S8E13:
Doc had gone back into the operating room to see if he could relieve any of the medical staff inside. After all, a tired doctor wouldn't be too helpful and they were only human, they all needed a break too, which was why Bailey felt so fortunate that TJ had a whole team in there taking care of him. She was also grateful that she had 10K, if he was still lost inside the rubble of that building she wasn't sure she'd have the strength to stand there praying for TJ. Tommy's arms were around her and the occasional kisses he gave to her temple were reassuring. Somehow, without words, he was able to comfort her more than anything the others had said. She knew they meant well but the constant 'It's alright. It'll be okay' seemed more like they were saying it out of obligation then an actual belief that everything would be okay.
She sighed and leaned back into Tommy's embrace and felt his arms tighten around her and he rested his cheek on her head. She took another deep breath and pulled away from him, her body needed to move, she couldn't stand still anymore. She crossed her arms and started pacing; since Doc had gone back in the O.R. that left her and Tommy alone. She appreciated the privacy especially since she didn't know how long it would be until she broke down. Right now she felt like her body and mind were half shut down and that's what was helping her hold it together. But eventually the emotions would catch up with her and that was the moment she was afraid of.
"I did everything I could." She heard Tommy say behind her and she turned to see him looking at her with the saddest expression she'd ever seen on his face. It was more then a kicked puppy, he looked shattered, completely and utterly destroyed. "It wasn't enough. I should have told Rita to shoot Estes sooner. I should have ran faster and tackled him, I should have stopped –"
"Stop it." She said hurrying back over to him and taking his face in her hands. He lifted his one hand and rested it on her wrist rubbing his thumb along her skin. "You couldn't have stopped this from happening."
She could see the tears in his eyes, "By the time I saw him he was already hit. You should have seen the way he looked at me. He looked so confused, and scared, and –"
"George told me you were applying pressure to the wound when she got there. If TJ was by himself he wouldn't have known to do that and he would have bled out in the dirt without you." She tried to reassure him, the last thing she wanted was Tommy thinking he was a failure.
He shook his head as his eyes glossed over, "I couldn't help my kid." He choked out and looked down and she saw a tear slide down his face. She brushed it away with her thumb as her heart started to break and she could feel that flood of emotions she'd been dreading. Tears stung her eyes too and she sniffled trying to be strong but at the same time she was so tired of fighting it and just wanted to curl into a ball and sob. Tommy pulled away from her reach and wrapped his arm over her shoulders and brought her over to the folding chairs along the wall and they sat down. She rested her head on his shoulder while he kept his arm around her.
"I want to redo the past twenty four hours." Tommy muttered and she felt a drop of moisture hit her hair and knew another tear had fallen down his face.
"Me too." Bailey agreed before sitting up and bringing her hand to his forehead where his stitches were. "How's your head?"
He scoffed, "The last thing on my mind."
She shook her head, "Don't ignore your own health too, okay? Not like with your hand. I don't need you in emergency care too."
He looked at her for a long moment, "It hurts." He admitted, "But I think that might just be from the stitches. I'm not dizzy. I don't feel like I'm going to black out. I think I'll be okay."
She nodded before resting her head on his shoulder again, "Thank God."
10K POV
He kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek on it again. He heard her start to pray quietly under her breath and he took her hand and intertwined their fingers. He hoped God heard it and helped TJ. 10K had never been taught how to pray and even after going with Bailey to Ray's weekly discussion groups he was still new to it and was afraid of doing it wrong, so he stayed quiet just hoping with all his might that TJ would pull through. He remembered when Charlie was in the NICU as a newborn and how Doc had given him hope by saying "look who inherited her Papa's cockroach gene." when she'd been bouncing back and recovering. He knew TJ had inherited his sharp aim but apparently he'd also gotten 10K's tendency to end up in life threatening situations.
The nuke. The missile launcher. The anthrax. His fight with Cassandra. Almost being hung. The collector with the shock collars. Being hung upside down from a tree as zombie bait. The exploding submarine. Jumping off a bridge into rapids. The asylum. Murphytown. Mount Casey. The Great Pile. Mount Weather. The Black Rain. Losing his hand. Being held hostage at West Park. Getting stuck in that burning building. And most recently being stuck for twelve hours in a lobby rigged to explode.
