➵
Scars are symbols of battles.
No matter if you win or lose; they are meant to stay with you forever, constantly bringing up the past experiences of your life.
Finn had quite a few of them, each representing his biggest losses. On his collarbone; on his heart; and now one on his chest, fresh and stinging like piercing needles. The burn that represented the colossal defeat with Joel Adams.
For quite a few days, Finn was absent from work. Showing up in those wrecked physical and mental conditions would have been the worst thing he could do—so he improvised a sudden attack of fever.
"Fever? You were fine just yesterday." Ryan's voice fills his ear as he holds the phone.
The nurse Finn hired (a caring, sweet fifty years old who apparently knew what to do and who signed a NDA contract for the matter) walks towards him, the bottle of disinfectant and the usual bandages in her hands.
"I know—I just," Finn hisses, as he lies down on his bed. The burn and his bones hurt like a mother fucker. "I just can't come tomorrow on set. I am sorry."
"Does it have anything to do with Adams? You met him a couple of days ago if I do remember correctly."
Hearing his name hurts way more than the burn he inflected him.
"What does Adams have anything to do with me and my fever?" Finn lies, as he looks at the nurse dubbing some cotton on his burnt spot.
Here the torture begins.
"I don't know. Just asking. Maybe he—"
"Nothing happened. We simply talked." Finn exhales in a shaky breath, staring at the ceiling as the disinfectant on the wound only pushes him to cry.
Fuck. Fuck, it hurts.
"Alright." Ryan doesn't sound convinced, but he trusts Finn. "Then I can give you the agenda for next week and I'll let you rest."
Finn nods, suffocating the scream and letting out a feeble sound of approval—even though he well knows there is not going to be any commitment in the following week.
His agenda will be empty in no time. Once the truth with Violet will be out, no one will work with him anymore and his name will be cancelled from the face of the Earth.
It was just a matter of time before the rumors and the lies Joel will spread will shatter his image entirely.
A lifetime will disappear because of his stupid recklessness and sense of justice. There is no one to blame but himself.
He has lost everything. His career. The possibility of giving some sort of revenge in Millie's regards. The chance to punish a horrible man...
And the chance to see her again because of that stupid fight and his pride.
"Ryan?" Finn asks, one hand splayed over his face as he tries to contain the sobs ready to escape his mouth.
"Hm? Yes, son?"
"Thank you." He sniffles, trying to contain that stupid cry. "For not giving up on me." An ultimate thank you before their paths separate.
The last thing he wants is ruining Ryan's career and his chance to represent other talented actors. He didn't have to pay for his stupid actions.
"Always by your side, kid." Ryan's calm voice reassures him.
But he knows that someday, eventually, he won't have anyone next to him.
Days after, only when he could finally stand up without cussing each step or breath he took, Finn managed to go back to work, masking the abuse he had to go through.
His work ethic was too strong and rooted within him for ignoring it, and also, working was a good escamotage to escape from his personal issues.
Obviously, it didn't work that much. There is not a minute in which Finn doesn't think about the mess he made, even when the camera is on and captures his character's movements.
A part of him feels like the world is stopping to spin, like the air in the whole existence was being sucked into a black hole. But somehow, in the weirdest and scariest way possible, he also feels a sense of unashamed relief.
Are acting and being famous still his real dreams, after all?
Acting, photoshoots and interviews were cool but standing behind the camera, working on creativity and capturing the world's essence with his lenses? That was even better. That was what he wanted to do since he was a child.
Fame was the price to pay to do what he loved, but it has never been the thing he craved. It just came.
For all of his life, Finn never pursued the spotlight. He pursued happiness. Happiness in what he did; happiness in the people he surrounded himself with; happiness in the girl he loves. Because nothing suits Millie better than her million dollar smile.
He wondered, now that his career would be over soon, what would have happened to him, to his fans and everything he did.
"Earth calls Finn."
Finn snaps his head to the right, finding his co-star Emily sitting next to him as the hair stylists is fluffing her hair and giving her the ultimate touch.
He has to admit that Emily was a source of comfort during those days.
Surprisingly, they went along just nicely. She didn't even get upset when he ghosted her during that week—she texted him everyday, but she was never too invasive in his private matters.
He appreciated that. After living with a toxic manipulator for two years and dating someone who didn't even feel something for him, having someone who was truthful and genuinely cared for him was a win indeed.
"Mh?" He says, one knee angled on his other one as he browses the highlighted script with a gloomy look.
"You okay? You've been so quiet and tired this past week."
Tired. That was one way to put it.
His life is going to shit and there is a timing bomb hanging over him that will explode in a heartbeat; but, sure, he is tired.
"I'm okay, Ems. I guess I just need some more time to recover from that bad flu I had."
"You could have stayed home if you didn't feel well."
He tuts, shaking his head. "No, I actually want to work."
Even because hiding in that lonely house would have driven him crazy. Every night, especially when the burn didn't make him sleep, the only thing that could give him peace was Millie.
He wondered if she would come back someday. Or what the hell they were. Were they even together anymore? It has been a month since their stand-by kind of thing and they didn't talk once.
Did she manage to talk to her parents? Did Robert keep her hidden from the rest of the world?
The thoughts absorb him and Finn drowns again in the memory of her. It's insane loving someone that much, but he will gladly lose his mind for her.
"It's beautiful." Emily states, calling him back from his umpteenth zoning out.
Finn looks at her, frowning in confusion.
She smiles, pointing at the necklace he is toying with. "Your necklace. It's stunning."
"Oh, this? Yeah." Finn incredibly sketches a smile. "It is, isn't it?"
Emily nods, "Is it a special gift? You've been wearing it since the first day I met you."
"Uh... It's a gift for my girlfriend. I am just keeping it for her until she comes back."
If she comes back. His brain doesn't fail to point out this truth that he is trying to shove to the back of his mind.
"Coming back from where? Vacation?"
Her cluelessness triggers a soft laugh within him. Wow. She lived in a normal world where everything was apparently easy and without any Hollywood-related complication.
"Sort of." He throws her a bitter smile, but Finn is not capable of hiding his true feelings even if he made a career out of it.
"Ooh, your face." Emily gives him a sympathetic look. "I shouldn't have brought her up, right? I am sorry."
Wait. Is it that noticeable?
"No, no, no. I mean... It's just fucking complicated. I don't know what to think anymore." He sighs in frustration, closing the script and placing it in front of him.
"Whatever happened; it's going to be okay. Trust me."
Finn huffs, choking his disappointment. "I have been telling myself that for a while but I don't see the results coming."
"Good things happen to those who can wait. I believe if something is meant to happen, it just does. We are dominated by the rules of the universe, and you are part of it, Finn."
His eyes glisten. This sounds too familiar. "Rules like the law of attraction?"
"Oh, yeah. I like that one! If you keep a positive mindset and live at your fullest, good things will happen to you."
Just like Millie once told him. She was just ten back then, yet, she knew how to talk, or how to comfort him. Special since the very start.
"The thing is that I don't want any good thing happening to me. I just want her to come back. This is all that I want."
All that he craves. He doesn't care about anything else and this should scare him—the fact he would throw away his life just to get her back.
Unconsciously, he did that.
"If you want her to come back, then she will."
