3
I stood before the mirror, tightening the black tie around my neck. Ethan was behind me putting on his suit jacket.
The day I'd been dreading had finally come.
It was Brielle's funeral.
As much as I tried to convince myself that she was alive, I knew it was just false hope.
"You okay?" Ethan asked for what seemed like the billionth time today. And for what seemed like the billionth time today, I nodded in response.
"I'm gonna go get Faye," I announced. Ethan nodded and watched as I left my bedroom.
I knocked on her door and listened for the quiet, "Come in," before walking inside.
Faye was lying in her bed, still in her pajamas.
"What are you doing? We have to go."
"Go where?"
"Brielle's funeral," I told her hurriedly, rushing to her closet to find a black dress.
"But Brielle's not dead."
I sighed, setting my head against the wall. I knew she was still in denial, but I really needed to hurry.
"Okay, fine. Can you just go anyway?"
She groaned but nodded anyway. Fay pushed me out of the way and grabbed her outfit and waited for me to leave the room.
I rushed down the stairs, calling for Ethan as I passed my room. We only had an hour to get to the venue and I wanted to get there early, so I could meet her parents and send them my condolences.
As much as I hated her parents for what they put her through, I knew they were still grieving and it would make me even worse if I were to rub it in their faces. They had to be going through so much right now and it wasn't my place to add more to that
Faye finally came walking down the stairs. She didn't bother fixing her bedhead or anything, but I didn't have it in me to care.
I quickly led us all out to the car. Ethand slipped into the passage seat and Faye got into the back. I drive to the venue knowing I probably broke a couple of laws.
I finally pulled into the funeral home and rushed to a parking spot. I had barely stopped when I opened my door and got out.
I didn't know why I was in such a rush. We were about 45 minutes early, but it felt like I was late. Like I was too late to say goodbye to her.
There were only two cars in the parking lot. I walked up to the doors and tried to open them. They were locked.
I pounded on the doors, wanting, needing them to let me in. I needed to say goodbye. I need her to know that I love her. I need her to know that she's safe. I can't do that from the outside. I can't help from the outside.
Ethan came up behind me and grabbed y arms. I tried to yank away but his grip was too strong.
"You're gonna hurt yourself. They'll let you in in a bit, you just need to wait. Everything will still be there, Matteo. It will all be okay. You just need time"
"I can't wait," I insisted, "I need to talk to her. I want to say goodbye. Ethan, let me say goodbye." my eyes welled with more tears, but I didn't want to cry. I'd been doing so much of it lately that I had;t even recognized myself.
"You can say goodbye. When they open the doors you'll be able to tell her, but for now, all you can do is wait."
I nodded and sat on the sidewalk near the door. Ethan sat beside me. He wrapped his arm around me and placed his hand on my head, guiding me down to rest myself on his shoulder. His fingers absentmindedly played with my hair.
"I'm tired," I sighed defeatedly.
"I know," he muttered, placing his head on top of mine, "I know."
******
The door had finally opened and out walked an older couple and a small boy.
Cody.
I stood up immediately, walking over to her parents. Her dad had salt and pepper hair and a light stubble sporadically throughout his chin. Her mom looked almost identical to her. Same green eyes. Same brunette hair. Same freckled skin.
I pushed back the water in my eyes and held my hand out to her.
"Hi Ms. Anderson, I'm Matteo," I told her before moving on to her dad and mimicking my actions.
"You're Matteo!" she grinned. After I shook her dad's hand, she engulfed me in a hug, "Oh hun, call me Lauren. This must be so hard for you. My little girl really loved you."
"I loved her too," I sniffled, wiping my nose, "so much."
A tug at my shirt took me out of my conversation. I crouched down to Cody's height and took his hands in mine.
"Were you Bee's boyfriend?" he asked politely, looking down at his feet.
"I was," I told him, lifting his head up, "and Bee told me that it's your birthday in two days. Is that right?"
"Yeah," he giggled.
He has her laugh.
"Well, she said happy birthday."
"I thought Bee was a star," he stated innocently.
"Oh, she is," I said before I could make more of a fool of myself, "but she sent me a note."
"She did?"
"She did."
Cody giggled again and I tried not to show the ache it let in my heart. He walked back towards his dad and I stood back up. Lauren now had a tissue in her hand and was wiping tears from her eyes.
"This isn't how I was supposed to meet my daughter's boyfriend," she silently cried, "We were supposed to have a nice dinner and I was supposed to threaten you if you were to ever hurt my daughter. You are so good. I wish I could've seen that."
I took her in my arms and let her cry, trying to hold back myself.
*********
The services had finally started and Ethan managed to convince Faye to come inside. She looked a little pale, but I had no time to comment on it.
I managed to sit with her for a few minutes before it started. It was a closed casket, but I don't think I would be able to handle her lifeless body.
"I love you so much," I had cried out, setting a hand on her casket, "I am so sorry. So so sorry."
Now, I was sitting in my spot, listening to her mother's eulogy. All I could think about is how I would soon be called up to deliver mine. I wasn't sure why somebody reached out to me and asked me to give one, but I wasn't going to back down on the offer to speak about her.
A man finally called out my name and I walked up to the front of the room. I straightened out my papers and began to speak.
"I first met Brielle through my sister, Faye. We were all so young and carefree back then. Innocent. I never used to understand why adults would tell me to never grow up. Why we should bottle up our youth. It never occurred to me until Brielle's death. We all focus so much on everything but ourselves. We focus on our responsibilities, the well-being of other people, and what we have to get done. We don't allow ourselves to breathe. When we were kids, it was simple. We would get up with the sun, our parents would make us breakfast before we go outside and play with friends. We didn't have any other purpose back then. Our innocence consumed us but when that innocence was ripped away from us, all we ever wanted was to get it back. Most people weren't going through what Brielle was, but you could never see that from the outside. No, on the outside, all you saw was this carefree girl who doesn't bat an eye to what the world throws at her. She looked happy. It shows how easy it is for anyone to just bottle that up, even from themselves. We all go through so much but we take the problems in our life and focus on that rather than trying to heal ourselves. What I've learned from Brielle's death is that I need to stop doing that. Once a day at least, I just need to breathe. I need to allow myself to focus on what my body is telling me rather than ignoring my problems. We all say we want our innocence back, but really all we want is the joy."
QOTD: Who is your favorite character in this book?
Word Count: 1463