Since I have met you!

Epilogue

Well another day. Another hour. And I totally forgot about the time. 

So, I was running as always to the bus station. I needed to catch this bus or else I would be late. Month passed by and I forgot Josh and all that happened most of the time. Sometimes, I was done because I got reminded of my past at a memorable place. However, my friends were great help. There were always there for me and understand when I wasn't in the mood for a talk. I hadn't seen him since and so my friends. 

He seemed to finally vanish out of my life. Only one funny memory, which happened once. Like a story, you could read but it was only a story and the ending wouldn't change no matter how sad or mad you were about it.I had always hoped for a spectacular ending, but it wasn't coming. I often thought why? Perhaps he wasn't the right one. Or maybe we weren't ready. 

The one thing, I know crystal clear was that I wanted to be away from him as far as possible, living my life without him like I did in the last couple of weeks. These weeks were the best. And even if I don't know when life will get shitty again, I will enjoy the time I have with my friends.

From time to time Severin made a joke about Josh and what a mother's boy he was. Too clingy to his mother, to be ready for a relationship. On the other side, he would be perfect for something like that. I always laugh about that fact. This would never happen, according to Chris. I felt strange after Josh. First, he pissed me off. But then, I was repeating the only question stucking in my mind: How could I feel so much for this jerk? But what was it that had connected me with him? 

But once was for sure. I would never give him another chance. I never want to try it again. 

I saw green. The light switched. I had still to hurry, otherwise I would miss the bus. When I crossed the street, I couldn't believe my eyes. Really could. Brown coat. This curly hair. These friends. The Vans backpack. He was it. At my bus station. Unlikely. That was impossible. I stopped further down and waited for the bus to finally arrive. As the bus finally arrived, I didn't look up to the boys. I get in and sat in the first row. I kept scrolling down Instagram to not start thinking about this idiot. Sadly, the news was just boring as hell. Even I didn't feel something for him anymore, my heart was still hammering against my chest. I was even more afraid that he would be standing in front of me wanted to talk. But what if he would really explain himself well enough? Would I really consider the fact of him taking back?

When we arrived, I kind of sprinted out of the bus. My legs moved automatically. I wanted as far away from him as possible. Not in the same bus, nor in the same area as him. However, there were so many people that I couldn't get out as fast as I first planned on doing so. In the subway, were he still hadn't noticed my presence, we walked straight without a goodbye to his friends to the subway. Ohhh, they seemed to be in a huge fight. But sadly, he walked now to the same platform where I needed to be. I tried to slow down, but for his height, he really was a lame walker. 

He walked in front of me with such confidence. With such serenity. Fuck the looks. Let's be honest. I had dreamed of getting this chance all the whole year. Get to know him. But now. Now, I actually wanted to leave him behind. Could I really do it? 

Nonetheless, through these many facts, stories about him, my view of him had been changed so much that he is not that important to me anymore. Also, he has a girlfriend. I got hurt. He is not worth it at all. These encounters, these moments were just memories. Nothing more. Nothing less. I had a real life now where these memories had no part in it. If he wants something he should have come. But I moved on and I don't need him or anyone to make me happy. I'm the only one who can bring happiness into my life. Because it is my life and he would have played only a little part in it, because life is more complexed that just spending time with one boy, you are into. 

And also, it hasn't to be a boy who only have the best looks, who looks like every girls dream man but being completely dumb on the other side and has a lot of sex appeal to show off. No, he has to be kind and has to respect you. That are the important things in life. Once at the bottom, I stood at the end of one of the subway station and waited. First, he went on and then he realized that something was wrong. He stopped looking around and our eyes met. He was confused. I saw that in his face. 

He had certainly never had a girl of his 700 admirers who did not run after him. After he bullshitted me and treated me the worst. But I am different. And I will ever be. I am not like the other girls. I am a challenge, not a souvenir. I often saw it as a problem. As a weakness of myself not to be like all the others but now I know that this was something to be proud of. To be not ordinary. To be special. So, it is even harder to find someone similar which is also special and fitting with you perfectly. But that's not Josh. I am not a girl who throw everything away for a guy and chase after him. I have my own skills to achieve. 

We still had our eyes looked and this one minute till the train would come was the longest of my life. It felt like the people around us were gone and only we mattered. He made a step towards me, as he wanted to show me that he wanted a new start. We were still six more meters apart from each other. We may have been an open book to the other since we met. Like I already know how he felt or think but at that moment my thoughts were locked for him which made him insecure.But I didn't care for once. I looked at only him. Only in his eyes. 

The only thing I heard was the subway pulling in. Now it was time for him to come to me, if he wanted anything from me, but he stopped. He stayed in his place and did not move for one more time. He just looked at me. And neither did I move. If he wanted to fight for me, he needed to do these steps. 

When the subway stopped, I was the first one of the two of us, who broke our staring contest and turned around, went to the subway door, opened it and got in. I had chosen my path and when I saw, in the corner of my eye, while I confidently got into my carriage, I saw that he was entering the other. It felt like I was in a movie. And it was the end of the film. 

He had the chance so often, to choose me but every single time, I was hurt by him. That wouldn't have been a good start for us. This relationship would have been built with a lot of hurt. He had the chance to speak to me and didn't. And no matter how close we were. No matter what supernatural force brought us together again and again and again, he let his chances pass and so did I. 

Yes, I was too late but at least I did something. Instead of him. I'm not a lap dog, but I am a self-confident, independent woman and damn it, I don't need a boyfriend who is a wimp, a whiner, a bad dancer and a mother's boy. And so, my door closed, and the subway left the station. 

Now the film is over. A sad movie come to an end. A sad ending. But this is just not a romantic comedy which included a happy ending. Many spectators might have howled. Even I howled when my film ended. Even I know that was the only right decision to make, a tear slipped away from my eye. 

I know the end was cruel. So is the divided feeling I have. I was satisfied and happy with myself but at the same time, I was a bit sad too. Nevertheless, I made it. I didn't give up. I was stronger than I expected to be. 

I always wanted a boyfriend and there I thought I found the perfect one, he turned out to be a douche. And now, I am happy to be single because in this relationship, I wouldn't be enjoying my life at all. 

This ending is so perfect and at the same time one of the saddest I've ever experienced. 

-But maybe, yeah maybe we will have a future. 

-One day. 

-Under different circumstances. 

-In a different universe.

The end