"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Minho growls punching the floor after Changbin's fist came flying over his bare face.
He then tackles Changbin to the ground and attempts to make a blow but the other dodges it in time.
He then throws another punch at Minho's right cheek before letting go of him.
"I never would have thought you would go so low. Thank me I was the one who opened that godamn door and not Jisung!" Changbin scoffs looking at him disgusted. "And that's the softest punch I can give to you. I can do a whole lot more if I want to."
"Jisung? He was here?! It's not what you think it is. Whatever you saw back there wa-"
"I don't want to hear anything from you. Explain it to him, not me Minho. I might have not closed the door too fast for him not to see you eating some girl's face while your boyfriend isn't around." Changbin cuts him off.
Minho punches the floor and runs for the gym door. His breathing felt heavy but his pacing was getting faster as seconds pass. But as soon as he visually sees the tall buildings and departments in the vicinity of the academy, he panics.
"Shit. Where would Hanji be? Minho think."
He then opens his phone and left a missed call, a text and a chat to Jisung but unfortunately no answer was given back.
Messenger
Hanji
Minho: Baby? Where are you?
Please reply as soon as you see this.
Delivered
A minute has passed and he can't wait any more longer so he then decides to chat anyone who was online at the moment and hope they know where Han Jisung is.
Messenger
Yang Jeongin
Minho: IN where is Jisung?
Yang Jeongin: Didn't he went to the gym to watch your game?
Messenger
Felixie
Minho: Felix where is Jisung?
Felix: .......
You didn't hear this from me but he's at the library. Aisle 8. Bring him some potato fries. He's craving for some when I left him. What did you even do?
Minho: Thanks Felix. I owe you this.
Minho ran to the canteen to buy some potato fries for Jisung, luckily there was a readily cooked one available to be purchased. He also didn't forget to thank the lady before running through the door in a hurry. He didn't have the time in the world and every second counts to reach Jisung as much as possible. Just thinking he's the reason for the other to feel any form of sadness made his stomach churn and his heart ache.
He forcefully opened the library door and scanned the roman numerals engraved in the golden metal plaque on the side of the book shelves. He was about to run to aisle 8 Felix told him about but the old librarian waved at him to fill in the log in sheets first.
Minho hurriedly skimmed the list and sees Jisung's name on the log in section but not on the log out. He sighed and mentally thanked the gods Jisung was still here.
He then waved goodbye to the librarian and calmly walks towards where Jisung is.
His phone was buzzing non stop on his pocket but he didn't mind it at all. It was probably Chan calling him for the friendly game they had scheduled with the other section that afternoon but Han Jisung was more important than anything else.
Knowing Changbin, he would never tell Chan about what happened and would wait for him to explain it himself. It's not his story to tell in the first place. Despite the disappointment and the anger he must be feeling right now, Changbin will and always cling to his principles.
After the longest 10 meter distance Minho just marched to reach the aisle, he then finally see Jisung sitting crossed leg staring blankly at a book he was holding. He couldn't make up what the book was about but he definitely could recognize the look on his face. He's nowhere focused on what he's reading. Pursed lips, frowning eyebrows and nervously meddling the tip of the poor tattered page but despite this, he still looked beautiful in Minho's eyes. Sad poor soul but still beautiful.
Just a few meters away from where the other was sitting, Jisung still didn't notice him at all, the latter must be thinking a lot of things to be that oblivious of his surroundings and that made Minho feel guilty despite knowing he has no intention of hurting the other in any way.
He badly wanted to protect Jisung from the world but what if he was the problem? How can he protect Jisung from himself?
🌸🌸🌸
At the gym
"Bin-ah! You're early. That's a first. Where's Hyunjin? Minho?" Chan asking as he place his bag on their bench.
Some of the players of both teams are still not around yet students already started occupying the audience bench at Stray Kids' side of the court. It wasn't a surprise since a lot of students are anticipating for every Stray Kids games and any chance the students can get closer to the group, they will grab it.
"I don't know." Changbin replies coldly.
"Hey. Did something happen? I know that tone in your voice."
