothing about her history with Hayley. All I knew was I wanted her to be okay and not push me away like she did yesterday. It somehow hurt when she asked me to stay away from her and when she walked out, I wanted to follow her but deep down I knew she needed time on her own. So I let her go, though it gave me a sleepless night not being able to know where or how she was.
Her friends agreed that she needed at least the night alone, and they knew best because they'd been with her longer so I knew I was doing what was right though it pained me.
I really wanted to ask them about Hayley and what she'd done but knew it would be better to hear it from Cainine, I wanted her to trust me enough to be able to talk to me about her. I knew it was going to be hard but I would wait until she was ready to pour all her problems out to me. It was clear that this wasn't just some fear she was facing like the case of her father, this was something that hurt her emotionally, broke her trust and her, and it would be hard to get it out of her and listen to it. I didn't like knowing someone had hurt her like that.
And just when we had admitted to having an attraction to ea chother, her attractive ex that still had a lot of effect on her walks back into her life. I scoff, assessing the situation, the universe had to be playing some joke on us. This wasn't fair at all, I didn't like seeing her like that, especially over some girl. It sounded selfish and childish but it was what I felt.
I hear a buzz coming from my phone indicating I had received a message and I sat up and grabbed my phone from the nightstand next to my bed and opened the message.
~Hey there, I hope you slept well after last night's events, just wanted to tell you, we've checked up on her and she is still not ready to see anyone~. It was Austin, we had exchanged phone numbers last night so he could tell me if he'd find Cain at his place, unfortunately she wasn't there, so he told me Drew and him would check up on her at her place. I sigh reading the message and rub my eyes in frustration.
~I slept well, thanks for asking, did you at least see her ?~ I press send and stare at my phone waiting for a response, luckily he doesn't waste any time.
~No, she's locked up in her room and wouldn't let anyone in, she didn't even speak, the sniffles I heard are what confirmed she's not dead, you can try your luck and check up on her yourself~. My heart feels heavy after I read the text and now more than ever I have to see her and just hold her even if she won't speak to me.
~I will, thank you~, I reply knowing I won't have any peace if I don't. She had so many problems, why did I have to care about her so much, of all people. Why did I have to like her ?.
~Okay, good luck, the keys are on the flower bush on the left by the door, but just check the one on the right too, coz I'm not sure~. I read Austin's reply and sigh falling back on my pillow knowing what I had to do. I did care and I did like her and I had to know she was okay.
'The heart wants what it wants' the voice at the back of my head reminds and I groan pushing my hair back.
"I know that damn it" I whine out loud.
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Cainine's POV.
I smile bitterly at the memories flowing through my head while staring at the blank wall right ahead of me, sited on the floor. I didn't know what time it was nor which day it was, I didn't know how long I had been staring at the wall until I heard Austin knock on the door, pulling me away from my thoughts for about a minute before I decided to just ignore him. He'd leave eventually.
He knocked several times, I heard had Drew's stupid threats to break through the door, even saw when Austin slid in blunts under my door, but I didn't have enough strength to get up and get them or open the door. I wasn't ready to face anyone, it was back to being quiet now and I liked it that way knowing no one was there to be there for me. No one was there to see me like this. I enjoyed basking in my own misery, after all, everyone would leave in the end. No one was meant to stay forever. No one cared. Not for someone as pathetic as me.
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"Tell me you're joking Hays" I grabbed her hand pulling her to face me. This was like the third time we were having this argument this week.
"No, get that into you fucking head, I don't want you in my life any more... you're more of a liability, and I don't want that" she pulled her hand from mine and I could feel people stare at us as they walked passed us in the packing lot but I didn't care.
"What did I do to you ?" I asked, feeling the stinging of tears in my eyes.
"I don't need to explain anything to you Allison, not everything is meant to last forever" she said sounding certain she was right, but I knew she wasn't, she promised me forever.
"But I love you, I thought you loved me" I was out of words and still couldn't believe this. It wasn't easy to have words when you watched the love of your life slip right out of your grip and you couldn't do anything about it. I had no control at all "Last night,... we were okay" I try to come up with words, but I couldn't make up a sentence properly.