He doesn't know but the seriousness of her voice gives him a thrill of hope. Maybe Emily was right—And Millie, too. Good things happen to those who can wait, and he will be waiting for all of his life to get what he desperately wants.
"But... what if she doesn't?" Finn skeptically asks.
His rationality sometimes takes the lead. Are rules in the universe really happening or were they just a sort of comfort for humans to deny that they were driven by chaos?
As if Emily could read his mind and all of his musings, she smiles at him, cupping his shoulder and leaning into his face. "Then you'll find someone more worthy of you."
He can't hide the disappointment because of her answer.
Finn doesn't want anyone else other than her. He is willing to wait for what he truly wants—not a substitute or someone more worthy. He knows what or who he wants.
He doesn't care about fame, or having his name upon a star on the street. Not eternal glory. Just the chance to love and be loved back by the only person who truly matters to him, his evergreen Starlight that, without his knowledge, is getting closer and closer to him each second passing by.
—
Hours fly by on set, especially when you have that much fun.
The scenes weren't that tiring but they required preparation and a right mindset, and man, it took him twenty shots to get that scene right.
But the laughs of the crew and Emily's gentleness helped to feel comfortable and do a great job.
Once they were over their twelve hours filming, she offered him to hang out with her and the crew for a coffee.
"Huh, no, thank you. Maybe next time." He says, collecting his backpack, ready to walk back to his car.
His headache and his body are still too weak to deal with the outside.
"Ow, you're such a party pooper." She says, bumping to his side.
He smiles back,". "So I've been told. I'm an old soul, you see. Always in bed by nine pm and yelling at kids to get off my property."
She bursts out a laugh, stopping right in front of his car. "Listen, grandpa, I know you're still sick, but it's Friday night, and you won't go to bed. You'll probably drink and brood over your girlfriend."
"And what if I did, huh? Would it bother you?" He jokes, crossing his arms and waiting for her response.
She scoffs, nodding. "I mean, yeah. You have to live a little. We are all tired of seeing you like this and some company would make you feel better."
"Look, Ems, I promise," He says as he throws his backpack inside the car and shuts the door. "I will come next time. But tonight is just a huge no."
"Why not?"
Why does he have to justify his actions? If she was a close friend he would simply snap and tell her to leave him alone, but it's Emily, a nice coworker, and she still has to know his introverted nature.
"Because I don't feel like going out. People would spot me and I am not in the mood of being sociable. I'd end up being rude to them and people would write how awful and egocentric I am."
At that, she rolls her eyes. "Nobody in the world would write that."
Finn scoffs at that, laughing bitterly. "Oh, dude, trust me. They will. I already see it: Finn Wolfhard's fame got to his head. He declines to talk to his fans! Such a shame, ladies and gentlemen!"
He likes to joke about it, but at the end of the day, that was the life of a celebrity. Living in constant fear that one wrong word or one wrong person will destroy your career.
Funny how it happened to him.
He has way too many problems to think about, and he shouldn't care about a bunch of random fans judging him for his rudeness, but still, the thought of going out and being spotted doesn't appeal to him.
"Is it really that bad? The whole... Fame thing." Emily asks, a little bit puzzled.
His immediate answer would be yes. But he doesn't want to scare her; not everyone is like him. There are certain people who lives for it and wouldn't trade their status for anything else in the world.
"It's like living with an allergy. It sucks, it makes your nose itch and feel like dying, but you have to deal with it for the rest of your days." He shrugs his shoulders, ready to get into his car.
"Well, okay, no hanging out. Do you want me to stay with you, though? Keeping you company?" She asks him, stopping to walk.
What a weird request.
"No." He says it easily. "There's no need. Go out with the others. I don't want to ruin your night."
He can see she is not over yet. Her eyes are screaming an entirely different thing but her lips move down, so do her eyes. All of her body screams disappointment.
"Alright. Have a good night, then." She gives him a tight smile and turns around, ready to get to her own car.
Finn stares at her walking, and he has learnt to recognize that attitude way too well. It's incredible how she reminds him of Millie.
They acted the same—and he knows Starlight way too well to not understand what is going through Emily's mind right now.
"Emily?"
She turns around, hesitant.
"Yeah?"
Finn digs his hands in his pockets as he walks towards her, slow and careful, at a decent and respectful distance.
"Maybe I am a total idiot. Maybe I am completely misreading the signs. Maybe I am acting conceited, but..."
He sees in her eyes Millie's hurt for all of those months. When she was in love with him and he denied it to himself or denied to admit it back.
"Don't waste your time with me." That's all he says.
The message is clear, and he knows she is clever enough to understand the true meaning of it.
Emily gives him a knowing smile in response. She knows he knows.
"I like wasting my time with you. Even if I can't waste it in the way I'd like."
Finn nods. "I am sure you'll find someone else to waste your time with. And you'll love it."
After that, silence. They both are adults and old enough to move past this.
Sometimes, things are just as easy as that. They are so little that they deserve to be cancelled before they could grow and expand into something bigger.
"Goodnight, Finn." It's so fast how she kisses his cheek, unashamedly.
He doesn't retract his face. It was a thing of a second. He would normally get mad for that undesired touch, but she is admitting to dropping all of her intentions. There is no point in making scenes.
It was just a little kiss of defeat.
And it's not the kiss he wants.
"Goodnight, Ems. See you next week at work." Without adding any other embarrassment, he turns his back and climbs into his car.
Only when he plops down the seat, he tosses his head back. Wow. Just, wow. His colleague just admitted she had a crush on him, just kissed him and he turned her down like that.
Is he turning into this heartless mother fucker? Is this what he is without Millie? Someone who offends people's feelings so easily?
No, he thinks as he drives off to his flat. He did the right thing. Deluding a girl into thinking she has a chance when she doesn't have one is stupid, especially if you work with her and you have to shoot some intense scenes.
No ambiguity anymore. Emily will understand that his heart is already busy.
Tiredly, Finn gets home. It's eleven pm and everything is quiet. The environment shifts into his familiarity: the scent of his house, the silent screaming walls, his mess...
However, something is incredibly different.
He closes the door behind him, eyes stuck to the silver rays coming from the terrace. But it's not the moon that catches his eye.
It's the presence of a whole other different star.
It feels like a dream—the best of hallucinations. But this is not a fantasy; Finn is wide awake. He is so awake and his body starts to convulse, his heart beating in an unsteady tempo that he can't follow.
It's pathetic how his eyes water. But how can you not cry of happiness when you see the person you love standing there in front of you after one month of deafening silence?
"Millie." He releases her name after four unbearable weeks of solitude.
She turns around, sketching a joyous smile.
Good things happen to those who know how to wait. Now he has proof of it.
It's a miracle he can stand up, the burn flaming on his abdomen still gives him atrocious stabs from time to time, but for her he finds the force to walk a little bit more, clenching his hand to the balcony rail as he walks to her.
Pain is nothing when she is near him.
Speechless, his hand looks for her face, fingers frantic as he traces her cheek and chin, the awe taking over his senses. There's no pain anymore because Millie is back, and she kept her promise.
Finn tries to stop himself from the stupid impulse to pull her to him and kiss her right there, but he can't stop admiring her and breathing in her essence.
God, she's just ethereal.
"You're back. How—"
"It's easy breaking into an apartment when you're a superstar and people would do anything for you." Millie giggles, jiggling the spare key the desk clerk gave her.