"Hi guyssss!" Hyunjin jumps at them. "Are you ready for the game? Wait where's Minho?"
Changbin ignores them and starts tidying up his belongings.
Hyunjin turns to Chan and the other shrugs also confused.
"Let's leave him. Probably love quarrel again." Hyunjin whispers to the other.
"Yeah. Let me call Minho then so we can start warming up."
Chan left a dozen missed calls for Minho but to no luck he still hasn't returned any of his calls. He was now the only team member not around so Chan decided to start their team warm up without him.
"Changbin, did something happen to Minho?" Chan asks as they wait for their turn to shoot the warm up ball.
"Ask him."
"Something did happen. Should we cancel the game and help him?"
"No. Let him fix his mistake himself. Let him learn from it on his own. He can manage. I know he will. He's our bestfriend after all." Changbin sighs.
Chan was about to respond but it was his turn to shoot a free throw ball in their line. Despite his thoughts being bothered and more questions just emerged after what Changbin said, he still managed to shoot a ringless ball which made the students at the side bench cheer.
Despite starting the game late in the hopes for Minho to come, they just started it without him. A few students, were confused as to where the other member was but despite this the game was pulled through and the final score was 89:72 in favor of Stray Kids and Changbin was the star of today's game. He poured his anger towards every shot he made. But despite winning the game because of Changbin's performance, Hyunjin and Chan definitely felt his drive was coming off from a negative source and that made them worry. Both for their two best friends.
🌸🌸🌸
Library
He was now slightly standing a feet away from Jisung, the nearest he can be to not to scare the other but he got surprised as he sees what Jisung was actually meddling with, it wasn't the top page of the book at all. It was the daisy he gave the other this morning. Finely tucked in between the thin sheets of the book.
'Was he planning on leaving the flower inside the book? What if I didn't come any sooner? Would he have done it? I hurt him this bad?' Minho asked himself.
"Jisung." Minho sighs before flopping next to him.
"Minho. How did you kno- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LIPS AND YOUR CHEEK?!" Jisung asked as he carefully held his chin. "Your lips is bleeding! What happened?! Where did you go? Is this why you were not at the gym? Is this why I felt uneasy? Wait I'll look for a medicine kit! I saw one aroun-"
Minho held Jisung's hand and looked at him frowning sadly. "Hanji can you sit first please? I might have done something terrible...to you."
Jisung was dumbfounded. He didn't even have the strength to sit down. His heart skipped faster and his thoughts were now clouded as ever.
'This was the exact thing I was overthinking about earlier and it might be true. The tone of his voice, the look on his face. Please, not what I saw. It wasn't him. It can't be him. Please. Not this.' Jisung pleaded to himself as he slowly kneels next to him.
"Babe? Hanna... she went to our locker room earlier and..."
"And?"
"She knows about us Hanji."
"And?"
"She begged me to leave you over her."
"Do you want to..uhm to leave? Y-you can if you want. It's not too lat-."
"I decline babe. I already have everything. I already have you." Minho cupped Jisung's face and caressed his hair.
"Did you both.. uhm kiss?" Jisung looked away hiding the pain in his eyes.
"She kissed me."
Jisung sighed deeply and closed shut his eyes. Trying to hold back the tears now knocking on his eyelids. "D-Did you like it?"
"No. Not one bit. She's not you."
"Sooo....was that what Changbin saw at the locker room? Was the silhouette i saw..."
"Whatever you saw back there is nowhere what I truly feel Hanji. She was the one who kissed me. I pushed her as soon as I can. You believe me right? You know you're the only one I want right?"
"How long were you both there? Alone? With each other?"
Minho was taken aback by Jisung's question. He didn't notice the time but he felt it was shorter than what it used to be. "I- i don't know. But not long enough... We were just talking Jisung. I was never in any way wanted to be alone with her either. As soon as I saw your chat, I immediately wanted to see you but she came bursting through the door and..."
"Oh... So when I sent you that chat she was there already? Not long enough huh? How did you get this cut?" Jisung changing the subject.
"Changbin punched me. I deserve it for being naïve. I should have left when I had the chance."
"Then why didn't you?" Jisung spats.
