Forever And Always Wolfstar Fluffy One Shots

Bliss

 Okay this was supposed to be about Sirius being a healer and it turned into a what if they lived story I-

Also, Sirius being able to sing gives me life. 

TW: war, fighting, blood, burns, domestic disputes, torture (vaguely mentioned), being held captive

~Sirius' POV, Sometimes in 6th year~

I hold Remus' hand tight as we walk up to the willow. James and Peter are already there, I had to run back to get something and Remus didn't want to go without me. We've still got forty five minutes though, so we're right on time. 

"Baby, you're shaking." I glance up at Remus. He bites his lip. 

"I know." Remus mumbles. I squeeze his hand gently before shifting into my animagus to go hit the knot under the tree. My animagus isn't fully grown yet, so it's pretty easy for me. It's easier for Pete, but what ever. I pretty my paw to the knot, and Remus tentatively walks towards me. He's unusually scared this time, probably because he's been sick and it's always worse when he isn't feeling well. 

I let Remus crawl in first, then I pad behind him because it's easier in my dog form. 

Remus waits for me when he crawls out, brushing the dust off of his sweatpants. I shift back into my human form, smiling up at my nervous boyfriend. 

"It'll be alright, baby. You know that." I wrap my arms around Remus' waist, wishing not for the first time that I was tall so he could cuddle into my shoulder like I do to him. 

"I know, Ri." Remus smiles a little, leaning down to kiss my cheek. He hugs my shoulders, then let's go after a few moments. 

We make our way upstairs to what used to be a bedroom. James and Pete are already in their animagus forms, taking a nap in the corner. Wormtail is curled up between Prongs' sprouting antlers. He's not quite grown either. 

"Home sweet home." Remus flops dramatically on the bed, which groans in protest. I lay beside him, pulling him to my chest. 

"And they say I'm the dramatic one." I chuckle, wrapping my arms around my boyfriend. He cuddles into my chest, huffing indignantly. 

"You are the dramatic one." He mumbles, his head tucked safely under my chin. I smile and kiss the top of his head. 

"I know." 

We lay in silence for a couple of minutes, then Remus stirs a little. I groan inwardly, because I know what he's going to say. 

"Sing to me." Remus mumbles against my throat, pressing a kiss over my pulse point. I sigh. 

"Baby, James and Pete are right there.." 

"I don't caaaaaare!" Remus whines. "I 'unno why you don't sing in front of them anyway, they wouldn't make fun of you." He sounds much less scared now, mostly just sleepy. 

"Oh fine, I can't say no to you." I chuckle, pressing a kiss to the top of Remus' head. 

I work up all of my nerve as I softly start to sing, feeling remus relax almost immediately. He pushes his hand under my hoodie, resting his warm hand on my bare waist. 

"We were just kids when we feeeell in loove, not knowin' whaat it was.." I sing, my voice quiet and my heart full with the way Remus pulls away just to look at me. His bright, glowing amber eyes are soft and sincere despite the fact that those are wolf eyes and we've got maybe five minutes before he turns. 

"I will not give youuu up this tiiiiimme.." Remus harmonizes with me, then leans in to kiss me. I giggle against his lips, twining my fingers in his hair and pulling back after a few moments. 

"You always end up doing that when you're not out of it." I chuckle, tracing the faint scar over Remus' nose. He smiles, nuzzling his face into my hand. 

"I love you." Remus leans forward and kisses my softly one more time on the lips before he pushes me gently in the shoulder. "Now turn into a dog before I have the urge to eat you in a way you don't like." 

I smile fondly and kiss Remus on the forehead before following directions. We still have a couple of minutes, so I shuffle forward and settle against Remus' side, letting him bury his face in my scruff. 

After those few minutes Remus sits up and I hop down, because my dog ears are really sensitive and if I'm too close to him screaming it gives me a headache. It messes with my head anyway, because he's in pain and it hurts my heart to hear him scream, but I'm not any use to him if my head isn't clear. 

When Remus' screaming stops, I take my paws off of my ears and slowly pad over to the giant, angry looking wolf in the middle of the room. 

"Hey, Moony." I greet happily in my head as I brush up against Moony's shoulder. He growls but I stand my ground, because if I cower he'll attack me and that never ends well. 

"Padfoot?" Moony noses at my head, sniffing behind my ear and making sure I'm me. 

"As always, dear." I reply, wrapping my tail around Moony's front leg. Moony nips my ear playfully, trying to get his foot away. 

"Oi, are you two done over there?" Prongs asks, a sleepy wormtail still perched on his head. 

"MOUSE!" Moony starts to go after wormtail and the small rat hops off of Prongs with a squeal. 

"NO, MOONY!" Prongs quickly covers Wormtail, but moony whines and tries to get at him anyway. 

"No, Dear. Wormtail is our friend, Remember? Prongs and Wormtail?" I paw at Moony's shoulder, brushing my tail against his hip. 

Moony sighs and sits up on his back feet. "Yes, I remember now. If you weren't my mate, I would eat him." 

"Yeah, that's the one. Don't be a downer, love. Let's go wreak some havoc, alright?" I nuzzle Moony's neck, twining our tails together. 

"Yeah!"

And then we're off, running through the woods and trying to keep up with moony. He stays pretty much beside me though, not straying too far away from his mate. 

Then, things go wrong. 

Moony stops suddenly, dropping low to the ground in front of me. 

"Moony?" I ask tentatively, because Moony only gets like this when he tries to protect us from something. "What's wrong, Love?" I nudge Moony's shoulder with my snout. 

"Hush." Moony stalks forward and flicks his tail at me to tell me to stay put. I do as I'm told because I don't want to piss him off, but I'm not happy about it. He's obviously smelling something that I haven't picked up on. 

Then I do smell it, and I'm caught between going to help Moony and running away. 

"Spider." I say, looking at James. I can see his eyes go wide even in deer form. When I say spider, I don't mean the gross little things you find in your house. I mean giant, terrifying fucking beasts that spit venom that if you're hit with enough of it, can kill you in minutes. 

It drops down from a tree, and Moony pounces on it. 

"MOONY, NO!" I glance at the sky. We've got maybe an hour before the sun comes up. 

The next ten minutes are a blur. I do run forward to help Moony, but I'm smaller and it's easier for me to get away from the spider. The two of us take it out together, but there's a chemical burn on Moony's neck, down to his shoulder. 

"Moony? Are you alright?" I nudge my head under moony's chin, wrapping my tail around his leg. 

"I'm fine, Padfoot." Moony says, and I take a deep breath as he licks at my ear. 

"Let's go home, okay?" My heart is pounding and I'm sure Moony can hear it, but I can't stop it. That burn is going to be much worse on Remus. Moony definitely does notice that I'm scared. He nuzzles his snout against mine, then turns to head back home. 

We walk back to the shack side by side, Prongs and Wormtail bringing up the back. Moony is limping heavily, leaning on my side. He whimpers every few steps, but everytime I ask him if he's okay he says he's fine. 

When we get to the Shack, Moony is getting restless already. 

"Settle, dear." I nudge moony lovingly with my snout. "It's nearly time to rest now, just lay down." Moony does as I ask as usual. Sometimes he doesn't listen, but most of the time he does. 

"I don't want to rest." Moony pouts, reaching out for me with his paw. 

"I know. Lay down, let me see your shoulder." I nudge moony over and  inspect his wound, trying not to show how much it really does scare me. It's really, really bad even on moony. It's going to be even worse with Remus. It's not spreading though, so he's not going to die. 

"Padfoot, I am fine! Come here." Moony groans. 

"Don't get snappy with me." I growl softly, not being mean but not wanting Moony to think he's in control of me. 

"Apologies. I'm mearly in a bit of pain, my love." I settle down next to Moony and he curls up around me, letting me rest my head on his front paws. He wraps his tail around mine, gently licking my ears. 

"I know, Moony." I reply, as Moony rests his head on my neck. He snuffles at my neck and shoulder, licking over a scratch I got when we were rough housing. He whines and nudges at another scratch. 

"I'm alright," I chuckle, lifting my head up to bite at Moony's ear. "It's just from rough housing, I'll live." 

"Was I too rough? I'm sorry." Moony whimpers his apologies and licks my ear. 

"It's alright, dear. I can handle it. Just calm down." I laugh and lay my head back down. Moony does the same with a sigh. 

"I love you." Moony brushes his tail softly along my hip, letting out a low bark at an actual mouse in the corner. 

"I love you too, darling." I reply. 

We lay like this for a while, tangled up together with Moony's tail curled around my hip protectively. Prongs paces quietly back and forth, just as he would do in his human form if he was worried. Wormtail is along for the ride, running up and down Prongs' neck and steering clear of the irritable werewolf. 

Moony gently nudges at my neck and I get up, giving him a soft lick and a nuzzle on the snout before going to sit beside prongs, who stops to give me a friendly nudge with his head. Wormtail slides from Prongs' head and settles between my ears. 

Moony howls, the howls transitioning to the screams that will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life. As soon as it's safe, I switch to my human form and set wormtail gently on Prongs' head before dashing to my boyfriend, grabbing one of our stashed hoodies on the way. 

"Hey. Hey hey hey, don't touch it." I grab Remus' hand before he can touch the burn on his neck. "It'll burn your hand. Just chill out for a second." I leave for a couple moments to find a bottle of water, cursing under my breath because it's up high. Then I remember I'm a wizard and I just levitate it into my hand, running back over to Remus. My heart races and my mind does as well, but my hands are steady as I pour the water as gentle as I can over the burn mark, glad that Remus has fallen asleep. Or passed out from pain- either way he's not trying to touch his neck. 

"Oh my Merlin." James murmurs from the corner, holding a concerned looking wormtail in his pocket. 

"Go meet Poppy half way, tell her what happened. We need like three potions and we don't have time to get him back before this starts to spread." I go over all of the spider facts I know in my head. This particular species has slow acting venom. If it was fast acting, Remus would be dead already. 

James quickly follows directions. 

"Mmm.. Ri?" Remus reaches out for me. Ah, so he must have passed out. Fun. 

"I'm right here, babydoll. Stay really still, okay?" I hold Remus' hand, summoning a cloth. I put some of the cool water on it and press it gently to his shoulder, starting to hum because that calms him down and I'm sure this hurts like a bitch. Remus flinches away from me, I know he doesn't mean to but it makes my job a lot harder. 

"Ah-! Fuck, that hurts!" Remus mumbles, gripping my hand tighter. 

"I know, I know. Just stay still, love. If you move I could accidentally spread the poison and that would just make the burn bigger." My breath hitches slightly when I see small boils starting to form from the poison. Merlin Poppy, hurry up.. 

"I hate spiders." Remus grumbles softly. He hasn't opened his eyes yet. I chuckle softly, trying not to let my fear show even though Remus can probably still hear my heart beating out of my chest.

We're silent for a few moments, so I start to sing again. "I would love, you, for all of your days and I'd kiss, you, in so many waays.. I'd be your stars, and youu'd be my, little moon." 

"I'm 6'0"." Remus whispers, relaxing a little as I take the cloth off of his neck. 

"And you're still my little bundle of fluff."  I lean down and kiss Remus' cheek, earning a soft little giggle. 

"How long do I have to stay still?" Remus grips my hand a little tighter. 

"You don't. I just wanted to kiss you." I smile and sit back up, helping Remus up. "Don't move your shoulder too much, the poison may still spread." Remus opens his bright yellow eyes and I smile, pressing a kiss between his eye brows. 

"Moony agreed with you with the kissing thing, I have fur in my mouth." Remus spits out the fur and blood in his mouth as I help him up and into a pair of sweatpants, because he always gets so flustered when Madame Pomfrey sees him indecent. He goes to grab a hoodie, but I put a hand on his arm. 

"It'll irritate the burn, love. Just lay back down until poppy and the boys get back."

"You're bossy." Remus complains, laying down carefully on the bed. He reaches out for me with his uninjured arm. "Come on, nurse, there's nothing more you can do. I'm going to die of being too devastatingly handsome." 

I crawl onto the bed beside Remus, settling down against his uninjured side. "You're going to regret that when you're not sleep deprived. I'm not saying that I don't agree, though." I sigh softly as Remus runs his fingers through my hair. It's one of his protective moons. Sometimes he needs me to hold him after the moon, sometimes he needs to hold me. 

I sit back up after a few more minutes, inspecting Remus' shoulder and neck once again. The boils are getting worse, and the burn is slowly starting to spread, sort of rash looking, across his chest and a little on his jaw. 

"Oh my Merlin!" I hear poppy from the door and I'm glad she's here, because I was just about to lose it.

I get off of the bed, my brain settling into healer mode. Well, healer trainee but still. "He's stable and responsive, complaining of pain but he only noticed when I touched the burn. He's a little out of it, but for the most part he'a acting normal."

"Has the burn progressed?"

I swallow thickly. "Yes." 

Poppy rushes past me to have a look at Remus. He puts his hand over his mouth when Poppy starts prodding at his neck. I walk around the bed to hold his hand, wishing that I would have just got him away from the stupid spider. 

Poppy gets to work, telling me what she's doing but I already know. The only reason she's doing it is because my hands would shake too much. I get nervous when it comes to Remus. Anyone else, I'm fine. Remus scares me. 

"Alright, love. This will make it feel better, and it should stop the spread as long as it's applied every three hours. Once the burn starts to heal and you're feeling better, you can go back to the dorms. But you're going to be in the infirmary for at least a couple of days." Poppy says, and Remus groans. 

"We have a-" 

"Nope." I put my hand over Remus' mouth. "You're going to stay in bed, read books, drink tea, and rest. This is why poppy has me." 

"You're darn right it is. Now let's get you back to the castle, Dear."

We help Remus up and outside. He leans on me just as he did in his wolf form, his arm resting gently over my shoulders. 

~Later that day~

Remus stirs as I gently rub salve onto the burn on his neck. He whines a little, shifting away from me. 

"Shh, baby. It's okay. Stay still." I soothe, and remus blinks his eyes open to look at me. 

"That huuuurts.." remus complains as I get the middle of the burn, where he took the most damage. 

"I know, moonbeam. Give me a moment." I finish and put the lid back on the small jar, setting it on Remus' bedside table. "How are you feeling?" I ask, pressing my hand to Remus' forehead after wiping the salve off on my jeans. He's running a mild fever, but that's normal for the day after the moon. 

"I'm fine, Sirius. It's nearly noon, and you haven't slept." Remus reaches for my hand and twines our fingers together. 

"Yeah I did-" I try to lie, but Remus cuts me off. 

"Don't lie to me. If you would have laid down with me, I would have noticed. And if you went back to the dorms you would have changed your clothes. You've been pacing around and organizing things all morning because you're worried about me. Now, I'm awake and you're going to lay down with me and take a nap." Remus gives me his puppy eyes and I sigh, glancing away. 

"I'm too wired, baby. And this Hufflepuff girl just came in with the flu-" 

"Poppy!!" Remus calls, much to my dismay. 

"No no no, Re-"

"Yes, dear?" Poppy calls back. 