"And I am here because I've come to realize," Millie says, cupping his wrist and hand and brushing a butterfly kiss on his palm. "That I can't live without you."
He can't omit a sound. It's simply too good to be true; everything that is happening. Her coming back was planned by something or someone bigger than him.
It feels good. It feels amazing, actually, as if he was on cloud nine.
"Millie—" He tries to say, but she stops him.
"No, before you say anything, I really need to—to get this thing off my chest. Please, just listen."
Her fingers intertwine with his; there's no hesitation. Her hands always find him; Finn is her safe zone when the troubles knock to her door.
"I am sorry, Finn. I did it all wrong. I am sorry for hurting you and making you feel abandoned. I am sorry for making you think I didn't want to live with you. Sorry for never calling. Sorry for making you feel as if you are not special enough. I'm so sorry for all the pain I always cause you."
His eyes soften. She is the best pain in the whole world-so bittersweet and addicting.
"But this won't happen anymore. From now on, I just want to give you all the happiness you can wish for. I—I will... I will make you feel loved. I promise. I promise that my words are not a lie and—"
Finn pulls their linked hands to his lips, kissing them hard, his eyes stuck on hers and mesmerized by how they glisten. "You have no idea how much you make me feel loved."
She smiles, heart screaming. "Do I?"
"You always do. Everyday. And I almost desperately," He whispers as his mouth finds her neck for a delicate kiss, one arm looping around her waist. "Want to make you feel loved, too."
As he bends down a bit, just to reach the lower spots of her neck, Finn ignores that some movements are still difficult to manage. Contracting his abdomen was the worst thing he could do.
He can't control the spams and his hiss of pain as he stands still again, trying to gulp down the brutal sting around his scar.
"Hey—" Millie immediately clings onto him, her palm finding his cheek. "What's wrong? Finnie, are you okay?"
He grunts, nodding. "I'm okay. Just a little—messed up."
In every sense of the word.
"Where does it hurt you?"
"Stomach." He hisses.
Millie's eyes fall down. She doesn't even ask him permission to touch him because she knows she can. Because she knows, or at least she hopes, that she is the only one in the world that can feel his skin against hers.
"Finn, what is this?" Millie frowns gently as she tugs a hand under his t-shirt and pulls it up.
Pearly bandages are covering his torso and they are such a sickening image that they don't make any sense. These shouldn't be there. Not on him.
"What happened? D-Did you hurt yourself? Did you—"
"I fell on something really hot. It burnt me and they gave me these big ass bandages. I had a nurse who took care of it." He plays it down, just because he doesn't want to worry her.
The last thing she needs is worrying about him. There was time to talk about all the horrible things that were waiting for him.
"A nurse?!" She blurts out. "A freaking nurse!"
Seeing her freaking out somehow makes him chuckles. "What's wrong with a nurse, love?"
"Oh my goodness, I was here, talking and doing all of my big speeches when you were hurt and in pain. I didn't even—ask you. Why am I so freaking stupid—"
"Mill." He holds her wrists, gently. "I am okay. And your big speech was amazing and it made me feel one hundred percent better."
She gives him an unsure smile. "Seriously?"
"Do I look like I'm lying?"
No, Finn never lies.
So she shakes her head, smiling a bit.
"See? Nothing to worry about. Let's lie down a bit, though. I can't force myself."
He holds her hand and walks back inside, leading to his bedroom. Millie is surprised to see how it is not exactly how she left it; still with the starlight projector on his nightstand, true, but with a sickening smell of disinfectant and hospital.
She helps him lie down, plumping his pillows behind his back. "Are you comfy?"
"Yeah. But I'd be better if you were on top of me." He lifts an eyebrow, his voice getting more colored.
She finally can see his boyish grimace and she purposely decides to ignore it. This man right here; he will never fail to make her feel this certain kind of way.
"I can't sit on your lap, you're in pain, you're not in the right conditions."
"I don't care." He helps her (more like urges her) to climb in him and sit down on his lap. He pulls her all the way close to him, his hands sustaining her from her butt as he looks at her.
"You're my only right condition." He kisses the tip of her nose.
She chains her hands around his neck, a sneaky grin appearing on her face. "All of this just for you to touch my ass."
He shrugs his shoulders. "A man gotta do what a man gotta do."
She giggles in response, but she can't really brush off what she has just seen. His pain and hurt shouldn't be there. It feels unnatural.
"Finn, listen... What happened to you during this month?"
He looks at her right in the eye. He hates lying to her, especially because she'll eventually find out. But ruining the moment of their reunion is something he will never do.
He's home. She is the place he wants to be. Nothing else matters.
"It's all about that fall, you know. I was at work and I fell on a really sharp, warm object. I don't remember what it was but man, it fucking burnt the shit out of me. I scratched my knuckles, too, for the impact."
Millie nods, caressing his curls with the tips of her fingers and humming in understanding. "I am so sorry. I wasn't here and you were dealing with all of this."
"You were here, actually." He points to his collarbone.
It's the moment.
"Right here." Finn tucks his finger in the collar of t-shirt, pulling out the gold secret he has been carrying around for weeks.
Millie's eyes catch the starlight pendant for the very first time after three months of obscurity. It sparkles just like her irises as the happiness soaks into her bones.
"What is this?" She stutters, marveled.
"You know I am not for material things, though I saw this little thingy some months ago and... It screamed Millie. I keep it for you, until you come back to me. It's yours."
Yours.
Millie doesn't even know what to say. This goes beyond any expectation.
He seems to comprehend her astonishment, and he couldn't be happier about this reaction. The best smile in the world... and he is the only who could see it with his own eyes. Millie's smile was just purifying.
"Wanna try it on?" He goes on as he unclaps it from his neck.
She nods, speechless. She got so many jewels in all of her life but nothing can compare to the significance of this one.
Softly, she feels his fingers dancing around her skin and the coldness of the golden thin chain pressing onto her neck; she brushes her hair on one side, her other hand touching the diamond pendant.
Hesitantly, she stares down. "Thank you. This is just... just gorgeous."
Were there any words to describe her? He could write one hundred songs about her beauty but not one would give her justice.
Words, songs, poems—they don't work when it comes to his feelings for her. Yet, he knows somehow what she represents for him.
He lifts her chin a bit, grazing two fingers beneath it. Just perfect. "I have dreamt of you in it for so long."
Millie grins a little, her hands finding both of his cheeks. "Did this satisfy your perfect dream?
Only now, he brushes a thumb on her lips. His eyes burn any inch of her skin.
Her cheeks, her neck, her eyes, her hands, her fingers... God, no, fantasy can't compare.
"In my dream you weren't anything but this necklace."
Millie smirks a little, leaning into his face, her lips almost grazing on his. Their closeness drives both over the edge, they can feel each other's essence and need. His hands tightens around her, just like her thighs squeeze around him.
"Let's make it true." She whispers right before her lips catches him in an eager contact, before blowing out and becoming a frenzy of kisses and secret touches.
There was everything. Complicity, playfulness, sweetness and hands needy of way more contact. They found their own way to tell how much they missed each other; a love language belonging to them only as the curtains of the window blew in the night wind and their breaths and soft words filled the silence of the house.
Only the night would know what they talked about.
—
If the night is made of secret and murmured talks, the morning after is loud and chaotic.
