Now playing: I'll Never Leave You Again by keshi
Continuation from 'I Just Wanna Give You the Loving That you're Missing (CHANLIX)' Chapter
Minho has never once missed anyone. He never felt anything at all.
He grew up with parents that were cold and distant; they were always working and never really took the time to spend time with him. The only times that they did was when Minho showed any bit of emotion that could consider him weak.
He remembered cutting his finger on a knife when he was helping his maid cook and when he cried about it to his mom, her only response was 'you should be stronger than this. There's nothing to cry about, it's only a small cut.'
He was 5. How was he not supposed to cry?
It happened again when he was 14; he came back home upset that a girl didn't like him back but his father's reply was 'Get yourself together. You look weak being like this and I know my son isn't weak.'
He didn't want to disappoint his parents again so he learned to keep any sort of feelings to himself. Being known weak was the last thing that Minho wanted so if showing any kind of emotions or just showing how he felt was considered weak; then he would wear another mask.
He hid them so deep to the point where he just felt completely numb. He didn't feel excited or happy when he used to, he didn't feel sad when watching a sad movie; he didn't feel anything. It got so bad that when his father passed when he reached the age of 20, he didn't even shed a few tears, let alone felt the sorrows of it all. He was numb.
Many people came up to him, or when they encountered him, told him how blank and closed off he was. Some were having trouble even being friends with him because of the lack of emotions he gave out. It was like having a complete robot with you.
Minho didn't mind it; he didn't care. He was at a time where if people wanted to stay or not didn't affect with anymore. If they left, then it was fine by him, he wouldn't show any expression that he was hurt because he just genuinely did not feel anything. He focused on two things which were his dad's business that was passed down to him and also on college.
It was difficult trying to separate college, work, and his social life apart but he had found a way to make everything balanced. He would go to work on the days where he did not have classes and when he had free time for himself, he would hang out with his friends at the club or with the person he was dating.
Ah, that was another thing that Minho did. He was known to switch partners from time to time. His sole purpose for dating them was just for his entertainment; he didn't feel anything for them whereas the people he was dating did.
Sure, he has gotten into a lot of fights because of that but he always thought that it was their fault that they thought Minho was looking for a serious commitment. He didn't plan on stopping what he was doing; despite the drama that happened from time to time, he lived quite comfortably. That is until his friend Jisung came to talk to him.
"Dude, you know what people say about you, right?"
"What do they say about me?"
"That you're an emotionless person?"
"Should I be hurt by that?"
"You should really start opening more, you know? That way people will have an easier time coming up to you- and who knows, maybe you'll have someone."
"There's really no point. People are temporary, so there's no reason for me to be attached if all they're going to do is leave in the end."
"That's where you're wrong, bro."
"Whatever, it's how I think it is. You can't stop me."
"Fine but- come with me tomorrow."
"Why?"
"I want to introduce you to some friends."
"Jisung."
"It'll be fun!"
In the end, Minho caved and met up with some of Jisung's friends. Hyunjin, his fellow dance member from the club, was there and Seungmin who was the class president was there too. Jisung introduced him to Changbin and Jeongin who he got to know later on were dating.
There were two more people that were coming but there were running late but that didn't stop all of them from having fun. They talked and got to know each other and Minho was appreciative that none of them asked him any personal questions or had said anything about him being emotionless.
He was having a good time and did not regret his decision on meeting Jisung's friends. Then, it got even better when the two friends that Jisung mentioned finally arrived. Minho's eyes immediately got fixed on the boy with striking blonde hair who had wrapped his hands around his other friend's hand when they came.
They both made eye contact with each other and the cute blonde broke away first with red coating his cheeks. Minho had to chuckle to himself, he found someone interesting now. By looking at the younger, the older dancer thought that maybe he could have a little fun with him; he won't feel anything anyway so there's no problem there.
"Hey, I'm Jisung's and Hyunjin's friend. My name is Minho."