"S-She was still a friend. I couldn't just leave her there babe. She was begging and she looked frail and sad..."
"So you still care for her then?"
"O-of course I do. No. I did but now i don't. She was a friend, yes, but not anymore. I told her not to talk to me..to us before I left. We have nothing to do with her anymore."
"Tss. What about your game?" Jisung changing the topic again.
"I don't care about the game Jisung. Are you mad at me babe?"
"I want to go home Minho. I'm exhausted. I'll probably ask Seungmin to take us home."
"Babe. I can take you home. You don't have to talk to me or look at me. Just let me take you home."
"Minho. please. I need some time...to think. I can't see you right now." Jiusng said as he closes the book he was holding, crushing the daisy he tucked between the pages and returning it to the book shelf.
Minho couldn't help his tears from falling as he sees a piece of the petal poking between the pages of the book. That was their symbol of love. That was a promise. But what pained him even more is that Jisung was hurting because of him.
Jisung saw the pain in Minho's eyes, he felt it and at some point he regretted doing what he did but the anger and pain he felt was too overwhelming. He felt betrayed and it was too much for him to handle. And it somehow clouded and overpowered his affection towards the other.
Did he do it to get revenge? To also inflict emotional pain to the other? Or was it also a promise to himself? That no matter how much he loves a person he can and will be able to tuck away what he truly feels to also mend for himself. His own defense mechanism of some sort. He was still weak afterall.
His mind perfectly understands what happened. It was Hanna. It was all Hanna's fault. But his heart was contradicting him. He couldn't help but also feel anger towards Minho and he thinks he knows why.
Jisung's greatest fear was showing vulnerability to anyone. Thus the attitude he keeps on showing to the public and to other people, including some of his friends even back in Malaysia but when he started loving Minho, that fear slowly faded away.
Jisung finally felt how it feels to give your trust and be weak in front of someone but be happy and contented with giving yourself that carelessly away without thinking of the downsides and the consequences. It felt nice and reassuring that someone was willing to care of you despite of your flaws and your weaknesses. It was nice to trust someone with everything that you have. It was nice to know someone was willing to accept you. All of you.
So for Jisung, loving Minho was like giving him a gun and trusting him not to pull the trigger.
But at that moment, he felt like Minho, did pull the trigger.
"Please remember that I love you Jisung. So much." Minho held Jisung's shoulder but the other shrugs it off.
"Please don't stop me Minho. I love you too much and one touch from you again might be enough to break me down. I'll be okay. Just give me some time." Jisung said before walking away, leaving Minho alone in aisle 8.
🌸
Jisung was now walking towards Seungmin's car. He left a message to the other to meet him there after his pair project session with Innie.
He can hear the loud cheers of the students coming from the gymnasium and that just made his heart ache even more. He just wanted to be numb from the pain but it's beginning to feel like torture whenever he takes a step away from Minho.
He wants to hug him and assure him that he loves him too. Deep inside that was all what he wanted to do. But for some reason, he was fearful. Fearful of what's coming. Of himself. And everybody else.
He has seen multiple movies where the characters act foolishly and be martyrs when they fall in love and he knows, if he will let himself, he'll also be like those fools he resented before.
Loves wasn't suppose to be hurting. You choose love because you want to be happy. To give hope and life. So why was this happening to him? Every single time he commits to that little thing called love, life gives him pain in return and it was unfair.
And this was nothing like what he expected. He thought this day would still be normal even though he's dating the most popular student in the academy. He thought they'll live happily ever after with their friends and get on with life.
He thought everything would be fine because he was just caught up with his emotion and chose to surrender to it. We are all slaves of love after all.
What he always wanted was to feel love and be loved. That's it.
Was that too much to ask for?
That was Jisung's train of thoughts as he ventured the parking lot. And unfortunately, he got it all wrong. Way wrong.
He now sat on the shaded bench beside Seungmin's parked car and stared blankly at the colony of ants walking in a straight line near the rocks from where he was sitting.
It somehow helped him calm down. But not after a few minutes, he sees Seungmin and Jeongin panting as they arrive.
