Vulnerable

Chapter 36

'Anencephaly.' Dr Ramirez told Logan and I after a few hours of scans and testing.

'What does that mean?' I whispered, gripping Logan's hand.

'It's a Neural Tube Defect.' He explained, with a soft voice. 'It happens when the foetus' brain doesn't form properly in the womb.'

My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt nauseous. Logan's body stiffened beside me.

'Sadly this condition is fatal. Most babies that are diagnosed with this condition will be born prematurely, and will die before, during or very soon after birth.' Dr Ramirez continued as I buried my head in my hands.

'Is this my fault?' I squeaked. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I found out, but knowing it was going to die regardless... it was heartbreaking.

'No. It's a rare condition and we don't know much about it, but this isn't your fault. With the research we have, there aren't any causes or treatments.'

'What do we do?' Logan said, his grip on my hand tight.

'There are lots of options. You could opt to terminate the pregnancy now, or you could carry it to term. Some parents opt to carry to term and then donate the organs once the child has passed.' Dr Ramirez explained. 'Because of your age, and the condition of your lungs, it's already a high risk pregnancy, and there will be risks for you if you decide to carry to full term. It's common for Polyhydramnios to develop, which is too much amniotic fluid in the womb, which is dangerous for both the foetus and for you.'

Logan and I sat in silence. Dr Ramirez looked between us, with a sympathetic smile.

'I'll give you a minute alone.' He said handing Logan and I a few leaflets explaining Anencephaly, abortion and the loss of a pregnancy.

The second the door closed, I burst into tears and Logan held me tight. I could feel his body shaking with tears too.

'Why does it all have to happen in one day?' I whispered through my sobs. 'We didn't even get time to process anything. It's not fair Logan.'

'I know, baby.' Logan whispered.

'I can't do it Logan. I can't carry a baby only for it to die.' I shook my head, hiding in his arms.

'I agree. It would be too hard if we got attached.' Logan nodded, kissing my forehead. 'So, an abortion?'

I sat up and reached for the leaflet about abortion. Logan kissed my cheek as we read together.

Dr Ramirez came back in, and once we told him about wanting an abortion, he told us about how it would work. We were given information about a medical abortion and Dr Ramirez said he'd have the two pills for me by the end of the week, but I'd need to talk to a counsellor first.

When my dad arrived to see me sitting in the hospital room, cuddled up with Logan as we reread the abortion leaflet, our hearts heavy.

'What's going on?' Dad said, placing his bag down on my bed as he took a seat.

'She's pregnant.' Logan said, biting the bullet. My dad's whole body visibly tensed. 'It's mine. But it has a brain defect and wouldn't survive so we're getting an abortion.'

'You got her pregnant?' My dad seethed. 'She's 16! You got my baby pregnant?'

'Dad!' I cried out as my dad pulled Logan away from me and pushed him against the wall.

'After everything she went through as a kid, you thought sleeping with her was a good idea?' My dad growled, gripping Logan's shirt.

'Dad! Stop it!' I yelled. 'It's not his fault! I wanted to have sex with him dad! It's not his fault.'

'He got you pregnant Megan! How could you be so stupid?' My dad shook his head, his glare so sharp it could have pierced through Logan's soul.

'It was an accident dad!' I cried, trying to pull my dad off of Logan by tugging his arm. 'Let him go, please!'

He let go of Logan, who rubbed the skin around his neck in relief. 'Logan, you need to leave, now. Now before I punch you.'

'Dad, no!' I begged.

'He's not good for you, Megan. First he cheats on you, he gets you pregnant and then he sells you out to rapists? You're insane if you think I'm letting this continue.' My dad spat, glaring at Logan.

'Henry, please...' Logan begged, glancing at me desperately.

'No. You've done enough to ruin my daughter's life so get out now.' My dad breathed angrily.

'Dad, no. I need him.' I whispered, on the brink of tears.

'Get out Logan.'

'That's my baby too, you know?' Logan spat. 'If Megan wanted an abortion before we found out anything else, I was going to support her. If she wanted to keep it, I was going to support her. But we just found out the baby isn't going to survive either way, so I'm going to be by her side through this.'

My eyes widened at Logan's outburst, and I glanced at my dad who was trying to control his anger. 'Dad please.'

'I'm not going to stand here and watch while you get into an endless cycle of pain, Megan.' Dad shook his head. 'He's brought you more pain than could possibly be worth it. I'm not letting him hurt you anymore.'

'He isn't hurting me dad!' I cried. 'I need him through this.'

'You don't need him. You have me, your father, not some stupid boyfriend. You're kids, I know what's best for you Megan and Logan is bad for you.'

'That's not your decision to make!' Logan yelled.

'Yes, actually. It is. Megan is still underage, I'm her guardian and I decide what's best for her. So get out Logan.' My dad spat back, pushing him out of the door.

'You can't do this.' I begged, as my dad locked Logan out of the room. 'Dad, please.'

'This is for your own good, Pumpkin. Just trust me.' My dad said, sitting me back on the bed.

'I need him dad. It's his baby too dad, he needs to be with me when we lose it.' I cried.

'Would you have kept it?' My dad asked, ignoring me. 'If it didn't have this brain defect thing, would you have kept it?'

'I don't know dad! I barely had an hour to process it before we found out something was wrong.'

'Well process it now. Would you have kept a healthy baby?'

'I... I don't know dad! Logan wanted to, but I wasn't sure.'

'Of course he did. Having a kid at your age would have ruined your life, Megan. He would have pressured you into keeping it and your life would be over before it began.' My dad scoffed.

'How can you even say that? He was supporting me completely! He said he'd be okay with whatever I did and when I asked what he wanted he said it didn't matter. Logan is the parent of this child too but he didn't hesitate when I said I didn't know what to do. Being a teen mum wouldn't have ended my life before it began, Benji did that when I was 5 years old. For all you know, being a mother might have been the only reason for me to keep living! Logan is here for me. He supports me. Unlike you, apparently.'

'Megan, of course I support you.' My dad said, a hint of guilt in his voice.

'You don't have to worry about me being a teen mum, dad because I can't get attached to a baby that wouldn't survive. So I'm getting an abortion and I'm getting it with Logan by my side. If you can't accept that, then I don't want you involved.'

'Pumpkin...' my dad sighed.

'I need some space, dad.' I said, rolling onto my side, facing away from him. 'If you won't let Logan be here, then let me be alone, okay?'

I heard my dad sigh, before he kissed the top of my head and walked out, closing the door behind him and leaving me in silence.