"Oh, hello! You can call me Felix."
From small talks turned into late-night calls, hang out with friends turned into private outings, meeting up after classes or work turned into walking each other to their destinations. It felt slow but fast at the same time and Minho wasn't going to complain. Felix was something and the older just found him drawn even more.
Few months into their friendship, he has gotten closer to the freckled boy; closer than anyone he knew. He knew things about Felix while the younger also knew things about him. Minho didn't know how he came to spilling about his family to Felix but he would be lying if he said that he didn't like it.
Minho was surprised he didn't ask Felix out yet. Usually, when he sees something interesting or someone that had caught his eye, he would be straightforward and take them out on a date within the first week. But with Felix, he found himself wanting to take the time to know the younger.
And when the older actually wanted to ask Felix out, he got nervous; which confuses him a lot. He wouldn't care what the other person felt, if they rejected then he would move on and go to someone else. For some reason, he didn't want Felix to turn him down.
He only gained confidence in taking him out for a date is when he overheard a conversation between Jisung and Hyunjin; about Felix taking an interest in the older. So, with that information, he knew that the younger won't turn him down so he went along with his plan.
In the end, Felix said yes and they went on a few dates but still stayed private first; both didn't want to say anything to their friends yet until it was confirmed that they were going to get serious. Minho agreed only because he thought that they weren't going to last and it would lessen the drama when they broke up.
But he was wrong again when they celebrated their first few months together; it was longer than any of Minho's past relationships. Despite being the one that broke things off, he just couldn't leave Felix. The younger was still so interesting to him and he has just fallen deeper into whatever the freckled boy was making him feel.
And when they told their friends about their relationship, there were some mixed reactions. Most of them were happy for the couple, of course, but Minho could see the change of expression on Chan's face and a bit of concern expression on Jisung.
He only knew why his friend was concerned after the younger pulled them away.
"How long have you guys been dating?"
"Okay, that was rude, don't you think?"
"Just answer the question."
"We've been together for 4 months now, why?"
"When did you get so interested in him?"
"Why are you saying it like it's a bad thing-"
"Because I know how you are, dammit! This is the longest you've ever been with someone and the fact that it's Felix is shocking me a lot."
"Why would that be shocking?"
"Because he isn't someone that you can play with! He hurts easily and he takes relationships really seriously. If you're not going to commit and you're just using him for your own entertainment; end it now."
"What? I'm not going to do that!"
"Then, do you like him?"
"I...I don't know!"
"How the fuck do you not know? Why are you with him then?"
"He makes me feel different, okay?!"
"...What do you mean by that?"
"I-I don't know how to explain but he- just makes me feel things that I never felt before with anyone. That's why I'm still with him...I just can't leave him."
"...Minho... if...if you're only with him to experiment, please just spear him the pain."
"I'm not. I'm not going to hurt him."
What a lie that was.
Adding more months to them dating, Minho realized it had been a year already and he still felt so many things for the younger; he didn't know what it was but he took it as something that wasn't good. The more time he spent with the younger, the more he felt like he had fallen deeper; that terrified him.
He didn't know what he was falling into even; just that he was falling with no way of climbing back up.
It got even more worrying for him when he started feeling annoyed at all the people that tried to get close to Felix; he hated the sight of anyone touching him or even just breathing the same air as the younger. He wasn't that particular about anyone being close with the people he was dating but something with Felix being his cuddly self with others just made his blood boil.
"What are you doing? What's with you and being clingy with others?"
"Huh? I'm just cuddling with them since you didn't want to."
"Stop doing that. It annoys me."
Felix, being so obedient since he didn't want the older to get angry again, listened to him. He kept his distance from their friends and only kept the affection to light touches like a pat on the shoulders or a quick hug.
His reaction to how Felix was with people made the older think that maybe, maybe he was jealous? But that thought came spiraling more questions into his head.
