She squints as if to get a better look at me then shakes her head in what seems like disappointment.
"What's going on pretty lady ?" I smile up at her leaning my head against the dirty graffitied wall to get a better look at her. I was sitted behind the school's gym, it was a really quiet, peacful place, where noone including Aus and Drew would think to look for me, it had trees and grass... Damn it, you get the picture. Not alot of people came around here, so I'm kind of suprised to see Sparks.
"I should be asking you that" she grunts as she squats next to me and my head lowers following her movements.
"Well, nothing is going on with me, I'm just chilling, sitting" I count with my free hand "Uhhhh... Highing, stowning" I wave my eyebrows at her and she frowns instantly snatching the joint from my other hand. Damn she moves fast.
"Give me that" before my heavy, lazy bones move to take it back she throws it on the pavement and steps on it "It's not healthy, and besides you're on campus grounds".
"What the fuck Sparks ? Who do you think you are ? The blunt cop ? huh ?" I ask and chuckle a little after "I'm here trying to medicate... Wait" I point at her frowned face as a song immediately comes to mind "You know this song ?" I ask her and immediately start singing, dragging the words and way off tune "Why oh why can't you just fix me ?,when all I wants to feel numb but the medication's all gone, why oh why does god hate me ? when all I want's to get high and forget this so-called life-".
I stop singing when I notice her blank expression and frown. She didn't know the Theory of a Deadman did she ?, what kind of music did she listen to ?.
She looks to her sides awkwardly before dragging the word "Noo".
I sigh in disappointment and look away from her. So she comes here, steps on my blunt and says she doesn't know a song I like ?. What a fucking bummer.
"Why'd you crash my joint ?" I ask "And how the hell did you even find me ?", I spare her a single quick glance before looking away.
"Easy... I followed the scent" she laughs.
"Like a dog ?" I add my mind blank.
"Mmh, right" she pauses and sits on the ground stretching her legs infront of her "like a dog, says the one named Cainine" she points out, her voice quiet and inquisitive and I frown and look at her.
"Hey leave my name out of this, Cainine is a cool name... Have you heard yours ? Huh ?" I defend, at this point I was in my own world, physically present but my mind slowly drifting away to an empty all white room with a single bed with white sheets. "Flame Sparks.... Ha !" I scoff "Isn't that like the same thing ?" I ask. Deep down knowing that, that had to be one of the most unique names I've ever heard.
"It's not the same thing.. I don't know much behind my name but I'd like to think that it has some feeling behind it, you know.... Like it expresses something" she sighs struggling to get my high slow mind to understand.
"Mmmh... You're saying the one that gave you the name gave it to you because you made them feel that ?" I ask looking longer at her now. This all seemed unreal, she seemed unreal, always looking golden in the light of the sun, tiny drops of sweat making her skin glisten, her hair tied in a messy burn, but some strands dangling and brushing her face every now and then. I wish I was her hair. Huh.
"Yeah something of the sort... I gave them warmth that flame does and you know Sparks are beautiful..." just like her "And they come along with the fire.." she pushes a strand of her hair behind her ear and looks at me smiling softly as her eyes search mine.
Her eyes were so white, so innocent and pure. What the hell was she doing with me ?.. I was the exact opposite of this kind of beauty.
"Yeaah well the flame always dies out and so do the sparks along with it.." I sigh "What the fuck are you doing here ?, I thought we were playing the silent game" I ask and look back up at the blue sky, wanting her gone from my sight. I didn't need a freaking reminder of what I couldn't have because it was too good for me and I personally wouldn't allow it. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve her.
"I was playing the silent game-" she scoffs correcting me "I mean I was and still I'm mad at you for-".
"It was better that way" I interupt her saying my thoughts out loud, still unable to look at her.
"Whoa there, I knew I was nothing to you but to that level ?" I look down at her and see the humour in her eyes then look back up and close my eyes taking in a deep breath.