"I think two kids would be the perfect number." Finn states, clinged onto Millie as the mess of the sheets covers them.
"Mh. No! Four kids!" She dramatically says, laughing right after.
He scrunches his nose in fake astonishment. "Jesus, woman. You really want to drain me. What about a middle ground? Like three?
"Or... maybe we should just start with one and then see how things flow." She suggests, snuggling her cheek against the crook of his neck and smiling like nothing bad could ever happen in her life.
This morning—this morning is it. It's how she will wake up from now on. With silly talks, shared cuddles and kisses in and there. It's how she wants to live, with Finn by her side.
"Good idea. Let's see what type of parents we would be."
"I'd be the coolest mommy in the world. I just know that." Her voice doesn't leave room for doubts.
She always dreamed about a family. Something that belonged to her and that could give her all the affection she didn't receive in the last years. Someone to cuddle, to listen to, to support... A part of her to cherish.
"Oh, sure. You'd be one of those moms having matching outfits with their kids."
"Duh. Of course!"
"It would be, huh, nice. But don't expect me to do that."
"What? Why not? Finnie!" She pokes his chest with a finger, frowning hard in her typical grimace. "You have to!"
"C'mon, Mill, the fuck would I wear my kids' stuff for? If anything, they have to wear mine when they grow up. I am more than happy to share my vintage clothes."
"Ew, I don't want them to dress like you."
"Why not?"
"Because your wardrobe sucks. Like, big time."
This time, it's him who throws her a scandalized face—scrunched nose and all of that. "How dare you? First of all, my stuff is great. Second, it's not like you dress better than me, egghead."
"I dress better than you, Wolfhard. And the babies will dress just like me." She blows him a mocking kiss.
"Arguable. But hey, they could be a mini version of you. I'd like that. Baby Starlights around."
"What would we call them?" She grins.
"Our baby?"
She nods.
Finn hums, smiling at the ceiling, one arm angled beneath his head and the other keeping Millie close. It would be the perfect ending of their story. "I don't know. Something cool. Particular."
Millie eyes her pendant, toying with it. "Something shiny. Something like us..."
She eyes the two gems into her crossed shooting stars. "Like a diamond."
"Diamond?" He tilts his head at her.
"Yeah. Diamond. I remember I was in Milan during a fashion week and I was looking at some jewels in the gallery. I had to buy some gifts for my mom. A ring. And there was a Diamond ring—it was stunning. The manager, in his Italian accent, told us that it was a Diamante. Unbreakable. Perfect. Just like us."
"Diamante sounds pretty cool. Exotic. Fucking awesome."
Millie sighs, grinning. "It's so dreamy."
"See?" He nudges his nose against hers softly. "We already found one."
She would smile back right away but a thought keeps hammering in the back of her head since has come there. It was too hard to ignore.
"I wonder... I wonder what my parents would think about us having kids."
Finn gives her a hard stare. Not because of her, but for the mere chance that his kids would have some Robert's DNA in them.
"They won't have a say on it. Nobody touches my kids, especially your father."
Millie gives him a disappointed stare. He knows she doesn't like when she insults them but she can't really blame him for thinking that way.
They were awful with her, especially in the last years.
"Hey... I am sorry. I always talk shit without thinking." He immediately says, kissing her shoulder. "Come here."
She doesn't reply but she lets herself be wrapped by his arms, the sheets protecting them from the outside. She doesn't want to leave this room as she knows, no, she feels, that if she does, something horrible will happen.
It's in the air, making it toxic. The prelude of a nightmare coming in.
"Babe, about your parents... what did you tell them? What did you say to make them change their mind?"
The shift of the conversation makes her shiver. The topic wasn't one of the happiest, but still, he had to know how she came here.
"Not much. Mum totally agrees with this. Dad... Well, he doesn't like the idea of it. But he let me go. I packed my stuff and came here."
"Wait—your mom agrees? And Robert, too?" He almost laughs as he says it. There's no way in Hell.
"They do."
He doesn't buy it. The Browns trusting him? That was impossible to happen even in a parallel universe. Something wasn't adding up, but Finn is way too happy to have her in his arms to care.
Because when he has her next to him, the world feels just right. The lights, those lights he followed always lead to her. It was not about the flashing and blinding lights of fame...
It was about her.
"Well, that's a new. I thought Kelly couldn't stand the thought of me."
"I was surprised, too. Maybe she realized how special you are and how good you are to me."
"Or," He gives her a serious stare. "Maybe she planned something to separate us again."
For that, Millie retracts herself from him. "—Goodness. You just can't trust them, can you?"
He sees her getting up the bed way too fast, wearing his t-shirt, the first one she saw in the mess scattered around the floor.
"Starlight, come on." He sighs as he jerks up the matress, his eyes traveling where she's standing.
She is facing the wall and most of all she doesn't want to reply to him. She wears her shorts and purposely ignores him.
She knows she's acting like a brat but... God! He frustrates her so damn much. Would it be so bad for him trusting her family for once a life time?
They were not awful people. Complicated, sure, but not awful. Her father, in particular. She knows he disappointed her and she will never forgive him for what he did to her.
Yet... she feels like it's still her family and she had to stick with them, in the good and in the bad.
Tired of her silence, Finn gets up from the matress, collecting his pants, too and walking to her at last. Without hesitation, he places his hands over her shoulders.
"Hey..."
She scoffs, "What now? Other insults towards my family coming? I don't want to hear them."
"Look, I didn't want to upset you. And I didn't want to insult them, but..."
"But?"
"I can't trust them. Not after all the stuff they did to you or what they did to separate us."
"But that was the past. Now, you have to trust them a little." She says as she turns herself to him.
Finn doesn't seem convinced. Actually, he is horrified by the thought of it. He can't forgive easily, especially the people who hurt the person he loved the most.
How can he find the forgiveness within him? Robert slapped her, sold her to a director, used her l money while her mother portrayed him as a good for nothing who would be never be worthy of Millie. Does he have to forgive such awful people?
"—If not my dad, you have to trust my mom at least. She is the reason why I'm here with you right now." Millie insists.
"Wow, so I should kiss her ass just because she allowed you to come here? Her own grown-up daughter who's free of her personal choices?" He lets out a dry chuckle.
"No, I'm just saying you should be happy that she is finally accepting that you are part of my life and I want to be with you!"
"Spare me this bullshit about her good heart. Kelly is not as good as you keep portraying her."
Millie's lips part in shock. "Excuse me? Finn! My mom is kind!"
"Not to me. She has known me since I was twelve and she hasn't liked me ever since. Why would I trust her now? Thanks, but no. I won't change my opinion about her."
It was impossible to make things go smoothly between Finn and her parents. Still, Millie knows that he has a big heart and he is willing to forgive if he only wants to.
"Please, Finn. I know that there was bad blood between mama and dad and you, but it's important to me that you like my parents... Or at least, be civil with them." She looks at him, and that's enough to make his heart jump.
He groans, tossing his head back. How can he resist those eyes, anyway?
No. He doesn't have to lose his cool. He closes his eyes, letting out a grunt. "Mills, seriously?"
She nods, cupping his face as she stands on her top toes. "It's very important to me. So, so important."
He opens one eye and looks down at her, irises sparkling and cute dimples all over her face, too. Ah, fucking Hell. He is way too down for her for even trying to fight back. One look at her is already enough for him to capitulate.
