I sat on the bed, facing Brielle, wondering how our roads crossed again. She's really here, sitting in front of me, I'm not dreaming.
"So," she started, breaking the silence. "What'd I miss?"
"Well, where do I start?" I said, trying to think of literally anything, "I'm not sure. I started modeling and got a boyfriend, and that's about it."
"That's it?" She asked, surprised.
"Yeah, I'm not that interesting."
"I'm gonna ignore that lie and go get some food. Do you want anything?" My stomach churned, but I kept the 'smile' on my face.
"No thanks, I'm not hungry."
"Whatever, your loss."
She left the room, leaving me in my thoughts.
Why couldn't I just be normal? Why couldn't I eat, or smile, or live my life without this constant feeling? Is life supposed to be this difficult? How do people live with the burden of endless responsibilities and worries constantly taunting them?
I just want to be more like the people around me. Hopeful, carefree, happy. I would kill to have a life like theirs.
The door slowly opened, revealing a short brunette with handfuls of snacks. She dumped them all into the bed and jumped beside me.
"You sure you don't want an Oreo? They used to be your favorite." She asked, grabbing the box. I know she meant it as a lighthearted question, but it left such a hole in my chest, causing tears to well up in my eyes, but none of them dared to slide down.
"No thank you."
"Are you okay?" She questioned softly. "You seem off, tense even." Well leaving your best friend for nine years can make their personality 'off'.
"I'm fine," I lied. I've gotten good at that recently. Lie after lie each day. You'd think somebody could see through them, but nobody did, and I hoped to keep it that way.
"Are you really?"
"I said I'm fine Brielle."
That left the room tense, anticipating for somebody to break the silence. When it was finally broken, I'd wish it wasn't. It was my stomach of all things.
"Here," she said softly, handing me the cookies in her lap.
"I don't want any. I'm fine."
"Faye you nee-"
"Bri, what I need is for you to stop getting in my business okay?" I snapped. I immediately regretted it, knowing she didn't deserve it. None of it was her fault. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just tired. It's been a long day." She nodded and began cleaning up the mess on the bed, setting it on my dresser.
I remember her not being clean. It always annoyed me, but I never commented on it. It was more just annoyance that she couldn't care less. Even today I don't say anything, knowing if I say something it'll cause her anxiety.
I parted the seat beside me in my bed and she carefully obliged. I lay on my side, facing the wall, and let sleep take me.
*********
I woke to an empty indent in the bed.
"Weight day!" My mother sang, barging into my room. "Last time was October 7th, so two weeks ago. We really need your weight to have improved. Last time was atrocious."
She set the scale down by my bed and looked at me expectantly.
"Mom, I literally just woke up. Can I at least brush my teeth?"
"Step on the scale, Faye."
I sighed and slowly got off my bed, eyeing the scale beneath me. I reluctantly stepped on but refused to look at the number.
"At 5"7, you should at least be less than 100. I'm really disappointed Faye. I expected better." The D card. It must be really bad.
I looked down at the number. 103.82. I sighed and stepped off. I refused to look at my mother, not wanting to see the look in her eyes. If I had to look at her, I knew I would break.
How can you please someone when you're simply not good enough?
How can you surpass their expectations when you can't even surpass your own?
How does one disappoint everyone in their life?
That's how it feels to live like Faye Collins.
I lay back on my bed as my mom leaves the room and let out a heavy sigh. I'm exhausted.
Life is exhausting.
I just want to sleep.
And never wake up.
*******
Nobody tells you how difficult it is to fake happiness. They see a smile and assume it's all okay. But it's anything but. They don't notice the split second that smile fades. They don't notice the tears holding back in your eyes. They don't see the sudden tint of loss in your face. They just see your smile and assume your happiness. Society dictates how you're supposed to feel because happiness is the primary emotion. If the whole world was happy everything would suddenly be okay again, right? Wrong. In a world of happiness, nothing would seem real. You'd never feel anything. Only feeling happiness is the same as only feeling numb. One emotion in control of your every movement. But, people fake a smile anyways, even in the best of days.