"Sirius won't take a break and it's stressing me ouuuut!!" Remus smirks at me, and I'm just about ready to wipe that smirk off of his face when poppy pokes her head in the curtained area. 

"Sirius, quit being stubborn and lay down. I'll get you if I need you." Poppy says with a pointed look at me. I sigh, and cross my arms. 

"Fine." She leaves, and I glare at Remus. "I can't believe you played the poppy card on me." I grumble. Remus holds out his arms for me. 

"Come on pretty boy, don't be mad." Remus gives me that mischievous smile. I cross my arms a little tighter and huff indignantly, not looking Remus in the eyes. 

"You only call me pretty when you piss me off." I roll my eyes. Remus sits up and slides his arm around my waist. I can't help but relax a little at that, he always makes me feel better. He noses at my neck, sending shocks up my spine when he bites gently at my ear.

"You know I always think you're pretty." Remus murmurs against my cheek. I giggle a little, turning to kiss the smirk off of those stupidly perfect lips. 

"You are such a dirty flirt when you're tired." I chuckle, leaning our heads together. Remus smirks a little, his still yellow eyes glowing with pride at making me blush. 

"Come on, baby. Just lay down with me for a while. You look exhausted." Remus puts his hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb gently under my eye. 

"Thanks. I thought I was pulling it off well."  I smile. "Fine, I can't say no to that fucking face and you know it." 

Remus grins as he lays down. I crawl over him and settle down with my head on his uninjured shoulder, letting out a slow breath when his gentle arm wraps around my shoulders. He combs his fingers through my hair and I close my eyes, listening to his steady heart beat. 

"Merlin, you're freezing." Remus wraps his warm hand around my arm. I took my jacket off earlier because I was nervous and sweating. 

"No, you have a fever." I reply, cuddling up closer to Remus because he has a point, I am pretty cold. 

"Shh. Stop thinking and go to sleep, I can hear your pulse and it's making me nervous." Remus presses a kiss to the top of my head and I sigh, curling up tighter because for some reason that makes me feel better. 

I do eventually fall asleep with Remus rubbing gentle circles on my hip, and his other hand pushing gently through my hair. The last thing I hear before I slip into unconsciousness is a soft, loving whisper of "I love you, my puppy." The nickname makes me smile. James was the first one to call me that, but I like it a lot better when Remus uses it. It's just the same as calling me Baby, really. 

~A while later~

I wake up to the soft sound of Remus' muggle ear buds. He has one in his ear, but the other is laying on his shoulder in front of my face. 

"Hey there, Annwyl." Remus kisses my forehead, and I giggle sleepily at the Welsh term of endearment. 

"How long was I asleep?" I ask, yawning. Remus glances at the clock. 

"Two and a half hours." Remus answers, nuzzling his nose gently against mine. 

"Mmn. I still have a half an hour before I have to torture you again." I mumble, burying my head back in its previous position. 

"Yeah. Just stay right here and chill the hell out for a while. For Merlin's sake, you're tenser than me before a potions exam." Remus jokes, and I can't help the soft laugh that escapes me. 

We lay here for a while. Remus has his arm wrapped around me, his hand tucked in my back pocket. I'll never get over the fact that I fit perfectly in the crook of his arm. 

"Okay," I sit up very reluctantly, pulling my messy hair up into a bun. Remus offers me a hair tie and I gratefully take it. I'm not sure how he always has at lease four on him, but he does. 

"Damn, I thought you forgot." Remus sighs. I walk around the bed and grab the jar of salve off of the bedside table. 

"I know this sucks, but it's going to hurt a lot worse if I don't put anything on it- oh, and it would eventually kill you." I sit beside Remus and tilt his head to the side so I can see his neck. It looks a little bit better, but it's still going to take a while before it's healed enough for me to relax. 

"Still." Remus pouts at me and I roll my eyes, starting to apply the salve. I try to be gentle, but he still winces when I touch it. Poor baby. 

"It won't hurt as bad as it starts to heal, I promise." I get the edges of the burn first. It hasn't spread anymore which is good, but it made it to his collarbone before it stopped. "Any other pain I should know about?" I ask, drawing Remus' attention away from what I'm doing. Remus thinks for a moment. 

"I.. Did I hurt one of you? Moony's worried and it's driving me crazy." Remus asks, closing his eyes. I can tell he's trying to relax, but this probably does hurt. 

"We were rough housing and I ended up with a couple of scratches, Moony's protective is all." I explain, putting the jar back on Remus' bedside table. He smiles. 

"Believe me, I know. All he thinks about is Padfoot." He reaches up and puts his hand gently on my shoulder blade, healing the scratches that have been bothering me all morning. I bat his hand away. 

"You're going to drain yourself. How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?" Remus just shrugs at my exclamation. 

"You weren't going to heal it and the smell of blood has been making me nauseous all morning." Remus reaches out for me. "Now come back here."

"It's nearly lunch, babe. You hungry?" I ask, not accepting his invitation for cuddles. 

"Not really. James brought me some chocolate earlier, he left you a change of clothes and your sketchbook." 

"Wicked. I'm going to get you something anyway, even if you don't eat it. I'm hungry as fuck, so I'll see you in like twenty minutes." I say while quickly changing into the clothes James left, rolling my eyes at the way Remus watches me. I let my hair down and brush it quickly, twisting it back up and sticking my wand through it. I walk over and lean down to kiss Remus' cheek. "Will you be okay?" 

"I'll be alright, Love. Go tell James and Pete that I'm fine, and see what grade reg got on that history exam he was worrying over." Remus smiles at me, and my heart skips a beat. He's going to be okay. 

~Summer of Sixth year, Remus' POV~

"James, you can't handle me without Sirius." I stop pacing for the first time in I don't know how long, turning to face a very pissed off James Potter. Now, he doesn't get pissed off very often. He's mad because Sirius can't be here for the moon and I won't let him go with me alone. Neither can Peter, but moony does try to eat him all the time, so it's not that great a loss. 

"Yes, I can. I've grown over the summer and so has prongs." James points out and I sigh, stepping closer to him to show the three inch height difference between the two of us. At the end of last year, James was only an inch shorter than me. 

"And so have I. There's no way moony is going to calm down without padfoot there. Just stay up here if you must, but I'm not letting you get hurt because of me." I smile a little at James. "Besides, someone has to keep mum from pacing a hole in the floor." I joke, as though I haven't been doing just that for a few hours now. 

"Like mother like son, darling. Time to head downstairs." Mum says, walking into the room and offering my my backpack. I settle it over my shoulder and lean down to kiss her cheek. 

"Love you, mum." I turn to James. "Love you, Prongs. Don't be mad." 

"I'm not mad, Remus. I'm exhausted. You exhaust me." James pulls me into a tight, bone crushing hug that I always love to receive. James always hugs people like it's the last time he'll ever see them. "I love you too, Man."

I head for the basement door. Ah yes, my childhood torture chamber. Home sweet home, eh? 

~James' POV~

"Sit down Mrs Lupin, you're going to worry yourself until you throw up, how is your son so much like you? My Merlin." Mrs Lupin sits down, running a hand through her shoulder length brown hair, staring at me with the same amber eyes I see every time I look at my best friend. 

"This would be so much less stressful if Sirius was here, at least we'd have someone halfway decent at healing." She says, sounding so defeated. 

"I can perform basic spells, but transfiguration and potions are my main gig. Sorry." I clean my glasses compulsively, wincing at the sound of Remus scream/howling in pain downstairs. At least when he's at school he can see the sky. 

"I know you probably think I'm horrible for keeping him down there, but it's the only safe place for miles. It was much easier when he was just a little one and he was too tired to do anything more than curl up with the mountain of stuffed animals he had down there." I smile a little at the thought of a tiny puff ball of Remus curled up with a mountain of stuffies, but it doesn't help much. 

"I'm sure it was, Mrs. L. Right after us boys became animagi, Remus had us watch one of his transformations without us actually helping. It was.. Awful, to say the least. He and Sirius had just started dating. I had never seen my brother cry like that." I stare off into space, remembering that truly sobering experience. Sirius didn't sleep for three days. 

"I have no doubt that that was awful, love." Mrs. Lupin puts her hand on my shoulder. "You boys have no idea how much I appreciate what you do for him. At first it scared me because I didn't know how the wolf would handle you guys, but the way that he is so calm after the moons now is remarkable. I've read every book on werewolves that there is, and nothing this good ever happens in them."

"Actually, there was a study done a few years ago in Ireland with a werewolf and a few animagi. They formed a pack mentality and the people actually became good friends in real life. That's why Remus wouldn't let me go alone, because moony will only calm down for Padfoot. Worms and I are part of the pack too, but Moony would get anxious."

Mrs. Lupin nods along. "I hope Sirius is alright, the poor dear. Remus' hasn't heard from him in a month." 

"No one has," I reply, trying to disperse the sick feeling in my stomach. "I owled lily and Pete, but they haven't heard from him either. Last I knew his parents were mad at him for disrupting a family dinner or something. He was real proud of himself for that one, but I think-" I pause. "I think it turned South." 

"He'll be okay, James. You know how stubborn Sirius is." 

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, listening to Moony howling and thinking about how miserable Sirius must be. 

"I know."

~The next morning, Still James's POV~

I'm jolted awake by Mrs. Lupin's gentle hand on my shoulder. "James, dear. It's sunrise."

I get up instantly without saying anything, knowing by the lack of screams that Remus has already changed back. 

Mrs. Lupin heads down before me, running to the heap of remus in the middle of the room. 

~Remus' POV~

I drift slowly in and out of consciousness, trying to move but finding that I can't. Oh, that's fun. My wrists really hurt, but that happens a lot when I'm at home during the moons. 

I groan in pain when I'm jostled, being held against someone's chest. My brain is too foggy to remember exactly what happened, but at least Sirius is always here. 

"..Ri?" I mumble, but the hand running through my hair isn't my boyfriend's.

"No, baby. He's not here." My mother's soft voice whispers. My heart drops a little as I remember. I haven't talked to my boyfriend in a month, not since the last moon. 

"Mum.." I correct myself, gritting my teeth as James starts to heal a cut on my rib cage. Ah, so that was the sharp pain. 

I hear the fireplace before anyone else does. "Someone's here." I'm tempted to cover my ears, but I still can't move too well. 

James gets up. "Oh thank Merlin. Moony-" James starts to tell me who it is, like I can't smell my own boyfriend. 

"Sirius!" Mum let's out a breath like she always does when she realizes I'm going to be okay. Usually that would make me feel better too, but at the moment I have to turn and spit out the blood in my mouth. Interesting side effect of your organs rearranging, I'll be spitting blood for about a day. 

"Remus don't!" Sirius kneels beside me as I go to turn. "Your shoulder, let me help you." 

After doing what I need to do, I realize that my shoulder does hurt. A lot. "What-?" 

"It's out of place. James, help me out." Sirius puts his hands on either side of my face, wiping what I assume is blood off of my lower lip. "I've got you, love. Now stay. Still." 

Sirius is good at this by now, so it only takes him a couple of minutes before he's putting my shoulder back in place. I curse loudly in Welsh, forgetting that my mother is less than two feet away. 

"Goodness moony, spare your mum of your dirty mouth." Sirius chuckles, and I let the tightness in my chest disperse because he's not scared anymore. 

"Sorry, mum." I say in a feeble attempt at humor. Sirius starts in on my wrists, wrapping his hands around my arms to heal them as well. 

"I'll let it slide this time, darling." I hear her get up and leave, probably to prepare for doting on me all day like she always does. I finally decide to open my eyes, because my head isn't spinning quite so bad. The first thing I see is my beautiful boyfriend with a split lip. 

"What happened?" I ask, trying to reach out for Sirius but wincing at the still prominent pain in my shoulder. 

"Never you mind, baby. Just some technical difficulties." Sirius finishes patching me up and helps me into a hoodie and sweatpants. "Moony really did a number on your wrists, I'm going to have to clean them up the muggle way as well." 

"M'kay." I reach up to rub my eye, the exhaustion starting to set in. Sirius chuckles. 

"Alright, doll. Let's get you upstairs so you can crash, then I'll worry about your wrists." Sirius kisses my forehead, and my heart gives a little leap because he's here and he's okay. 

I hate moving. Like, honestly. Who invented it? I'll fight them. Sirius practically drags my dead ass upstairs, even though I'm pretty much perfectly fine. I end up crashing on the couch, because my room is upstairs and I don't want to climb another flight of stairs. 

"Hey there, cutie pie. Now I can see you." Sirius crouches beside the couch, holding my face and pressing a kiss to my nose. I smile a little involuntarily. 

"I missed you." I mumble, reaching out to pull Sirius up onto the couch. He giggles and makes me lay down, even though I don't want to. I want to know what happened to him. 

"I missed you too, but I have to clean up your wrists before they start to get infected." He leaves for a few moments and comes back with a med kit that he always has on him. "This is going to suck, just bare with me." 

I try not to whine as Sirius patches me up, because he gets so nervous and I don't want him to freak out. So, I bite my knuckle to keep quiet. The light at the end of the tunnel, though, is the way that he gently kisses my wrist after wrapping it in muggle bandages. I swear, he is the single most perfect boy. 

"You're going to be fine. Just a few deep cuts, a couple new scars." Sirius' starts to work on my other wrist. "Moony, love you're falling asleep. Lay down properly so you don't hurt your back- Merlin knows you've got enough back issues." Sirius' expertly wraps up my other wrist, pressing a kiss to that one as well. I lay back as told, but I reach out for his hand. 

"I don't want to go to sleep," I protest, and sirius' smiles. He leans over to kiss my cheek. 

"I know. You'll have plenty of time to admire my beautiful face when you awake, my dear." Sirius says, and I giggle at his renewed posh talking. It always happens after the summer but I don't mention it, because he hates it. 

"So you'll still be here?" I know that sounded needy and whiny, but I need to know that he's going to be here. Sirius' eyes soften and he gently presses his hand to the side of my face, leaning in to press his lips to mine. 

"Of course I'll be here, Baby. I wouldn't leave you right now for the world." Sirius nuzzles his nose against mine. I press my face into his hand. 

"Then cuddle me so I don't get scared." This time I'm joking, but Sirius still smiles fondly. 

"I will, I just need to check you over a little better first and go on a run or something to kill some adrenaline." Sirius tangles his fingers into my hair, scratching hypnotically at my scalp. "It's nearly quittich season anyway, I should be getting back into shape." 

"Nope, get up there and cuddle." James leans over the back of the couch, looking unamused at Sirius. He smiles at me, though. "Get to sleep, moony. I can take care of him."

"But, James-"

"No. I'm your captain and your best friend, and I'm telling you to cuddle with Remus before I do it myself." James ruffles my hair. "Look at the cute little guy! He deserves it!" 

"Yeah!" I agree weakly, half asleep. Sirius sighs. 

"Fine, but I still need to check you over. So just go to sleep and I'll be right behind you, alright love?" Sirius pushes my hair from my eyes and smiles, leaning over to kiss me again. I reach up to twine my fingers in his hair, but I stop when he tenses up. 

