Now playing: Daddy issues by the neighborhood
Continuation from "I was Only Falling In Love (Seunglix) Chapter.
Chan sat on the floor, resting his back on his bed as he looked up at the ceiling. He was deep in his thought, remembering every single thing that happened in the last few days. He found it funny how everything had changed since the accident.
It's been 3 days since Felix died from the disease.
Everyone didn't think that he would get it; hell, no one even suspected that he was affected. He always kept on that bright smile and cheerful personality, helping everyone out like he usually does; he was that good at hiding how he was truly feeling, how could anyone think that he was suffering?
Things changed; some were still not over the fact that their precious little angel is gone while others felt guilty for living when he couldn't. Chan was the most affected by his death. Many of their friends, mostly Jisung and Jeongin, would question why he would even be upset when both of them rarely talked; it wasn't true, they just didn't know what both the Australians did behind closed doors.
Chan was a different person before he met Felix; he was rather cold and had major anger issues where he would take it out on literally anyone who dared to cross him. Most people didn't want to associate them with him; too afraid of the older. But, with no one to talk to and everyone straying away from him, he felt lonely.
Then, the talk of a new kid coming to his school in the middle of a school semester perked up his ears. He spent the whole day pondering about what the new kid would look like and how they will be. He secretly hoped he wasn't one of those jocks like in his school; they already had too many of those assholes.
But the fact that the kid was coming into school during the middle of the semester gave the idea to Chan that maybe they were some stuck-up person; one who will cause trouble for people and think whatever they do is right. Chan didn't like that; those were the people he despised the most.
When the day finally came for the new kid to arrive, Chan was completely dumbfounded. Felix was a totally different person than what Chan interpreted; he was kind, sweet, thoughtful, sensitive to other's feelings, and many more. He was beautiful; inside and out.
Chan was glad that he was wrong.
But he still kept his distance. Sure, Felix was a fun and easy-going guy to be with but he wouldn't want to hang out around a person like Chan. The older was anything but bright and he wasn't sure if the boy with galaxies on his cheeks would want to be with him.
As much as he wanted to be friends with the younger, he knew he would bring nothing but trouble and he didn't want that for him. So, he kept his distance, avoiding him at all cost, and hoped that people would talk about how mean Chan is to Felix so the younger could stay away.
But the younger didn't seem to want to stay away.
"Hi!"
"...hi?"
"You're Chan, right?"
"Who's asking?"
"Me! We're in the same English class and since we need to have partners for this project...I wanted to ask you would want to be with me."
"Be partners with you? Why?"
"Well, I just wanted to be friends with you and I didn't know how because you would leave class like- straight away. So, I thought maybe doing a project together would spark something with us!"
"Spark something?"
"Yes! Like, we can become friends after this!"
Chan didn't know what made him agree with being partners with Felix but he didn't regret it one bit. At first, they were awkward and the older wanted nothing more but to go back to his bubble; his room. But Felix was patient and made him feel comfortable around the younger which led him to actually talk about what they should do about the project.
By the time they were done, both switched numbers and started texting regularly. They didn't really get to hang out or chat in school due to them being in different classes and with Felix spending more time with his own friend group but the younger still managed to make time to text Chan.
Another thing he learned about the younger was his deep interest in flowers. It was odd; he had never seen anyone know so much about every single flower and its meanings behind it. Chan honestly thought flowers were just flowers; some looked pretty while some don't.
Oh, but Felix changed that.
When they managed to score a day out together after school, the topic of flowers was brought up by Chan since he did hear some rumors about some kids teasing him about it.
"Are you one of those people that think flowers are for girls or something like that?"
"What? No! I'm just curious. I know you liked flowers but I didn't know you were- like obsessed with them."
"Haha! I wouldn't call it an obsession, more like a hobby?"
"Why do you like them, anyway?"
"Simple; they're interesting and the meanings behind it are beautiful."
"Not all of them have meanings."
"You'd be surprised. Sometimes the ugliest flower can hold a lovely meaning while the prettiest one can hold a much darker meaning."
Chan didn't know that a lot of flowers held such powerful messages behind them and it made giving flowers to someone or for an event more significant. It was amazing; Felix could explain every flower he could think of by heart and Chan could see how much the younger really liked the topic.
Without realizing it, he was also interested in the topic; listening attentively when the younger spoke about each flower and nodding his head in awe when he found something exciting about it. Time flew by fast and both of them didn't take note of how the sky darkens slowly as the sun was setting down.
Chan had yawned out of instinct and for the fact that it was getting quite late but Felix frowned; taking it as something else.
"Oh... sorry if this is boring to you..."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Uh... well- you yawned so I thought that I was going too far again and made a fool out of myself again."
"What? You're overthinking this. I enjoyed you talking about flowers; it made me learn a lot about them!"