"You are something that's why.. That is the fucking reason you should go on with your little silent game" I tell her my voice low, almost a whisper. At the moment, I was finding it hard to think and I was not ready to have this conversation with her, but I would if I had to.
"So you want me to stop talking to you ?" she asks and I am pretty high but I could hear how offended she sounds. I sigh knowing I really had to have this conversation with her. I was okay with her not talking to me for all the right reasons which was her safety but I didn't want us to be in bad terms believe it or not, I had no intentions of offending her nor hurting her, that is, if she cared that much about what I had to say.
Hayley was someone I thought was the love of my life, someone I thought was permenently going to be there, my home. I never noticed she was using me, just as I noticed, I was using her. We both ended up fucked in the end, or atleast I did. I have no idea what Flame is to me nor the emotions and feelings going on between us but I felt like I had to be clear about some things . Unlike Hays and me, Flame and I were grown ups.
"I don't want that" I shook my head.
"Then what the fuck ? What is going on ? I thought we were friends, what's going on Cainine ?". This all seemed way too familiar and I was getting the same question because of the same person messing with me, but I still couldn't be completely honest.
"Noth-"..
"Bullshit... I'm not stupid, I was there that night" and the moment she opens up her mouth to interupt me and says those words, I suddenly feel exhausted, heavy and guilty. It was my fault she was there that night.
"And that's it Sparks... the fucking reason you should stay away from me.. that man-".
"Is your dad, I know" she nods her head a serious expression on her face. I run a palm down my sweaty face, already a bit irritated. If she kept on interupting me-.
"Yes and he is also a huge pain in the ass... Sparks you dont get it, he is not a nice man and he.. he met you"I explain letting my worried tone be heard then cup my face with both my hands "He's not a good guy at all". 'Neither are you, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree'. A small voice at the back of my head that sounded so realistic at the moment reminds me and I try to ignore it. Afterall I already knew that.
"I can protect myself.." she says sounding so sure and I chuckle.. A mocking chuckle because she had no idea what she was talking about.
"I barely can and he's my dad" I say and immediately regret it when her face changes to a pained, concerned expression.
"Does he hurt you ? Is that why ?" she asks and my terrible attempt of a mocking grin that I still had on dissapears. I didn't want to go there at the moment.
"There's more to it than that" I say quietly regreting this whole conversation. I rub my nose and cough a little after, feeling the effect of my decision to smoke all evening. I was feeling all float-y but also like a cold was coming up.
"Then what ?, I know it's none of my business and trust me I wish I didnt care for you, but apparently I do.. and I hate that I do, you're so complicated" she whines pushing me to go further and I smile at her words "What ?" she frowns her eyebrows knitting together.
"You care ?" I ask, my voice cracking from the sore throat I suddenly had. I was a bit suprised to be honest that Sparks not only cared about me but also said it to my face.
"It's not about that" she rolls her eyes, "But I do, and I want to know why you look scared and angry half the time since he came and why your friends feel like they have to watch you all the time... I notice things okay ?!" she says the last part defensively when she notices my shocked expression.
"From the sound of things you seem to notice me alot" I joke, but she just glares at me "Okay... Nik is his name" I sigh and watch as her hard facial expression relaxes and softens as she listens to me intently "He likes things his ways, so controlling.. there is nothing more important to him than his name and his business, unfortunately I had to have his name.." I gulp.
I go back to resting my head against the wall as I try finding more words, and I hear Flame move a little I guess finding a more comfortable sitting position.
"And so I have to do what he wants.... Atleast he makes it seem that way and forces it" I speak my voice strained and my throat growing tighter with every word, as I recall some of the ways he punished me when I didn't get work done the way he wanted, I push those thoughts aside before going on.."It would be nice if it were the normal control that a parent wants, the one they force their kid to go to school and shit, but no.. Infact-" I chuckle a little recalling this "Nick wanted me to drop out when I turned eighteen so I wouldn't be distracted and so I would learn more about the family business from him".