"What's the matter, Ba- your hair!" I sit up and grab sirius' by his shoulders before he can jump away from me. I get a good look at Sirius. The last time I saw him, his curls were brushing the top of his shoulder blades. Now, it's just barely curling around his ears. His bangs are tucked behind his ear like he always does when he's nervous. I smile, cupping his cute little face in my hands. 

"It's so cute!" A grin settled on my lips as I twine my fingers in sirius' soft curls. A bloom of pride erupts in my chest at the way he turns red near instantly, putting his hands over his face to hide it. 

"It's not. Go to sleep, moony." Sirius mumbles. I sit all the way up despite the ache in my everything, and pull his hands away from his face. 

"I like it, really." I lean forward and nuzzle my nose against Sirius'. "This happens like every year, babe. Your mum makes you cut your hair, you hate it, but I love it. Until now I haven't been able to say anything because it would be weird. But now," I poke Sirius' nose, coaxing a giggle out of him. "I can tell you how fucking cute you are." 

"You are such a /sap/ when you're tired!"  Sirius laughs, pulling me into a gentle hug, because he always treats me like I'm made of glass the day after the Moon. 

"Shut up." I mumble with renewed sleepiness, nuzzling into Sirius' shoulder because damn, he smells so good. 

"Alright, you big baby, lay down for real this time. You're going to fall asleep on me and I'll be stuck." 

~Sirius' POV~

Remus lays down and I settle beside the couch, running my fingers gently through his hair as I wait for him to fall asleep. I hold his hand, watching the calm rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. James left a couple minutes ago, so I don't feel awkward when the inevitable mumbled request comes from Remus. 

"Sing to me?" Remus asks, muffled by the pillow his face is smushed against. 

"Of course, cherié." I think for a moment, then shakily start to sing because I haven't sang in a while. My voice has been used mainly for angry shouting or pained screaming. I start in the middle of the song because I can't quite remember the first verse. 

"I like the way, you misbehave, when we get wasted.. But that's not why I love you. And how, you keep your cool when I am complicated.. But that's not why I love you.." I hum the rest of the chorus until I'm completely sure Remus is asleep. Then, I just kind of sit here and watch him, petting his hair lovingly and holding his hand. 

"Sirius, you're fonding.." James sings, leaning over the back of the couch. I glance up at him, a soft feeling settling itself in my heart. 

"I just love him so much." I say, my eyes tracing the soft curl that has settled itself over Remus' eye, just barely covering the new small scar above his eyebrow. "I should have been here." 

"Why weren't you?" James asks, walking around the couch to scoop Remus up and take him to his room. 

"Mum wouldn't let me go. She knew that I would be leaving for your place in a week, and she suspected that Remus and I have something different going on- she's not wrong, but it still sucked. So, I snuck out this morning." I follow James upstairs, summoning my med kit with a flick of my wrist. 

"Are you going to go back?" James asks, settling Remus o  his bed. I shrug. 

"Probably. I was in such a rush I left all of my stuff," I reply, as James goes to leave. 

"Well, I'm going to go help Mrs. L. With breakfast. I'll save you guys some." 

"Thanks, Jamie." 

I kneel beside Remus' bed and set to work cleaning up the small abrasions and scratches on his arms and throat, moony must have been really scared last night. I the  gently push up his hoodie to look at the new gash on his stomach. It's not so bad, but I heal it up the rest of the way and put a numbing patch over it.  

When I'm satisfied that Remus is not in very much pain, I close up my kit and crawl up onto the bed. I settle beside Remus, smiling fondly at the way he turns and cuddles into my chest near immediately. I pull him close with an arm around his waist, kissing the top of his head. I can't ever miss another moon. It's not fair to him, and I don't care if I don't have a choice. I'll be here. 

~Fast Forward to War Time, Sirius' POV~

"Sirius, over here!" I glance in the direction of James's voice while still patching up Gideon's arm. 

"Talk to me, James." I finish what I'm doing and get up, walking over to meet James in the middle. 

"Lily needs to sit the fuck down but she won't listen to me, will you go tell her to take it easy?" James looks so worried, I couldn't say no if I wanted to. 

"Yeah, Jay. Go find marls, her ankle was pretty bad." My mind is so one tracked that I barely notice when I bite my lip too hard and it starts to bleed a little. It's not too bad though, so I just continue on my search for lily. When I find her, she's doting on a small girl who was caught in the crossfire. 

"Hey, Lils." I crouch beside the two of them. "Why is James worried about you?" I get a band aid from my med kit and put it over the little girl's elbow. "Run along, little one. Your mum is probably looking for you." 

Lily sighs and sits down, putting a hand to her head. "I got kicked in the gut and I may or may not have barfed all over him. I told him I'm fine but he's worried and putting it all on me." Lily says. I nod and put a hand on her forehead. She's not running a fever or anything, so her story checks out. 

"Alright. Just take it easy and tell me if there's any extensive bruising, alright Lilygirl?" I give lily a smile before getting up and turning to the rest of the crowd, looking for my next patient, oh, or maybe my boyfriend. Haven't seen him in a while. Oh merlin. I take a deep breath and head over to a civilian with a head wound. 

Just as I'm heading to help someone else, I feel a hand touch my shoulder. "There's my favorite nurse. You're a hard guy to find, you know?" I sigh in relief when I hear Remus, turning to hug him. I bury my face in his chest. 

"I was just about to get worried." I pull away from Remus reluctantly and look over his face. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, just bloody knuckles." Remus pushes my hair behind my ear and I smile, holding his face as I lean up to kiss him. 

"I love it when you go all muggle on death eaters," I smile and kiss Remus softly on the lips, letting myself relax a little. 

"Yeah, yeah. Me losing my wand is always so hot. Go do your job, nurse." Remus nuzzles his nose against mine and I smile, hugging him a little tighter. 

"Fine."

~A few months later~

I glance at lily as she emerges from the bathroom for the third time this morning. She and I are hanging out today because James and Remus are out and we need support. 

"So, how long have you known?" I ask Lily as she sits beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder. She looks up at me. 

"Known what?" She asks. I tilt my head. 

"That you're pregnant." I reply, confused. Lily's eyes widen. 

"I'm- I'm not pregnant." Lily says. I nearly chuckle. 

"Oh- um, honey-" I rub my neck. "You should take a test." 

"There is no way I'm pregnant, sirius!" Lily is panicking now. I sigh. 

"I get that, lilybug, but how many times have you thrown up today?" I ask, and lily frowns. 

"Five." She mumbles, arms wrapped around her stomach. "I can't be pregnant, Sirius.. It's just the flu or something." 

"I'm a doctor, Lily. It's not the flu." I get up and kiss the top of Lily's head. "You take a calming draught and eat some soup, I'm going to go get you a pregnancy test. Okay?" 

Lily nods. "Okay.."

~

"I'm back, Lilygirl!" I call as I step into godrics hollow. 

"It's good to have a guy in my life that will buy me feminine products. Thanks, Siri." Lily hugs me, squeezing my shoulders tight. I roll my eyes. 

"James would too, lils. Now get in there and for the love of Merlin, please prove me wrong." 

Lily goes to the bathroom and I pace around the couch nervously, trying to figure out how I could incorporate worrying about James and Lily's child into all of my other worries. 

"I can't look at it." Lily sighs, sliding down the wall ten feet away. I sigh and walk over, sitting beside her. 

"For a moment, let's just assume that it's positive. Let's say you've got a little bun in your oven. How are you going to make it work?" I wrap my arms around lily, letting her lay her head in my lap. 

"I don't know! James and I are never home as it is, and we've got people after us and- and we can't bring a kid into this world! That has to be the most irresponsible thing either of us has ever done!" Lily wipes her eyes, sniffling softly. 

"Okay. Now tell me every good thing there would be about having a baby." I comb my fingers through Lily's hair as she thinks, wiping stray tears off of her cheeks. 

"Well.. James has always wanted kids, and every time I see him with a little kid or an animal or anything, it's so heart warming.. He'd be such a good dad, Siri.." Lily smiles, resting her hand over her stomach. "And I could dress them up like a little doll and they would call me mumma.. I could be the mum that my mum never was.." She looks up at me, and I smile. 

"Are you ready to go look at it now, love?" I ask, and lily nods. 

We get up and I lean on the doorframe as Lily picks up the test. She shows me the two pink lines with a slight smile. 

"Well then, now I just need to tell James." Lily sets the test back down, starting to pace. "What do you think he'll do?" 

I laugh. "Lily, why are you worried? James loves you. He's been fantasizing about marrying you and having kids with you since fifth year." I assure lily. "He's going to panic. I'll warn you that. He's going to get so scared he'll nearly lose it, but then he'll realize how happy he is."

Lily hugs me, wiping her eyes on my hoodie. "This kid is going to have the best support system in the world, Lilybug. They'll have you and James, Remus and I just two blocks away, Peter across town, and Reg will pop by when he has the chance. They're going to be the most loved kid in the entire world." 

"And they'll have the best doctor in the world, right?" Lily looks up at me with tears in her eyes and a smile. 

"Yeah, I'll give poppy a call- ow, ow, I'm just kidding! Merlin, Red!" I laugh as Lily smacks me viciously in the shoulder. 

"I may be with child now, but I'll still kick your ass, Black." Lily laughs, going to put the pregnancy test in a baggie and wash her hands. "You don't have a problem with it, though, do you?"

"Well, I haven't worked with many pregnancies, but Poppy's there if I need her. We'll get through it, Lils." 

~A couple weeks or so later~

I'm just settling against Remus' side to watch a movie when there's a pop in the middle of the room and a panicked James Potter is pacing our living room. 

"Hey, Prongs. You know, we could have been doing it." I chuckle. "What's the matter?" 

James stops for a moment, right behind the couch. "Lily's pregnant!" He exclaims. Remus gasps, but I'm up and grabbing James by the arm in less than a second. 

"James Fleamont what did you do?" I ask, looking James right in his teary eyes. 

"I knocked up my girlfriend, Padfoot! What does it /sound/ like I did??" 

"I wasn't talking about that. I already knew that. Did you just leave your scared girlfriend alone in your house because you panicked?" 

"Wait, you knew and didn't tell me-?" Remus crosses his arms. 

"Oh, shit.." James buries his face in his hands. "Fuck." He sits on the couch, taking a deep breath. "What do I do?"

"Marry her." Remus replies as I lean over the back of the couch. 

"Tell her you're sorry for leaving and go back with ice cream." I add. James nods. 

"Then what do I do? I don't know how to take care of a kid! I can barely take care of my self- scratch that! I /can't/ take care of myself!" 

"You'll be fine. Just take it one obstacle at a time, Jay. Besides, you've got us for baby sitting and anything else you guys need. It's not like you'll be raising them alone." James nods along to what I'm saying. 

"Yeah. Yeah.. Okay. Shit. Lily's going to kill me for leaving." James realizes, but Remus is already shoving a to go bag full of what I assume is ice cream in his hands. 

"That should tame the beast long enough for you to say your piece. Good luck." 

James nods. "Love you guys." He then gets up and apparates. I sigh and fall over the arm of the couch, only to be faced with my angry boyfriend. 

"I didn't tell you because lily asked me not to. She'd been having morning sickness for days, I'm a doctor. I told her she was pregnant." I quickly state my case and Remus rolls his eyes. 

"Fine, but still." He sits back where he was on the end of the couch, sighing. "Do you think they'll be okay?" 

"Of course they'll be okay, babe." 

~A few months later~

I glance up from my sketch book when I hear the front door open. "Re!" I get up to go pull Remus into a hug, but he dodges me. 

"I'm super gross, give me twenty minutes." Remus says, and I back off because I don't want to make him mad. This is how it always goes lately. Remus gets back from a mission with the werewolves and I want to kiss him and love on him and make him feel better, but he pushes me off with a simple 'it's fine.' And when I do try to pry, he blows up and tells me to leave him alone. He always ends up apologizing with soft cuddles and breakfast in bed, but that doesn't make it any less painful. 

Remus heads straight for the bathroom and I clean up my pencils and things, settling them on the coffee table before heading to bed. Remus was supposed to be here earlier, but it's nearly three am and I am, excuse my pun, dog tired. 

I hum softly as I change into my pajamas, a pair of joggers and no shirt because my boyfriend is all the heat I need. 

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, listening to the dull sound of the water hitting the shower floor. I hope Remus is okay physically at least, because somethings going on in his head. 

Remus comes out of the bathroom looking a little bit better. His hair is overgrown and falling in his eyes, but he doesn't look as dead as he did when he walked in. 

"Sorry about that, Babe." Remus crawls into bed beside me, cuddling up to my side. I can't help the soft smile that curls at my lips at the familiarity. I wrap my arm around him, combing my fingers through his hair. 

"It's fine, Re. Anything I need to look at?" I ask, because I need to know that he's not hurt. I know he's alive and everything, but I just need to know. Remus shakes his head, nuzzling his face into my neck. I really do smile at that. 

We lay here for a while, in a comfortable silence while we try to relax. Remus has been gone for two weeks, and we're both already tense anyway. 

After that while, Remus yawns and curls his arm around my waist, cuddling up close to me. "Sing to me?" He asks, like it's still normal. Like we haven't been avoiding each other because tensions are so high. I have to admit, something in me softens at that soft mumble. And as always I answer;

"Of course, baby." I run my fingers through Remus' overgrown hair, softly starting to sing. Remus hums in content and cuddles up close to me. 

"And darling I will be lovin' you till, we're seventy.. And baby my, heart could still fall as hard at nineteeeen.." Remus giggles at that because I changed the words, and it makes my heart jump around in my chest to hear him happy for once. I know it will all go to shit in the morning, but this moment will settle in my brain as a patronus memory for the rest my life. 

"And I'm thinkin' bout how, people fall in love in mysterious waays, maybe just the touch of a hand.. Oh me I fall in love with you every single day, and I just want to tell you I aaam.." 

~some time later~

"Ri?" I'm just starting to wallow in self pity with a bottle of wine when Lily comes through the fireplace, her five months pregnant belly hidden by one of James's t-shirts. "Oh, honey. Remus just showed up to vent to James, are you alright?" Lily sits beside me and I set the wine down, because it's not nice of me to drink in front of her. 

I nod, but tears are forming in my eyes again. "No.." 

Lily wraps me up in a hug, letting me let it all out into her shoulder. "I was just so worried about him because he was late and he snapped at me and I snapped back and we got into a full blown fight.."

Lily runs her fingers through my hair. "Oh, love.."

"I'm just trying to make sure he's safe, but he's so paranoid and /tired/ that he thinks everyone is against him right now. But does he go to bed? Rarely. Even when he does, he barely sleeps. I'm the insomniac, but he's the anxious one and when he gets anxious he gets mad because he can't fix it and I just want him to be okay.." 

"I know, Siri." Lily pulls me close to her side. "Remus loves you. He may be strung out and snappy right now, but he loves you more than anything. You know that, right?" 

I wipe the tears from my face. "Honestly Lily, I really don't know anymore."