"You...You don't find it annoying...?"
"Why would I find it annoying? I think it's interesting, besides it's something you like, right? I can't let you stop talking about something you're interested in."
"W-Woah...I- thank you..."
"You don't have to say that. Now, what's the meaning behind pink camellias."
Chan didn't know who decided to make Felix feel guilty for talking about something he's interested in and he was glad he didn't know who otherwise he would be walking up to the said person to give them a piece of his mind. Felix's eyes shine even brighter when he's talking about the thing he loves and he has his own way of explaining that would draw you in; the older didn't know whether it was his deep voice or whether it was his choice of words, either way, it was addicting.
A year passed and Chan had already known as much as Felix did with flowers. He took the time to really remember the meanings and flower names by heart; which flattered the younger a lot because now he has someone to share his interest with. They didn't have time to meet up and chat since the older had already graduated whereas the freckled boy was in his last year of high school.
But that didn't stop them from texting and sometimes even calling at night whenever they couldn't sleep. They made it a habit to text each other at least twice every day when they have the time and their chemistry grew even more.
They talked about anything; from flowers to how their day was. There wasn't a time where they didn't have anything to talk about.
Chan was really glad to have a friend like Felix. He was there for the older and talked to him through his toughest times. Even though their friendship wasn't known to, well, almost everyone for some odd reason, Chan didn't let it bother him.
In fact, he preferred it to be private. Letting people know about your friendship will sometimes cause unnecessary drama and Chan would do anything to avoid that. But he would be lying if he didn't feel jealous whenever Felix would hang out with his other friends.
He didn't know why he felt that way; Felix was a friend so why would he be feeling jealous?
But Chan brushed it off, thinking it was nothing. But that all changed when the virus broke out and everyone was panicking.
People were dropping down dead with flowers forming in their mouths; Chan didn't know what the fuck caused that but he certainly wanted to dodge that outcome. Quarantine happened and Chan was left alone in his apartment while the government tried to contain all the affected people by this virus.
He thought the loneliness would creep up again but it didn't; Felix made sure to call every night. Turns out the younger was scared about the virus too and that would make him stay up at godly hours. The freckled boy knew that the older stayed alone so he wanted to make sure that Chan still felt like he had company around.
Chan appreciated this very much and he always wondered why such an angel was sent down here to live in this cruel world. But he was glad that he got to meet him. As each day passed, both of them still called on the phone at night, talking about anything but the virus; they wanted to distract themselves from it.
Calling every night made the older realized just how much he missed Felix. He missed seeing his face, he missed hearing his voice in person, he missed his freckles; he missed everything about the boy. He wanted to see his smile again, he wanted to hear his soft giggles, he wanted to cuddle up with him which leaves him questioning himself a lot.
Why did he even feel like this for a friend?
Again, he brushed it off; thinking nothing of it. It wasn't going to be a problem anyway.
But he asked one question to Felix one night, hoping to gain something from it.
"Do you...like...miss someone so much that you need to see them?"
"Hm... I guess so, why?"
"What does that really say?"
"Well, it can mean a lot of things, you need to explain a bit further."
"Like... you miss that person so much that you can't wait to see them the chance you get? Like- Like, you start missing every little thing about them and- and you feel warm when you're with them too. Oh, and like, when- when they see others interacting with their person, they feel... I guess, jealousy?"
"Ooooh... who is this person?"
"I'm just asking."
"Isn't it obvious, hyung?"
"What is?"
"That 'person' you're talking about has a crush. They like someone."
Like. Does Chan like Felix?
After their call, Chan didn't sleep that night. No, he couldn't when multiple questions appeared in his head. Does he like Felix? Well, sure he likes Felix but could he love him?
Yes, there were times when Chan's heart would jump whenever he got to cuddle with the younger. Yes, there were times when Chan would feel butterflies in his stomach when Felix would simply be around him. Yes, there were times where Chan would stare at his plump soft lips-
Okay, maybe there was something.
But could it be as strong as love?
More determined to know, he waited for the day once quarantine ended for everyone so he could talk to the younger once more about this. This was something that he was new in; he didn't know anything about feelings.
But when the day arrived, he finally got his answer when Felix called him one night to ask a question.
"I managed to grow roses in my garden."
"Oh what, those are hard to care for, how did you do it?"
"Did you forget my mom is a florist?"
"Right...anyway, you planning to give someone?"
"Hmm... should I give it to Seungmin?"
"Seungmin? Why?"
"No reason. I've given him flowers before, maybe this can be added to his collections, haha."
Chan knew a lot about flowers to know that roses are used to confess your love to someone. It wasn't rocket science since roses were seen as something romantic to give and knowing Felix, he would never give a flower to someone for 'no reason'.
Felix loved Seungmin.