"You don't get it, I had already broken up with you before last night, but you just keep coming back" she takes a step back. Away from me. And it was true she had broken up with me but she didn't give me a reason, and she still let me come back to her, she still let me fuck her, she still let me find comfort in her, what did she expect ?.
"Because I love you and I know you do too !" I yell losing a bit of my cool, although I had already heard of rumours about Hayley fucking one of the guys in the football team that was actually my friend, I ignored them because I knew her and this all had to be a joke, she didn't know what she was doing. she loved me, she was the only one that loved me. She was all I had, why would she just decide to take everything away from me ?
"Wake the fuck up Allison, if I did, I wouldn't be doing this, stay away from me" she pointed me gritting her teeth. Although since she started acting like this it wasn't the first time she had said that she didnt love me, I still felt a sharp pain in my chest as if she had shot me. This is what it felt like to have your whole world torn apart. I hadn't done anything though, why would she just decide she didnt love me ?. She loved me.
"Love me.." Are the words that slipped out of my lips and at the moment I was so desperate I meant them. I didn't know how pathetic I sounded or looked.
**
"She never loved you" I whisper nodding to myself, and I had no problem with that, but why the fuck did she have to play me, lie to me, manipulate me while fucking the whole football team behind my back. She used me when I was vulnerable from our breakup for her own pleasure and I didn't even notice she was using me then. And after I was done fucking her, listening to her problems she would step on me and wipe me off like dog shit on a side walk. But I still went back to beg for love from her, because she was all I had.
I run a palm down my face sighing, at least I had run out of tears though I now had a distant but annoying pain in my head that made it hurt to even blink my eyes. I get on all fours crawling to the door, to take the joints Austin had slid in.... fuck. I bite into my lower lip when I realize he didn't slide in a lighter, that dumb dumb fuck. I sigh knowing at the moment I needed the joint more than anything, I had to leave my room whether I liked it or not. I hold on to the door knob and pull myself up my hands still sore from the boxing match I had with my door last night.
When I'm up, I twist the key in the hole, I knew the boys would come to check up on me and had spare keys to my house, but not my room, so I locked it. I twist the door knob, finding comfort in knowing no one was in the house and I would find a lot of comfort in forgetting my pain with the only thing that didn't ask me questions like 'are you okay ?'...weed.
But the moment I open the door my eyes come into direct contact with these familiar brown ones, it was like she was standing there waiting and knew I would open the door at that time.
No matter how fucked up I was, I couldn't just slam the door at her face and ask her to leave, so I just stood there frozen looking at her, waiting for her to make a move.
"Hi" she whispers and I nod back my response.
"What are-" But before my husky voice can finish the sentence, Sparks literally throws herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck and burying her head in my neck. I stood there still frozen and quiet until she spoke again.
"Please don't push me away" she whispers into my neck "I want to be here" she adds and I loosen up a little bit and lay my forehead on her head. Who was she and why did she care so much ?. Did Sparks have some motive of her own ?.
"Why ?" I ask and she pulls away from our embrace and looks up at me her eyes clear and sincere.
"Because I care so much about you, and even if you won't talk to me, let me be here, I'm not asking for too much" she says and sighs visibly with her whole body. I just stare at her blankly not knowing what to say back, I mean what would I say when someone as amazing as Sparks just admitted to caring for me ?. Me as pathetic and terrible as I was.
She raises her hand and reaches for my face but I move back away from her touch unintentionally. She quickly drops her hand "I'm sorry" she says and rubs her palms together then looks away.
This was Sparks.. the girl who insulted me every chance she got, yet cleaned my wound when I beat up some guy, the girl who pushed me away yet still pulled me in. The girl who was here to check up on me. This was Sparks.
I take a step towards her not knowing exactly what I was doing but I grab her hand and place her open palm on my cheek, loving how warm and soft it felt, she looks up at me her eyes studying me in this sympathetic way I hated. Her thumb brushes softly against my cheek and I can't help but look down at her lips. Her juicy lips that always looked good enough to eat, without another thought and none needed for that matter I pull her to me by the waist and push my lips against hers.