~Remus' POV, a little while later~

"Remus, you're not mad at Sirius." James says, taking a drink from his soda. 

"No, I think I am." I counter, rolling my eyes. "He's smothering me and it's driving me crazy."

"No, you're anxious and you feel like him asking if you're okay is an insult. You're mad at this Merlin forsaken war and you're taking it out on your boyfriend who is /barely/ keeping himself together. You need to get your head out of your ass and go tell him you're sorry!" I turn around to look at a red faced, pissed off Lily.  

"I'm not completely to blame here. He knows I'm pissy-"

"That's a terrible excuse. If I were Sirius, I would have left your ass a month ago. All he wants is to know you're okay." Lily sits beside me. "He was so broken up because he thought that he was completely to blame because he provoked you." That makes my heart hurt. 

"He knows that's not true.." 

"Remus.. I asked him if he knows you love him and he said he didn't know." 

That hit me like a punch in the gut. 

"Oh, Merlin.." I whisper, years stinging my eyes as I realize just how much I have hurt the boy I love. "I'm such an asshole. I have to go fix this. Thanks guys." I go to rush off, but lily grabs my hand. 

"Be gentle with him, love. He's really hurt." Lily says, and I nod. 

"Okay." 

I step through the fireplace, being very quiet as I hang up my coat and kick off the shoes that I didn't even have time to kick off before I stormed out like a fucking kid. 

Sirius isn't in the living room, so I make my steps a bit heavier as I walk to the bedroom, just so he can hear me. I make my way quietly into the room, my heart breaking at the sight of Sirius curled up under the blankets in his day clothes. He didn't even bother to take off his shirt. What have I done?

I crawl into bed beside Sirius, going to put my hand on his waist. 

"Don't touch me." Sirius whispers, curling up tighter. I swallow back the lump in my throat and lean back against the headboard, hugging my knees. 

"I overreacted."

"You're damn right you did."

"You have every right to hate me and never speak to me again." 

"You're damn right I do." 

"But.. Will you let me explain? You don't have to believe me or anything, all I want is for you to listen." I lean my head back against the wall. Sirius shuffles around a little, seemingly wiping his eyes with his sleeve. 

"Okay." Sirius really isn't one to give one word answers. I really fucked up this time. 

"I know that you don't want to hear it, but I'm sorry. I've been really bitchy and moody and I know that it's not your fault- but I'm realizing that you don't know that. I'm not mad at you, I'm just mad in general. At the war, that we've been dragged into this so early in life. I just have so much going on in my head that I don't know how to deal with. That's no reason for me to treat you how I've treated you, but it's all I've got."

"It's not just the mood swings and the bitchiness, Remus." Sirius sits up, turning to look at me. He wipes his eyes, which are red and shiny with tears. "You used to call me pretty." 

I try to reply, but the truly sad look in Sirius' eyes makes me stop. 

"Every morning you would come into the kitchen and hug me and say 'good morning sunshine.' That made me feel so important and so loved, but you haven't done that in months. And every time I would have a nightmare, you would make me dance with you because it made me calm down. But.. Now I have to deal with nightmares alone. I'm lucky if you even say good morning before you leave.." Sirius' buries his face in his knees. "I just miss you is all, and I want to know that you're okay.." 

"Oh, Sirius.. I didn't realize how much those things meant to you." I want to reach out and touch him, hold him close to me and never let go. But I have to fix this first. 

"Well, the big things matter too. Like sleeping together and cuddles and things- but those things always made me feel.. I don't know. Like I was the only boy in the world." Sirius rubs his eyes again. "It's really not that big a deal, though. I'll get over it eventually."

"I don't want you to get over it." I crawl a little closer to Sirius, kneeling right beside him. "I want to make it up to you. I want you to know that I love you more than anything. I want you to know that to me, you /are/ the only boy in the world." 

Sirius sniffles a little, not looking at me. He's always had a habit of hiding his face when he cries. "Don't just say that. Every time we get into a fight and then make up we both say were going to be better, but here we are. So dont say you're going to change if you're not." 

"This time I mean it. I've realized that I've really been hurting you, and seeing you like this kills me. You don't deserve to be treated so bad. I just need to start putting you first again." 

Sirius' finally turns to look at me, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "It's not that you're not putting me first, Remus. You /are/, but not in the right way. You used to talk things out with me. You used to be able to tell me about things and I would make you tea and we could make each other feel better. You're trying to protect me and while that is appreciated, I just wish you would talk to me." 

"Okay." I agree, my heart breaking at the sight of sirius' teary eyes. He doesn't deserve this. "I can't promise that everything will be perfect right away. Hell, I can't promise that I won't come home tomorrow pissed off and start another fight. But what I will promise is that I will try to make you feel loved and safe with me again, because I will /always/ love you." 

Sirius smiles. That bright, Sirius Black smiles that let's me know that he will be okay. "That's all I needed to hear." And with that he turns and wraps his arms around my neck, letting me pull him into my lap and hold him close to my chest. 

"I'm so sorry," I whisper against the top of Sirius' head, twining my fingers into his hair. He nuzzles into my neck, his arms wrapped tight around my shoulders. 

"Shh.. I know. Just hold me." Sirius whispers, and I don't think I could deny him anything in this moment. I run my fingers through his beautiful curls, letting myself actually relax. I lean my head back against the wall, letting my thoughts slow down and my mind relax itself. Everything is okay. 

Sirius' finally moves after a long, comfortable silence. He kisses my cheek and settles his head on my shoulder. "What do you miss most from before the war?" He asks in that soft, light voice that makes my heart leap. I play with his hair absently as I think. 

"Laying on Mum's roof and stargazing. I love listening to you tell stories about the constellations." I reply, making Sirius giggle softly against my shoulder. "And getting drunk with James and Lily and ending up passed out on the lawn somewhere.." 

"You would always be /so/ sick when you got pass out drunk," Sirius says fondly, even though that's gross. 

"That's why I try not to do that," I chuckle. "Remember James' eighteenth birthday?"

"The one where I puked in the bathtub?" Sirius asks, and I roll my eyes fondly. 

"Yes, that one." I reach for my bedside table, drawing a soft whine from Sirius at the loss of contact. I pick up my wand and silently summon a picture from my backpack. I hand the picture to Sirius and set my wand down. 

"James took that after you got done barfing and my drunk ass decided it was time for bed." In the picture, Sirius and I are sprawled out on James and Lily's living room floor with me laying on top of Sirius, with all the other drunk dumbasses still dancing around us. 

"You kept this?" Sirius looks up at me, that loving look in his eyes that I haven't seen in a while. I tilt his chin up with my finger to press a kiss to those perfect lips. 

"Of course. I take it with me everywhere. I don't really know why I'm so attached to that one, but it's nice to have a reminder that I'm human when I'm surrounded by a pack of feral werewolves." When I'm finishes talking, I realize that.. That's the most I've ever told Sirius about the werewolf packs. And it felt good. Woah. 

"That's so sweet." Sirius nuzzles his nose against mine, setting the picture carefully on my bedside table. 

~Sirius' POV~

We talk for hours. Remus tells me bits and pieces about the werewolf camps, but it makes him so anxious I try not to pry too much. We also talk about odds and ends, like what we need to get at the store and errands we need to run. 

When I finally check the clock, it's nearly four am. Words can't express how much I've missed just cuddling up in his arms and talking for hours on end. 

"I think it's time for you to go to sleep, Moony. You've been half asleep for an hour." I chuckle, climbing off of Remus' lap. "Come here,"

I settle down and Remus cuddles into my chest, wrapping his arms around my waist. I smile, so glad to have this contact and comfort for the first time in months. 

"Ri?" Remus mumbles, tapping his fingers nervously on my back. 

"Hmm?" Is my reply as I burrow into his hair. 

"..Will you sing to me?" He sounds so soft and vulnerable, dammit I couldn't say no if my life depended on it. 

"Of course I will, love." I blink away the tears stinging my eyes and softly start to sing, not having done this in a while. "I know how it goes, I know how it goes from wrong and right. Silence and sound, did they ever hold each other tight, like us? Did they ever fight, like us?"

I feel Remus relax as I sing. He nuzzles his face against my neck, covering me in his scent just like he used to when I didn't smell quite right. It has been a while, though. 

"You and I, we don't wanna be like theem, we can make it till the eend, nothing can come between you and I, not even the gods above, could seperate the two of uuss.. Nothing can come between you and I.. Ohh you and I.." 

I trail off, watching Remus sleep. He's so tense anymore, I love watching him look so relaxed and soft. I spend the better part of two hours just watching him and combing my fingers through his hair until he shifts in his sleep, pulling me onto his chest all the while still completely asleep. I smile and cuddle close, nestling my face into his neck. He's so cute and I love how big he is because I fit right in his arms. 

I finally settle down, watching the sunrise through the crack in the curtains. Sleepy moony tangles his fingers in my hair, making my heart race and making me relax at the same time. 

"I love you." I whisper, even though I know he's asleep and he won't answer. It just feels so good to say it out loud. 

~A few weeks later~

"Sirius!" Just as I'm about to settle in with my morning coffee, I hear James yelling. I get up and meet him in the living room,  because the moon was last night and Remus is still sleeping. 

"Merlin James, breathe. What's going on?" I ask, my heart starting to race at how scared my best friend looks. 

"There was a Death eater attack just down the street from mum and dad at Marls' parents' place. Dorcas and Marlene were there as well, I'm not sure what's going on but they need you." I set my coffee on the counter and quickly summon my med kit. 

"Where's Lily?" I ask. James sighs. 

"At home, pissed off because I wouldn't let her go."

"Well, I need her here because if Remus' wakes up and I'm not here he's going to be pissed off /and/ scared, and I can't deal with both."

"I'll go get her and meet you at Mum and Dad's, yeah?" James asks, and I nod. 

"Yeah, I have to go grab my wand, then I'll head out." Yes I can do wandless magic, it just takes more out of me. 

James leaves and I quickly run to the bedroom, summoning my wand. I lean over Remus, brushing my knuckles along his cheek. 

"Hey, baby. Wake up." I whisper, and Remus groans. He opens his eyes a little, though. We've made it a rule the past couple of weeks to always tell each other when we're leaving. "You can go back to sleep in a minute, doll face. I have to go take care of some aftermath of a death eater attack. Lily will be in the living room when you get up, alright?" I quickly explain, and Remus nods. He pulls me down into a chaste kiss, then kisses me on the cheek. 

"Be careful." Remus mumbles, still half asleep. I nuzzle my nose against his. 

"I will. I love you." I get up, hearing Remus sleepily slur it back as I leave. 

~Remus' POV, A while later~

I get up, trying to remember where Sirius said he was going. I stretch, trying not to wince at the twinge in my back as I do. I then find one of his hoodies, tossed to the side one time or another and pull it on, taking a deep breath of his calming scent. Merlin, I'm such a weirdo but it makes me feel so much better. 

I amble out into the living room, finding lily reading a book on the couch. I lean over the back of the couch, reading over her shoulder. "Morning, Red." I say, making her jump. I smirk and walk around the couch to sit by her. 

"Goodness, Remus! All you marauders are just the same!" She smacks me in the shoulder and I laugh, moving away. 

"I take offense to that!" I reply, pushing my hair out of my face. "My friends have half of a brain cell between the three of them!" 

"You're right about that, but you're still as childish as the rest of them." Lily points out, and I shrug. 

"I am a marauder for a reason, you know. Have you eaten breakfast?" I ask, and lily shakes her head. 

"I am craving jello, though. Do you guys have jello?"

"Of course." I get up to go get lily the jello before she unleashes the hanger beast on me. 

~A while later~

Lily and I are just settling down to a movie to clear our minds when Sirius and James stumble through the fireplace. I stop where I'm standing in the door way of the kitchen, waiting for one of them to say something. 

Neither of them do. Sirius doesnt even glance at lily. He walks over to me, drops his med kit, and buries himself in my chest. I slide my arms around his waist, instantly overcome with worry and the need to protect him. 

"What's the matter, baby?" I ask Sirius, but he doesn't answer so I glance over his head at James. 

"Marlene's dead." James says, and I see this blank look in his eyes that I seem to be seeing more and more recently. "Her parents were attacked.. They were gone by the time she got there, and she didn't have time to call anyone before she was jumped.. she had a really bad head wound and it was too bad to treat by the time we got there." 

Sirius let's go of me then. I try to catch him as he walks away, but I'm stunned and he shakes me off. James sighs.

"I'll leave you to deal with that." James says, as the door to our bedroom closes. I nod, still shocked to silence. 

James and lily leave, and I go over to knock on the door to the bedroom. Its locked and I could easily unlock it, but Sirius and I have a rule. If we lock a door, don't unlock it unless given permission. 

"Babe will you please unlock the door?" I ask through the door. I can hear Sirius crying and it kills me, but he doesn't reply. "Come on, Sirius, I won't make you talk to me. Just let me in so I can hold you." 

There's a few intense, silent moments before the door unlocks and I step through, preparing myself for a complete break down. Usually it's me losing my shit, so this isn't very familiar territory. 

I walk over to the bed, where Sirius is curled up with his back to me. He doesn't turn to look at me, but I can tell he's crying by the way he sniffles and the way his shoulders are shaking. 

I crawl into bed behind Sirius, settling down behind him and tucking an arm around his waist. He twines his fingers with mine, sniffling again. I press a soft kiss to the top of his head, gently rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb. 

We lay here for a long time. Sirius eventually settles down, just holding my hand tight and taking deep breaths. I hold him the whole time, kissing the top of his head or his temple every so often. 

"I couldn't save her." Sirius finally whispers. He turns and buries himself in my chest, letting me gather him up in my arms and hold him close to my chest. "She was still awake when I got there and I thought she was going to be okay, but she just went downhill so /fast/.." 

"It's not your fault, baby. You did everything you could." 

"Then why does it hurt so bad?" Sirius sniffles, rubbing his eyes with his hand. I sigh and kiss the top of his head, wishing I could make him feel better. 

"Because you have the biggest heart, and with that comes a lot of pain." I slowly run my fingers through Sirius' hair, listening to his soft sniffles and hitched breaths, knowing I can't do anything about it. 

We shouldn't be this kind of broken at nineteen.

~A month or so later, Sirius' POV~

I smile slowly when I feel the bed dip behind me, then an arm sliding around my waist. Remus just got out of the shower, I can feel his hair dripping on my neck as he presses a kiss to my pulse point. He hasn't been feeling well for the last couple of days because of the moon, but I can tell by the way he slides his hand down to my thigh that he's feeling a little better. 

"Mmm, keep that up and I might forgive you for showering without me." I hum, and Remus chuckles against my throat. 

"If that's the only thing that pisses you off today, I call that a win. Now come here." He pulls me on top of him and I squeal, trying to stay quiet because of noise complaints, but he tickled my ribs. I scramble around until I'm straddling Remus' thighs, looking down at those beautiful amber eyes. They've faded from moony's yellow that they were this afternoon to Remus' soft honey. As much as I love it when Remus is feuled by moony, I also love to see that gentle look in his eyes. 

