*Disclaimer, all sexual acts are when they are of age. Only flashbacks they are younger*
I woke up with the smell of linen creeping through my nose. Teddy smelt so much better after being washed. I guess being scared to wash him all this time was kind of stupid. My alarm clock read 9:43am. It's a Saturday and the most plans I had for today were to clean my room.
"You're finally up." Liam chuckles, standing at my doorway. "Mom let me in." He walks over to my chair and opens my laptop. I sit up and run my eyes.
"She make breakfast?" I ask, while half yawning.
"She left for work at 9 actually." He raised his brows at me. "Said she had to take her clients out so we're on our own." I all but blink as he just scrolls through my computer. I watch as he types something, his muscular arms have a sort of glow to them that make his skin seem softer than my blankets.
"What are you-" before I finish, my speakers are blasting with moaning sounds and some sort of squishy, wet background.
"Wow, E!" He yells over the noise and laughs. "Didn't know you liked it in the ass." My eyes widen and I crawl toward him as fast as I can, tripling off the bed when the blankets wrap around my foot. I shit the laptop instantly after getting up.
"No! That was you! I saw you!" I yell back at him, my heart racing at the loud sounds that once filled my room.
"Could be." He laughs and pulls me so I'm sitting on his lap. "If you insist." He whispers into my ear, making me shiver.
"You're disgusting." I murmur back and push gently at his chest. My face is hot and I look up to meet his eyes. The biggest grin on his face made me wince and I got off his chair.
Of course I watched him type that up, but I knew exactly what it was. Gay porn. Ever since the day my brother came out to me I have been curious about the fact. Not so much to do it myself but to what drew him to it. I had watched a few and they seemed.. well, dirty. It was always sweaty and fast and scary. The first few months of trying to understand, it was confusing.
Until the books.
I remember searching up bxb, boyxboy, gay, anything to do with boys and the stories, good or bad we're always so cute and romantic. Except for the one where he went crazy over his teacher. Anyways, I ended up appreciating them more and started not skipping the sex scenes.
I looked back at Liam and noticed his grin was gone. His head was slightly tilted and his arms were wrapped around my waist.
"Your eyes wander when you think a lot." His voice was calming, yet his words were irritating.
"Don't put that on my laptop. It's gross." I confirm my thoughts and he laughs slightly.
"Says the one with hard on" he says smoothly, making me blush.
"I woke up like this."
"Because you saw me?" His hands slip down and rest on my lower back. I remember reading something like this in a story, of his hands on his ass. It made me secretly wish Liam's hands were just a lite lower.
"No, I."
"I'm teasing. Don't worry, everyone gets morning wood." Liam gets up, letting me go. I follow him downstairs and watch him flip on the tv. The morning went by fast. And we some how ended up playing video games, walking down town for lunch and ended up here, on the living room floor watching YouTube videos and laughing our asses off.
It wasn't until I finished my Coca Cola, laying on my tummy that I noticed it was getting dark out.
"Did my mom say how long she would be.." I stumble out, glancing at the kitchen and frowning at the lack of smell of food.
"Huh? Oh. She said she might end up staying there because the drive is four hours and she gotta be there tomorrow too." Liam goes back to watching TV, I'm aware that he should have told me earlier. I order us Chinese and lay back down. I wanted Pizza, but it didn't go that well last time. I let out a giggle, earning a side glance from Liam.
"What are you all happy about?" He sits up a bit, facing me.
"I ordered Chinese."
"And that's funny?"
"I was just thinking about." I feel myself start to blush as I think back more to the pizza. "How you ruined my pizza experience."
"Oh shut up, you didn't want the crust."
"Did too"
"Not after It was in my mouth." Liam glares.
"It would have been soggy."
"How?"
"You're soggy" His eyes narrow as mine widen. He crawls toward me, making me burst out in giggles as he pins me down and begins tickling me. "Soggy, soggy, soggy!" I say between laughs. Liam stops momentarily.
"Bet I'm not as soggy as you think."
"Huh?" His lips on my neck, again. Was this something that would be happening often? I closed my eyes as the wet of his lips tickled my skin. I found myself biting my bottom lip. The books, what did they do when this happened?
I let my curiosity get loose, running my hands up his back and arching my own. I felt my hips buckle at the feeling of us touching through our jeans. I couldn't help it, I did the butt grab. But instead of him grabbing mine, I grabbed his. I held him close to me as his teeth bit gently into my skin causing me to moan. I was craving more, the feeling was making my body tingle in delight.
