Now Playing: Another Love by Tom Odell
TW: DEATH, BLOOD, HANAHAKI AU BECAUSE WHY NOT
It's been a long time since Seungmin had felt emotions.
People looked at him as if he was some sort of robot; he didn't care, it's not like he could feel anything anyway. He didn't have many friends since he was known to be a buzzkill in events or just anything in general.
He wasn't always like this; no, there was a time where he felt emotions. There were times where he felt happy, sad; he felt everything. But that was a long time ago. And it was all because of this damned disease.
The Hanahaki disease came when he was just starting middle school. It was horrible; people were dying and flowers being the cause of it. 13-year-old Seungmin didn't know anything and his parents kept any information about the disease away from him; they didn't want him to be even more terrified than he already was.
But with the lack of information on how this disease was caused, Seungmin continued living his middle school life without fearing anything. He went to classes, talked to friends, participated in events, and even had his first love.
When Seungmin first found out about his feelings for one of his friends, Jeongin, he was over the moon. He had read about it in books, watched it in movies and he had this desire to feel exactly how it was to fall in love. It was sweet and Seungmin loved every second of it.
If only he knew how dangerous it was to fall in love.
He did everything he could to make Jeongin notice him; from little letters placed on his table to bringing him out to eat at new cafes at any given chance. He gave hints to the younger about his feelings for him but it always seemed like Jeongin didn't notice.
But Seungmin didn't give up; no, he decided to do the thing that will finally declare his love for the younger. He was going to confess to him.
He had a whole plan in his head; get Jeongin to come to the rooftops after school, hand him flowers and finally confess to him. It was simple but it was what Seungmin could do with his budget and he knew Jeongin wouldn't want to go to an expensive restaurant.
It was going well and he executed his plan well. Jeongin came to the rooftops, Seungmin handed him the flowers and confessed right there. He had a smile on his face but it slowly faded at one the younger had to say next.
"I-I'm sorry, Hyung."
"Why are you apologizing for?"
"I don't feel the same way- I'm sorry."
"..."
"Hyung? Say something, please."
"It's okay! I understand."
Pushing the pain aside, he reassured the younger that it was alright. There were possibilities that the plan could go sideways so Seungmin should have expected it. He was just so sure that Jeongin felt the same way but guess life has its ways to fuck things up.
And it went even more downhill after that.
Seungmin couldn't even leave the bed for school the next movie; he was in a coughing fit that hurt so bad he felt like his throat was about to tear itself apart. It was only when he coughed out blood along with petals and his parents barging in his room with eyes filled with horror did, he realize that the situation was way worse than it seemed.
When he was rushed to the hospital, he was immediately hooked onto so many machines while the doctors were checking on him. His parents were there watching with worry; his mom was on the verge of crying while his dad had a more disbelief kind of expression and Seungmin didn't know what was going on.
Why were his parents like this? Why were there so many doctors here with him? Why was he plugged into so many machines for something like this? What the hell was going on?
"Your son had been diagnosed with the Hanahaki disease I'm sorry."
Seungmin's heart dropped when he heard that.
How? He had been sure he was healthy and he didn't eat anything he shouldn't. How did he get diagnosed with this? His parents were crying while the doctors were trying to calm them down and no one was telling Seungmin how the hell he got this damned disease. '
"Is there anything you guys can do?"
"We have the surgery option but I'm going, to be honest. There's a chance of it not going well."
"I'll do it."
"Seungmin, but-"
"But if there's a chance of me living then I'll do it."
He didn't know what he was getting into but if there was a chance of survival, even by a little percentage, he would do it. When they were preparing him to get into surgery, he couldn't help but feel nervous and also sacred.
But it was okay; everything would be okay. He was certain that he would survive this.
And he did, but with consequences as well.
When he finally woke up after being in a coma for about 3 weeks, his parents were happy to see him. They burst into tears once their son had woken up and the nurses nearby were smiling widely too. All of them were glad that the surgery worked.
So why couldn't he feel that?
When his parents noticed the blank expression on his face, they went ahead and called in the doctor who told them to leave the room so he could have a private conversation with Seungmin. Once they were gone, the doctor pulled out a chair next to him and sat on it.