"I love you." I lean down to press my lips against Remus', my eyes falling closed when I feel his gentle hands gripping my hips. 

Remus sits up so he's just holding me in his lap and I happily slide my arms around his neck, tilting my head to deepen the kiss. His hands travel from my hips to my ass, pulling me closer and coaxing an involuntary moan from my mouth. 

"Guys- oh, Merlin not again!" James pokes his head into out bedroom and I groan in frustration, looking over at James. It doesn't bother Remus, he just starts kissing down my neck. This obviously isn't the first time this has happened. 

"You're really blocking me here, Jamie. Wha- ah-" I smack Remus gently in the back of the head when he bites me, knowing full well it will distract me. "What is it?" 

"Lily's in labor, gays! Hurry up!" 

Neither of us have ever moved so fast. 

~

"Alright, Lilygirl?" I ask Lily, who is laying in a hospital bed, high on numbing potion. 

"Fucking fantastic, Siri. 'M still miffed that you're not delivering him, though." She replies, and I chuckle. 

"I'm a doctor, not an obgyn." I reply. "I may be a jack of all trades on the battle field, but the female form was never my forte." I say, and Lily giggles at the awful gay joke. 

~

"Jamie," I walk out of the hospital room and into the waiting room, where my best friend is pacing a hole in the floor. "James." I grab James by his shoulders. "Your wife is in there, in labour with the baby you put in her. The least you can do is go hold her hand." 

"I- I can't Sirius- I-" James is panicking worse than I've ever seen him. 

"You can, and you will. I'll handle when she's actually having him, but right now she just needs you to be there and tell her she's okay." 

"Okay. I can do that." James says, taking a deep breath before going into the room. I go and sit beside Remus, who is staring at the ceiling absently twisting his ring around his finger, while it's still connected to the chain around his neck. 

"We should actually get married one of these days." I bring up casually, leaning my head on Remus' shoulder. He leans his head against mine. 

"Was that a proposal?" 

"It was a suggestion. When you got down on your knee and gave me a promise ring, that was a proposal." I reply, yawning and nestling closer. "Wrap your arm around me, I'm cold." Remus does as I ask with little protest. 

"Not of marriage, though. Just that we're going to be together forever." Remus counters, kissing the top of my head. I cuddle into his side, wishing I had put on a jacket. 

"And that doesn't include marriage?" 

"Tuché." Remus agrees. "Still, An engagement should be more extravagant and nice. I gave you that ring practically in my mum's back yard." 

"I think it was beautiful, but if you think you can outdo it, be my guest. I like seeing you on your knees." I giggle, and Remus smacks my arm. 

"Watch it, there are bathrooms here and I'm not afraid to use them inappropriately." A shiver runs down my spine just at the thought, but we both know we have to be here for our friends. 

"First of all, hot. Second, for once, I think I'm too tired to fool around." I yawn, and Remus nods in agreement. 

"I feel you. I've been half asleep for an hour." 

"Little guy could have at least waited until morning." 

"Mm. He's just like his dad already, only sleeping for an hour at a time and not caring who he wakes up." Remus points out, making me giggle. 

"You've got a point." I tuck my knees up to my chest. "I-"

"Sh, listen." Remus says softly, and I tilt my head to see if I can hear what he is. When I do, a smile curls at my lips. I can hear James softly reassuring Lily, and it warms my heart. 

"He's better at the whole husband thing than I thought he would be," I admit, and Remus nods. 

We sit here for a while, leaning on each other and holding hands as we wait for things to get exciting. 

~

"You're doing great, Lily." I hold Lily's hand tight, letting her squeeze as hard as she needs to as she pushes. I press a damp cloth to her forehead. "One more, alright?"

"Just one?" Lily looks up at me, exhausted. 

"Just one, Lily. Then you'll meet him, okay?" 

Lily nods determinedly, and one push later there's a baby crying. The mediwitch puts Bambi on Lily's chest and then she's crying too, and so am I because that's beautiful. I smile down at lily. 

"I'm going to go get James, alright Love?" I ask, and Lily nods as she holds Bambi and the nurses clean him up. 

I walk out of the room and into the waiting room. James is pacing again, and Remus' knee is bouncing anxiously, even as he's telling James to calm down. 

"Well Jamie, he's loud and extravagant just like his old man." I say with a smile, and James looks over at me with wide brown eyes. 

"Is he- can I- is /she/-?" James can't even talk, he's so anxious. 

"He's perfect, Lily's exhausted but okay, and yes, go meet him." Good thing I know how to interpret James' anxious rambling. 

James hurries in to meet Bambi, and I go to sit beside Remus again. I reach for his hand, tangling our fingers together. 

"Everything go okay?" Remus asks, reaching up to comb his fingers through my hair absently. 

"Yep. He's perfect and Lily's a trooper." I reply, letting go of Remus' hand to put my hand on his still shaking knee. "You can calm down now, my merlin." I assure Remus, and he takes a deep breath. 

"That's partly because I can't stay awake." He chuckles. 

I start to reply, but I'm interrupted by James coming out of the room holding a little bundle of blue blankets in his arms. He has tears on his cheeks, and he grins when he catches my eye. 

"Come look what I did!" He whispers, so excited but not wanting to disturb little Bambi. 

Remus and I get up and walk over to James, looking at the little boy in his arms. 

"Did you settle on a name?" I ask, watching James fall in love as he looks down at the miracle in his arms. 

"Harry James." He replies, then he looks at me. "You wanna hold him?" I nod eagerly. 

"So much. Let me meet the thing I'm going to spoil for the rest of his life." James has to bend a little to give me Bambi, but we get there and I'm tearing up again as I look down into those big, sleepy green eyes. 

James wanders back into the room to be with Lily, and I feel gentle arms slide around my waist. Remus looks down at Harry over my shoulder, putting one of his hands gently on my arm. 

"Re?" I ask softly as Harry takes a hold of Remus' finger. 

"Hm?" 

I lean back a little more on Remus, looking over at him for a moment. "I want one." 

Remus leans his head against mine. "Yeah. Me too." 

~James' POV~

"How long do you think it will take for them to adopt?" I ask, wrapping my arm around Lily as we watch our best friends with our little miracle. 

"I'll give it five months tops." 

~At least a couple of months later, Remus' POV~

I'm just settling down with a book when the front door opens. It's nearly three am, so Sirius quietly takes off his shoes and jacket, then slides down the wall beside the door. 

I set my book aside and get up, quietly padding over to Sirius. "Hey." I greet softly, crouching in front of Sirius. He smiles slowly, opening his eyes to look at me. 

"Hey." Sirius replies, his voice rough like he's been screaming. 

"Are you alright?" I ask softly, reaching out to push Sirius' hair behind his ear. He flinches slightly, but then leans into my hand as his eyes close. 

"Yeah.." He whispers. ".. Just a little family reunion." 

"Oh, baby." I sit beside Sirius and gather him up in my arms, letting him curl close to my chest. 

"Sorry I'm late, you shouldn't have waited up for me." Sirius mumbles against my shoulder, his hand twisting in the front of my shirt. 

"I wasn't waiting up, I couldn't sleep." I reply, letting my fingers slip slowly through sirius' dirty hair. I'm sure that's uncomfortable, he always takes such good care of his hair. 

"Still," Sirius counters through a wide yawn, seeming to already be falling asleep. 

"Do you want to take a bath, baby? You can relax and I'll clean you up." I ask Sirius, rubbing gentle circles over his back. Sirius nods a tiny bit against my shoulder. 

I get up, holding my boyfriend close to my chest as I walk to the bathroom, softly talking to him to keep him awake. I set Sirius down on the counter and kneel by the tub to turn the water on, pouring in a bit of lavender scented potion to help with muscle cramps and anxiety. 

"Your ass looks great in those jeans," I hear sirius say as I get up, rolling my eyes. I turn to look at him, letting relief settle in because he's home and okay. 

"Too bad they have to come off, hm?" I question, standing up fully as Sirius' slips his dirty T-shirt over his head. I bite the inside of my lip to keep from gasping. "Oh my Merlin, baby what happened to you?" 

Sirius glances away, in the mirror. ".. Fuck." He looks at his own torso, the purple and green bruises littering his ribcage and now that I'm seeing it, his back. 

"Who the hell do I need to track down?" I'm instantly pissed. Sirius sighs and heals his bruises with a wave of his hand and a whispered incantation. He winces, as using all of that magic all at once drains him even more. All at once, the anger drains out of me because there are tears in his eyes. I step forward and wrap my arms around his waist.

"Here, let me do that." I press my hand to his back, healing the bruises there. He's cold to the touch, as he always is. 

"It.. It was fine, until I got spotted and.." Sirius sighs. "The boys who spotted my were my cousins, a couple of my uncle Cyrus's brood. It, uh.. It didn't end well. They would have killed me if Reg hadn't of checked on me." 

I hug Sirius just a little bit tighter, knowing he'll still be a bit sore. "Come on, Love. Let's clean you up, yeah?" 

Sirius and I climb into the steaming hot water, Sirius leaning back on my chest with a soft sigh. "You're too good to me." 

"Frankly I think you deserve the world, so I have to say I disagree." I reply, my head leaned back against the wall. Sirius giggles weakly. 

I set to washing Sirius' hair, which is a difficult task when he's too sleepy to move more that three inches from my chest. 

"How's Harry?" Sirius asks through a little yawn as I rinse the soap carefully out of his hair. 

"Growing like a weed," I reply, gently untangling Sirius' curls with my fingers. "They had to come and get me the other day because he wouldn't sleep, and for some reason I made him calm down." 

"You're warm and steady," Sirius mumbles, rubbing his eye. "Lily's always cold like me and James, merlin bless him, is too jittery." 

"You have a point," I agree, gently scrubbing the rest of the dirt and blood off of Sirius' face and anywhere else. 

I help Sirius out of the tub and wrap him up in my towel, because my scent always makes him calm down, and mine is fluffier. 

We get dressed into our pajamas, that I summon with a flick of my hand. "I love it when you do that," Sirius chuckles, catching his pajamas with a big smile on his face. 

"Do what?" I pull on my sweat pants and T-shirt, watching Sirius do the same minus the shirt. 

"Wandless magic. It's so effortless to you." Sirius dries his hair carefully, then tosses the towel in the hamper in the corner. 

"My magic is stronger because of Moony," I reply, and it's still hard for me to refer to the wolf part of me with a name, like it has an identity, but it makes Sirius stop questioning my mental health, so I'll deal with the discomfort. 

"I know. You break glass when you're mad." Sirius replies off handedly, yawning widely as he goes to brush his teeth. I've already done that, so I slide my arms around his waist from behind and press soft kisses along his neck. 

"I do?" I question, one because I didnt know that and two because I love it when Sirius talks with a toothbrush in his mouth instead of just waiting until he spits. 

"Mmhm. Last t'm we fought I sp'nt an 'our repairing mugs." Sirius replies, putting his hand on mine where they're clasped at his navel. 

Sirius spits out the toothpaste in his mouth and sets his toothbrush back in the cup beside my blue one, turning his head slightly to kiss my cheek and leave a glob of sticky toothpaste behind. 

"Gross!" I wipe it off and gently scoop Sirius in to my arms, my heart softening at the way he goes quiet and leans his head on my shoulder. 

"You're so good to me, moony.." Sirius mumbles with renewed sleepiness as I lay him down on our bed. I crawl in beside him on the other side, reaching my arms out and smiling when he immediately cuddles into my chest with a soft hum. 

"You're so adorable, Puppy." I whisper, running my fingers with the utmost gentlenesss through his hair. It's soft, now. Without tangles and messy and perfect, just how he likes it. 

Sirius giggles, holding the front of my shirt in his hand. I pull the blanket over us and Sirius sighs, snuggling down and pulling it close around him. "I missed you so much.." Sirius yawns, barely awake. 

"Hush, beautiful. Close those pretty eyes and go to sleep, we'll talk tomorrow." I whisper, holding my boyfriend close to my chest. I watch as he falls asleep, still with a hand full of my shirt. He does that a lot when he's anxious or if we've been apart, I think it's his way of keeping me beside him. 

"I love you." I whisper against a sleeping Sirius' head, closing my eyes. 

~the next fucking day because Sirius has no chill, Remus' POV~

I sit with lily at the kitchen bar at her and James's place, watching Sirius play with Harry. He coos softly at the little one and he promptly giggles, reaching for Sirius' hair. I can't help the fond smile that curls at my lips. I love him so much. Even if he's still sore and sleepy, he just had to come see "his little pup". 

"How badly do you want one?" Lily asks, giving me that look that tells me she knows what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about a few years from now, watching my beautiful /husband/ playing with a toddler or two while I take pictures. 

"So bad." Is my reply. "But we don't exactly have the 'we didn't use protection excuse for bringing a baby into this world. Sirius and I are barely home, and when we are we're barely awake enough to take care of ourselves. Hell, we couldn't even take care of a cat, let alone a little one." 

"What if you took in one that was already here?" Lily suggests. "Sirius and I see dozens of orphaned children every day in our line of work, that may be why he wants one so bad. The poor dear cries every time he goes looking for mummy with a little kid and finds her passed away." 

I listen to what lily says, watching my boyfriend with a heart of gold as he helps Harry sit up with his index fingers. He grins, so excited to see the wee one getting bigger already. 

"I think that's what drew me to him in the first place, honestly. His big heart. His family is known for hiding emotions but Merlin bless him, Sirius could never do it." I reply as Harry falls softly back onto the pillow. Sirius baby talk at him, tickling him and rousing a high pitched, screaming laugh out of Harry. My chest physically hurts at how much I want that for us. 

"You two should do it right. Get married first, don't rush into things." Lily smiles. "I love Harry more than anything, but if I could do it over I would have waited. James and I aren't even married yet, my mother found out and now she won't even speak to me. Not that we were that friendly anyway, now she just won't talk to me at all." Lily takes a drink of her iced tea. 

"That's awful, Lily." I reach over and take Lily's hand. She shrugs. 

"My family was never all that supportive anyway. I told them I'm getting married and my dad refuses to walk me down the aisle because he doesn't approve of James." Lily chuckles softly. "I had never seen James angry before he heard my dad say that." 

I Pat Lily's hand supportively. "You'd be surprised out angry James can get in the face of injustice. He once very smartly explained to a professor why werewolves are not monsters, then flipped off the professor as he left for Dumblefores office." I say, smiling at the memory. I had to leave because it made my thirteen year old heart overflow. 

"Aw, I thought that was just a rumor. Merlin, I love that stupid man." Lily smiles, just as Sirius leans over Harry to tickle him with his hair, giggling along with Harry like a little kid. I sigh, my heart bursting with love. 

"And I love that one." 

~some time later, maybe a month, Sirius' POV~

I'm just making myself a sandwich for lunch when the door opens. I grab my wand and head into the living room, something in my chest tightening and relaxing at the same time seeing my exhausted boyfriend standing there, taking off his jacket. I stand a couple of feet away, waiting for him to initiate contact. We talked this out at length. Remus gets very overwhelmed when he gets home, and sometimes he needs to be alone after a mission. 

