☆Jake☆
I push open the front door and immediately hear crying, which I assume can only be Lucy. I also hear my mom trying to comfort her. I figure she must have stubbed her toe or something.
I brush my hair out of my eyes, throw my jacket on the floor, and toe-off my shoes. I know mom will have to pick it up later, and I feel bad, but I pretend not to care. I've gotten good at acting like I'm chill about almost any situation.
I pop in my earbuds and turn the volume up, desperately trying to avoid a conversation with anyone in the house about where I've been, and what I've been doing. My mom always seems to assume I've been selling drugs if I leave the house for more than an hour. It's like a seventeen-year-old can't possibly leave their home without getting in trouble.
What was I doing? I wasn't selling drugs, partying, or talking to girls. I was hanging out with Luke, my best friend since Freshman year. We met in chemistry, and both simultaneously agreed that it's not only useless but also infuriating.
He invited me over on Thursday, and I knew my mom would make a big deal out of it, so I snuck out. I doubt she noticed anyway. She's got four other kids to worry about, and I usually don't leave my room all day except for dinner.
The hang-out with Luke was cool, but I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking about what happened after that.
I had been walking home when the rain really started pouring down. Of course, I get stuck outside the one time it decides to rain, but I guess that's just my luck.
I ran to get home when I suddenly noticed someone a few yards in front of me. At first, I thought it was just my imagination, but as I got closer, I realized it wasn't.
It was a girl. She had stopped in her tracks, and she looked completely soaked. Her arms were wrapped around herself, and she brushed her hair from her eyes.
I had scared her by saying hi, and we had a conversation. The weird thing is, it wasn't forced at all.
I'm so used to talking to people because it will benefit me, or because people expect me to. I don't feel that sense of ease talking to many people. Somehow, our five-minute conversation felt more comforting than anything my own friends or girlfriend have said to me.
She was sarcastic and snapped at me, but I can't blame her. She had been crying when I snuck up behind her, and I can't blame her for being a bit irritated at my interruption.
The weird thing is, I desperately want to talk to her again. When I talked to her I felt no judgment. Sure, she looked at me like I was an idiot, but I kinda was acting like one. It's not often that I get to let down my guard, and it was refreshing.
The thing is, I know that I will most likely never see her again. Our chances of meeting were very slim in the first place, and considering the fact that she was walking on the dirt road means she lives pretty far from me. I've also never seen her at my school before.
The chances of running into her again are small, and for some reason, this upsets me.
I mentally remind myself that I literally met this chick about an hour ago, and I really shouldn't care whether or not we ever lock eyes again.
I quietly sneak up the stairs, making sure to skip the third step. It's given my appearance away one too many times.
Once I successfully complete my lousy mission, I turn and tiptoe down the hallway to my room. The door is still closed, just as I left it, and I breathe a sigh of relief. My mom would definitely be mad if she knew I left the house without her permission.
When I push open my door, I'm relieved to see everything is how I left it.
The floor is covered with old clothes or shoes I'm too lazy to pick up, and my desk is cluttered with pencils, markers, glue sticks, scissors, and a few jars of nail polish my older sister got me to agree to hide in my room. They've all probably dried out by now, but I won't take the chance of throwing them out and getting my sister mad.
My bed is still unmade and I don't bother to fix the sheets as I lie back and relax. I throw my phone down on the nightstand next to me. I close my eyes for a few seconds, but my mind immediately shifts to the girl I saw earlier. It's becoming unbearable to think about at this point.
I turn onto my stomach and groan into my pillow. I need to stop caring about what happened. It doesn't matter. I'm not even going to remember it in five years, so why worry about it?
My phone buzzes, so I lift my head from the pillow and turn my phone over as I check the notifications.
Lia.
Of course, it's her. What did I do this time? Wait no, let me guess. I made eye contact with another girl. Yeah, that seems reasonable. I forgot that having a girlfriend means never speaking to someone of the opposite gender without her approval.
I enter my passcode and click on our messages.
Will you be at school on Monday? I need to tell you something 😘
I almost roll my eyes, but stop myself. She always uses that stupid emoji, and if she really needed to ask me something she could just do it now. Unfortunately, that's not how Lia works. She always insists on telling me something in public so I can't react badly, or so we can prove how in love we are. The fact that it needs proving is sort of sad.
I force myself to not block her number, and instead I respond as normally as I possibly can.
Yeah, I'll see u then babe ❤️
God, I sound so stupid. I, unfortunately, have no choice but to play along until the end of my senior year.
I can't wait to graduate high school and blow this town.
Once I leave L.A. I'll finally be able to live my life how I want. I won't have to talk to anybody I don't want to, I won't have to do any more modelling gigs, and most importantly, I won't have to keep my secrets anymore.
Another buzz from my phone jolts me out of my thoughts, and I peer down at the screen.
Alright, love you❤️😘
It's that stupid emoji again. Can she go three seconds without using it? Probably not.
I'll be honest, I used to like Lia a lot. I was the one who asked her out near the beginning of our sophomore year, and I had been crushing on her for a while. We used to be nothing more than friends, and I really wish I had just ignored my crush. Life wouldn't suck as much right now if I had.
Maybe I'd be dating somebody I actually like. Maybe I wouldn't be forced to stay with her. Maybe I wouldn't feel a sense of frustration and guilt every time I had a conversation with her.
The problem is, breaking up with her is not an option. I know that as much as I want to, it's nothing compared to the hell my life would become after. It's not that I have attachment issues either, It's just...complicated.
Maybe I could talk to Luke, but I'm not sure. He's been good friends with Lia since seventh grade, and I doubt he'd take my side. Admittedly, he probably wouldn't take either side because he's a literal saint and doesn't believe anyone can do anything wrong, but still, there's no point because she would still tell. Then everyone would know.
I've tried coming up with a solution for almost the past year, but it's useless. Nothing will work. Lia used to be sweet, but she's changed. She bullies other girls now and is only nice to people she's close to.
I shift my eyes from the screen and turn to look at the calendar right next to my window. I squint my eyes and sigh.
I've kept track of how many days until I graduate since the first day of freshman year. There are still four hundred and twelve days left. Four hundred and twelve days left of suffering.
I reach across my nightstand for my charger and grab it, shoving the cable into my phone, and tossing it carelessly on my bed.
I push myself up and head towards the window. It's still raining. It has been for hours. This is really unusual weather for Cali.
I place my hand on the glass protecting me from the rainfall outside and watch the blurry landscape.
It's almost comforting, and I slide down the wall, keeping my hand on the window.
I stay there for a bit watching the rain, wondering if I'll ever be able to tell anybody what I've been through, what I know.
I turn to look at the clock above my door. It's 12:01 am.
Four hundred and eleven days left.