My heart didn't stop pumping at a high beat. My tears still rushed to soak my heated face and my hands were trembling along with the rest of my body making me feel weaker by the second. I held myself together fighting trying to maintain myself from falling apart before Alec reached us.
Yes, at times when my panic attacks get this severe I end up blacking out.
" Hey. " Alec finally appeared Seth by him standing as far away as possible a look of horror evident in his eyes as he watched us from afar.
Closing my eyes I hoped that maybe the look in his eyes would disappear or that I can possibly unsee it, yet it was still there.
That look is the reason I doubt myself each day.
That look was why I held myself together for this long hiding my vulnerabilities. Why?
To avoid those looks.
Imagine now, how it'll turn out with the whole school staring at me like that.
By the time I was finished imagining all of these scenarios I was severely shaking trying to breathe as I clutched my hands intensely when Alec shook me out of it.
" Hazel. " He called out for me soothing my back with his arm gently with the boys' voices as a background as they were hissing at Alec making it harder for him to focus and harder for me to calm down.
" That's it, I'm calling the ambulance. " Tyler stated but was stopped from my intense hesitation and Alecs objection as he held onto me saying he'll take me somewhere easier for me to cool down.
Tylers gaze was on us as we walked away brought chills to me.
His look wasn't like the others, not like Seths nor Alecs yet it frightened me more to see it.
The feeling I had deep in my chest ached feeling like there was no air left for me to suck in, like I was deep under water fighting to reach out to somebody and nobody could hear me or reach me. I felt like I was floating further away Alecs voice coming out as an echo.
" Hazel "
" T-take mme home. " I croaked out before my eyes chose to bail out on me.
* * * *
The last thing I remembered hearing was Tyler claiming he'll call the ambulance which defines why I hear the beeping sound coming from my right side.
I opened my eyes and rearing light burned as the white walls welcomed me covering the room as were the white sheets ,covering my legs and curtains separating me from the patient next to me.
I was alone, me, the cold white room, the patient and the loud beeping sound.
I tried standing up ,but my legs were too heavy for me to raise. My heartbeat was at a normal pace yet the beeping sound was fastening up.
The sound grew louder and louder yet my heartbeat is average, I feel it,
Blinking my eyes I turned to my screen and it was evident that my heartbeat was indeed standard which only meant that it wasn't mine but the patient next to me. . .
I tried calling out but my voice came out weak and hoarse. I wiggled myself out pulling onto the curtains as I saw the cold face of the patient. I sucked in a breathe as soon as I saw the face of the patient. It was Aaron, his arms cut and his face bruised as he laid there unconscious. His heart beating hysterically.
" Aaron! " I tugged onto his arm yelling out, pressing all the buttons , but I was too late.
Silence filled the room along with that lonely beat that meant so much yet sounded so little.
" No!! " I yelled being cut off by Alec shaking me from my nightmare.
" Hazel. You're okay, it's just a nightmare. "
He said calming me down, sweat still trickling down my forehead from fright.
I nodded in response turning to my surroundings, all of our friends seated worried and some had that look etched on their face.
The look I hated the most.
I spoke my mind.
" Where's Tyler? " I questioned feeling upset that he wasn't here, but let's not forget that I didn't mean anything , so it's fine. I guess.
Maybe it was because-? could it be-? Did I freak-? Ughhh, I knew this would've happened.
" Last we saw him was at school. " Blake answered my question.
" Do the twins know? " I asked not even trying to raise my eyesight to meet theirs knowing what the answer is.
" I'm sorry. " Melanie apologized pity flowing from her eyes.
" I need to be alone. " I stated hoping I'd be left on my own.
" Hazel- " Blake was about to interfere but I stopped him to it.
" please. "
They all then stood staring back at each other as if debating whether they should decline my offer and stay or leave and let me be.
I tried not crossing eyesight afraid that the look will haunt me, like it did forever.
Maybe Cloe was right. I act like I'm something I'm not. I'm not who I present to be. . . I'm worse. I'm a wreck, a mess of mixed emotions flowing inside me, some chattering hurting others, some cutting me and some still resisting to fight, but there was nothing left to fight for. It was only me.
It's been two hours since I've been left alone. After they left I showered draining down the emotions along with the hurtful sights I've seen today from the nightmares to the looks I've received today. It made me feel less disgusted with myself once the water washed it all off. It calmed me in a way.
Now, I was seated by my large window watching through the clean glass feeling locked up, emotionally.
The door then startled me from my venture of watching over our area as the birds flew by, free.
I didn't respond hoping the person behind the door would leave yet didn't instead opened the door revealing Tyler who looked at me worriedly, not in the way they all did though.
No, his look was different.
" Can I come- " Tyler began but was interrupted with my nod.
It was silent for a second before as he walked in taking into room as he store off blanking for a second.
" Tyler " I called out breaking his gaze with my room.
" How are you feeling? " He turned to me.
" I'm okay. "
" You said you trusted me. " He blurted out to what seemed what was on his mind from the moment he stepped in.
" I do. "
" It didn't seem like it earlier. Hell, you couldn't even look me in the eyes. " He ranted off tugging onto his hair gently.
" I wanted to trust you Tyler, but with my attacks I barely trust myself. "
" Why did you trust him? Why Rosie? Why do you always choose him? I trusted you yet you couldn't trust me. Why? " Tyler ranting off suddenly whispering as he came to the end of his ranting.
" Who's Rosie? " I questioned Tyler blanking out for a second before turning to me startled.
" What? "
" Who's Rosie? You just called me Rosie as with the last time. "
" Last time? " He intrigued
" The day you ran off. "
" I got to go. " I he stood up but was stopped with my hand reaching out to stop him.
Silence was what I was retrieved by.
" I said this before ,but I'll say it again if I have to. I have doubts and I'll doubt anything especially at my weakest states which are my attacks. When I have them I can nearly breath and it would be harder on me to trust any one. I did trust you Tyler but I didn't trust you with my attack. I was afraid you'd judge me. I didn't want you to see my weak side, the side that I hated most about myself. I don't know why ,but what I do know Tyler is that I do trust you. "
____________________
Hey guys! I hope all of you are fine. ❤️
As to me, I'm fine, I truly planned to update this chapter on a very special day , but I had been caught up with celebrating an Islamic celebration , so Eid mubaruk to all of my friends and readers! As to the day I planned to update as a lift of mood for my dearest friend dancer_queen_12 dancer_queen_21 that has been such a help and support to me and my novel. You honestly don't know how much you make me smile with your beautiful comments that you leave for me to read. ❤️
I'm truly sorry for not updating this at the right time , but I chose to do so even though.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY EMMA!! 🥳🥳 I hope you had an amazing birthday and got to spent it with the people you love most! ❤️
You honestly have such a bright genuine soul that I hope I can one day mirror from your sweet actions to your sweet gestures that you leave. ❤️
Keep smiling and I hope you enjoyed the novel!
P.s I know it's not much of a gift , but let's leave it here. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up visiting or vice versa and I get to meet you in person and hand you your own copy of the novel! 😂❤️
Dream high and smile bright!!! ❤️