"Are you okay?" I ask, and Remus nods. 

"Just a few bruises and things. I'm sorry.. I just, I need to get their scent off of me, do you mind if I shower and then we can watch a movie or something?" Remus looks so sad and anxious, edging away from me like a scared kitten left out by its mother. 

"Of course, Baby. Go take a shower and get yourself comfortable. I'll make you some lunch, okay?" I suggest, and Remus nods. 

"Thank you for being patient. I'm sorry.." 

"Don't apologize. I'm not upset or angry, as long as I know you're physically okay, I understand if you need to be alone." I smile at Remus, part of me wishing I could hold him and make him feel better, but the other part knowing I'll get to put him back together when he feels human again. 

"I made you tea." I say, my voice gentle as Remus walks into the kitchen in one of my hoodies and a pair of sweatpants. 

"Thank you," Remus replies, seemingly still trying to remember how to be human as he awkwardly stands in place three feet away from me. 

"No problem, babe. Let's go eat lunch and listen to some records, okay?" I prompt, offering Remus a mug so he has something to do with his hands. He gratefully takes it and nods. 

I levitate a plate of sandwiches behind me as we walk into the living room, setting them down mentally as I go to put one of Remus' favorite records on. I keep the volume low, in case Remus is a little hearing sensitive right now. 

We settle together on the couch, quietly listening to the music as Remus nestles into my shoulder, eating a sandwich and drinking his tea slowly. I make a point to keep my arm around his shoulders, my fingers carding through and playing gently with his hair. I love  watching the way his lashes flutter when I play with his hair, he's just so soft and genuine. 

After finishing our food and letting our tea go cold, we settle a but more comfortable on the couch. Remus is starting to feel himself again, laying on his side between my legs and tucking his face into my shoulder. He rubs his cheek against my throat, rubbing his scent on me with a content hum. I know it's not normal per se, but I find in incredibly endearing when he does that. It makes me feel honored, honestly, that Moony wants me to smell like him. 

"You don't have to, but I'm here to listen if you need to talk about anything." I murmur after a while, my fingers tangled deep in Remus' mess of curls. 

"Could you just talk for a while? Your voice.." Remus doesn't finish his thought, but I know what he means. 

"You know better than anyone that I could hold a conversation with myself for hours, my love." I reply. "That being said, Harry is getting bigger and smarter by the day. He loves padfoot, the adorable little thing cuddled right up to padfoot and went to sleep. The wedding is coming along nicely, Lily wants us to go dress shopping with her sometime next week. Peter still isn't coming around much, I'm starting to think he has a girlfriend he's hiding from us." I pause, feeling Remus relax just a bit as he curls his hand over my hip. 

"Reg came over for dinner the other day, told me to give you his love. He's doing quite well getting intel, but he needed a touch up on his 'mark'." Regs mark is actually just sharpie that I touch up ever week or so. 

We lapse into a comfortable silence after that. For a while I think Remus is asleep, but then he very softly speaks. 

"This pack was so.. Wild. They barely knew what society was, let alone what side they're on in the war." I don't say anything, rubbing the knots out of Remus' back with the heel of my hand. My poor baby. 

"I thought they were all in agreement that they should be hiding, but then I met their leader and I realized that's not what it was at all." This is the most remus has ever spoken to me about the werewolf packs. He's not supposed to tell anyone anything, but I've convinced him that doing that was hurting him. 

"This guy was so fucking controlling, it scared the piss out of me and I knew I was allowed to leave. He had been keeping these werewolves locked up underground for generations, some of the's people were second or third generation and they had never even /seen/ the moon." Remus's hand tenses where it's resting on my hip, he's trying not to shake. 

"That's horrible." I offer, so Remus can hear me and remember he's not alone. He nods against my shoulder, Playing with my fingers when I take his hand in my own. 

"I talked to him about the war and things that were going on, but he was just so adamant that going outside would mean certain death for all of them. Truth is, though, staying down their is killing them. It was awful, the best example of an occult I've ever seen." Remus stops talking for a moment, trailing off into an uneasy silence. "The way the resent the moon as if it's a villain.. It's disturbing."

Remus presses his face closer to my neck, taking a deep breath. I wrap my arm tighter around him, pressing a kiss to those messy honey colored curls. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Baby." I whisper against Remus' temple, running my hand softly up and down his back. Remus shakes his head. 

"It.. I think it's good for me. To know how fortunate I am to be where I am."

"Are any of them registered?" I ask, because Remus isn't and that's practically how he gets by. 

"The first generation was, they were driven underground after they massacred a village during the moon. During the first werewolf war, you remember?" Remus has that hitch in his voice that he gets when he speaks about mistreatment to werewolves, the thing that drives him to give long speeches when he's drunk and made his eyes go misty in defense against the dark arts when the teacher called werewolves 'vicious creatures that should be exterminated' while giving him a pointed look. 

"The only history lessons I ever paid attention to? Yes, I remember." I cant help but kiss those pretty curls again. "It is awful that that happened, but that doesn't mean they need to stay down there. Werewolves aren't widely accepted, but if they're unregistered, they could live normal lives just like you." I point out, slowly tracing the scars on Remus' back oveer his hoodie. He let's out a content hum, shivering slightly at the light touch as he always does. 

"I tried to explain that to their alpha, but he was so adamant that if they left they would die. So.. I put it into the heads of a couple of teenagers, that there's a war on and we're looking for recruits. They seemed on board." Remus doesn't sound proud of himself, even if he should. 

"I'm so proud of you." I murmur into Remus' hair, because he forgets how much the order really owes him. Our whole army is practically his doing, and yet that wrinkly ball sack Dumbledore gets all the credit. One of these days-

"One of these days you're going to realize I don't want the credit." Remus whispers softly against my throat. Oh, I said that out loud. 

"But you deserve it. Everyone puts him on a pedestal, when all he's really doing is using us all as pawns in an elaborate game of Wizard's Chess. He didn't even stop smiling when Marlene died, he broke the news to Dorcas and there wasn't a remorseful bone in his body. He sent Marlene there.. He knew she would die. He wouldn't care if any of us died, or went to Azkaban, or were captured. All he cares about is the fucking war." Remus listens as I rant like he always does, smoothing his hand down my chest and over my side. 

"It's not his job to become attached, babe."

"It's his /job/ to minimize casualties, not send us after something with a ninety percent change of killing us!" I reply. Remus presses a soft kiss to my Adam's apple, then another one just beside that. It nearly makes me relax just to feel his lips on my skin again. 

"It's not your job to worry about that, my love. You need to stop thinking of everyone else for five minutes and just relax." Remus whispers against my ear, then kisses my cheek. I sigh and wrap my arms tighter around him, turning my head to bury my nose in his soft hair. 

"Merlin, I missed you." My chest hurts just saying the words, thinking of the late nights and the nightmares and curling up on the couch because I can't sleep in bed without him. 

Remus pulls me from my thoughts by curling his fingers so gently around my chin to tilt my head. He leans his forehead against mine, the presses a soft kiss to my lips. 

"I'll always come back, my pretty puppy." 

~A few months later, September '81~

"We want you to be our secret keeper, Padfoot." James, Lily, Remus and I are in Remus and I's living room, the atmosphere thick and dark as thunder rumbles outside. Harry is asleep in Remus' arms, tucked into his jacket like it's a blanket. 

"Of course." I reply without a thought. "I wouldn't feel right with anyone else doing it." 

"..Which is why it shouldn't be you." Remus says gently, putting his hand on my knee when I start to protest. "They'll expect it to be you, you two are practically brothers."

"That's what I said, too, but James wouldn't budge." Lily adds, Her knee bouncing anxiously. The wedding was just a month or so ago, when things were looking up and they weren't going into hiding. James sighs. 

"We went through everyone else. You were our next option, Remus, but you're needed with the werewolf packs. No one can get a hold of Peter lately, and Reg has enough on his plate as it is." James explains, and Remus looks sick because of the reason they gave for him. 

"I get it. I'll do it." I put my hand over Remus' on my knee, fitting my fingers between his. 

"They'll know to come after you first." Lily warns softly, looking at me with teary green eyes. I look at my brother and he looks back at me. We hold each other's gaze for a moment. I'm the only one James can trust with this. We both know that. I then look at lily, then over at little harry in Remus' arms. And I know, with my whole heart and my whole head. 

"Let them come." I reply to Lily, looking back at James. "I'd love to see my father and spit in his face again." 

~Remus' POV~

Things lighten up, after that. We have a few drinks and sirius' gets down on the floor with a now very awake and excited Harry. James soon joins them, and I go to sit beside lily so they can use the couch I'm on as a fort to get away from the monster. 

"I wish we could have this forever." Lily says quietly, leaning her head against my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her shoulders. Lily's the strongest of all of us, so when she needs a hug, we give it to her. 

"I know." I agree, watching James lift Harry high into the air and fall on the couch with him. The excited scream that Harry gives makes me smile, even though I'm worried about everything. "It won't be long, Lils. We just need you guys safe while we fix the world for him to grow up in."

"James is so scared.." Lily practically whispers. "You could never tell, watching him with Harry. He's going to miss you boys so much." 

"Sirius' didn't sleep last night." I reply. "He misses James already and you guys aren't even in hiding yet." 

"But it won't be long, right? They have you, I'm certain you'll be able to fix things." Lily looks up at my with teary, scared green eyes and I smile, handing her a tissue. 

"I've kept my three idiot friends alive for eleven years now, honey. I'll have you out of there in no time."  

~A month and a half later, October 20th 1981, Remus' POV~

"So, are you going to prank Moony on Halloween?" I hear James talking over Sirius' magic mirror as I walk out of the bedroom. The moon was last night, so I feel a bit like shit. I roll my eyes when Sirius replies with. 

"You know it, Prongsie. Tradition is tradition." 

"Hey, James!" I call on my way to the kitchen and Sirius nearly fucking throws his mirror because I startled him. 

"Hey, Moony!!" James calls back. I walk over and lean over the couch, wrapping my arms around Sirius' shoulders so James can see me as well. 

"If you give him any ideas, I swear to Merlin I'll come through that mirror." I say, even as I'm grinning because Halloween pranks are the best. 

"Ah moony, you know you'll get him back." James says with that sly grin that makes me roll my eyes. 

"That's a given, Prongs. Still, Its more authentic if they're his ideas I'm not falling for." I reply, then my heart absolutely explodes when I hear an excited shout of "MOOOONN!!" 

"Ah, yes. Someone else has been missing you two as well." Then James turns and there's a giggling little Harry in the mirror, babbling and reaching out for us with with cries of 'Pa'foo!' And 'moonn' because he can't quite say Moony yet. Sirius leans his head against mine. 

"Hey, Prongslet!" He grins, practically bouncing in his seat with how excited he is. 

"Haaaiiiii!" Harry waves, grinning at us. Sirius and I both wave back. 

"Hi Harry," I reply, blowing a kiss. Harry giggles, holding his foot. 

Even if we're not together, my heart feels so full. 

~October 31st, 1981 Sirius' POV~

I wake up having to use the bathroom, as usual around three am. I press a sleepy kiss to Remus' cheek and get up, leaving my wand on my bedside table because I'm just going to the bathroom, I won't be long. I do pull on one of Remus' hoodies, though, because even being apart from him for a few minutes makes my heart start to race. 

I relieve myself, then go to head back to the bedroom. 

I don't even have time to think when I'm being hit with a stunning charm. 

~October 31st 1981, Remus' POV~

I wake up, expecting to feel my boyfriend curled up to my chest as I always do lately, because Sirius is so scared to leave me. Instead, I wake up to frantic footsteps coming from the fireplace, and Sirius' scent nowhere nearby. My heartrate instantly spikes. 

"Remus!" Then Reg is knocking on the doorframe. I get up quickly. 

"What's wrong?" I ask, already getting dressed because reg is crying and reg /never/ cries. I don't think I've seen him cry since he was a first year. Now he's nineteen. 

"Someone told them where you guys were last night and they got Sirius, I couldn't talk then out of it I'm so sorry!" Reg wipes at his face. I take a deep breath and pull a shirt down over my head. 

"Okay. Okay. We need to find his mirror." I tell reg, who's calming down a little bit because I'm not freaking out. 

We search the flat until we find Sirius' mirror in the kitchen with a newspaper on top of it. Usually that would piss me off, but now it makes my eyes burn. 

"James!" I call, hoping that James is out of bed. It turns out he is, because he's quickly picking up his own mirror. 

"I didn't give him any idea Moons, I swear." James grins, brown eyes sparkling with mischief. I almost can't tell him. It's going to kill him. But I have to. 

"Last night," I take a deep breath, and James seems to sober up a bit at my expression. "Last night someone told them were we are." I swallow thickly. If I say it, it's real. He's not going to walk through that door and kiss me and tell me it was a prank. "Sirius is gone." 

"He's.. Dead?" James blinks a few times, sitting down with the mirror. His hands start to shake, I can tell by the way the picture shakes. 

"No," Reg replies, stepping forward. "If you're alive, he is. They wouldn't kill him if they didn't have what they wanted." He explains,  and all three of us are silent for a moment because we all know that Sirius would rather be tortured and ultimately die than give them up. 

"How close are you with the horcruxes, Reggie?" James asks, wiping his eye with the back of his hand.

"I have two left to locate, three to get." Reg says, relaxing a little now that he has something more to think about. 

"I can help with location," James offers. 

"And I can do pickup," I add. "Dumbledore doesn't have me leaving again for another month or so." 

Reg nods. "Okay. Let's fucking kill this bitch and get Sirius home." 

~Sirius' POV~

I wake up with a throbbing headache, in a dark room with no windows. There's another door that I assume leads to a bathroom. I get up slowly, my body still thrumming with the magic from the stunner. I run my hand along the wall, trying to figure out where I am. The floor and walls are both cement, so I'm in a basement of some sort. I know where I am, Death Eater headquarters, but we had no idea where that is. 

My fingers run into something wood. I run my fingertips softly over it. 

The door opens, and the room I'm in is bathed in light. "Ah, You're awake."

My heart drops. "Wormtail?" My voice is scratchy and my throat hurts, I must have woken up and been stunned again. I'm not the type of guy to go down easily. 

Peter smiles, the smile that would usually calm me down and make me feel better when we were in school, now makes me back up a few steps. 

"No, no no no. Pete, tell me I hit my head or something." Tears collect in my eyes. 

"No, Padfoot." Him calling me that name makes me sick to my stomach, knowing what he's about to do to me. "This is real." Tears fall down my cheeks. My innocent, gentle little friend is looking at me with the kind of predatory smile that I haven't seen... That I haven't seen since I was sixteen living with my parents. 

My face gets hot, and I can feel myself start to shake. All of the memories come back at once. I know where I am. My parents' basement. 

"At least tell me you fought it.. Tell me you didn't give up easily." I nearly whisper, my voice shaking roughly. Peter steps closer and I step back again, but my back hits the wall. He's taller than me now, only having hit his growth spurt when he was eighteen. 