Please God, he thought to himself, please let TJ have inherited whatever gene I have that helps me survive it all.
Bailey POV
It wasn't until another hour later when Doc came out of the O.R. again. It had easily been the longest hour of her life. Even counting the past twelve she'd spent with Estes holding her and the others against their will. At least then it had been her and Tommy in danger, and they both knew how to take care of themselves, they both had had to fight through the apocalypse, they both knew how to survive. But TJ was only a child, a child shouldn't know what it's like to be shot, to have an operation like this, to have to fight for your life.
Tommy was the first one to spot Doc and shot out of his chair as he stood and Bailey was only a millisecond behind him as they walked over to Doc. He raised his hands at them palms up before he spoke, trying to calm them down.
"He's finally stable." Were the first words out of his mouth and Bailey felt a huge pressure fall off her shoulders. She could see the relief written across Tommy's face too and she took his hand and rubbed his knuckles. She felt him squeeze her fingers so she brought her free hand to his too and patted the back of his hand.
"The bullet hit his lung – but not badly." Doc quickly amended since this was the first Bailey had heard about the details of her son's injury. Part of her wanted to slap Tommy in the arm for not telling her while at the same time she was glad he hadn't filled her in. There had been enough reasons for her to fall apart without knowing all the details. "It scraped along the side of the lung slicing it open, Hastings repaired it but they're working on getting the blood out of his airway and fixing up a rib that fractured. After they stitch him up they're going to need you for a blood transfusion if you can do it."
Tommy nodded vigorously, "Yeah, absolutely, anything."
"Okay, take a breath." Doc said resting his hand on Tommy's shoulder, "It's still going to be a couple hours. Hastings wants to be sure everything is done right before they sew him up and put him on a breathing machine so the lung can heal better."
10K nodded his head and let go of her hand as he went back to pacing the hall moving out of Doc's reach. Their boy was going to have a tube shoved down his throat so some machine could breathe for him. It put Bailey on edge and she turned to Doc.
"They have enough meds to keep him unconscious right?" She asked.
"Yeah, they're going to keep him out until he can breathe on his own again." Doc assured her.
"And how long will that be?" Tommy asked from a few feet behind her and she looked over her shoulder at him.
"Kid the worst is over, the bullet is out, his life's not on the line." Doc said gently, "He's going to be okay. The recovery might not be easy and it probably won't be quick, but he's going to heal. Kids bounce back fast." He smiled.
Tommy nodded but stuffed his hand and wrist into his pockets and looked at the floor. Bailey thanked Doc and he nodded in understanding before heading down another hall to check on Addy and set up a room for TJ. Bailey walked over to Tommy and wrapped her arms around his middle. She rubbed up and down his back until he looked back up at her.
"Remember when we brought him home for the first time?" she asked smiling at him and she saw the corner of his lip tilt upward. "And we had no idea what we were doing?"
That got a chuckle.
She bit her lip trying to keep the smile on her face, "This is going to be like that. Hard. Different. But we'll take it day by day and eventually this will be over and behind us."
He looked up at her and licked his lip. "I'll be happy when he's awake and breathing on his own again."
Her smile became a sad one, "Me too."
«»
Once TJ was set up in his room they were finally allowed to see him. She paused in the door before moving enough that Tommy could follow her in. TJ was laying so still on the bed that it looked unnatural. The size of the bed only made him look smaller and more frail as she crossed her arms and walked over to him. His whole mouth was covered by the fixture attached to the breathing tube and the blankets were pulled up to his lower ribs while a large white bandage and gauze covered the top of his torso. Bailey hadn't thought that the incision they would have made would be so long and she was glad she couldn't see it because just the gauze was making her eyes sting.
Tommy reached around her and spun her around to face him and he looked at her with a serious expression, "Hey, remember what you told me? Right?"