He sketches a tiny smile at last, and Millie feels it growing between her palms. "Damn, okay. I can show some type of respect to your mother. But I won't in any case show respect to Robert. You can't ask me this."
He takes a deep breath. "But... Civil. I'll be civil when I see him again. I can only promise you this. Is that okay?"
Millie nods frantically, kissing him one, two, theee times until she is sure he's real and really standing in front of her. "Thank you, baby."
"No need to thank me. But now, no parents allowed anymore. It's just us. You and I. Me and you. Us. Nosotros." And that's his favorite part.
Since Millie came in, there is no anxiety anymore. Everything is so laid-back; the fear churning his stomach for having lost it all is gone for now and he is not scared to face the future if she is with him.
"Shut that stupid mouth of yours and go make us breakfast, Michael. I'll come in a bit." She kisses his lips fast, just because she can't get enough of that foolish smile of his whenever she does.
"I will but don't expect great things, Bobby." He winks at her, leaving her in her intimacy and letting her savor her morning of big changes and happy ending at last.
Millie is absolutely living in a bliss. She would like to let her friends and fans know how happy she is right now. She hasn't touched her phone for a while, but this could be a great come back. A little step for her to feel more comfortable with the world outside.
She jumps on the bed, catching her phone from the nightstand and finally disabling the airplane mode.
The worst choice she could ever do.
Dozens, no, hundreds of notifications bombard her sight, the screen full of texts, notifications and missed calls.
Millie's fingers shake, the monster of anxiety devouring her as she tries to understand what is happening. Not now. Not when everything was going alright.
She is about to call her mother right away but she spots something her manager sent her.
A video, it seems. From a well known gossip page.
Time for it to load, and...
"Millie Bobby Brown is suffering from hallucinations, a source close to the superstar reveals."
It took just a few words for Millie's reputation to end.
For so long she has been trying to hide her life from the world and now, right when she felt like everything was about to be alright, life reminded her that happiness is ephemeral. It flickers like a fire on a candle; one blow, and it is already gone.
"But that's not the only thing the British 20-year-old is going through. The close source reveals that she has been the victim of brutal stalking, psychological and physical abuse, and has been suffering severe depression in the past three years. Brown hasn't recovered ever since."
The sounds of these words are clear, yet so foreign. They struggle to get into her head and the consequence is that she can't react.
Her face is catatonic as a stranger on her phone is listing what is the undeniable truth that she has been keeping at heart for so long.
She is ill. Not physically, but at heart. And you can't heal a broken heart that easily, nor can you fix a mind full of demons. They were rooted in her insecurities, and those were flourishing like poison ivy.
Millie's hands ball around the sheets, fingers digging in her palms. She can't find the force to turn off the phone; the voice echoes in her head like a mantra she needs to hear and memorize.
"Kelly and Robert Brown and Brown's management offered a great sum to contain the rumors,'' the source says."
And the worst part of it is that she knows this was true. Her father had done anything he could to keep it down. That was the only thing he cared about.
For as much as she tried to convince herself, Robert didn't give a damn about her.
He just cared about what she represented.
"Brown is currently rumored dating her co-star, Finn Wolfhard, 21. Despite going public with pictures portraying them together in the past months, sources reveal they have already broken up."
Already broken up. Who told such a lie? Or maybe...
Was it the truth?
Was Finn already behaving like he was free from any commitment? Maybe this is what she got for abandoning him last month.
Louis' comforting words are already forgotten, and the jealousy and the insecurity rush through her in crushing waves, and they scream the usual mantra.
You are not enough. You're not pretty enough. You're not funny enough. You're simply not meant for him.
Because Finn would be ten times happier with someone else, and he could have found the right one for him. Instead, what did she do?
She came to his house, forced him to stay with her while he probably was already living his best life without her.
Everything they did until now is pointless and Millie is paranoid enough to think she didn't deserve it.
She should have never come here. It was a mistake.
"Whether the rumors are true or false, that would explain Brown's break from social media and her silent retirement from her career. Is it already over for the young star? Sources say that she is still currently pondering the idea of entering rehab—"
After that, silence.
She turns off the phone with unnatural calmness.
She should let out the inward scream and destroy whoever decided to reveal the most intimate part of her. She should find someone to blame but right now, the emptiness digging her soul is so profound that she is not sure she is able to do something concrete.
Or worse, she is not sure she is able to feel any longer.
Nothing at all.
Millie feels nothing.
"Breakfast's ready!" Only Finn's voice brings her back.
She tilts her head to Finn, who's standing there with the cup of tea in his hand, and all the apathy that was slowly condemning her to a silent closure of herself drains out.
She gets up from the mattress, her limbs trembling every move she makes to manage to stand still.
On the other side of the room, Finn is standing with that look she learnt to recognize. Big eyes, an amount of sorrow darkening in his irises that she can decipher with just a glance in his way.
Not a word escapes his lips as he is already finding her body between his arms, making it an only thing with him. His hands are frantic when they bury in her hair, keeping her close like the treasure she is.
Millie wordlessly laces her arms around his waist, face pressed to his chest as the silent tears flow. Finn is her best source of comfort that is soon about to be the only source of pain.
"What happened?" His words are so gentle she feels a chill of fear freezing her spine.
The moment of the truth is coming closer. She is about to lose him, and this very fact is killing her.
There are too many things she'd rather tell him. Like that being reunited with him is the best thing ever happened to her; that waking up next to him makes her life more tolerable; that she has realized that being apart and broken up is probably the worst thing that could happen to her.
But the only one that prevails is the fact that she is forced to reveal her illness that somehow went public in the worst moment possible. The whole world is talking about her, judging her every move, and commenting on her life as if it was free entertainment.
"I can't. I can't tell you." Millie shakes her head in denial, forcing her voice out.
During that endless embrace, Finn thinks that feeling her so close is the best medicine that takes all of his affliction away. He should be scared of how a single person can hold such power over him.
He got all the scars he could possibly imagine. The addiction. The violence. The heartbreak. The enduring pain. And he also got the end of his own career. Yes, Finn had to go through all of this just due to the simple fact that he is unashamedly in love with her.
But the thing is that none of this matters when she is with him, as he knows that when she holds him he is invincible. That if she's okay, somehow, he can be okay, too.
At the moment, though, she's not and he needs to make it end in a way or another.
He would rip his heart out and give it to her if only he could help her. He would scream out loud the love he feels for this girl, how much he missed her and how awful it is without living without her but he can't do any of it now. Not when she is crying like this and she seeks for some comfort.
"You can tell me..." He breaks the silence, caressing her cheek and finding her eyes. "Why are you crying?"
She shuts her eyes, but the tears still manage to flow out. "I... Finn, I..."
How can she even say it? This is not how she imagined to confess one of the most secretive parts of herself.
Many times she thought to tell him the truth; she had a script in her head, the perfect words, and most of all, she was ready in her perfect scenario.
Right now, she is anything but prepared. She is being forced to say it before he will inevitably know the truth from a third party. And she promised herself she had to be one telling him, not anyone else.
"It's ruined." She squeezes her fists around the hem of his t-shirt as she looks at her feet. "E-Everything. It's ruined."
Finn's fingers cup both of her elbows delicately, pulling her gently to him again, "Ruined? What is ruined?"
