Poorman Apartments
March 6th, 11:42pm
The Player stayed up past his self-appointed curfew writing in a book on the couch.
The pages were full of monthly notes on various home necessities: groceries, soap, laundry detergent, rent, female hygiene products, doggie pads, dog food, and so on.
After adding everything up the projected living costs were roughly going to be in the high 600 range.
The Player sits the book on the table and exhales through his nostrils.
He leans forward with his arms on his lap to keep him up and stares at nothing in particular. His expression was completely void of emotion, but his head was drowning in thought.
"Despite it all I still believe our greatest chance at stopping the Skull Heart lies with you. The bonds you're able to create are the key. You, Player, can save everyone from this cursed fate. Never forget you have that power."
Marie's words echoed in his head.
"...I am not my father."
The last thing that ran through his mind was Parasoul's bitter statement and cold glare.
Before long, he leans back on the couch and lays his head on cushion -- closing his eyes and trying to put the pieces together.
While lost in thought he could hear someone coming down the stairs.
It wouldn't be until he heard their footsteps coming into the front room that he opened his eyes to see who it was.
"Hey," Squigly greets him with a smile, Leviathan was up too.
"What are you two still doing up? It's almost 12."
"We should be the ones saying that to you since you have a curfew to keep," Squigly crossed her arms with a smug smile.
The Player tried finding it in himself to smile back, more than anything he wanted to, but aside from a weak incline from the side of his mouth he wasn't able to convincingly offer one.
He went back to laying his head on the couch.
"I'm guessing Filia and Samson are already sleep?" The Player asked, unmoving from his position.
"Yep. They went out like a light."
"Cool."
"...You okay?" Squigly asked, now walking over to the couch.
"Eh. Got a lot on my mind."
"Parasoul?" Leviathan wondered.
"Yeah, she's part of it."
Squigly noticed the open book on the table but doesn't make it obvious. She sees the list he made and took note of the concerning bump in spending for March.
She took a seat beside him and brought her hands together. "What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything."
"Honestly, if it's Parasoul you're worried about, I wouldn't stress that too much." Leviathan said. "The Renoirs have a really questionable history that I cannot bring myself to respect."
"I don't know the Renoir's history running this kingdom, but I know Parasoul. She's still my friend. I think. Before she left, she said 'I'm not my father,' and I don't know what that means. It's been in my head since and I just don't get it."
"King Franz." Leviathan scoffs in disgust. "She may not be her father, but she needs to stop pretending like it absolves her of her failures as a ruler. The Medicis are still at large, their influence just as powerful as it was 15 years ago."
Squigly exhales shakily and her hands tighten. She tried not thinking about it and takes a breath to calm herself.
"I just want to know why. Why she wouldn't talk to me about it. I thought we were closer than that. Above any sense of doubt when it comes to understanding each other."
"She doesn't exactly have friends from what I can tell. She has subordinates, sure, but a connection of heart? Doubtful. Parasoul strikes me as the type who was never surrounded by anything she couldn't control. She didn't even know how to be a sister."
"She's not perfect, but she's still my friend. I can't ignore her side of the story, whatever it may be. Until I hear it I can't bench her."
Leviathan looks at the Player with conflicting feelings for his willingness to be so accepting. Perhaps if he knew the truth behind the Renoirs his views would change and therefore would have less to worry about.
"You already know her mother became the most powerful Skullgirl to date and slaughtered countless people. Destroyed nations. A leader who was willing to become the Skullgirl." Leviathan said.
The Player sighs before remembering a dream he once had:
...
"I AM THE MYSTERIOUS AND ALL-POWERFUL SKULL HEART. I FLOAT BEFORE THEE WITH THE POWER TO GRANT ANY WISH YOU DESIRE, WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED WHATSOEVER. WHAT IS IT YOU SEEK, ROYAL WOMAN?"
"I...I wish for this war to finally end!"
"HAHAHA HOW NAIVE AND DESPERATE YOU MUST BE TO TRUST AN OMINOUS SKULL. IT SHALL BE YOUR UNDOING FOR NOW YOU MUST BECOME THE SKULLGIRL!"
"Year after monstrous year has passed since I gave you my wish, yet nothing has changed - our people still suffer... Why?! Why has the war not ended as you promised? Answer me! Why have you done nothing? ANSWER ME!"
"Because you were not pure of heart then, nor are you now. And so you will suffer the consequences."
...
Following this, the Player recalled the scripture of Nancy's reign:
Seven years ago, the world was engulfed in conflict, in what became to be known as the Grand War. Queen Nancy Renoir found the Skull Heart and wished for peace, but transformed into the most powerful Skullgirl to date as a result. In the end, the three nations had to stop the war and team up in order to defeat the former queen - in the end her wish was granted, as an uneasy peace formed following her demise.
...
The Player shook his head. "Leviathan, that wasn't her fault."
"But it was her choice." Leviathan argued.
The Player didn't respond.
"King Franz, he was the one who-"
"Stop." The Player waves his hand to prevent Leviathan from going any further. "I want to hear it from Parasoul. I want her to be comfortable enough to tell so we can fix this together. When I grabbed her hand I felt something." He lifts hand looks at his palm.
"Did you synchronize with her?" Squigly asked.
"It felt like it, but it was different. It wasn't like with you or Filia, it felt...weaker. Could've sworn I felt another person there too. I never felt that before." He dropped his hand and looks down to the floor, wondering if he would see Parasoul again.