That's what I'm doing now. Sitting in the back of geometry, waiting for Nathan to stop talking to me about who knows what.
Don't get me wrong, Nathan's nice, but he talks a lot. You never have any time to think around him. He could go on and on about a topic for hours. It's one of the things I admired and hated about him. He could hold up a conversation, even if it was one-sided.
Today he was talking about this girl he liked. It was cute how he talked about her. You could tell just by looking at his massive heart eyes that he fell. Hard.
"What's her name again?" I asked.
"Abby Lucas."
Abby Lucas. Sits right in front of me in history. Her real name is Abigail but hates when people call her that. Blonde hair brown eyes.
She's never been in trouble. She has that "nice girl" personality. Perfect for Nathan.
"Do you want me to talk to her? See if you have a shot?"
"You'd do that?" He asked giddily. "Faye if you would do that I would owe you so much."
"It's nothing. I'll talk to her before lunch."
"Thank you so much Faye you have no idea how much this means." He had a glint in his eyes. Excitement. I haven't had that in Kyle since before I was dating Kai. Or maybe while? Either way, it's been a while. Should it have been a while? Shouldn't I always have it?
I brushed aside my thoughts, not wanting to pay mind to them.
Nathan continued to talk, less about Abby, and more about stuff I still didn't care to listen to.
**
"Hey, Abby!" I called out after class. I would've talked before lunch, but I noticed her in the halls.
"Oh, hi Faye. What's up?" She was confident, held herself well, while still keeping a warm, inviting smile.
"Nothing much. Do you wanna sit with us at lunch?" Her smile faded for a split second, and if you weren't paying attention it would be easily missed.
"How much did they pay you?" She asked softly. Her eyes were cast towards her feet and her hands were fidgeting.
"I'm sorry?"
"How much did they pay you to talk to me? There's no way you would just come up to me like that." I could barely hear her whispers. Have people done that? How could people be that cruel to somebody like Abby? Who's they?
"Abby," I said, grabbing her shoulders, "I promise you that nobody paid me. I'm asking you because you seem nice."
"Okay," She blurted before hurrying away.
Not the reaction I was expecting, but she's gonna be there nonetheless.
**********
Lunch came by sooner than expected.
I was currently sitting with Kai's arm wrapped around my waist protectively on my left, and Charlie on my right, conversing with Briannah.
Brielle wasn't coming to school for another week, giving me time to prepare to see her more
A/N: So it's a diff day which is why this is in the middle and that day is Faye's Birthday (October 20th) Ik yall won't be getting this till at least mid-November maybe even December but still Happy Birthday Faye 👏🏻👏🏻
I watched across the table at Nathan staring intently at Abby. She held a bright smile while talking to him.
"Hi, Faye." A random guy greeted, walking by our table. Kai's hand squeezed around my waist in a protective manner, I don't know why he thought I needed protection, but I just ignored it.
"He-" My words were cut off by Kai's hand on my chin and lips on mine. He was unusually rough. His hand found my hair as I tried to gently push him away, causing me back to him.
"Kai," I tried to mumble, he didn't listen.
"Kai what are you doing?" Charlie's voice asked. After his sudden voice, Kai broke away from me, glaring at him.
I turned away and looked down at the table before pulling my phone out, mindlessly scrolling through apps.
"Are you okay," Charlie whispered into my ear.
"I'm fine, I don't need your protection. I can handle myself," I retorted.
"I know," his voice was soft, quiet.
He turned back to Briannah, leaving me for my mind.
Kai's hand never left my waist throughout the duration of lunch. It made me slightly uncomfortable, but I didn't comment on it, not wanting to anger him.
Once the bell rang, I shot up from my spot and began making my way to my locker.
"Hey Faye," A familiar bubbly voice greeted. "Thanks for today, I really appreciate it."
"You don't need to thank me, Abby. You're always welcome there."
She smiled and walked down the hallway.
As I watched her, I caught a glimpse of Kai, talking to his baseball friends. Seeing him left this feeling in the pit of my stomach.
What happened today?
QOTD: Who's your best friend?
Word Count: 1686