"How are you feeling?"
"I don't know."
"Well, describe the feeling to me."
".... I feel nothing."
The doctor frowned, obviously not liking the outcome but he then further explained the effects that had come with the surgery. Apparently, in order for him to survive, they had to kill off the flower or plant that was growing in his lungs; when they did that, not only did they save the person but they also had cut off their ability to feel emotions. Seungmin no longer could feel emotions.
It would be heartbreaking to anyone who heard it in the room but Seungmin felt nothing; he wasn't shedding any tears; he wasn't feeling the heaviness in his heart. He felt nothing.
"What exactly causes someone to be diagnosed with this disease?"
"You don't know how it's caused?"
"No, I haven't been keeping up with the news. Why? Is it something bad I ate?"
"No, no, nothing like that."
"Then what it is?"
"This disease only attacks people who are in a one-sided love relationship."
"You mean like unrequited love?"
"Yes, that's exactly it."
So, in exchange for falling in love with someone who didn't love you back was the ability to no longer feel things. Seungmin wouldn't be able to feel happy, he wouldn't be able to feel sad, he wouldn't be able to even feel depressed. He would curse everything out if he could but he can't; he couldn't feel anything.
Oh, how cruel life was.
Seungmin shook his head at the memory, standing up from his seat at the café he was at and heading out. Things to a turn after his surgery. No one came up to him, he would always be seen alone, he would always have that same blank expression on his face every day.
He had grown accustomed to it and he had accepted it a long time ago. The good thing about having the inability to feel things is the fact that you can't get hurt whenever someone said mean things or left.
As he was still deep in his mind, he didn't notice that he bumped someone along the way to his university. Both bodies clashed against each other, making the other person drop his things while taking a few steps back.
"Ah, shit- Sorry," the male said as he bent down and grabbed the things that had fallen out of his grasp. "I should have seen where I was going."
"No, no," Seungmin quickly reassured and crouched down to help pick up the rest of the papers and books from the ground. "It's nothing, you don't have to apologize."
Both their hands touched as they went to pick up the book at the same time and they finally looked at each other. The other male had striking blonde hair that reached to his neck, he had brown eyes that shined brighter in the sun with a cute button nose and soft plump lips. The best part was the freckles that were scattered all over his cheeks and Seungmin found himself staring longer than expected.
"Beautiful," he blurted in a monotonous tone.
He saw the blonde flush a deep shade of red that made his freckles stand out more than usual, "Y-You're spewing nonsense."
As they both got up and stood in front of each other, Seungmin shook his head. "I'm not," he admitted, still having that blank expression on his face. Even though he could no longer feel things, it didn't mean that he couldn't find some things attractive or pretty.
The freckled boy turned his gaze away and tucked a strand of hair behind his ears that were also red. "Are you heading to that university over there?" he asked as he pointed to the building that was a few blocks away.
Seungmin nodded, "Yeah, I go there. Are you new?"
"Yeah, I'm Felix."
"Seungmin."
The blonde nodded and motioned the younger to follow him in which he did. "What course do you take?" he questioned as they made their way over to the building's gate and greeted a few people along the way.
"Law."
"Oh," Felix scratched the back of his head; he didn't expect such a short response but he didn't stop the conversation after that. "I'm taking an economics course!"
Seungmin nodded, "That means your department is on the other side of the campus. You should get going."
Felix gave a small smile, "Yeah, I was kind of hoping you can guide me to where I'm supposed to be."
"Me?"
"Yeah," the freckled boy's cheeks were red away and he looked away in embarrassment. "But if you can't that's completely fine! I understand if you're busy."
Usually, Seungmin would decline and go on his day normally but he didn't want that. Someone was finally talking to him after a long time so he couldn't take the chance away. "No, it's fine. I don't have any lessons in the morning so I can help you find your class."
The freckled boy's smile became wider, "Really? You would do that?"
"I don't see a reason why I shouldn't."