Why would he e jealous? He never got jealous before with anyone why would he now? Being jealous meant that you just want that person all to yourself, did Minho want Felix all to himself? Was he that possessive? Since when did he get possessive?
All these thoughts were giving him a migraine and he just concluded that it's because he's been with Felix for so long, that's why he was feeling like this. So, to get rid of these feelings, Minho met up with other people behind the younger's back.
It was bad, cruel even, but he wanted to get rid of whatever he had that Felix had stirred him in. He didn't want any part of it. But every time he comes back to Felix after a one–night stand with someone else, he can't help but feel how heavy his heart felt.
Felix would come up and hug him, cuddle with him on the couch. He would make desserts for him to try and always made it a habit to improve his cooking skills just so Minho would have something to eat at home. He would give the older that damned smile and he has to act like he hasn't been cheating on him behind his back.
That heavy feeling didn't stop growing. And he didn't even feel comfortable going out with random people. He did this so he could go back to the way he was before but doing this just made the feelings he felt advance more; he couldn't stop it.
Then, it came a day where he didn't want. Felix saw him go to a hotel with someone.
"What the fuck are you doing, Minho?"
"Look- I didn't want you to find out this way."
"Who is she?"
"She's no one. She's just like the others-"
"There are others?!"
"Fuck- fine! Yes, there are others."
"Why? Why the fuck would you do that?"
"Because I just can't do this anymore!"
He hated it. Sure, he could dislike something but he absolutely hated seeing the tears run down Felix's cheeks when he said that. He hated how Felix's eyes that once held so much adoration for the older were now dull and empty. His face that was once bright was just...broken. He fucked up so badly.
He didn't get to say anything after that; Felix took off without a word while Minho just stood there in the lobby, staring at where the younger last stood. More thoughts came into his mind and he found himself feeling regretful. He felt...like he just made the wrong decision.
When he came home that night, Felix wasn't there. Why would he after everything that happened?
But as Minho laid in bed alone for the first time in a year, he started missing the warmth that Felix gave when he was just next to him. He missed how the younger would play with his hair and rub his back whenever he couldn't sleep, his humming to calm the older when he had nightmares sometimes. He missed hugging the freckled boy from behind and giving him playful kissing on his neck which sometimes led to something more intimate. It didn't help that the bed even smelled like Felix too; memories of them came running to mind and Minho didn't have the energy to push them away.
Minho didn't even leave the apartment that whole week. He just couldn't. He stayed in and did his own things while still having thoughts about the blonde male. He had a lot of work to do with his dad's business but he put them all on hold while staying cooped up in the apartment; maybe, somewhere in his heart, he was waiting for Felix to come back.
They ended things pretty badly. Minho wanted to have a full-on conversation with the younger so if he could just come back home-
Why was he saying home like it was theirs?
What's going on with him?
First, he starts missing Felix like crazy, then every little thing reminds him of the younger and now he just wants the freckled boy to come back home so he can wrap the smaller with his hands and cuddle him to death. What's worst was that he was in pain.
More painful than when he accidentally sliced his finger with the knife. His heart was aching for Felix to show up at their doorstep to their shared apartment. He wanted to kiss each of his freckles and shower him with the attention he deserves.
He thought about what these feelings he had for the younger were. He thought about them long and hard until the question popped up. Did he like him...?
Yes, he likes Felix, who wouldn't; but did he love him like how Felix did?
He missed the butterflies he would get in his stomach when the younger would hug him or make him his famous brownies. He missed the feeling of his heart exploding whenever they kissed or when they were in any intimate moment. He missed how safe and warm he felt whenever he's with Felix.
He just missed Felix, so much that it's killing him.
Then, it was everything clicked in his head. No one has ever made him feel like this before and it was only Felix who did. Felix was able to bring out a side of him that he didn't even know he had. The younger brought out his emotions, his feelings. For once, he didn't feel numb, and right now, the only feeling he had for the younger was out there for him to see.
