Since I have met you!

30. Rebecca

Feeling great, lost, awesome, exhausted, tired, happy, ... That were my mood swings in the last few months. Exams, exmas, exams. I worked my ass of to keep me awake. If I slept, I saw him in my dreams. And that couldn't happen. I coordinated that I hadn't a minute to think, because then I would consider to running to him, taking him back and having my happy end. But that wasn't a happy end, I could feel it. There wasn't something right with him.

"Look at me now. I am happy.", I said to Mia, Diana and Iris. "You are not.", said Diana. "That's the problem here.", meant Mia and Iris was convinced about me that I finally got insane.

Why wouldn't I be okay?", I asked confused, had sunglasses on even the sun weren't shining much today so that you couldn't see my dark circles under my eyes, the coffee in the right hand and the joint in the other. "You are working nonstop.", Iris giving the first fact. "You're looking unhealthy. But still skinny, that is absolutely puzzling for me. How do you do that?", argued Diana. "And I see you smoking over the day. And you do this only when you don't feel well, stressed before an exam or if you have your girly week." Girly week was a code word for us girls that involved our monthly upcoming period.

"C'mon, that is bullshit.", I denied, sipping on my coffee with extra caffeine.

"Stop denying it. You haven't hung out with us since this all happened with Valentine and also someone you liked a lot left town. It's just normal to be sad but you look like you are losing yourself."

Okay, maybe Mia had a point here. Since I had no message from Chris or Severin, I felt lonely. Not because of the two of them, also because this whole dancing, partying thing was missing in my life. And I needed music for life.

Then this whole thing with this Josh happened, which left me even more unfocused than before. I argued a lot with myself if I made the right decision. In the end I didn't know what do to. I knew nothing about him. Contemplating for hours wasn't helping at all because that would even knotting more strings in my head, which mad the whole coincidence meeting, drawn to each other, fate or not point of view, only more confusing.

My friends were right. I was not myself and broke into pieces. And I let it be. I didn't try to do something against it. I had seen it every day, as I saw myself in the mirror. Yet I ignored it. I didn't want to make it my cup of tea. I huffed and sat down on a bench. "I give up, guys. I can't do it anymore.", I ascertained. Mia quickly sat down next to me and gave me one of her big comfortable hugs. "You don't have to. Just admit that what you really want.", Iris suggested, shrugging with her shoulders. "I know, but I thought I was happy just the way it was. I was so sure that forgetting him was the best what I could come up with.", I declared.

"But you can't, girl. You like him and he likes you too. That's obvious. And if- just if- he really doesn't he is a nitwit and a total loser. For all girls on this earth. You are the best package someone can get. He needed to be more than lucky that you chose him. And if he isn't, he isn't the right man to be with you. You deserve the best and nothing less. Someone who makes you happy."

They were so right. I was on the wrong side of the island. I had seen it always so different. I felt so dumb right now. "And if he would hurt you or humiliating you, he deserves a lot of punches from all of us.", Mia said callously. There we all chuckled, my mood lifting a bit. "What should I do now?" I asked, no idea how I should find out, if he was still interested in me. Four months passed and that was a lot of time to forget and live on.

"That's a good question.", Iris confirmed, "however, I have a pretty excellent idea here. It's fricking easy and we will do it together as a team. The love rescue team." "We are not kidnapping him, Ire", Diana said. "Shit, first option gone.", joked Iris, "but anyway we or more precisely you will ask him to prom in the most romantic act, which we have learnt about romantic comedy. We will help to give your romance film a happy ending."