"Everything is o-over and it's my fault." She detangles herself from his hold, hugging herself as she starts to pace nervously around the room.
She needs to contain her stomach spasms before she is going to throw up.
"What do you mean?" Finn looks at her but he can't find any answer that would explain what she is saying.
Everything was going just okay some minutes ago. What could have possibly happened to reduce her like this again?
Scared, Finn blocks her, cupping her shoulders delicately. "Millie, love, don't be afraid. Tell me what happened."
Millie presses her lips together, finding his caring eyes. She is about to disappoint him with a bitter truth, and tie him to her problems.
She wished she had way more time before facing this conversation.
"Is it your father? Did he call you?"
Millie shakes her head, sniffling.
"Then what is it?"
"It's—it's out." Her words tremble on the edge of her lips. She presses a hand over her mouth, shaking her head. "I can't believe—I can't believe it's out."
Finn's worry grows as the seconds pass by.
Deep down inside his heart, he already knows.
He swallows hard, pressing his lips together. "What is out?"
With all the force she has, Millie pushes her face up, just to find his stare full of concern. In a second, it will all be over.
Their eyes meet and Millie clings onto that second of silence before letting out the reality that has been slowly wearing her out for years.
"I am clinically depressed." Her words carry the weight of failure and they taste like the worst of poisons.
Sustaining Finn's sight is pure torture. He looks so fucking hurt. She swears she has never seen him this way. If she knew him well enough, she could even say he looked horrified, or guilty, even.
"And I have suffered from hallucinations for a while... I am sorry I haven't told you any of this before. I just—I just needed my time. But—But now..." Millie shrugs her shoulders, the resignation in her voice making her speech crack. "Everybody knows."
She can't do it any longer. Staring at him while saying this is gut wrenching. Her eyes find the floor, the light taps of her tears resounding in the moquette.
He deserved so much better than this.
"They know." She spitters it again, harsh, just to make herself understand that this is real and almost surely irreversible. "I've just seen it on the news. I d-don't know how I am going to face my family or the world. I don't even know if you will stay with me after this—"
"Millie." Finn finally finds the confession that has been screaming to be released since she started to pour out her feelings.
"—It's okay if you don't want to stay with me after this. I—I completely understand. I know it's a—a lot to take in, I know I should have told you before, but I was so scared—" Millie rambles, her tears marking her face and wetting the corners of her lips.
"Millie." He calls for her again, hand splayed on her cheek as he finds her eyes.
He frowns, fingers trembling as Finn faces his personal Hell.
One.
Finn breathes in.
Two.
Finn breathes out.
Three.
"I already know all of this."
Saying it was freeing was like unleashing a scream after feeling an insane amount of pain.
He knew he couldn't keep this secret any longer and he doesn't regret telling her this right moment.
Millie snaps her head up, eyes colored in confusion.
"What... w-what do you mean you already know?"
Finn cups both of his hands around hers. Unconsciously, he needs to hold her, as he knows that starting from here, something will shatter in their relationship.
He won't be able to hold her anymore.
"Ryan told me about your depression and hallucinations months ago."
He doesn't know he is losing her every single word he is saying.
"You've k-known about this for all of this time?" She swallows her words, and somehow she can't elaborate them.
It doesn't feel real.
"Yes," Finn can only admit, his words so low she can barely hear them.
He can also admit the truth that has been materializing since he heard her speaking. That look of guilt was there for a very clear reason.
"And the news..." Finn's voice dies down. It was obvious what had happened. Adams tricked him. "The rumor is out because... because of me."
There is something awful in Millie's stare. Finn knows every little side of her, but this one that is emerging is completely new and destabilizing. Her eyes lose all of the shades of colors. They're just filled with darkness.
"Because of you?" Millie sobs, feeling the air slowly missing. "What do you mean? Because of you? What—what do you mean?"
She can't think straight.
The monsters of her insecurities eat her alive as she realizes that the only man—no, the only person she loves is admitting his betrayal.
"But it was not—it wasn't my intention. Millie, I went to meet Adams some days ago and we had an argument. He started to— started to call you names, telling me that your father asked for his help to contain the rumors about you before they would have eventually made it to the news, and all the stuff he tried to do to you... And we ended up fighting. He threatened me that he would ruin my career."
He feels her hands unlacing from his.
In an ultimate, desperate attempt to explain himself once again, he tries to reach for her hands but Millie takes a step back.
"But... he apparently changed target. It's all of my fault. He wanted to hurt me through you. I did things without thinking. I am sorry. Please, forgive me. For all that I did to you." Finn can only beg for her forgiveness...
But he very well knows that apologizing sometimes means nothing.
"You lied to me." Millie hates to say this inevitable conclusion. "To me."
Finn, the man who never lied, lied to her for months. Out of all people, she wouldn't predict that the one she trusted the most would have been the one who would have stabbed her back.
"You lied to me, after telling me that there shouldn't be lies between us. After blaming me to be a liar for three years. You told this to me, remember?"
It seems like the more she talks, the more she starts to realize how all of the lies of that puzzle come finally together.
Years of hatred and then...
His sudden interest in her.
His sudden caring.
His sudden willingness to film with her.
All of this was a matter of...
"Pity." She spits it out loud as if it was the worst of crimes.
Her stare hardens, her tears stopping. "You felt like you had to help me. I am just... I am just a clinical depressed little girl to you, aren't I?"
She hates to realize that there is a little of her father in her words. But they couldn't fit any better.
Finn shakes his head immediately, trying to get close to her and close the gap between them. "What? No! Millie, I absolutely don't think of you as a clinical case—"
"Liar!" She slaps his hands away. "I am a pity fucking case to everyone. Including you. Including the only person I thought that saw me as something more than someone to save!"
For the very first time, Finn feels a new type of panic; it's close to the one he felt during their first break up, but only with a substantial difference...
That the one who was cutting their bond was Millie herself. And Hell could damn him if he doesn't prevent it from happening.
"Everything I did or said to you months ago wasn't a matter of pity. It was because I understood I still cared about you despite how much I tried to hate you. I don't want to be with you just to save you. I just want to be with you. Only you."
Finn couldn't be any sincere but it seems like nothing he is telling her has an effect. Millie's eyes don't sweeten or show any acceptance. They are still murdering him with each glare she spares at him.
This is not a common fight. This is not even the prelude of something horrible. It has the shape of an inevitable end.
But Finn lost her too many times to let her go so easily. He realized his mistakes; it was only time to redeem himself. He trusted her innate good heart and he trusted his feelings for her, that overwhelming fire of love he feels for her.
It's not a flicker of love anymore. It's a burning passion that floods in his blood and pump his heart. He loves her and he just has to fight his demons and pride to admit it.
It all started with a fake I love you.
And it will end with a real one, it was the last thing he did.
"So the fact that I was ill didn't affect you in the slightest?" Millie taunts him further.
Finn scratches the back of his head nervously. "I mean... I mean, it did. Of course, it did. I felt so bad when I learnt about it. I am human, and I hate to see you suffer."
Millie scoffs, her tears still glistening under her eyelids. "That's exactly what I meant about you feeling bad for me and seeing me as a pity case."
Finn scowls, "Holy shit, Millie, are you seriously blaming me for feeling bad for you?"
"This is not the damn point!" She yells at him.