His butt began to move under my hands, grinding himself against me. My teeth bit my own lip harder and harder almost becoming painful. His lips moved to different spots on my neck, leaving me slightly wet from his saliva.
The doorbell rang, making his movements stop. He rushed off of me and ran to the kitchen to grab the money for the delivery man. Before he opened the door, he looked back at me.
"Still soggy?" He winks and opens the door, paying. Once he shuts it, I'm still breathless with no answer. "No?" He laughs. "Your neck is tho." He continues, setting the food on the carpet and sitting back down. He opens the food, taking a few bites and stopping after a few seconds to laugh at me more.
This isn't how it went in the porn. This isn't how it went in any of the books. But everything I've read, Everything I've seen, they all have kissed before doing what we did. But was doing what we just did sexual? Or was he just laying on me. He was just teasing me.
"Stop over thinking things and eat." He pokes my mouth with a spring roll.
"Should we kiss?" I ask, almost immediately coughing at the words.
"Uh, did you want to?"
"But were not boyfriends. So we can't do sexual things okay? But what we did what was that?"
"Uh," Liam just looks at me. What? What is so hard to tell me? I was utterly confused. All my knowing of gay came from online and I'm pretty sure what we did was close to what I saw or read. But there was also another source.
Why can't we just peak?" Liam giggles as we crawl toward Lex's door. They were making loud sounds, moans and grumbles. Liam said we just HAD to check it out.
"I'm scared."
"Oh stop being a baby!" He pushes their door open slightly. I hide behind him and gasp. I saw Nicks head pressed back against a pillow, moaning sounds belonging to him. Close to his groin area was something under the blankets.
"What's that?"
"Your brother!" Liam giggles and covers my mouth. "He's blowing Nick!" Blowing? Oh okay." I pretend I understand and look at Liam as he stares through the crack. He looked like he was watching his favourite tv show.
I blink and bite the spring roll, looking at Liam as he smiles.
"What's blowing?" I say through chews. I ask and dish some Chinese food onto a throw away plate. I never had come across the word blowing in my books. Even some words I didn't know. I once tried to google rimming but decided I shouldn't google things after that. There was no answer, I look up. "Like if I said you're blowing me. What's that?"
"You want me to blow you?" Liam looked scared, confused but still slightly scared.
"Is it painful?" He just laughs and sets his plate down.
"Eli, if it's painful there doing it wrong." The spring roll was taken from my hand and placed on my plate. "If you wanted me to blow you, you could have just asked." He winks, pushing on my chest to lean me back slightly.
I watch him, curious as he just laughs at me while pulling my jeans down. I'm left in my boxers and look at him as he stared at the white smiling face print over the red background. These were one of my favourite pairs of boxers.
"You sure you want this?" He looks at me, crawling on top of my body. I felt him press against me like earlier and the memories came rushing back.
"I think I do." I close my eyes. When his lips touch my neck. My hands go to his butt and his skin slides down my fingers until my hands are buried into his hair. This was fine. This was like last night when he came back up. Although I don't know why he said sorry befo- my thoughts were cut off by his lips touching my member through my boxers. I was already hard from when he was kissing my neck. He left small kisses over the fabric of my boxers making me smile. It felt good, I was enjoying myself.
I felt fingers push down into my boxers and pull them down to my legs. I opened my eyes and sat up slightly to look down at my bestfriend. His eyes met mine and I watched as his lips wrapped around me, sliding all of me into the back of his throat. Minutes later I gasp at the feeling getting better.
"I.."
"It's okay." He breaths out before pushing me to the back of his throat once again. I release into him and lay into the floor as if I'm sinking into it.
"Fuck."
"Really got you into saying that didn't I?" He crawls up my limp body and I see him licking his lips. His eyes meet mine and I notice his eyes trail down a bit. I squeal as a reply to him. "Come get some food." He laughs and gets off me. I pull my boxers up and start eating. Making glances over at him I notice him grinning.
"I like the blowing." He just laughs at me.
I found myself zoned out in the back of the classroom, my hand was pressed into my face. I was fighting falling asleep. Math was the only class I had without Liam, but he was still the only thing ever on my mind.
I draw hearts on my page, I just want today to be over with. I want to go somewhere, get ice cream, or even be brave enough to walk the pier. Today was the annual festival at the beach, we always went together and we always talked about it for days after.
