Since I have met you!

11 Josh

Days long, I had seen her there. At the bus station. At the subway station. Too many people. She didn't seem to notice me. I stared at her and hoped that she would turn her head to me. I would go talk to her but on the one hand I didn't want to scare her and looked like a stalker. Also, her friend was always with her and I didn't want to embarrass her or even worst embarrassing me. Dean told me that there wouldn't be any embarrassing moments when I would talk to her, but I thought otherwise. I mean we barely have both the same problem to stay on our feet in the vicinity of each other.

One time as I had seen her at the bus station in the morning, I noticed that we both weren't lucky at all. She tried to stand in the first row in the middle of the bus to get off first. However, she looked a little bit tense and kept her eyes on something, which was behind her. 

I was standing behind Dean and other people and thought that maybe I could hide for a little longer today because she looked not well excited today to be overwhelmed, if she would catch a glimpse of my present. But I was still taller than Dean and the other, so it was nonsense to do something stupid like that. 

As the door opened, I could perfectly intake her features. As my eyes arrived at her knees, I understood clearly why she looked so pissed. The woman behind her, was hitting her bags into my college girl. How could she do something so rude. I would have gotten furious. Still I couldn't. Suddenly her body straightened more and her head with her wonderful emerald eyes was fixed on me. I was completely intoxicated by her. Even she needed another second to register that we finally got the chance -obviously, I had it more often than her- to see us again. Maybe I should talk to her or should I make her the first move to not be too intimidating. 

Nobody moved, even if this situation lasted a few seconds, it was the best of my life. I felt like nobody around us existed. Like I was only standing in front of her. Nothing needed to be said because it was logical for us what we felt for each other. What? Did I really say that right now? That couldn't be happening. What was I thinking about such a bullshit? I didn't even know her.

All of a sudden, an elbow was hitting me in my stomach. I was clearly aware of that this was Dean who wanted to warn me that I was starring too long at the girl. I tried to look away, and even if it was the hardest thing to do, I knew that this would be good for the both of us- me and her. Even if I was the most callous boy on the world right now, I had to do it. I needed to create some space between our intense and very amazing stare contest. We needed to forget us. 

As it seemed like or as I felt our look at each other spoke for itself that we both were perhaps kind of attached to each other. Maybe only by our good looks. Though, I had not caught any sympathy or feelings for her, I had to admit at least that her red colour in her hair was more intense than the other days before and I liked her outfits which included that most clothing had the colour black. I didn't want to presume anything, but I nearly thought that black could be her favourite colour. However, it could also be the colour of the red wine because, she often compared her dark outfits with something red, which had the perfect similar red to her hair. 

While I looked like the most cold-hearted boy, I felt some stitches in my lungs. It was an awful feeling. I took only a side glance. She looked at first a little taken back from my behaviour towards her. As I wanted to smile at her to assure her that I am not some stupid idiot, who has nothing better to do to make women suffer, but she was already gone.

"Why did you do that?", I asked Dean utterly annoyed. "You were literally yawing. Not good man. You need to make her believe that you would like to know her. Not totally obsessed with her whereas you don't know anything from her. That looked kind of creepy out there. She was shocked that she saw you again but you? You were like the most cringe guy, I ever saw.", Dean explained me while we were sitting on the bus and driving to school. 

"That bad?", I scrutinized. Maybe she was now even more scared or disgusted by me than from the first time we met. Dean didn't response. He just broke out into a hilarious laughter. Great, I was looking that bad into her nice eyes. However, to my defence, she looked stunning. And it also caught me off guard that she finally recognised me. After I looked at her for days, I could catch a glimpse of this emerald eyes again.

The days went by and we only were passing each other without talking. Sometimes, when I felt that my cheeks were getting hot, I couldn't look at her. I often regretted it but didn't want her to notice, which effect she clearly had on me. At days during which I could control my feelings towards her, I smiled at her friendly. Dean asked me every single time I walked with him, why I didn't ask her out or after her name. I honestly couldn't answer that question because I didn't know why I didn't. It felt good to see her every day. If I would speak to her, I would destroy these beautiful moments. At least I thought that I couldn't destroy it. Unfortunately, I can.

It was a simple normal day. I prepared myself to just smile at her and not looking like I was a creepy stalker, who really wants to get her attention all the time. Suddenly somebody tipped on my left shoulder. I looked behind me and saw a girl. She was from my school. Brown hair. Brown eyes. She was wearing a mixed colourful outfit today. Happily smiling at me, she greeted me. 

I had known from a few other boys that she was totally into me since I was in one of her favourite boutique magazines. We weren't in the same class. She was one year younger than me. One year behind. One year less in my life. She sometimes came to my class to search something she might could have forgotten as she had a course before. Sadly, it was all made up in order to talk to me. I tried often to ignore it because she clearly made me uncomfortable, but I needed help from Dean who had always dragged me to the men toilettes, if he had seen her coming from the hall into my direction. After some time, she got the hint and wasn't around me all the time. And now she seemed back. I didn't remember her name at all. I wasn't never even at least a bit interested in her.

And while we were on the subway and she kept talking on and on, I was back in my thoughts about my college girl. Hopeful, that I would see her again. But there I recognised my problem. The girl next to me. What will she think? Will she be mad? No, she can't be mad at me because we didn't know each other but still when I pictured her with a guy, I got furious. My heart was beating faster even thinking about that option. Flames were lit in me. She would never do that to me, wouldn't she? 

The doors from the subway opened and the girl nearly hung onto my arm. I tried to walk faster to get away from her, but it was effortless. As I was taking the escalator upstairs, the girl was still there and nowhere was my girl. Maybe she had school later and she couldn't meet with me. But then on the escalator I felt that somebody was looking at me. I felt a presence. It was stronger than that talking girl next to me. I quickly turned around and there she was. On the floor of the subway station with her friend who bought something. But she didn't even listen to her conversation, she was just staring into my eyes. She was so captivated by me that I felt like the most precious man on this world. But her mood changed immediately. You could clearly see that she started to worry as she noticed the girl who was standing one stair above next to me. 

Although this might look a little confusing for now, there was nothing going on with me and that girl. I couldn't tell her. How? I couldn't shout over all the people that she was the only one who was going on the rampage in my head. The escalator went up and didn't stop and so disappeared her face and her now blank expression. What was she thinking of me right now? Was she hurt? Why would it matter to me if she was? I didn't know her. We once had spoken a few sentences. Nothing special to make me feel worried about the fact that she could be hurt because of my action that she saw me hanging out with another girl. And sadly, for another time in a few weeks I ran over a dustbin again. Luckily, the girl from before finally went away because the whole situation was too embarrassing.

"Okay dude, what problem was it this time with her?", heard I Dean asking curiously obvious standing next to me. I looked up and saw him smirking. I didn't find my stunts in school less funny, but nobody would ask me. He offered me a hand which I gladly excepted. Perhaps he had an answer to my confusing problem.