He loves Felix. He is in love with Felix.
He needed to tell the younger right away but he didn't know where he was. So, he called Jisung, hoping that the blonde male was at his house or something. He needed to talk to him, he needed to let things out for once. But it all came crashing down when he heard that Felix was going back to Australia with Chan.
But that didn't stop him. Felix hasn't left yet.
"What time is their flight?"
"What? Why? I'm not going to tell after what you did to Fel-"
"Jisung, please! I need to talk to Felix. I- I made a mistake and I can't just let him go like this."
"...."
"Jisung, please just tell me when their flight is leaving and what gate they are at."
"Gate C17, they're leaving in an hour."
Minho had never driven his car so fast in his life but this was important. No, he couldn't let Felix leave, not when things were like this. He was almost reaching the airport when he encountered heavy traffic. He got stuck there and he was pretty sure he wasted a lot of time waiting for the damn thing to move.
He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently, picking his lips and looking around; trying to find a way to get out of this traffic but nothing was opening up for him. Seeing that he was losing time, he did the most insane thing to do; he got out of his car and started running, ignoring all the people honking angrily at him.
They weren't important, his mind was solely fixed on getting to Felix.
He ran and ran; he didn't stop for a quick rest and even when he started panting, he still continued. He wasn't going to stop until he reached the airport. It was already raining in the night and he got soaked but he didn't care.
He entered the airport and started searching for Gate C17. He was looking around frantically, his eyes darting to everywhere in the room and walking even further into the airport. People were looking at him weirdly and some even started to take pictures but he paid no mind to them.
He asked one security guard about where he could find the gate and he was happy to see that the guy led him there. He smiled and thanked the guard as they rushed over to Gate C17.
His smile that didn't leave his face was scanning the area, looking for a particular blonde boy with freckles but all he saw was one guy sleeping on the chair. His smile faded and he started asking around whether they had seen Felix but all of them gave him a weird look and denied it.
"Hey" Minho turned around immediately, expecting to see Felix but was dumbfounded when he saw a girl. "You're looking for a blonde-haired guy, right?"
Minho nodded his head and the girl continued, "He just boarded with another guy."
And everything came crashing down.
The sounds of an airplane engine starting and Minho looked over at where the glass window was. He walked over there and saw a plane reversing back from its parking spot and slowly moving into the highway. He stared at the plane in disbelief.
Felix was on that plane.
"Minho-Hyung!"
"Hmm? What is it, Felix?"
"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say that I love you!"
"You're so random."
"That's just how I am! Aren't you going to say it back?"
"I'll say it when it's time."
"I love you," Minho whispered underneath his breath and for the first time in years, he felt tears falling down his cheeks.
"I love you," his hand-formed into a fist as he placed it on the window, more tears forming in his eyes and escaping.
"I love you."
But he was too late.
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i was watching the TikTok live that they had today and THEY PUT FELIX'S TIKTOK ON THAT BIG ASS SCREEN FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE djfnvdknvfgkn PLEASE WHY DID CHAN HOLD HIS HAND OUT LIKE THAT LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO GRAB A PIECE OF THAT ASS SJNKSNVFKSDNVJENTGE
anyways all of them were so cool and pretty while performing jjfnvkdnvfkj i still cna't get over Hyunjin's hair he's so cool kjnvknvkjefvn AND HAN OMG ISTG MANS WAS SHOWING HIMSELF OFF WHEN SINGING TO THE VIEW LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A HEALING SONG HELLO??? KJSNVFKJSDN
also when i was posting this on Wattpad i saw that this book in Wattpad could be in the wattys2021 dkjvnjkenbjljnbvenbgkjn LIKE WHAT SJKNVKJSNFV
i dont know if i should though ksvbjksnvfsnv okay im spamming a lot
anywaysssss thank you for reading this far and i hope you have a nice day!