"Why don't you just date him?" A hear a feminine voice beside me. Noticing Cara staring at my page, I look down to see I had wrote his name along with hearts. My face goes red.
"He don't date boys." I bite my lip, holding back a smile. "I don't neither." I add on. She looks at me and as soon as we make eye contact I look away. She was cute and probably the only one in class who talked to me.
"Well he would, date boys, if that boy was you." She puts her hand on my head and runs it down past my neck to my shoulders. Liam and I wouldn't date. He wouldn't date me. It kind of upset me that she would say this, especially because she's assuming we're gay.
"We aren't gay." I mumble, her lip twitches and I know she's holding back a laugh. "You," I add. Maybe she would date a guy like me. I could see if she would go to the pier with us as a date. Then maybe Liam wouldn't have to be called gay just because of me. "Go to the pier with me. Be my date." I smile at her.
"Be your date?" She raises a brow at me and sits back a little. "Just me and you?"
"And Liam."
"It's not a date if he comes." She looks at me with her big green eyes. "Is it a date or not."
"Yes?" I bite my lip and look down at the page with Liam's name. I had to do this for him. He has suffered long enough. He shouldn't have to look after me.
"Yes." I say, more firm this time. The bell rings and she laughs as I grab her hand pulling her out of the class.
We grab our things from our locker and she never lets go of the smile on her face. She was pretty and I couldn't believe I actually had my first date ever. Even if I only asked for Liam. I doubt I'd have the courage otherwise. We make our way to the pier, leaving almost everything in our lockers at school. It's not like we can't do homework another time anyway. I have my phone and my money that's all that matters.
"So what did you want to do first?" I ask her nervously. It felt like hanging out with a friend, but I didn't want to mess up.
"We could play ring toss and you could win me a stuffy." She grins at me. Of course that's what's she wants. Girls are weird. I agree and my heart beat picks up just a bit as we head to the pier. I didn't realize it was on here. We keep walking.
And walking.
And holy fuck were really far down the pier.
"You okay? Your shaking." She asks me. I flinch at her sound and nod. I'm a big boy. I need to man up already.
"It's just cold." I mumble. I wasn't cold, but I know if Liam were here he would have given me his jacket. We also wouldn't be on this pier.
"Right." My hand grows in warmth as she holds it. It's soft, but not like Liam's. We reach the stand, thank fuck. We play and we loose, three times. I'm running out of money. "It's fine Eli." She says for the second time. But it's not. The date needs to go well and she needs to get what she wants. I need a girlfriend. "Eli." I hand him the last of my money and narrow my eyes. I miss.
"Sorry." I look down and scratch my hand. She takes it, allowing me to look at her and smiles softly.
"I don't need this Eli, it was just for fun." For fun she says. Couldn't have stopped me thirty dollars ago.
"Calm down Eli, it's okay." Her hand swipes my cheek gently and she smiles at me. She really is a nice girl. We walk together, sit on a bench and listen to the waves.
Liam and I trail behind Nick and Lex, they are holding hands and laughing together. I like that my brother is happy. Their hands intertwine and it makes me look down at Liam's hand. I wrap my fingers around his and blush slightly. I don't know if I'm gay, but I don't see anything wrong with holding hands. He squeezes my hand gently and makes me blush.
"They're so cute." I widen my eyes as I stumble forward. Liam laughs and stops walking.
I remember his eyes looking up at me when he was tying my shoe. The way he pressed me against the back of the bench before getting on his knees and typing the strings. The way my heart felt warmer if possible when he took my hand again when he stood back up. I remember the screaming in the distance..
"Leave him alone!" I hear Nicks voice screaming, we both look in their direction, seeing four guys surrounding them. Nick was being held back by two and the other two were beating my brother up. I try running after them, but Liam stops me before we get too close. I watched as blood pour from his arm and one of them swear. "You're gonna kill him!" I break free from Liam's grip and run up to them.
"That's what he gets for being a fag!" One laughs. Glaring at me in the process. I stop dead in my tracks.
"Bro, Stop." I hear the other one say. "You legit might kill him." He mumbles. My heart races, but breaks at the same time I see Lex gasp for air. The guys walk away from the scene letting me run up to Lex. Nick is by my side aswell as Liam. We all try and stop the bleeding, Nick calls the police and I remember the tears escaping my eyes. I hold Lex's hand and hug him gently. He looked so weak, he looked so bruised.