"Thank you, Seungmin-ssi!" Felix clung onto his arm without thinking much and was hugging him even though they were still considered strangers. It was only after a few seconds later, he realized what he was doing and immediately pulled away while looking anywhere but Seungmin. "Sorry, I...I tend to do that a lot. It can get annoying sometimes..."
Seungmin didn't know why Felix was apologizing for but the expression he made when he realized made the younger think that something must have happened. Quickly shaking his head, he reassured the older, "No, it's fine. I don't mind."
Felix's face brightened up a bit but there was still a sign of hesitance in it. Seungmin then started walking in the direction of the freckled boy's department with him tagging along. Both of them talked and asked questions to get to know each other better as they were walking. Despite Seungmin's blunt questions and short answers, Felix didn't complain and seemed rather happy that he found someone he could talk to.
If Seungmin didn't know any better, he would say that he enjoyed the time with Felix but again, he felt nothing. Either way, he didn't realize the impact this particular blonde freckled individual would have on his life.
.
.
.
"Seungmin-ah!" the familiar voice filled his ears as he turned his direction to where the sound was coming from. He was faced with Felix walking up to him with the same bright smile. "I tried looking for you in the cafeteria but you weren't there."
It's been a few months since Felix and Seungmin first met. The younger thought that the blonde would find some other people to hang out with and completely forget about him but he was proven wrong when the freckled boy came to find him right after school ended.
Felix managed to convince the younger to grab coffee with and after that it started becoming the little thing they do together. The small coffee hangouts where they got to know each other little by little turned into hanging out at campus whenever they had free time and even inviting each other to their places when they felt like it.
It was odd for Seungmin; he didn't have anyone to talk to in a long time and he wondered why Felix decided to just barge into his life. They were polar opposites; Felix had a more outgoing and bright personality while Seungmin was more closed off and just gloomy but they somehow managed to be considered as friends.
And the important detail for their already odd friendship was the fact that Felix could still feel his emotions; Seungmin could see when he was happy, stressed, sad, he could see whatever he was feeling whereas the younger had the same blank expression. He thought that the freckled boy would get annoyed with the lack of emotions he displayed but Felix didn't complain. Hell, he didn't even mention it.
If Seungmin didn't feel like talking much, the blonde would do the talking while the younger just listened. It was mostly like that but both didn't mind. They got closer to each other in the end and Seungmin finally got a friend.
Felix slid his bag off his shoulder and placed it on a chair. He sat right next to it where he was now faced opposite of Seungmin who was quietly writing up his thesis statement for a case study his teacher had given him. "The school's food isn't that good so I skipped," the younger explained as he brought his attention back to the paper full of words.
"You aren't wrong," Felix groaned at the mention of the food. "The menu today was mac and cheese."
"How did that taste?"
"Terrible. I had to give mine to Jisung who seemed to be enjoying it," the freckled boy said. "I seriously think his taste buds are damaged, he can eat about almost anything."
Seungmin only nodded, still typing up in his computer and digging for more research about his thesis. Some people may think it was rude of him to do something like this but he has always been like this. Not many people would have stayed because of the way he was acting; they didn't understand that he honestly couldn't feel anything.
And it was even worse when he told them about why he was feeling this.; most of them left after that but it didn't bother him. It was easier that way; no one would cause any sort of trouble for him.
But Felix was a different case.
He didn't mind the treatment that Seungmin would give him; it even looked like he was enduring it but he had made it clear that he was staying no matter what.
Felix hummed, "Are you busy later?"
Seungmin looked away from his work to face the freckled boy, "Well, not really. Why?"
"Let's go out!" the older exclaimed. "Since you haven't eaten anything yet, I thought we could try out the café that opened up recently."
The younger nodded again, "I have time."
"Great!" Felix took out his phone and began typing in something. "I'll book a spot for us there. Jisung says that place is full of people so you have to make a reservation there."
"But it's newly opened?"
"Reviews said that the place is good and their menu is to 'die for' apparently."
Seungmin hummed in response and as silence fell upon them once again, he went back to his work. Once the freckled boy had booked a place for them at the café, his gaze from his phone slowly landed on the boy in front of him.