And that pained Chan so much.
The older didn't know he could feel this much pain before and this just proves something right; he likes Felix.
He didn't let it show. He continued talking to Felix like nothing ever happened and he kept his feelings on the down-low. Now that he knew about the younger's feelings to another person, Chan felt like it was best to keep it a secret.
And he had forgotten all about the disease.
He thought he would see Felix happy and striving with Seungmin but when he got another call from the younger, he knew something was wrong.
"What do you give someone to say goodbye?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, when you want to say goodbye, what type of flower do you give?"
"Felix, I thought you were better than me with this?"
"I- I just need more options."
"What's the occasion?"
"Someone passing away."
"...chrysanthemum, white."
"Perfect, you're a genius Channie-hyung!"
Felix forgetting about a flower sent red flags to the older. And the fact that it was one of the saddest flowers to give to someone too worried the hell out of the Australian. Was something going on? Why did he ask that question?
But his worries were thrown out the window when Felix had invited him for a sleepover with his friends at his place which was nice of him to include Chan when he didn't really know any of his friends. One, it was weird enough that the younger asked that type of question, and two, he was organizing a sleepover in the middle of a school week; what was going on in his head?
Either way, he tried not to think too much of it because the younger probably missed his friends so much and wanted nothing but fun on that night. And they did have fun, probably one of the most enjoyable nights Chan had. But in the corner of his eye, he could see Felix looking at something, or rather someone.
The younger was gazing sadly at Seungmin and Hyunjin who were cuddling amongst themselves while everyone was watching the movie they picked out. So that was the reason why Felix asked for the flower. It was to let his heart go. So, the older wasn't the only one suffering too. His heart ached to see Felix like this so he brought his hand to pull the younger close to him.
"Don't mind them."
"H-How did-"
"You don't have to say anything. It's okay, just focus on me and the movie, yeah?"
"Okay... thank you, Chris."
"Anytime."
He was the last one to leave Felix's house the next morning. Everyone was leaving early since they had to get changed to go to school in the next hour so it was just the two Australians.
They talked and Felix really did seem normal; he was talkative and was even asking the older about what clothes he should wear to school that day. It was a nice time that they shared but when Chan was about to leave his house, he found red petals leading to Felix's room.
Should he investigated further, he would have known that the younger was coughing out petals in his room.
But he didn't; because he suspected it could be from the rose, he wanted to give it to Seungmin.
And he left his house, without suspecting a thing.
That was his biggest mistake because while he was enjoying a lazy afternoon in his apartment, Felix was coughing out roses with blood until he died.
And here he was now; in his room, in the exact position that Felix had died in. If only he was more alert, if only he dug further; he could have saved him. Felix would go through that surgery and still be alive.
But would he want that?
He had researched about the surgery that people with the disease had, and those same people would either die or be emotionless human beings. Would he want to see Felix with a blank face his whole life?
Probably not and maybe that's why he himself didn't go through with it.
If loving Felix was going to be painful, he would go through hell with it.
As he stared up at the ceiling, blood dripping down his chin and staining his clothes along with his floor. He didn't care, why would he when he was on the verge of dying?
He felt his throat slowly clog up and his lungs being stabbed opened. His mouth parted slowly but painfully as a small flower start growing. His breathing was slowed and he could feel all his organs slowly shutting down one by one.
Was this how Felix felt?
Was he in this much pain?
Chan let his tears run from his eyes as he started seeing black dots covering his vision. He slowly moved his head to the side and looked down at his hands. He was holding on to a sunflower, a flower that Felix handed to him one day.
"What's the sunflower for?"
"It's for you!"
"Huh, why?"
"Because I adore you, that's why!"
He could still remember the conversation like it was just yesterday. He still remembered his sweet smile and how adorable he looked while giving the flower to Chan. If only he could live it all over again; where this disease wasn't a thing and Chan would be able to love Felix right.
But Chan had to accept the reality that this is what he was living it. A virus that attacked people with unrequited love and Chan was its victim. But he wasn't fazed by it anymore, no he was glad.
His breathing stopped and the grasp on the sunflower loosen. And after a long time; he smiled as the rose bloomed in his mouth.
He was going to meet Felix again.
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HI sorry for updating really late sjkfnkjdnvkfnv Wednesdays and Thursdays are hard for me since i have extra classes that extend to late-night jvnkdjvnf
So i may not be able to able on those two days but i will try to upload it every other day!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and as you see, it's a continuation from the other chapter!
I'm sorry if it was abit too boring because i was legit having so much trouble finishing this chapter kjvndkvnk but i do hope you guys enjoy and i also hope you have an amazing day!
P.S did you see Felix in the Suho Korea Interview today?? long-haired Felix is the best and he looks so pretty omghsbfvdbvkjdnkvj