"You alright there champ?" Cara brings me back to the present. Her voice was still slightly farther away even tho she was right beside me. I wonder what it was like for Lex when he was dozing off. "You're crying." I wipe my tears and stand up. My heart is racing. I can't breathe.
We got to the hospital after him. Nick rode the ambulance, Liam and I had to find our own way. I clutch the bear in my hands. We had to get a drive from mom so I grabbed it from home when we got there. It's been a few hours. He's finally awake and talking to Nick. Their voices get quiet and Nick leaves the room.
"Come here bug." Lex whispers to me. I don't think he meant to whisper. Maybe that's all he could do. I walk toward him, the bear clutch in my hands. I hold it out to him. He smiles gently as he takes it and tears roll down both of our faces. He coughs but looks in pain while doing so. His one rib cage is collapsing. He's bleeding internally. "I love you with all my heart. You know this, yeah?" I nod. He coughs and wipes the blood on the blanket along with the other stains.
"Are you gonna be okay?" I mumble. He smiles and shrugs.
"Maybe, maybe not. But whatever happens, I want you to know that I will still be here."
"You will?"
"Tell you what, bug. If I die, I promise I'll haunt you." He smiles but the tears are flowing. He's trying to be strong for me. "I'll make sure, as a ghost that I'll live in this bear."
We talked about our lives together and how he was In love with Nick. He told me the secrets to life that he learnt while growing up. We shared our moments together.
He came home and died two weeks later.
"Breathe!" Caras voice was still distant. I look at her and look around. I didn't have bear. I didn't have Lex. I left him at school because I was trying to have a good date. My selfish ass left Lex in a locker because I wanted to have a stupid date!
"I need him!"
"Who? Liam? Stop hyperventilating it's scaring me!" She almost whimpers out. I notice a few people crowd around me and I start shaking.
"Cara, why are you out with this freak?" A guys voice chimes in. "He's spazzing out."
"He's not a freak josh!" Josh was a more popular boy at our school.
"Go away!" I scream at them both. "Go away go away" I begin sobbing into my hands.
"E," a guys voice floods in the background. "E it's okay.." he soothes and sits beside me. I don't say a word. Suddenly, bear is placed In my lap. I hug him tightly to my chest. "I got you baby," my breathing slows down and I snuggle into bear.
"Freak, you need to grow the fuck up." Bear is snatched away from me. I look up to see it's Liam beside me. Josh has bear in his hands. Liam stands up. I stand up aswell. "Maybe this will help." Josh laughs.
"Josh don't!" Cara screams as josh throws bear off the pier. My eyes widen and Liam punches Josh. Everyone is yelling at eachother while I'm taking my shoes off. I strip to my boxers and jump off the fucking pier. I'm no longer scared of it. All I can think about is saving Lex. I hit the water hard and cough up a bit of water in my throat.
I hardly know how to swim.
I splash my way to bear and grab him, tears flying off my face. I notice myself sinking but let it happen for a few seconds. I hug him so tight and can feel my heart breaking. Looking up at the surface I know I need air. I kick my feet but I'm definitely not going as fast as I like. My head begins so panic as I'm about to gasp for air but breathe in water. My insides pulsate and I'm about to give up. I see a splash and close my eyes.
Atleast I'll die with Lex.
I feel tugging and gasp air when I hit surface. I'm pulled to shore and cough along with who saved me. I look at Liam and notice panic in his eyes.
"I could have lost you E!" He yells at me.
"I almost lost Lex." I quiver my lip. We're silent for a moment and he pulls me into a hug. I breath heavy but slow down as I rest my head on his chest.
"I love you E," he makes me look up at him. "I love you like Nick loves Lex." He pushes my hair back. I wipe a tear from under his eye.
"I love you like Lex loves Nick.." I stumble out before I know I'm saying it. Tears stream down his face and he's whimpering. We hold eachother tightly with sand all over our bodies. He's laughing happily and kisses my forehead, my cheeks and rests his nose on mine. He's breathing heavily and smiling, holding me closer than ever.
I look up at his closed eyes and blush, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his. They were cold and wet from the water. But warm and soft and making my heart race. He kissed me back, pushing into me and if possible pulling me closer. When he looks away to look at me I see him crying more.
"You're crying."
"Happy tears E, happy tears." He whispers and places another warm, wet kiss to my lips.
——
Guys. I still cried even just editing it. Yes, he still shit the laptop but he always will, that can never be edited out.