"What is this family business ?" Sparks asks silently, her voice full of curiousity and I scoff.
"Let's just say it's not a family friendly business... He got to me to beat people up for him, steal some shit here and there at times, not that I'm complaining I enjoyed it sometimes" I smile at the memory of the adrenaline rush in my blood "Teenage me found that thrilling" I could literally feel Flame stiffen beside me "But it soon became too much and I... Well I just, I escaped" I sigh and groan a little to loose some tension and emotions I was feeling weighing on me. I had to choose my words carefully here or I would end up exposing something I wasn't ready to.
"Now he has me right where he wants me and I don't think I can run anymore... I'm just so fucking tired Sparks" I tell her, being completely honest and open with my feelings, then gulp trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
I gasp a little when I feel her tiny hand slide into mine that was resting on my lap. It's always a foreign and warm feeling that'll suprise me, but I'll end up appreciating it in the end way more than she knows.
"I don't know what to say" she says and I look down at her to find her already staring me "I mean that's a lot..." she whispers blinking slowly as if to process all that "It also explains a lot".
"Explains what exactly ?" I ask a bit curious, my eyes slowly trailing her face finding a little comfort in the fact she wasn't judging me at the moment or acting scared.
"You're violent nature" She chuckles "You're well trained" she adds and I chuckle along with her "I'm sorry you had to go through that" she says silently and I smile.
"Now you get why I need you to stay away from me ?" I ask hoping for a positive answer.
"No.. I actually want to help", but you never know what to fucking expect with her.. I sigh and look away.
"What don't you fucking understand about this ?" I ask a bit concerned about her level of intelligence.
"I do understand and I also understand that you need all the help you can get" she says and I scoff.
"What can you help me with ?" I ask. Her presence enough was helpful, for some reason, but she didn't need to know that.
"I don't know... anything that comes up" she sighs when she notices my smile "I'm helpful, you know ?" she adds defensively.
"What I know is I want you safe and out of this" I explain to her but she shakes her head.
"I won't feel at ease knowing you're back to that life that you ran away from and I could've helped with something.... I'd rather try to help and see the danger then I'll decide wheather to back down or not" she explains and I sigh feeling almost defeated but all warm inside because she wanted to stay by my side.
"I can't have you get hurt because of me, I know you think I'm selfish but I'm not that selfish" I tell her knowing very well she might get hurt in this. When it comes to Drew and Austin it's different, they signed up for this from the begining, Sparks didn't and shouldn't. I have nothing good to offer her. She is way too good to sacrifise shit for me.
"Neither am I.." she retorted "I also don't like it when someone decides things for me, I'm grown enough to know what I want". She never gave up did she ?. "Let me be there" she gave my hand a little squeeze. I look down at our hands together, our fingers intertwined, then back at her.
To be honest I was too tired to argue with her and I felt like I just needed comfort it also seemed she was the only one I was comfortable getting that from. And so at that moment, I didn't agree with her nor disagree. I sigh heavily and let go of her hand, stretching my body and lying my head comfortably on her lap looking up at her.
"I know" is all she whispers and sighs resting her head against the wall as her small hand slowly begins playing around with my hair, giving me enough comfort at the moment. And at that moment, with the warm sun setting and the lovely evening breeze, brushing against my skin bringing a wonderful cooling effect, I looked up at Sparks' calming expression and felt her gentle touch and smiled a little feeling a bit warm inside for some reason. Once again after a long time, I felt like I could fall and have somewhere soft and warm to land.
My eyes slowly closed, and I trusted the darkness to swallow me with her by my side and then I realized.... What the fuck was I feeling ?, this wasn't okay.
**
Ooookaay, another one done, whose way do we like of handling problems, Flame's or Hayley's ?.
I also added Medicate by Theory of a Dead man because everyone deserves to hear that song.. let me make your taste in music better people !!, I know there are alot of Flames out there
**
Re-editing me here, I hope it's all good with you guys, umm so vote and comment, you shall not be shy !.