He smiled softly to himself as he watched the younger work with whatever assignment he had and cooed at how cute he was when he was focused. Questions started to fill up his mind as he wondered why Seungmin had never smiled once. He always had the same expression that was basically plastered on his face and he rarely showed any emotions.
"Hey," he called out, earning a hum that was motioning him to continue, "why don't you ever smile?"
Seungmin stopped at whatever he was doing; how was he supposed to answer that? He had kept this little secret of him hidden away from Felix because he didn't want him to be scared off. Even though he wouldn't feel anything if the older walked out of his life but he found himself dreading that. He didn't want Felix to leave and that confused him a lot.
He slowly looked at the freckled boy and both connected their gazes with each other, "I thought I told you already?"
"You did...," the blonde trailed off, trying to put the words he thought of in a sentence that the younger could understand. "I just think there's something more to it, ya' know? You haven't smiled at me or expressed much. I guess I'm just curious."
Seungmin pressed his lips into a thin line and placed his pen down. "There's not much to it," the younger lied. "I just have a really hard time with expressing how I feel and I don't smile because if I did, it'll be forced. I'm sure you wouldn't want that."
Felix slowly nodded his head as he broke the gaze, they had with each other. "Yeah," he softly said, "I wouldn't want that."
Seeing the freckled boy like this stirred something in Seungmin but he shrugged it away. He grabbed all his stuff and placed them in his bag while standing up from his seat. "You know, I could use a light and calming atmosphere," he slid his bag over his shoulder and walked over to Felix, grabbing the blonde's bag as well. "Come on, I'm hungry."
Felix chuckled and stood up, "I can carry my bag."
Seungmin shook his head. "You're leading the way to the café," he said as he already had started walking, the freckled boy flowing closely behind. "Don't get us lost."
"I don't get us lost," the older pouted.
"Remember Busan?"
"That was the map's fault."
"Yeah, sure."
.
.
.
A few weeks passed and Seungmin had noticed a change in Felix's behavior towards him. He became cuddlier whenever the younger was around and he had picked up a habit of getting things for Seungmin; especially flowers.
"I have a question that may seem random to you."
"You're always random."
"Okay, that's rude."
"I'm kidding, what is it?"
"What's your favorite flower?"
"Flower?"
"Yeah, like if you have one that you prefer a lot."
"Hmm, I don't know. Daffodils maybe."
Despite just randomly saying a type of flower that he wasn't even sure he liked, Felix would give him presents or anything really along with said flower attached to it. He didn't know why the sudden urge to spoil him with this many gifts and daffodils but the freckled boy always said that he was a person that liked to see others receive things than being given to.
Seungmin wasn't a fan of flowers; hell, he didn't know whether he would be if he hadn't lost the ability to feel things but he found himself taking care of each daffodil that Felix had gotten for him. As he inspected them closer, he found them pretty. They came with a few colors but most were white; such a rich color. All of them were placed neatly somewhere in his room and whenever he couldn't sleep, he would look at them and think about the meaning behind them. Well, mostly he would be thinking about the person that gave him the flowers but the plant itself gave a sense of security and comfort. There was also something else that the younger couldn't describe but he brushed it off; it wasn't important anyway.
But Seungmin couldn't just let Felix do all the work so to contribute to whatever the freckled boy was doing, he would help the older out with work, pay their meals, win prizes for him and just spend time with him. It even got to the point where he got a bouquet of sunflowers for the older during Valentine's Day because he thought that if Felix was a flower, he would be that, and also it was a simple gesture he wanted to show.
If only he knew how bad this was for Felix.
"Felix, please," a voice spoke as Seungmin passed by a classroom in the hallway. He was done with classes and the freckled boy had told him to wait by the gate so they could go out on their coffee run routine.
He stopped in his tracks and took a few steps back as he leaned on the wall that was next to the door. He slowly peeked inside, seeing that Jisung and Felix were in the classroom. "You can't do this to yourself," Jisung's voice was shaky as if he was trying to not burst into tears.
Seungmin kept himself hidden. He wasn't supposed to hear this; he wouldn't want anyone eavesdropping on his conversations so what makes it okay for him to do it now?
"Ji, it's okay," Felix finally spoke. "It's okay."