She nodded and started repeating her own advice in her head. Hard. Day by day. Long. Difficult. But it would be over, and this was better then him still being on that operating table. She took a deep breath and looked Tommy in the eye, he nodded to her and when she was ready she turned back around and looked at their little boy again. She walked over and sat in the chair next to the bed as the lock on the door clicked and the handle turned. She looked over her shoulder to see Red walk in, she looked exhausted with dark bags under her eyes, her hair pulled back into a bun from the operation and she was still wearing the same clothes like the rest of them. In her hands were several clear tubes that looked like mini garden hoses and a couple of needles. She started unwinding the thin tubes and walked over to Tommy who was at the foot of TJ's bed.
"Come over here." She said using her free hand to tug on his sleeve and she led him to the chair on the opposite side of TJ's bed, across from Bailey. His chair had arms on it that she used to prop up his left forearm before she rolled up his sleeve. Then she started attaching the needles to the ends of the tubes. She put one tube's end into an empty donation bag and wrapped a rubber band around Tommy's bicep, telling him to make a fist. Once it was easier for her to find a good vein she stabbed the needle into his skin at his inner elbow making him grit his teeth for a second. Red removed the rubber band as Tommy's blood started to flow down the tube and into the bag. Red put the extra two bags down on a table nearby which drew both their attention.
"Is that going to be enough?" Tommy asked.
At the same time Bailey had asked, "Is that going to be too much?"
They looked to each other before Red looked between them then rolled her eyes like they were being cute. She looked to Bailey first, "An average man has about twelve pints of blood in him so three shouldn't put 10K at risk of anything, he'll still have plenty." Then she turned to Tommy, "If TJ needs more we can take a couple more bags but I'm not bleeding you dry, if you start getting lightheaded let me or a doctor know. We can always take a donation from Bailey to use on TJ. She's got another nine pints, so don't be a hero."
"How much blood should TJ have?" Tommy asked her.
"By his age he already has the same as an adult." Red replied, "But he didn't lose all of it so like I said let us know if you start to feel like you're going to pass out. Don't. Wait." Red said sternly knowing from experience how much Tommy would ignore his own body's signals.
"I'll keep an eye on him." Bailey promised her, she had been there when Tommy had been recovering from losing his hand, she knew exactly what behavior Red was referring to. Red nodded at her and gave a small smile.
"I'll be back in ten." She said before leaving.
Bailey returned her attention to TJ, carefully reaching out and taking his little hand and her thumb caressed his knuckles. She counted his breaths as his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. Tommy watched him from his own chair and Bailey's eyes flickered between her two boys. She knew Tommy wouldn't speak up, he'd let them take more and more blood if it meant their child would have a better chance. Good thing she and Tommy had the same blood type, she thought, if TJ's blood didn't match hers there would be no way they'd get Tommy to stop giving until TJ woke up. One less problem she had to face. Though, overall, she could have worse problems then Tommy going above and beyond to be a good father.
Earlier that summer they'd taken the kids to the lake. It had become their yearly trip and they loved it more then visiting the other outposts since the lake was quieter and more private. Since TJ was getting older Tommy had started teaching him how to fish. Doc, or Grandpop as the kids called him, had gotten TJ a child sized fishing pole for his birthday that Tommy had been showing him how to use. TJ was on cloud nine right now because he'd just caught his first fish and after his Pa had helped take the hook out of it TJ grabbed it and ran it over to show his Mom.
She smiled at him as he recapped everything he'd done, how many times he'd pulled on the line, how fast he'd been cranking it, when Pa told him to let go a little before reeling in again. The fish itself was pretty small, not too small - Tommy would always throw a young one back – but it was big enough that TJ needed both of his hands to hold it. She could see the joy light up her son's green eyes and it only made her smile bigger.
"Papa! Papa!" Charlotte cried out excited as she got Tommy's attention and he looked at her from where he was crouched by TJ's fishing pole setting fresh bait on the hook. "I found little fish!"
"You found little fish?" Tommy asked making it seem like a big deal as he got up, Charlie took his hand and tugged him over to where she'd been playing. She was in her little pale yellow swim suit with a ruffle around her middle like a little tutu, while Tommy was only in his shorts from swimming earlier. Charlie led him over to the edge of the water past her pebble decorated sandcastles to where some plants were growing underwater. Tommy crouched down to get a better look as she pointed at what she'd found.