"Oh, Sirius. Naive, ever trusting Sirius. You want to see the best in everyone, dont you? You want to think that I didn't want this, want to think I wasn't the one that gave you away. But you know. You know that I've been working with them for months, know that I didn't fight. I never fit in with you, Sirius. You know that." Peter steps closer again and my heart rate picks up. I press my hand to my face to wipe my cheeks, but also to smell Remus' scent on my hoodie. It helps me to re center myself. 

"We /loved/ you, Peter. You were our friend." 

"Oh, I know. And I appreciate the the sentiment. Really, I do. I don't want to hurt you, honestly. You were always good to me. So why don't you just tell me where James is, and you'll be on your way." He has the audacity to smile at me. Anger flares in my chest, all of the respect and love I had for him burning away in the anger. I stand up straight. 

"I suffered through the cruciatus curse practically every day until I was sixteen years old, Peter." My voice is low, a tone I only take with someone I'm about to punch in the teeth. Peter seems to know that, because he reaches for his wand. "If you think, that I'm going to be so afraid of going through it again that I would give them up, you're sorely mistaken." I pause as Peter draws his wand, pointing it at me as I clench my fists. 

"I would /die/ for them. You know that. So if you think I'm /afraid/ of you? Go. Fuck. Yourself." 

And as always, I go down swinging. 

~Two weeks later, Remus' POV~

I wake up in a cold sweat to Reg shaking me. "Hm- what? S' everything okay?" I ask quickly, coming to my senses. 

"Re, you were screaming." Reg says, looking freaked out with his hand still on my shoulder. I groan and fall back onto the bed, rubbing my eyes. 

"Sorry." I mumble, recalling my very bloody and very intense nightmare. 

"It's alright, man. Get up, let's go make you some tea and you can help me with research. James and I are both getting frustrated and you always help." 

I sigh and get up, running a hand through my hair. I'm not going to make it through the next week, let alone the fucking moon without Sirius. 

~Another week, Sirius' POV~

I promised. I promised him I'd never miss another moon. 

I /promised/.

I look at the moon tattoo on my wrist, watching is shift to a full, black circle. 

The wolf that roams my body comes to my forearm, resting just above the moon. It howls, then lays down to sleep above the moon. It usually sleeps just above my heart, but I guess it knew I needed support. 

"Missing Moony, are you?" I look up at Peter, clenching my jaw. 

"Don't you dare say his name." I practically growl, getting to my feet no matter how much my body protests. 

"I know it's a sore subject, Sirius, but if you would just give me the information I need, then you could go be with him. Moony is going to miss padfoot, Sirius. You know it. He goes crazy without his mate. You know, as a doctor, that Remus might not even make it through with how hostile he will be." Peter chuckles, rolls his eyes. "Look at me, referring to the half breed as if he's a human. Sentiments, sentiments." 

I don't even think about it. I punch Peter in the mouth, watching him fall to the ground with the force. He goes to get up and I get on top of him, grabbing him by his throat and pinning him to the ground. 

"If I /ever/ hear you refer to the love of my life as a half breed again, I will do so much more than hit you." I press the heel of hand down and Peter gasps for air. "As a doctor, I can break every fucking bone in your traitorous little body while. Naming. Them." I practically snarl, barely recognizing my own voice. I haven't been this angry in years, and the fact that it feels good scares me. 

Peter pulls at my hand, trying to get me to let go when the door opens again. 

"Ah, I told you that you couldn't break this one on your own." I glance up into the cold, unfeeling silver eyes of my father. His thick French accent makes me dispise the tilt in my own voice. 

"Father." I greet, my voice low again. My chest tightens with anxiety, but I refuse to let it show. 

"Sirius." Orion replies. 

Then I'm hit with the most intense cruciatius curse that I've ever felt. 

~Remus' POV, the next day~

When I come to, the first thing I notice is pain. Everywhere. I'm not in the middle of the forest, so Reg must have found me at dawn. I open my eyes, seeing the familiar yellow color of Sirius and I's bedroom ceiling. 

"Oh, thank Merlin you're awake." Reg leans over me, his eyes wide and terrified. I let my eyes close again, because I can't look at those eyes without my heart, and Moony's, aching for Sirius. 

"How bad is it?" I ask, my voice scratchy and my throat raw from howling for Padfoot all night. 

"Bad." Is Reg's blunt reply, as I lean over the bed to spit in the bin by my bedside table. "You slept for sixteen hours."

"Fuck." I reply, wiping my mouth. I glance down at myself, noticing the bandages that are covering practically my whole torso, and my arms. "Sirius has a stash of potions in the bathroom under the sink, the one you want should be labeled 'Post Moon: Just in Case'." I fall heavily back onto the bed, wincing. Reg nods and heads off. 

I just sigh and stare blankly at the ceiling, thinking to past moons when I would wake up to Sirius laying lazily on my chest because we were both so exhausted and I would just watch him. He always gets so worried about me, doting on me and asking if I need anything. Eventually I'll just pull him on top of me and even if I'm a little sore, it doesn't bother me because of the big smile he'll get when he curls up on my chest and kisses all over my face. 

"Here," reg pulls me from my thoughts and presses a potion  into my hand when I hold it out. I take the potion with no protest, too mentally and now physically exhausted to do anything but sleep. "Are you hungry?" Reg asks, and I shake my head. 

"Thanks, kiddo, but I think I'm just gonna go back to sleep for about four days." I try to joke, my lips tilting in a smile to find that my lip must be split. Reg smiles. 

"Okay. Just yell if you need anything, you probably shouldn't walk for a while." I turn over and curl up on my side no matter how much it hurts, and a few moments later reg lays a jacket over me. I take a deep breath, and Sirius' scent works it's way through my body to relax me fully. Reg leaves. i listen to his foot steps retreat as I wrap the jacket tighter around my shoulders, shifting so I can press my face into Sirius' pillow. Tears drip down my cheeks and I don't wipe them away, because more will just form. 

I reach to put my hand over the ring that I wear around my neck, my tears becoming a bit more aparent. We charmed it so I can wear it in my wolf form, Sirius did the same with his ring, which he wears on his hand. When we get him back, I'm going to propose to him proper just like he wants. I won't go any longer calling him my boyfriend. He's my mate, and I need him more than anything. 

I sob silently into Sirius' pillow. Right now, that's all I can do. 

~Another week later, Remus' POV~

I step into the flat at four am, holding the locket in my hand very carefully. Dumblefore had already sent someone to die to the inferai, so it wasn't too hard to get. 

"Thank Merlin Re, we were getting worried." Reg grins at me from the couch. 

"Merlin and Morgana, you two should be asleep!" I go over and set the locket on the table with the other horcruxes. We have five, now. 

"Ah, it's early, moony! Just because we haven't slept doesn't mean it's too late to be up!" James says from the mirror, that's placed on the couch. I sit beside Reg, rubbing my eye sleepily. 

"Well, early or not I haven't slept in two days. What have you two found out?" I ask, as reg offers me a cookie from the plate on the coffee table. I greatfully take it, munching absently. 

"We found out that James is damn good at decripting codes, which is surprising." Reg explains. "We know what the last horcrux is, but it's not one that you can just go get." 

"What is it?" I ask, leaning back on the couch barely awake. 

"Voldemort's Snake." We all go silent when reg says this, the weight of what we're going to have to do hanging between the three of us. 

"Well.." I finally say, practically a whisper. "Fuck."

~Sirius' POV~

I have to bite back tears when I hear the door open. It's the fourth time today. 

"Hello, dear." I shiver. It's about time the sent my mother in here. 

"Mother." I reply, my voice rough from shouting. The only thing that's keeping me alive right now is how purely angry I am. 

"I've always admired your strength, Sirius. It would have been so valuable here, but you decided to tuck away your strength and anger and hide behind your half breed play toy." 

I manage to get to my feet, my knees and back absolutely aching from hitting the ground. I don't bounce back as easily as I did at sixteen. 

"He's not a play toy. He's my world. And someday, I'm going to marry him." I take a step closer to my mother, letting my anger guide my words because it just feels. So. Good. "Then I really wont be a part of your terrible, cruel family anymore. Because I'd sooner die than keep your last name longer than I need to."

"Oh, Sirius. If only you had learned to shut your stupid mouth these past six years." 

~Two weeks later, Sirius' POV~

I press my hands over my ears, curling up in the corner of the room as my mother tries to get into my head quite literally. This is what all of those occlumency lessons were for. Usually this would be easy, but my physical body is so tired and sore, it's hard to keep my mental body strong. 

"Just tell us, Sirius. Then you can go home. Back to your half breed, your home. Have a white picket fence for as much as I care. Just. Tell. Us." 

I'm okay with this. As long as James and Lily are okay and Harry gets a chance to grow up. Remus will be okay, he always is. 

I gently touch the ring around my left ring finger, the effort of keeping her out bringing tears to my eyes. 

I'll hang on for him. 

~Remus' POV, a month later~

"Okay, let's go over the plan one more time." I suggest gently as reg anxiously paces a whole in the floor. James is pacing as well, in his own living room. 

"I'm going to go in, and you're going to follow me under the invisibility cloak. While I distract the council, you'll poison the snake. Then as the snake starts to choke, we high tail it to another room to wait." 

"Then later, as Voldemort weakens and the death eaters panic, you tell my through the mirror and I send a patrous to Moody to start the fight." James finishes for Reg. 

"Then I find Sirius, and Reg gets the big man himself."

The next several hours are a blur. Reg and I prepare, brew a potion, get the invisibility cloak by owl from James, then we're ready to go. We carry out the plan perfectly, poisoning the snake and watching it die. As soon as moody and his med flood threw the door and the fireplace, reg and I come out of our hiding area and jump into action. I vaguely hear the Dark Lord falling to the ground as I duel with death eater after death eater, just trying to make it to the basement. That's where reg said he would be. 

By the time I do get there, I'm covered in blood from my face to my bloody knuckles, because Merlin knows how many time I lost my wand. Good thing I can do wandless magic and fight like a muggle. 

My hand shakes as I open the door. Considering how awful it useused to be after Christmas break, this is going to be awful. 

I walk down the stairs, leaving the door open for light. I spot Sirius, curled up in the corner on his side clutching his stomach. 

"Oh, baby." I run to Sirius and kneel beside him, putting my hands on his face. He's awake, but he's so scared. "It's alright, Pads." I whisper, because Sirius' hearing gets sensitive when he's scared or in pain and right now he's both. 

"Re?" Sirius puts his hand on my wrist. I can't handle it anymore, I gather him up in my arms and sit back on my heels, expecting him to curl up like he always does. Instead, he panics and tries to fight. 

"Shh, sh baby. It's okay. Listen to my voice, my puppy. Just breathe."

Sirius stills. He looks up at me, big grey eyes searching mine. 

"I'm not tricking you, puppy." I use that pet name again, because that's what made Sirius stop. 

All at once, Sirius is full on sobbing into my chest. I hold him as close as I can without suffocating him, stroking his dirty hair and whispering soft reassurances to him. 

"I've got you, Love. I've got you." I whisper as Sirius continues to cry, his arms wrapped tight around my neck. I press a gentle kiss to his temple, rubbing a hand softly over his back. 

Sirius finally starts to calm down, not moving from his secure place in my shoulder.

"Where are you hurt?" I ask, my voice very careful. Sirius sniffles a little, wiping his eyes witch what I realize is the sleeve of the hoodie I've been looking for for months. 

"Everywhere?" Sirius almost chuckles. "Cruciatus will do that to you." He sounds so used to it. Anger flares in my chest, and I hear something break across the room. I ignore it and push on. 

"Let's get you to St. Mungos before I lose my shit." I get up, holding Sirius in my arms and not even asking if he can walk because honestly, holding him is the only thing I want right now. 

"I don't need to go to St. Mungos, I have what I need at home-" Sirius complains softly, too exhausted to even whine. 

"Just humor me, okay?" I reply as we walk back into the main part of the house. Sirius hides his face, because it's bright up here. 

Everyone is still fighting, so I quickly get Sirius and I out, because that's what I'm meant to be doing and there's nearly thirty order members there. 

It doesn't take us ten minutes to get a doctor and a room, based on the shaking and obviously in pain boy in my arms. 

"Merlin fuck, what happened to you?" The mediwitch is so stunned. Sirius just lays on his back and rolls his eyes, holding my hand tight because he refuses to let go of me. 

"I was locked in a basement for three months, had the shit beat out of me, got the cruciatus curse at least four times a day and spent a significant amount of time literally keeping people out of my head. I also haven't slept in four days, so I'd rather you save your exasperation for after I've taken a nap." Sirius explains, his tone even and flat. My heart breaks, because the nurse has never met him. She's never seen him like this before. I have. 

Six years ago, when he ran away. 

"We'll- um, we'll need to run a few tests, you're not in our records-" 

"Oh godrics left bullock, I know exactly what I need." Sirius explains to the mediwitch what he needs, and she quickly hurries off. I sit on the bed beside Sirius, a smile curving at my lips when he shifts to lay his head in my lap. 

"You're being mean," I push Sirius' hair back from his eyes. He shrugs and leans into my hand. 

"I'm tired and have no patience." Is Sirius' reply, and I respect that. 

"Well, you can still be nice. That poor girl looked afraid of you." Sirius chuckles a little at that, then winces and holds his stomach. 

"I agree, but I would be a lot less volatile if I had slept recently." He replies, and I can tell. His eyes are red and he's barely talking, he hasn't been this exhausted in I don't know how long. 

"We'll get you fixed up then you can go home and sleep, alright?" I run my thumb gently under Sirius' eye, watching his lashes flutter just at the light touch. Normally he wouldn't even react to that, but sirius gets very sensitive to touch very easily. It took me years to get him to open up to me as to why he gets so reluctant to be touched. It all has to do with his fear of abandonment. When we're separated, it hurts him and he misses my touch. Then when we're back together, he wants to reject the touch so it won't hurt as bad next time. 

It took me even longer to convince him that I would always come back for him. 

The mediwitch comes back and gives Sirius the potion he told her to get. He takes it without protest, which is also a teltale sign that he's too tired to fight. 

Sirius sits up with much effort to talk to the mediwitch. "Sorry I'm a bit of a dick, Love. It's nothing to do with you, and I'm sure you're excellent at your job." He's so gentle when he says it, I practically swoon. It always amazes me how soft and sweet he can be even when he's in so much pain. 

"Oh no worries, you're not the worst temper I've had." She smiles, relaxing a bit now that she knows Sirius isn't really mad. 

"I'm sure. My name is Sirius Black by the way, for your records. And if you guys need some extra help, send me a patronus." Merlin fuck, I want to kiss him so bad. That smile does things to me that a smile should /not/ do. 

"I certainly will. Who did you train with, might I ask? You seem quite knowledgeable." 

"The queen herself, Poppy Pumphrey. She had a bit of a soft spot for my boyfriend, and I worked my way in there." Sirius throws a wink my way, and I'm so sure my cheeks are red. Merlin, I'm like a fucking school boy around this man. 