"Then what's the fucking point?" Finn knows that snapping back is the worst thing he can do, but she is seriously doubting his feelings, and he can't accept it.
"The point is that you despised me for three, stupid, ever lasting, dreadful years. Then you stopped doing so out of the blue. When did you stop hating me? What's the reason that pushed you to realize you still cared?"
Finn stares at her. The answer could be just one.
Only now, Millie takes a step further.
"Go on. A-Answer me."
Finn swallows his saliva, but he can't find the courage to admit it, because doing so would lead to losing her.
Her lips shape into something close to a smile, a sort of grimace, but there's no happiness in it. There is just disgust, and endless disappointment. "I knew it."
It's inhuman feeling this mortified. The humiliation pours on her like an endless storm, and the lies are just the thunders that seem to never cease.
"Millie, how does this information change things? The only thing I know is that I want you. I still want you. I wanted you back then and I want you now..." Finn murmurs in all of his sincerity.
"Yeah, you probably want me." Millie agrees, showing a cynicism he would never expect coming from her.
"But I can tell you one thing. You for sure as hell don't love me."
And she knows it since the day she told him and he didn't say it back to her.
Yet, Finn could say otherwise. She is the only one that makes him feel something in that world and he realized it from the very first moment he saw her in that waiting room for the audition eight years before.
It was love at first sight, meant to be everlasting.
"Because, not only you have lied to me for God only knows how many months, but you've admitted you changed your perception of me only when you found out about my condition. You just felt like you had to help me, so you would stop feeling like the horrible fucking cunt you were to me."
Finn's self restraint starts to shamble but he tries to keep it together.
He knows that his Millie wasn't this way. She wasn't even capable of hating someone.
But Finn also knows—that a broken heart can turn you this way.
"Calling me names won't lead you anywhere. You know this."
"I call you whatever the fuck I want." She snaps back, uncaring, frankly unbothered.
Normally, she would feel awful, but currently she feels like all of her kindness didn't work one bit and she has all the rights to let out her disappointment.
Being betrayed by Finn was the ultimate punishment and the confirmation that life was full of people ready to hurt her. And Millie is tired of being hurt and being anyone's punching bag. She is tired of being disappointed or simply existing.
On the other side, Finn tries everything to calm her down but it doesn't work. Being sincere seems to only to take a step back from all the progresses they made. Millie is starting to get out of touch and without her guidance, he is lost.
Take away his career, his job, his money. Take away the glamorous life he has and anyone would kill to have. It wouldn't mean a thing if she was not there to share it with him.
So Finn tries again, so desperately burying that horrible side of himself that could snap back in a second. He just has to conceal it before it's too late.
"You're upset. I get it. You're upset and you probably hate me. But I'm sure we will find a solution together. I know what you're feeling, and it won't help you—"
"No, you don't! Stop trying to always understand me! Stop telling me how I should feel! You don't know how it feels being humiliated like this."
Actually, he has an idea or two, starting from that encounter with Adams and the following words and the scar he has right on his abdomen.
"It's—it's out there, Finn. My business are out there and the world is talking about it because you were stupid enough to go and face that awful man alone. Facing a battle that should have been mine."
He receives the moral punch he deserves.
That was true. It was her fight and he decided to act without even talking about it to her.
Millie's grimace grows upsetting, turning into a devastated smile. One tear shreds. "But you know what hurt me the most? What is literally killing me?" She taps her hand over her heart.
"It's the fact I fell in love with someone who just sees me as a pathetic, miserable, weak girl who constantly needs help."
"I would have asked you to help me and face him together when I was ready, but you decided to do all of that by yourself. And it was plainly stupid. What were you thinking? You could have ruined your career. You could have ruined your dream of being a director! And I would have always blamed myself for that." She sobs, the resentment choking her neck.
"B-But now, of course, I am the only bloody one who has to face all the consequences. My career is almost probably ruined. My reputation? That, too. I am another burnt out actor in her early twenties and absolutely nothing will wash this episode out of my life."
She would be done with her speech but a thought hammers the back of her mind. Millie is upset, and unstoppable. It seems like she finally can shoot all of her frustration and the only main victim she can find is Finn.
In that moment of hurting, Millie doesn't see the man she loves anymore. She just sees the perfect reason to open up and spit all the rage she has been bottling up for years.
She doesn't care about how wrong it is, because he managed to hurt her in her pride. And he deserves to see it.
He deserves to know it—he deserves this treatment.
"Or maybe, was it—was it your plan all along? Getting a stupid revenge in my regards after what I did to you? Ruining everything I had?"
Touching the topic is risky. Finn can't bite his tongue fast enough.
"How could you even fucking think I'd do that to you intentionally?"
"Can you even blame me? I could expect anything from you. To me, you're just one person that lied to me for months! I don't know who is this fucking person standing in front of me anymore!"
"It's still me! Fucking hell, Millie!" He snarls, this time overlapping his voice over hers. "It's still the same person who gave you this necklace and told you that he wants to have a life and children with you! The same one you were kissing and holding just some minutes ago. The same one who's not perfect, but makes mistakes!"
Is he, though? Blame it on the betrayal she is feeling, Millie doesn't see any of this any longer. The chance of that future is already gone.
"Oh, how the tables have turned. It hurts, does it? When you try to be forgiven for your mistakes and the other doesn't fucking listen to your reasons!"
He raises his finger at her, shooting her the darkest glare. "Don't you fucking dare go there."
Millie's stare sharpens. "What if I will?"
"What is happening right now has nothing to do with three years ago. You know it. Don't bring up more past shit just to hurt me. It won't make you feel any better."
"You're right. The only thing I'll bring up is the fact you are a liar. And you probably like that Emily girl or whatever her name is!"
And this is how Finn can't hold it any longer.
"I don't even like her. For your info, I turned her down just last night. God, Millie, do you even trust me a bit?!"
"No! Because you keep lying to me!"
"That's true. God. It's true! Alright?" He opens his arms to the air, exasperated. "I fucking lied to you and I fucked up! Is this what you want to hear?" He screams, scratching his vocal chords.
"I fucked up, Millie. I only wanted to help you but I ended up ruining everything. I ended up getting fucking scarred by that man; I ended up hurting you; I ended up breaking the trust you had for me. And I am sorry for everything. I am. I know that apologizing is not enough, but at least, I'm being sincere. I am sorry."
Millie's eyes lower to his stomach. "It was the scar I saw earlier, right? That's the reason of all the bandages."
He presses his lips, not emitting a word and nodding.
Millie tuts, disappointed again. "Another lie."
"Yes, another lie just to protect you!" He shouts. "I had plenty of occasions to tell you all that I knew, but I didn't. And do you know why? Because I wanted you to tell me this. I didn't want to push you. I wanted to give all of your time. And in all of those months my feelings for you were real. There was no pity. You were not a charity case. You were simply my Millie. And I wanted you, no matter how broken you were."
This time, Millie finds herself speechless. A part of her needs to hear all of this despite all of the hurt she is feeling.
With all of his bravery he can muster, Finn walks up at her and he places his foreheads over hers, his curls brushing over her skin. He closes his eyes. "You have all the rights to be upset, to insult me, to delete my number, to slap me and scream at me for all that I caused. But you know me better than anyone else. You know that it was not my intention to hurt you. You know I could never ever hurt the people I care about."