"It's not okay!" Jisung raised his voice. "Please, you can't do this to yourself."
Seungmin wanted to leave; he didn't have the right to listen to whatever they were talking about but his legs weren't moving. He still stood there, out of sight so both the males that were in the room wouldn't see him. He wasn't even sure what the conversation was about.
"He doesn't feel anything," Jisung stated, making the male outside the room connect the dots on what the topic was about. "Stop doing this to yourself and just take it."
"You don't know that!" Felix protested. "He just has a hard time expressing how he feels. It doesn't mean anything."
"Felix, the reason why he has a hard time expressing how he feels is because he CANNOT feel anything at all," Jisung explained, emphasizing it more so it could get into the blonde's head. "So, you just have to do it."
"Where did you hear that from?"
"Does it matter where I heard it from?"
"Yes! Seungmin would have told me if it was something like this."
"Well, it looks like he didn't so-"
Before Jisung could even finish his sentence, a loud crash was heard outside. Both the males looked at each other and went ahead to investigate what caused it. As they stepped outside the classroom, they no one near them except for brooms and cleaning tools laid on the floor. Jisung was confused about it while Felix stood there deep in his thoughts; he knew who caused it and he needed to talk about it right away.
.
.
.
"Seungmin," the younger hummed in response as he stared at the view in front of him. He knew whose voice was that by default so there was no reason to turn around and check who it was. Felix came up next to him and leaned on the railing as Seungmin did. "You should have texted me that you would be on the rooftop, it'll safe me the time looking for you."
"The view here is nice so I guess I forgot to let you know I was here," he replied back but Felix could already see the lie from a mile away.
It was silent for a few minutes; just them and the view. The light breeze of the wind touched their skin as the Sun was shining down on them. Felix turned his head to look at the male beside him and finally gained the courage to ask the question that was polluting his mind since the time he got here.
"How much did you hear?"
The younger gulped as the freckled boy asked him that. He still kept his gaze at the view and decided that it was best to let it out. It won't help if he just lied again and he was pretty sure that the older could sense his bullshit even if he tried.
"Not all of it, if that's what you're wondering."
Felix nodded, relieved that he didn't hear all of it, and looked away, his gaze meeting the sky. "What did you hear then?"
"When your friend was telling you about me not being able to feel things," he replied, sighing and finally looking at the older.
"Is he telling the truth?"
"What?"
Felix's eyes met his, "That you don't feel things. Is that true?"
Silence fell upon them once again. Both were doing nothing but staring and getting lost in each other's gazes. It took a few minutes for Seungmin to realize that he still hasn't answered the question so without having anything to lose, he decided to tell the truth.
"Yes. It's true."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't think it mattered," Seungmin admitted. "I thought you would leave just like everyone else but you didn't."
Felix was about to say something else but the younger wanted to add one more thing. "Besides," he started, "I just thought that even if I did end up telling you, you would take this as a chance to leave...I didn't want that."
The freckled boy nodded, processing everything that he heard into his mind before finally asking a question that seemed a little too risky. "How...How did it happen? If you don't mind me asking."
Seungmin let out a soft chuckle, something he didn't do in years but he pushed that aside. "I fell in love, that's what happened."
"Then you got diagnosed with the Hanahaki Disease?"
The younger nodded, "I didn't know much about the disease, except that it killed people. But if I had known falling in love was the cause of it, I would have been extra careful."
"How long has it been since you felt...anything?"
"...11 years."
Felix let out a small 'oh' before turning his attention to the birds that were flying by. "Do you remember the last emotion you felt? Before all of this?" the blonde asked, his gaze still fixed on the sky.
"It was before my surgery," the younger replied. "I guess I felt scared."
"Do you still remember how it felt?"
"I can't remember how everything felt."
Seungmin sighed and turned around, his back now resting on the railing along with his elbows. "It's okay if you don't want to be associated with someone like me," the younger said. "You wouldn't want a robot as your friend."
"Don't say that," Felix cut in, now looking at Seungmin. "Don't call yourself that. It makes you seem emotionless."
"Felix, I am emotionless."