Sirius and the Mediwitch chat for about five minutes before we finally get out of there, Sirius holding my arm because he wouldn't let me carry him anymore. 

"How long do I have before everyone comes to talk to me?" Sirius asks as soon as we get home, turning to inspect the cut that I can feel on my throat. 

"As long as it takes for you to get properly rested." I reply. "I can and will fight them off with a stick." Sirius smiles a little at that, wrapping his arms around my waist to bury himself in my chest. I do scoop him into my arms at that, ignoring his weak protest. 

I lay Sirius gently on his side of the bed, milling about as he dozes. I coax him into a different hoodie and a pair of shorts, because it's a bit warm in here and he's already under a blanket. After that, I get a wash cloth and run it under some warm water, going back to the bedroom. Sirius giggles weakly and leans into my hands as I rub the cloth gently over his face, scrubbing the dirt and blood away as carefully as I can. He's asleep at this point, reaching out for my hand with a soft whine. 

"I've got you, Baby," I assure my uneasy boyfriend, taking his hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles, over that simple black ring. I push his hair out of his face, whispering a spell to clean his hair because I know that has to be bothering him. Sirius hates cleaning spells, but I make sure it's very gentle and he barely even shifts. 

When I'm satisfied that Sirius is going to feel less awful when he wakes up, I settle myself beside him on the bed. He cuddles up to my side, resting his head on my stomach because I didn't lay all the way down. Just in case someone needs me, because Sirius is going to sleep one way or another. 

For a while, I just watch him sleep. Sirius is so beautiful when he sleeps, his cheeks flushed softly and his hair falling over his eyes. I brush the tangles slowly out of his hair with my fingers, so happy to just be with him and have him in my arms again. I have to wipe tears from my eyes because of the overwhelming emotions. 

After that while, I hear careful footsteps in the Hall followed by a whispered "Hey." from the doorway. I'm just about to tear into whoever it is when I look at James Potter standing there in the flesh. I grin widely, I cant even hold it back. I motion him over, not wanting to wake Sirius but knowing he'll want James here as soon as possible. 

"So I'm guessing the bitch is dead, then?" I whisper as James settles himself on the bed criss cross beside me. James nods, grinning like a kid that's got his whole life ahead of him. 

"Reggie did his job." James replies, looking worriedly at Sirius. "Is he okay?" 

"He'll make it." I reply, watching Sirius shift uneasily at the noise. "How is everyone?"

"Lily and Harry wanted to come with me, Lils is so excited to see you guys she nearly smacked me when I told her no." James chuckles. "I figured Pads would be asleep or skittish, didn't want to overwhelm him, you know?"

"I appreciate it. Four days, man. He hadn't slept in four days." James looks taken aback when I say this. 

"Merlin, he hasn't gone that long without sleep since what, sixth year?" James replies, and I nod. The last time Sirius didn't sleep for four days, it was when I needed a break from him after the incident with Snape. 

James and I talk in quiet whispers for about an hour, before Sirius starts to shift around a bit more. He wakes up with a start, reaching for my hand. I grab his hand and squeeze, assuring him that I'm here. He calms down quickly, looking up at me with bright grey eyes. Then he spots James, and those beautiful eyes go wide. 

"Jamie!" Sirius gets up and tackles James into a hug. I watch them wrestle with a big smile. They haven't been separated in years, especially not for this long. The laugh and rough house, ruffling hair and punching arms as best friends do. 

"You're okay." Then they're just hugging, clutching each other tight in a way only brothers can. 

"All thanks to you, Pads." 

"Okay, okay. Enough sap, I'm too tired for that shit. Go get that pretty wife of yours." Sirius grins and James gets up to go do just that. Then, Sirius looks at me with those sparkling, dazzling eyes and settles against my side. 

"I love you." My voice is soft against the top of Sirius' head, but he hears me and giggles. 

"I love you too, Baby. Now let's go see our godson before Moody decides I've had enough time to myself." Sirius gets up and practically runs to the living room. I follow behind him, making sure he's okay. 

The Potter's pile out of the fireplace, James chasing after a /sprinting/ Harry. 

"Harry, I /said/ uncle Pads doesn't feel good-" but Sirius is already lifting the child and talking to him excitedly while Harry giggles and rambles back. Meanwhile, I go to give an absolutely grinning Lily a big hug. 

"I knew you'd have us out in no time, Remus!" Lily kisses my cheek, hugging me like she'll never let go. 

"Ah, Reg and James did most of the work." I let lily go and we go to sit on the couch where we sat the last time we were all together. 

"MOON! MOON MOON MOOOON!!" Then I'm being tackled by a little ball of energy. I pull him into my arms and tickle his sides, grinning at the loud shriek it causes. Harry hugs my neck, giggling against my shoulder and babbling my name over and over again. 

"Ah, he only chills with Uncle Moony. Typical." James rolls his eyes, watching Harry just curl up in my lap and just calm right down. I shrug. 

"It's not my fault!" I defend myself, cradling the little one to my chest. Sirius gives me this look, this 'I wish that was ours' look that makes my heart skip a few beats. I'd better get this proposing thing done before he drags me out to adopt a baby. 

We spend the next hour or so laughing and having some wine, watching Harry play on the floor or on the furniture. Reg shows up after a while, with a wicked grin and the line 'Ding dong the Dark Lord's dead, bitches.' 

Things are finally looking up. 

~Sirius' POV~

Over the next three days, Remus and I barely get a moment together. Once I tell Alastor what happened and who was involved, I spend the next day testifying and trying to catch a break to at least see my boyfriend, because being away from him for just a little while makes my chest start to hurt. 

When I break the news about Peter to my friends, it's very quiet for a while. Remus wraps me up in his arms and he's trying to comfort me, but I can feel his tears against my shoulder. I bite the inside of my lip and run my fingers through his hair, glad that his reaction was this and not anger. 

James doesn't say anything. He just sits there for a while, his hands shaking where they're hanging between his knees. Eventually, I pull Remus and we both hug James, the boy who put together our band of misfits and just wanted us to all be okay. 

That's the only time I get with my friends, because the rest of the time I'm being bounced between reporter after reporter, asking about what I went through and the aftermath it's having in me mentally. All I want to do is shout 'I NEED MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND OF I'M GOING TO SUFFOCATE', but that's not what they want to here, so instead I calmly answer every time "I'm sleepy, that's for damn sure." 

Finally, Friday afternoon, Remus and I are both home. I kick off my boots, walk over the love of my life, and plop down in his lap with no intentions of moving. Remus tucks me into his chest with his arms wrapped tight around me. 

"Merlin, I thought I'd never see you again." He's joking, but I can tell he means it. He's feeling just as anxious as I am to be away from each other. 

"Yeah," I agree, pressing a soft kiss to Remus' shoulder. "I missed you so much." I add, my eyes involuntarily closing when Remus holds me a little tighter. 

"Happy late birthday, by the way." Remus says after a while, his fingers running slowly through my hair. I chuckle softly. 

"Oh, yeah. I'm old enough to drink in the US now." I nestle closer to Remus' neck. "What's the date, anyway?" 

"February thirteenth, I think." Remus replies, flicking his wrist to start a record because it's too quiet and we're both paranoid. 

"Hey, I didn't miss valentines day." I lift my head to kiss Remus' cheek, wrapping my arms tighter around his neck. Remus chuckles and presses his lips gently to mine, his hands holding my hips in a way I've missed so much. I glance at my watch, then back at Remus. "Why don't we go out tonight, then watch Harry for James and Lils tomorrow?"

Remus smiles, his eyes bright with that emotion he only gets when I talk about doing something nice. "I'm sure they'll be happy to get out of the house," he agrees. 

An hour later, Remus and I are getting dressed to go out. 

"Navy or red?" Remus' asks, holding up two button downs I glance at them in the mirror that I'm doing my eyeliner in. 

"Red, brings out your eyes." I reply, and Remus hangs the blue shirt back up. 

I go back to my eyeliner and next thing I know, there are gentle arms wrapping around my waist. I smile and lean my head on Remus' when he nuzzles into my neck. 

"You should let me do your eyeliner," I say casually, as I have a million times. 

"Nnm. It looks too good on you, I'd look like a poser." Remus' replies, as always, as he presses soft kisses along my neck. I turn my head a little to press my lips to his, still craving his kisses and hihis touch. I can't help the soft moan that I let out when Remus splays his hands over my hips and pulls me in closer. 

"Merlin, keep making noises like that and we won't make it out of the flat." Remus breathes against my lips, nuzzling his nose against mine. 

"What are we going to do, anyway?" I ask, turning to wrap my arms around Remus' neck. He always plans our dates, because he's the planner and I'm the sporadic acts of love kind of partner. 

"Whatever you want," Remus looks at me with that soft expression that makes me want to kiss him and hug him to death because he's just so Merlin damn cute. A smile tugs at my lips, and I pull Remus down to kiss his cheek. 

"I think, that you should let me take you on a ride on my bike." I trail my fingers down Remus chest, watching his cheeks go pink at the action. He doesn't even register what I said, for a moment. Then he does, and he shakes his head. 

"No way. I told you I'm not getting on that thing." Remus replies. 

"Come on, baby." Merlin, I love watching Remus swoon for me like we're in school. "It's perfectly safe. I've ridden on it and I haven't crashed." 

"I know how easily you get distracted, Sirius. I don't even trust you to drive a car, let alone a flying death machine." Remus puts his hands on either side of me, pushing me into the dresser behind me. Shit, I forgot he knows how to make me swoon too. Time to break out the big guns. 

"Please, moony?" I give Remus my best puppy eyes, and I watch his gaze slide away from me because he knows what I'm going to do. So, I tuck a finger under his chin to make him look at me. "Pleaaaase?" I even stick my bottom lip out for dramatic effect. 

"Fucking- fine. Fine! Stop /looking/ at me like that!" Remus gives in, and I wrap my arms excitedly around him to pull him into an eager kiss. 

~

"No, nonono, why did I let you drag me into this?" Remus edges away from me, not even on the bike yet. 

"I won't let you get hurt, Rem." And then I notice Remus is hyperventilating, so I turn and take his face in my hands. "Hey." I make him look me in the eyes. "Would I /ever/ hurt you?" 

Remus shakes his head. "N-no-"

"Then based off of what you know, would I put you in danger without telling you you're in danger?" Another head shake. "Trust me, baby. Once you get up there, you're going to love it. I promise." 

Remus nods a little. "Okay." He replies. "But.. If I barf once we land you won't make fun of me, right?" 

"Oh, sweetheart. Of course I will." 

It takes a few more minutes of panicking and coaxing before I actually get Remus on the bike. I put his specially decorated helmet on his head, securing it under his chin and kissing him on the nose. "You good?" I ask, because Remus looks like he's going to puke. 

"Don't ever ask me that." 

"Noted." I chuckle and settle myself in my seat for the first time in upwards of four months with a content sigh. 

"Merlin padfoot, put on a fucking helmet-" Remus whines. 

"And mess up the hair I spent a half an hour perfecting? Hell no." I joke, then reach back for Remus' hand. "Wrap your arms around my waist and don't let go, okay?" 

"Like I was gonna let go, I understand basic science-" Remus grumbles as he wraps his arms around my waist, clasping his hands at my navel easily without moving much. "You're such a twink, how do you look so hot riding this thing?"

"I look hot riding other things too, Moonbeam." And before Remus has a chance to reply, we're off. He's cursing in my ear, but I can barely hear it over the wind roaring. I love it so much. 

The  we're /flying/, and Remus tucks his face into my neck like he does when he has a nightmare. I chuckle softly and slow down so he can hear me. 

"Baby, /look/." Remus tentatively does as I say, but then once he sees what I am, he's less scared. 

"Woah.." It's beautiful up here. We can see most of muggle London and beyond. My heart does a backflip at Remus' voice, that amazed voice. I can imagine the sparkle in his amber eyes. 

We fly around slowly for a while, because Remus hated going fast and I don't want him to hate the bike. 

"You ready to go back down, Love?" I ask after a while, because Remus is practically falling asleep against my shoulder. Hm, apparently any vehicle will do that to him. 

"Yeah, I'm getting a headache." Ah yes, the thinner air. 

 We fly down and land in a discreet location on the outskirts of London, where I have to pick up the pace because of the speed limit. Remus hugs me tighter again, but he's keeping his head up and looking around. 

After about twenty minutes, I pull into a parking space and turn off the engine. 

"Merlin fuck." Remus finally let's go of his death grip on my waist. I get off and turn around to look at my beautiful boy. 

My heart /leaps/. He's got beautifully tousled helmet hair and his cheeks are pink and windburnt. 

"Oh, you're so cute." I take Remus' face in my hands and lean in to kiss his forehead. He smiles a little sheepishly. 

"Yeah, yeah. Where are we?" Remus rubs his eye, still sleepy from the ride. I grin and take his hand. 

"The best restaurant in all of London, my darling. Moony." I reply, and Remus smiles because he knows exactly where we are. On our first day in our flat, we didn't have any food so we walked around looking for a place that looked good until we got lost, then we found the coziest café with the best cinnamon rolls in the country and puppies that wander around for pets. 

Later, Remus and I stumble into our flat, a pile of giggles and happy kisses because we've realized that we're together and we're okay. 

"Come on come on come on, let's go stargaze!" Remus pulls me towards our bedroom. We climb out the window and up onto the roof of our building, looking up at the stars. I lay back and Remus lays his head on my chest, reaching out for my hand. 

"My soft baby," I croon, holding Remus' hand and running my other hand through his fluffy curls. 

"Shut up." Remus hides his flushed cheeks in my chest. 

"Aw, but I love it when you're soft and sweet like this." I run my hand down Remus' neck and over his shoulder to settle on the curve of his hip. 

"Stooop, you're going to make me too nervous." Remus whines, then immediately regrets it. 

"Too nervous for what?" I ask, and Remus takes a deep breath before getting up. He gets on his knee, and I'm glad this is a flat roof. 

"Too nervous to ask you to marry me." And then I'm sitting up because Remus is pulling a ring out of his jeans pocket. "While you were gone, I made a promise to myself that the first chance I got, I would make sure that you'll me mine forever." He scratches his neck, a nervous tick that makes my heart beat nearly out of my chest. 

"Merlin, I'm bad at this shit. You- you make me blush like a thirteen year old kid just by looking at me the right way, Padfoot. And- and I want to feel like that forever. So.. Will you end my suffering with this awful speech and say yes?" 

I get up on my knees and throw my arms around Remus' neck, kissing all over his face. "Yes yes yes yes yes, you dumb bitch of course I'll marry you!" 

Remus finds the room to slip the ring onto my finger between our tight hug. I take a moment to look at it, still wrapped up in my /fiance's/ arms. It's simple, a black band with three diamonds arranged with a slightly bigger one in the middle and two smaller ones beside it. Simple and bright, just like us. 

I look up at Remus, cupping his cheeks in my hands and just looking at him. 

This is bliss. 

~

So,,,, this was not supposed to be this long and I'm still going to write a part two because if they lived au's are my whole heart right now.