"Jiji? What happened?" Innie kneels as soon as he sees his bestfriend.
After reading the message the other sent, he knew exactly something was wrong so they flee to him immediately.
Jisung immediately melts in Innie's shoulders and quietly cried, finally letting himself be helpless for the one person he can truly trust. Tears just kept falling and Innie's presence somehow helped ease the pain he was feeling. Seungmin took his bag and opened the car door for them.
He cried like a baby the entire ride home. He buried his face onto Innie's chest to hide the sound of his sobs. The two friends still didn't know what happened since Jisung was not responding to any of their questions.
Finally arriving at their house, Mrs. Han was nowhere to be found. Innie with the help of Seungmin carefully tucked in Jisung in his bed. Seungmin couldn't have the heart to leave them alone since Mrs. Han was still not around so he offered to stay for the night until the older was home.
Seungmin stayed with Jisung in his room as Innie promised to be back with some warm chocolate milk for them to drink. They then decided to watch some movies on Netflix and chose Jisung's favorite anime, Howl's Moving Castle, to make him feel better.
Innie came back with a note from the fridge their Mom left.
She was coming home late and they should just reheat the food she kept in the refrigerator. Innie then decided not to bother Mrs. Han and just wait for her to come back and let her talk to Jisung herself.
Jisung fell asleep after the movie finished. He must be exhausted from crying all night long. He weeps even at parts in the movie not worth crying for. It seems like everything that made him remember Minho, pained him. And that's where both of them got the gist of what was happening.
Seungmin then bombards Minho's messenger with questions about what happened but the other seems to ignore everyone's message including Stray Kids. He called their home telephone and the helper answered it. He then asked where his Hyung was and she responded he was still not home.
On the other hand, Mrs. Han arrived past 9 pm and so then Seungmin decided to go home for the night and look for his brother.
Innie gave her the bits of information they knew and left the olde alone to wake up Jisung and to talk to him.
"Jiji? Honey? Mom's home. What happened? Why are you crying?" Mrs. Han asked. Her voice was like a soft breeze. Soothing and calm.
Jisung slowly opened his eyes and wails as he hugs his Mom.
"I'm here. You're safe. Sorry if I'm late Ji. I'm here now."
"Mom? Why is it so painful?" Jisung sobs
"Honey, love can be painful. And that's how you'll know you are truly, deeply loving. The more pain you're feeling the more you love.
You can cry all you want. It's okay to cry. Tears are God's way to wash our eyes so we can clearly see the things we have been blinded by in our life. Trust me Ji. I've spent a good amount of time crying these past few months.
Love and pain goes hand in hand. Those two will never be separated. Once you love, you should be ready to feel pain in the process. That's just how it is honey. I know it's cruel.
But that doesn't mean you should give up with that love you're holding. We can sometimes hurt the people we care about but that doesn't mean our love for them was any lesser or untrue. Baby, is this about Minho?"
Jisung nods.
"That boy loves you Ji. I talked to him. He was sincere and true and genuine. More sincere than your father ever loved me."
"Mom..."
"I wish I could take away your pain and these tears in your eyes." Mrs. Han said as she wipes a tear from Jisung's puffed cheeks.
"If only I could Jiji. But I know Minho can.
You should love despite the pain and the suffering. I know you're afraid Ji but you can't be afraid all your life. Don't be like me."
She kissed Jisung's forehead and opened his sheets to cradle his son unto her arms.
"I'll be right here Ji. And if you choose to give up this battle, I'll support you. Always. It'll still be your choice. Just remember that mom is here and I love you so much."
Jisung hugged his Mom warmly. This was what he needed. He felt every single word his mom said and he took it all by heart. He now understands. A realization he has come upon.
At first he loved Minho because he was perfect but now that he knew he was not and has seen his imperfections, his flaws and his garbage, his love just grew deeper.
And he now truly understood why it was painful,
it was just true.
He wasn't afraid or fearful, he was just in love.
And at that moment, he chose to look beyond their imperfections and the pain and the suffering.
Loving Minho is perfectly imperfect as it can be and that makes him perfect in Jisung's eyes.
A beautiful disaster their love truly is.
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