"But you aren't a 'thing', Seungmin," the freckled boy stated. "You're still human and it's okay to not feel things."
"Humans need emotions to feel things," the younger protested. "I can't feel things, not anymore."
In a quick motion, Felix grabbed his arm and took out a paper from his pocket. As Seungmin was looking at him with confusion written in his eyes, the freckled boy slashed the paper onto the younger's skin which didn't create a big reaction from him but it was enough to draw out blood. "What was that for?" Seungmin asked as the blood dripped down his arm and onto the floor.
"You're bleeding."
"I can see that and you're the one tha-"
"You're bleeding," Felix repeated again. "As long as you have blood running in your veins, emotions and whatever that requires you to feel can fuck off."
"You don't need to have emotions to be classified as 'human'," he added. "You bleed the same color as me who has emotions. We are both humans."
Felix then let out a breath he didn't know he was holding before wiping the blood away from Seungmin's hand, "And I won't leave you like that. Whether you can feel emotions or not, I'd still be with you along the way."
The younger was stunned; he was speechless. No one has ever spoken to him like that and no one has ever given him a reason to believe that he was just the same as everyone else. He gulped as his gaze was still on the older who was trying to stop the bleeding with the sleeves of his hoodie. "You really mean that?"
Felix looked up to meet Seungmin's eyes and the younger could see the sincerity and honesty behind it. "I do."
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.
.
After their little conversation on the rooftop, the cut that Felix did on him was rather too deep, and couldn't stop bleeding so Seungmin said he would go to the nurse's office to get treated there. He told the freckled boy to wait out here first and that he would come back in a few minutes in which the blonde did.
As the nurse on duty cleaned his wound and treated it, his mind wandered back to the conversation that Felix had with Jisung. There was obviously more to the conversation but he didn't know what.
The way the blue-haired man was talking sounded as if he was going to break down if Felix would do something. And the freckled boy kept out protesting, giving out points that he didn't want to do it was interesting to Seungmin. What was the thing that Jisung wanted Felix to do?
Maybe he could ask the freckled boy once he's done getting this wound treated.
.
.
.
"Hey about earlier...," Seungmin trailed off when he opened the door to the rooftop only to find it empty. He closed the door behind him and looked around to see no traces of the blonde boy and that made his mind speculate a lot of things.
Did he leave? Where did he go? Didn't he say that he would wait? Did he lie? Did he not mean what he said? Did he leave...Seungmin?
His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a cough at the other side of the rooftop, where the water tank was. As he approached closer, his eyes landed on the trail of blood that was leading beside the water tank. The closer he got, the more blood he saw and along with...flowers?
When he got to the side of the water tank, his eyes widen at the sight he saw in front of him. Felix didn't leave, no he was curled up against the wall, his shirt stained with his blood and flower petals resting on the ground. "Ah shit," he cursed as he saw that Seungmin was in front of him. "You're not supposed to be here."
"What the fuck?!" Seungmin quickly went by his side, allowing the blonde to lay on his lap as he cradled his head near his chest. The scene was too familiar to him. The blood, the flowers, everything was so familiar and he knew what it was.
"Why were you keeping this a secret?!"
Felix coughed out more blood with the petals following behind. Seungmin tried getting up so he could carry the freckled boy to the hospital but when he did, the blonde only groaned in pain, "Seungmin- Please, just stay here. If you move- it hurts."
"But we need to get you help and we can get you that sur-"
"No!" Felix exclaimed but later coughed out more blood and petals later on.
"Why?"
"I don't want to get the surgery."
"What? Felix, that's the only way you can survive."
"I don't want that," the older protested. "The costs are expensive and it doesn't even guarantee you a 100% survival rate.
"But I survived!"
"And I'm glad you did," Felix looked at him, his eyes still holding the adoration he would have when he looked at the younger, "but I can't put anyone in more debt if I end up dead."
"It's money, right? I can give you th-"
"Seungmin, no. Please, don't," Felix balled his fists into the younger's shirt. "I can't do that to you."
"But you can't just give up like this."
"I'm not giving up," Felix smiled weakly, "I have already accepted it."