The closeness gives her a thrill. Millie looks at him, and even if she is still attracted and completely head over heels for him... She can't forgive him. "But you just did."
This goes beyond this fight. It simply embeds everything. Past, present and future mixed together.
"You hurt me, oh, so many times, Finn Wolfhard." Millie states, the disappointment filling her shaky voice as she slowly pushes him away from her.
The resentment engulfs all of her body. She hasn't felt this betrayed since—Hell, she doesn't even remember the last time she felt humiliated, and this says it all.
She needs to get out of there and leave before she seriously hurts him back. The love she feels for him is still there, but it's on hold, and she doesn't know when and how it will be ever back.
All that she sees is another awful, broken hearted version of that guy who broke her to pieces seven months before. The one who called her a whore, or an easy one. The one who didn't want to know about her. She sees that version of Finn that she fails to recognize.
She feels betrayed. Emptied. She gave everything to someone who didn't even spare to tell her the truth he so very much needed.
He said that sincerity was the key. So why couldn't he stick to his own words?
"You hurt me when you deleted me from your life. You hurt me when you insulted me everyday. You hurt me when you always let yourself be influenced by your friends' opinions to hate me. You hurt me when you ruined my reputation. You hurt me when you lied."
She stares at him. "But I promise you one thing. You'll never dare to hurt me again."
Said this, she collects her belongings, and she walks past him, storming out of the room in order to reach the main door.
Alarmed, and already in full panic, Finn runs to her, trying to stop her.
"Millie, no, where are you going?"
Millie tries to elbow him. "Away from you and your fucking lies."
"No, no, p-please. You can't do this. You just came here. We just said we were about to start together—we need to fix this."
"There's nothing to fix."
"Please, please, look at me," He begs her, trying to hold her hand, but she slaps it away.
"If you dare to touch me again I am going to slap you."
"Okay," He takes a step back, raising his hands. "Please, just look at me. I am asking you for one minute. Please."
Millie stares at him for a second, changing direction soon after. Still, she doesn't move.
It's his last chance to prove it.
"Millie, you know all that I feel for you. You know you're the most precious, important person I have at heart." Finn begins, but he can't defend himself from Millie's hurt pride.
There's nothing worse than breaking someone's good heart.
"I am not that special based on what you did to me."
Finn shakes his head, getting close to her and closing the gap between them. "But you are. You have to believe me."
How can you still not understand...
"Starlight, you're my life. I don't even know how to put it into words. All the hurt I am causing you was not my intention. You have to believe me. All that I did—I did it because I thought it was the right thing."
That everything...
"My judgement was poor, I know, but my heart was at the right place. You know I am so bad at making decisions. I always end up doing the wrong thing, or end up trusting horrible people, or hurting the ones that I love, or myself."
All of my world, actually...
"I am also so fucking bad at expressing myself or my feelings out loud. I ramble weird shit all of the time and I can't—I can't explain it, but if you still have the willingness to trust me, you have to believe that what I feel for you is not pity. It will never be pity."
Begins and ends...
"What I feel for you is so scary yet so, damn, beautiful. I look at you and I feel grateful for my life. I look at you and I can't help but lose all of my breath. You're everything I desire. You're everything I would die for. You're my everything, and you're my nothing, Millie. Without you, there's nothing. With you, I have it all."
With you?
"And despite all that happened, despite the fact that I hurt you badly and hurt your pride, and I feel like the worst miserable fucker in this world, I really, really..."
I love you.
"I really... I really—"
I love you like no one else did before.
"The fact you have to force yourself to tell me that you love me says it all, Finn." Millie shuts down whatever attempts he has.
She really won't admit any further rambling. It's clear that she is nothing more than a stupid little girl easy to manipulate or destroy. She won't fall for his words any longer.
"No, Starlight, please—"
Hearing that name is the last thing she needs. It's their past, present and future—something that they don't have anymore.
"Cut this Starlight bullshit. Stop calling me like this. No, you know what?" Millie starts as she collects her things and walks towards the door again. "Stop calling me at all, will you?"
He sees her wearing her shoes and collecting her bag and glasses and it hits him. She is going away. She is fucking going away and he can't allow this.
Finn runs to her, placing himself between her and the main door.
"Where—where are you going?" He can't even reason or use logic anymore.
"Away. Let me go through."
He shakes his head.
"I said to let me go!" She screams at him, slapping his chest again and again. "Can't you fucking understand that standing right next to you is hurting me?!"
It's coming back. The sense of abandonment, all that he did feel the night they broke up—but now, he has no one to blame if not himself because the deep hurt she was feeling was because of him.
Can he even blame her? He would have done just the same, if not worse.
And if one day we would have been happy about this revenge, right now he feels like the world is ending right in front of his eyes.
"Do I really hurt you that much?" Finn has only the force to ask, feeling his eyes wetting.
Millie looks at him with tears forming down her eyelids, but the flame of betrayal doesn't stop. The usual voices in her head are screaming and messing with her feelings.
They are telling her that she will live off way better alone. That he doesn't deserve her, or her forgiveness. That he deserves it after all he did to her in the last years. That this is the last straw; she has simply no meaning in life anymore.
Millie feels her heart dropping, shutting her eyes but opening right in the moment she sees a tear marking Finn's cheek. "Yes, you do."
"Millie... Please..." Finn he begs one final time, falling to his knees. "I am sorry. I am so sorry." He squeezes the hem of her shirt. "Stay with me."
Millie's tears burn her face, but she is too hurt to even care about that scene. Nobody in her life has ever begged her this way; yet, right now, she couldn't care less.
She needs to be alone. She needs to stop the world and cut off whatever this nasty feeling of loss is starting to wrap her body.
She looks down at him. "Get away from me."
What he felt three years before never felt realer. It's the same—if not worse. Because this time, Millie did actually love him.
And he ruined everything.
Resigned, Finn lets go of her, keeping himself at distance and fighting against his urge to scream and beg her to stay one more time.
Not a word is added when she crosses the door and the numbness between them explodes.
Only when she walks away from that apartment can she break the facade. Her hands muffles the sobs coming from her mouth.
She fell in love with someone who doesn't and will never love her back. Even if she still does. Even if loving him is the best thing ever happened to her—so full of emotions.
He gave her all of the emotions that colored her life. But half of them were not real.
And maybe this is the sign she needed. If even Finn, the only person she trusted with her life, couldn't love her, who else ever will?
So the idea starts concretizing. No one in the world is able to love her. Neither herself. Either she is a burden, or a pity case, or a walking embarrassment. There's no in between.
Her family doesn't want her.
Her boyfriend doesn't want her.
Her friends almost probably don't want her, either.
The world? It spitted to her face.
Millie shuts down and the walls of insecurities wrap the castle of her paranoia. She won't speak for a while, nor react. The inevitable conclusion? She knows it deep down inside, but she won't be dramatic about it. She won't give any clue.
Sometimes silence is louder than any other existing scream.
—
...
Raise your hand if you want to kill the author 😀
Jk, I hope you're doing okay!! I know it was hard but this chapter was meant to happen since the start so here it is in all of its glory.
Any opinion? Need a hug? Get someone you love? Get someone you need?
We're close to the end, so stick around my dudes!! feedback's always appreciated ! 🤍
See you next chap,
Grace💫