Lovesick

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The days flow normally, leaving behind February and welcoming March and the imminent spring time.

In this regard, Millie adores this season with a passion: it's the time of the year in which the sun gives a different type of smiles upon people's faces.
A grin of hope, even when all hope was lost.

She is walking on set, trespassing the gates of the Screen Gems Studios with Winnie in her hold and a cup of steamy Starbucks in her other hand that almost burns her palm.

Life while filming didn't change. Not on the exterior, at least.

It's the usual routine for the superstar. Sipping her coffee while Sarah styles her hair in fluffy curls as Winnie sleeps on her lap; then, fitting in her early 90s outfits consisting in colorful blouses and high waist jeans; and finally, the usual chit chat with her friends and crew on set.

Less one, naturally.

The inside of Gems Studios is still the same, it never changed in eight years. It was like a second home, if it made any sense. There are in the section reserved to the "void" set, and they are preparing the lights and a subtle layer of water in which she should walk in.

"Oh, Millie, you brought Winnie on set today! About time we could see her again!" Shawn welcomes her with a warm smile, patting the head of the poodle as she is drowning in Millie's arms.

"Yeah, since I came back living with my parents, I want to spend all time with her." Millie murmurs with an ambiguous seriousness in her voice.

Winnie was her therapy dog; she got her for her sixteenth birthday and she left her living with her parents when she moved to London— it was for the best, naturally. She couldn't deal with her on that state of mind.

Millie barely couldn't care about herself at those times, let alone dealing with her puppy who was like a child to her. She deserved the best, something she wouldn't able to give at those times.

Now, she needed her again, more than ever. It seemed that the anxiety never stopped to be Millie's shadow. Whenever she went, it felt like something terrible would happen in any moment and in any circumstance.

"Oh. You came back living with your parents?" Shawn asks as they walk near the crew, approaching the Duffers who are modifying the script for the umpteenth time.

Millie bites her lips, nodding slow.

She can't forget the heartbreak of that day. The feeling of numbness dragging her down as the car moved far away from Finn's apartment...

Millie has her cheek rested on the window of the Mercedes, silent tears outlining the shape of her delicate features as they drive off the Atlanta's morning traffic. The environment outside is changing but her emotions inside don't. They seem not to stop. Instead, they root deeper, lacing with her heart in a mortal grip.

She is silent. She didn't even explain anything to her personal security detail. She didn't say a single word about Mason and the accident in her apartment. Or the real reason of her crying. Millie couldn't say anything.

Her voice has disappeared and all that she needs to mute her love down. But how to do it when her feelings for Finn are way too loud, they could shatter the glasses of the window? Crashing her rib cage? They are so intense she could die for them. She could pass away for being so lovesick.

"He will never love me again." She whispers between her lips, letting the words fall into the nothingness.

It's something she already knows and yet, it burns her organs down to ashes. Millie knows Finn hates her, that she is the cause of his broken heart; but she never thought it could be this devastating.

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