Leviathan wanted the Player to understand, but he doesn't reply. If that's truly what he wanted then he'd respect the Player's wishes as a friend.
Squigly and Leviathan look at one another and nod, it was best to leave it be.
The Player ended up smiling, but it was more hollow than genuine. "As if that wasn't enough, imagine how she's going to react when she finds out Marie is still alive and I've known about it for months. If she knew about you, Sienna, she would put it all together. I don't know what's going to happen now that she knows about Filia and Samson. We were the only friends Umbrella ever had, and I don't know if we'll ever see her again after this."
The Player turns his head to Squigly, his smile gone and his expression flat. It was hard to get a read on him. His gaze didn't last and he looks back to nothing on the floor.
"Oh, god. I haven't even told you about my other friend, Cerebella, you two haven't been properly introduced yet. That's another can of worms, but, after everything that happened with Parasoul -- I'm beginning to feel like I don't know Cerebella as well as I think I do.
What was meant to be a small venting session now opened the flood gates for everything else.
"Did you know I nearly let Filia die the day I met her? I left her to fight Double alone. No lie, I just left her. I left her to die. Before you and I met, I almost let...someone else kill Nadia for the Skull Heart."
The increasing regret on the Player's face was genuinely heartbreaking for Squigly.
She had no idea he kept this inside for so long, but she doesn't judge.
"Marie is forced into hiding and she can't do anything because it'll insight panic, and chaos would break out. Why? Because we destroyed the only safe haven she had. You were being tortured fighting phantoms from your past, and I couldn't see that, I couldn't help you until it was almost too late. I keep you and Filia locked away because of the mess I started."
The Player lifts his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose. Every thought was a painful reminder of how much of a blunder the journey has been.
He goes down the list of failures:
"We never found Filia's friend. Synchronizing? I can't master my own talent." He lifts his head from his hand and looked toward the wall. "I've been sitting here realizing how over my head I am, and things keep piling up. I can't help any of you because I can't help myself. It's been months and I haven't gotten any better. I just can't. I don't...know. I don't know."
He stops talking and there was silence.
All the Player had left was a weak chuckle.
When he finally turns to face Squigly, his lightly bagged and dreary eyes conveyed everything for Squigly to know about where he was mentally, but he felt it necessary to clarify with his own words; "...I'm tired." He plainly states.
Squigly had no words seeing him like this, it felt like her eyes were just being opened to how much weight he was carrying.
The Player shook his head at the situation and faced front -- his gaze going south on instinct.
"I am so tired."
Neither of them say anything for the next couple seconds, but the Player feels a touch on his cheek that turns him to Squigly.
"Hey, look at me." Squigly said.
He hesitates at first due to lack of motivation, but, doing as Squigly said, his eyes pan up to look at her.
Squigly looks back with a gentle and tender focus. The two stare at each other for a moment to get a read on the other.
"It's okay. It's okay to hurt. All you have ever done was your best, and that's enough. You will always be enough even when you don't feel like it. You never owed it to any of us to stay here, to be helpful, but you did anyway. I cannot thank you enough for all that you've done for Filia and I, and while we've had some rough patches it never changed how I felt about you. You don't have to force any unfair expectations on yourself, just do what you can and be proud knowing, despite everything being against you, you planted yourself and tried. You can't go through life without setbacks. For everything that happened I still think we got off pretty well: you said you almost left Filia to die, but she's still here. In a moment of weakness you almost allowed someone to hurt a friend, Nadia, right? She was the 1st one to show up when you needed her for a snowball fight. Of all things, a snowball fight. No questions asked. And me?"
Squigly closed her eyes and held her hand up to her chest, remembering that he was there during her lowest point and smiles.
"Well, you already know. You have this undying will for goodness when everything is against you, and you don't know that about yourself. I find that endearing. Honestly, it's what I like about you. It just shows you have it in you to try. In life that's all we can do. You tried and you saved people. My time with you has shown me there's always a chance. I don't know what'll happen with Parasoul, but whatever happens I know you will try to get through to her as you've done with all your other problems, she'll eventually come around."
"...And if she doesn't?" The Player asked.
"If she doesn't... You did what you could, and if she comes after you, we'll fight if necessary."
The Player slightly nudges his mouth at the idea of having to fight a friend. It was always that chance of it happening, of all this blowing up, that made him uneasy -- at the end of the day he would be the catalyst.
It was a lot and he was in too deep and committed to back down. Too many promises he made and bonds to those around him, it was pass the point of no return.
Seeing that he remained unphased, Squigly slowly pulls the Player close and brought him down to her chest so that she could cradle him.
"Come here," She said softly, laying her cheek on the top of his head.
She affectionately strokes the back of his head to comfort him and closed her eye, giving him a place to rest with the security of knowing someone was, and always will be, there for him.
He laid against her with no will to reject.
The Player's eyes were still missing that gleam of personality and his expression still exhausted, but he eventually closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest in Squigly's embrace.
"I know it's hard, but everything will be okay. I promise. I'm here." She assured him.
The Player lays against her without a word. Her hand repeatedly going down the back of his head felt like she was brushing all the negativity out of his mind so he could finally have some peace.
He had no quips or jokes to try distracting himself from the fact that he was overwhelmed and stressed with everything piling up on him, but, for once, he had a piece of peace.