Seungmin stared at the male he had in his arms, looking into those deep brown eyes and searching for anything that said the older was kidding about this whole thing. But all he could find was anything but fear. Felix wasn't scared of dying.
"Who was it?" the younger asked.
Felix didn't reply; instead, he went into a coughing fit and was now throwing up full-on flowers but there weren't just nay flowers; there were daffodils.
He looked at the white flower that was laying on the ground before turning his gaze right back at the freckled boy. "Me?" Seungmin asked in disbelief as he saw tears swelling up in the blonde's eyes.
"Why?" the younger asked. "Why me?"
"I don't know," Felix choked, his voice shaky as his grip on Seungmin's shirt tightened. "I didn't know when it started but I just...I just fell."
"Fel-"
"When you helped with my work, despite being in different courses, caused something to grow in me," Felix interrupted, "and it just grew bigger ever since."
"I appreciated you for not pushing me aside whenever I was clingy," he started, "and you always spent so much time with me which helped me get to know you more as a person. When you gave me sunflowers because you said that it reminded you of me, you have no idea how much my heart was crying out of joy."
"You did so many things for me and I guess my feelings for you just kept growing," the blonde continued with a dry chuckle. "There were times where I ask myself, 'what was so interesting about you that made me like this?' because you never showed anything except that boring lame expression of yours."
"Then...how did...you," Seungmin trailed off but Felix knew what he wanted to say.
"Sometimes, you don't need a reason why you fell for that person," Felix replied. "So, it was no different for me. I just fell; I fell in love with you Seungmin."
"But- I- I can't-"
Seungmin stopped once he felt Felix's hand cradling his cheek. Tears were already escaping down the freckled boy's cheeks but he was still smiling so wide. "I know you can't. And it's okay."
"It's not okay."
"Seungmin."
"Felix?"
"I love you," he smiled but soon got into a coughing fit and losing more blood.
"I'm sorry," Seungmin said, his hold around the dying male tightened and he suddenly felt afraid to lose him. "I'm so sorry."
Felix chuckled but winced at the pain that came after. "It's okay," he reassured. "Even though you can't say it back, it's fine. I got to confess to you and that's all it matters."
"But you're dying and I can't do anything."
"Then can you do for me this?" he asked.
Seungmin immediately nodded, "What is it?"
"Smile for me?"
"What?"
"I never seen you smile," Felix stated, his voice and body growing weaker by the second. "So, please, if you can- smile for me."
"But-"
"It's okay if it's forced," the freckled boy caressed his thumb against the younger's cheek and slowly tucked in a strand of hair behind his ears. "I just want to see you smile."
Seungmin stared at the male for a while before slowly nodding his head. His eyes never leaving Felix's as he used one of his hands to slowly cup Felix's one that was cradling his cheek. It took him a minute but he slowly turned the corner of his lips up and he finally smiled.
He saw how Felix's gaze soften and he let out a giggle. "Beautiful," he blurted out before coughing. He could feel his organs slowly shutting down and his throat starting to clog up so before he could go, he looked at Seungmin once again and gave him his last famous smile.
"Thank you."
Seungmin couldn't say anything else after that. Felix threw up more blood and soon later, a daffodil was formed in his mouth as his hand slowly slid down to touch the ground. His eyes had already started closing and he took his last few breaths before Seungmin saw his chest stop moving. Felix was gone.
He didn't let go. He still held onto Felix as he stared at his lifeless body. He still felt nothing. But after a while, he felt something wet drip down his cheeks and when he touched it with his free hand, he saw that it was tears that were streaming down his face.
He was crying.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled as he hugged the freckled boy. "I'm sorry."
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HI I'M SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING SHVSKBVFBV
i was really focused on this AU and you can see that it's quite long skjvnfkjsnvkjfnvkjdengjkb
Anyways, i'm going to have a separate book on this but it's going to be one chapter and it's going to be this skvnfkdnkd
I hope this was a good chapter for yall and i also wanna know how you guys are after reading this chapter skjfvnkjnvkdfnkb
Thank you for reading and i hope you have a wonderful day!
HINT: next chapter is another angst chapter so you have been warned :')