"Those are tadpoles Peanut." Tommy told her before looking over his shoulder, "TJ, come over here!"
TJ left his fish with his Mom as she wrapped it in a paper towel and put it in their cooler until they cooked it later. He ran over to his Pa and looked into the water. Tommy stood up and picked TJ up, moving to hold him just over the water so he could see the baby frogs better.
From where she sat on their towels and blankets Bailey could hear him explaining how the tadpoles would lose their tails and grow legs as they grew up into frogs. TJ asked him a bunch of questions before Charlie got anxious and raised her arms shouting, "My turn! My turn!"
Bailey smiled sadly, the memory darkened a bit as she looked at TJ now. Red had come in while she'd been daydreaming and had taken the half full bag of Tommy's blood and hooked it onto a metal pole before she stabbed the other needle into TJ's arm so he could get the blood in his system. She'd set up the next empty bag so it would fill while the other bag emptied.
"Why didn't she wait until the bag filled up?" Bailey asked as she noticed what she'd missed while she'd been reminiscing.
"She wanted TJ to get started on the transfusion as soon as possible." He answered softly.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine."
"Tommy –"
He looked up from TJ, "Really, I'm fine. It's just one pint. People usually donate up to two." He readjusted himself in the chair leaning his head back, "Ask me again when I'm on the third bag."
«»
Bailey had fallen asleep in her chair, now that TJ was out of critical condition her exhaustion was starting to catch up with her. She'd been up all night with no sleep and on top of that she'd been through more trauma in twelve hours then most people dealt with in a year – even by apocalypse standards. She'd been held against her will, survived an explosion, thought her husband could be dead, found her injured husband, discovered her son had been shot and went through waiting for hours for him to come out of surgery. Even sitting upright in a chair she still had passed out and didn't know how long it had been once she woke up.
TJ was still unconscious and had the tube of blood in his arm. Tommy was asleep too in his chair and Bailey looked over to see the bag he was hooked to was only half full. She didn't see any other clean bags on the table but she did notice that behind TJ's bed near the metal pole were two empty bags already, add in the one hooked up to TJ now and given that the first bag had only been half full Tommy was easily on his third, maybe fourth, pint of blood. She should have known while she'd been asleep he'd talk whatever doctor had been in into letting him give an extra bag.
She stood up from her seat and rubbed the sleep from her eyes before she walked over to him.
"Tommy." She said shaking his knee but he didn't stir. She tried his shoulder, "Tommy? Tommy."
She checked his pulse just to ease her own worries but his pulse was steady and normal, he was probably just extra tired from the blood loss.
"Tommy." She said a bit louder this time and gave him a harder shake. He turned his head and his eyes squeezed before they started to flutter open and he groggily sat up straighter.
"What?" he asked looking around and waking up more.
"You're done." She told him patting his shoulder and turning. She intended to go to the door and get a doctor but he grabbed her arm and stopped her. He was just barely able to since his only hand was restricted by the tube in his inner elbow.
"I can keep going, I'm fine." He insisted and she had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. She tried to remind herself not to get annoyed, it was sweet that he cared so much. She looked back at him and saw that begging puppy look again, he knew he wouldn't get off the hook that easy but he knew what worked against her resolve. She sighed, because the puppy look did work every time.
"When that bag is full I'm getting a doctor and they're taking that needle out of your arm."
He seemed pleased enough with that compromise and nodded his head. She let out a long breath and felt him tug on her sleeve since he still had a grip on her arm. She turned to him and he smirked at her, "Love you too."
She couldn't stop the smile that spread on her face. Tommy always said how she knew him so well because she read people like an open book. But she loved that he knew her just as well too and knew she was only trying to look out for him and TJ. He saw through her annoyance and knew it came from a place of love. He tugged on her sleeve again drawing her closer to him and she gently sat down on his lap and rested her head on his right shoulder as his arm wrapped around her waist and he rested his wrist on her hip. She brought her hand to it and ran her thumb across the flat metal of the prosthetic he'd once had. He'd told her earlier how the antler broke so he'd chucked it and as she ran her thumb over his nub a dim lightbulb went off in her head from a memory long ago. She didn't say anything but told herself to bring up that idea later.