It takes her a few seconds, but she kisses me back following my slow rhythm at first, as her thumb caresses my cheek softly. Her soft lips feel amazing on mine as they slowly move against each other, but I had had enough of the slow sympathetic kiss we were having. I pull her into my room and slam the door shut pushing her against it. This caught her by surprise but she made no move to break away from me. My hands slide down to her thighs as the kiss hardens and I feel on her bare thick thighs and groan lifting her up to straddle me.
She throws her arms around my neck and pulls me closer as I push my tongue into her mouth causing her to cross her legs that were now straddling me, to bring me closer to her. This.... this felt amazing and I just couldn't describe the feeling, Sparks needed me, and she made me feel wanted. She wanted me, I could feel it by her movements and response, her sounds, how she sucked on my tongue and held me close. I break off from the kiss that leaves us both breathing heavily and bury my head into her neck, not wasting time to suck on her tasty skin.
"Shit... wait" she speaks breathlessly but I am too far gone to listen to her. What was I waiting for when we both wanted this ?, when she wanted me. I go on giving her open mouthed kisses my hand sneaking under her shirt and I begin to feel on her breasts through her bra. Jesus Christ, amazing just the way I thought they would feel, just the perfect size and fit into my open palm but a bit bigger, and I wanted the shirt and bra gone. I wanted it all.
"Fuck" she moans breathlessly placing one of her hands over mine that was under her shirt "We can't deal with this, like this" she whispers breathlessly and I move back and look at her, she looks so beautiful, her hair down today, the colour of her lip gloss a bit messed up and smudged, staining under and above her lips due to the kiss we've just shared making her look wild. I knew what she was saying was right but what came out of my mouth after staring at her was.
"Why the fuck not ?" I ask still eyeing her lips.
"Because..." She sighs "It's not right" she says and I know she's right, she always is but when I look into her eyes and find her staring at my lips I forget her words and the fact that she was right. I kiss her again and she kisses me back showing she wanted me just as much I wanted her. She sighs in defeat and I push her further against the door squeezing hard on her breast making her moan into the kiss. I move back and walk to the bed still kissing her and place her on the bed getting ontop of her quickly and settling between her legs.
I bury my head back into her neck ready to slowly go down to her plump breasts, and I give her open mouthed kisses while feeling on her hard nipple against her bra.
"Fuck this is so wrong" Sparks whines.
"Don't you want me ?" I whisper, darting my tongue out and running it up her ear.
"Just because I do" she moans "Doesn't make this okay... please" she begs, if she doesn't have enough strength to stop me does she think I can stop all on my own ?. She made me feel wanted and I wanted that, I fed on that, and I needed that so much at the moment...Fuck was I using her ? I was using Sparks. Guilt hit me.. hard. Harder than fifteen trucks.
With this realization I stop and pull away from her and sit back on the bed silently, burying my face in my open palms, I was a bad person, I deserved all that came for me, and I still had the nerve to be pathetic and cry about it then use the only pure person that had set foot in my life.
"Hey... please don't lock me out" she whispers and I feel as her hands come into contact with my skin, she pulls my hands away from my face and I face her already feeling the stupid tears rolling down my face, I thought I ran out out of tears damn it, without another word she pulls me to her and I allow her to and lay my head on her shoulder.
She rubs my back gently and I allow myself to be lost in the moment, I allow myself to cry and stain her pretty white shirt with my tears. I allow myself to feel cared for and comfort "I'm here" she whispers repeatedly and somehow this gets me to cry harder like the stupid little bitch I was.
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I am surprised this chapter worked out after I already fucked up the first half of it. I had already given up but what can I say, I'm attached to my characters and want to watch them through the closet all the damn time and so here we are. Press the star looking thing drop a fucking comment you fellow homosexual and the next chapter might just pop up. Goodbye.
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You know who it is, I love this chapter also for some un-known reason, I hate but love seeing cainine hurt and vulnerable, it just.. it makes me feel and I love it. Anyway can we just do what I said ? Huh ?.