Vulnerable

Chapter 49

The night air was cold against my skin and as I sat on a bench in the park regretting leaving without a coat. I rubbed my arms to warm myself, the lacy long sleeves not doing anything for me except covering my hideous scars.

Seeing Logan after almost two years was intense. Maybe it was the setting of the wedding that made seeing him with Zoe hurt so much, but deep down I knew it was more than that. Part of me knew that the reason why none of my previous attempts at dating worked out was to do with Logan, rather than just because of my trauma.

Zoe's words were echoing through my head, each one like a stab in the gut. Damaged goods. Good for nothing whore. A skank. She was right. It had been 4 years since I was rescued from Benji and Cole, and it seemed like everyone around me had moved on and to an extent forgot what happened to me. But I relived it every night, every time someone I didn't trust touched me. I was damaged and I always would be. No sane person would give up a woman like Zoe for someone like me.

So why didn't Logan leave with her? Why was he saying he missed me? We dated when we were 16. We were 20 now, and things had changed. At least they had for him. Going back to that place could be dangerous. Everyone had moved on with their lives, me and my dramatic series of unfortunate events a thing of the past.

'Megan?' My body tensed at the sudden voice approaching me, then relaxed slightly when I realised it was Logan. 'Are you okay? About what Zoe said-'

'Forget it.' I mumbled as he took a seat beside me on the bench.

'It's not true.' Logan side. 'You're so strong.'

'It kinda is though.' I shook my head. 'I'm still so damaged... I'm never going to be normal.'

'Finding your own normal is what's important. I know you've come so far, and that journey isn't ending here, but comparing yourself to others and a 'normal', which frankly doesn't exist, it's not going to get you anywhere.'

'It's just hard seeing everyone with their lives so pulled together and i'm just stuck. Everyone's moving on and I still feel like that scared 16 year old.'

'We haven't moved on, baby. We're all just pretending to be have our lives pulled together. Lisa and Charlie might be married now but god knows they don't have a clue what they're doing. I'm still working in the mechanics and living with my mum, and I just broke up with my girlfriend at a wedding! Frankie is the most pulled together and they probably still don't know what's going on.'

'What did you just call me?' I said with wide eyes. Logan's face blushed in realisation and he ran his hand through his hair awkwardly.

'Sorry... I know I shouldn't. It's just with you, sometimes it feels like nothing changed.'

'Please tell me you didn't break up with Zoe for me?' I sighed. 'Logan, i'm not worth losing her over.'

'We've been having problems for a while, but you are, love. You're worth losing everything over.'

'No I'm not. Zoe was right, i'm broken and scarred and she's stunning. Why would you ever choose this, over that?' I said pulling up the sleeves on my dress to reveal my marred arms. 'This is the only the outside Logan. It's worse in here.' I said pointing at my head.

Logan took my hands in his. 'Megan. Zoe is hot, sure, but she's a bitch, and shallow and all she cares about is sex. I was going to break up with sooner but I was embarrassed to show up to the wedding alone.... I... I didn't want to look as lonely as I was feeling.'

'Loads of people go to weddings single.' I sighed. 'I did.'

'Maybe, but not everyone goes to a wedding and sees their ex that they're not over.'

'What?' I gasped.

'I tried to move on, Meg, but I always found myself comparing other people to you and what we had. I know things are different now and we both have our stuff to deal with, but it doesn't feel right without you by my side. I feel like we have unfinished business.' Logan's voice was soft and calm, his warm hands encasing my cold ones.

'Logan...' I whispered, with tears in my eyes.

'Lisa told me you're not seeing anyone. She told me you dated but always felt something was missing... Megan, please tell me you feel the same?'

'Logan, it's not as simple as that. I've still got so much baggage... I'm getting better and dealing with it but it's still following me. Adding a romantic feelings on top of that... it's scary Logan.'

'Life is scary Megan. But I want to be by your side.'

'What if it gets too much? What if you don't want to live the rest of your life being woken up in the middle of the night by me screaming with nightmares? What if my past affects our intimacy,  or whether I can raise a child after what I went through as a kid? It's too much for anyone to have to sacrifice.'

'I don't care Megan. I loved you when we were 16, and I love you now. I made mistakes and I wish I never slept with other people while you were in the coma, I wish I hadn't wasted the last two years trying to get over you rather than fighting for us.'

'I...' my face flushed as I tried to figure out what to say. Hearing his confession made me realise he was right and I did still have feelings for Logan, and a lot baggage we never got closure on.

'Please say something baby.' Logan said after a few moments of silence. Instead, I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. He responded instantly, one hand on my cheek and the other on my lower back, pulling me closer. Our lips danced with each other, rapidly building in intensity, 4 years of emotion catching up with us.

'I love you.' I whispered, before straddling his lap, my knees resting on the park bench. Logan put his hands on my lower back, and I slammed my lips back down on his, warmth rushing through my whole body despite the cold night around us.

'I love you so much.' Logan whispered, rubbing my thighs as he frantically littered my neck with kisses. My hands ran up and down his chest, then before I knew it, I was fumbling with his belt. 'What are you doing?' Logan said, breathless between kisses.

'Making up for lost time.' I replied, lifting my lips as Logan moved my underwear aside.

'In the park?' Logan said, but didn't seem to be complaining, as he let his erection spring freely.

'Our first time was in a tent.' I laughed breathlessly, slowly easing down onto him as he moaned out. 'Don't tell me you're too classy for that now?'

'Fuck, Megan.' He groaned as I adjusted to his size. He sucked on my neck, cupping my boobs over my bridesmaid dress. Once I was ready, I started moving up and down on him, gasps escaping my lips and Logan's fingers found my clit and started rubbing while I rode him.

'Holy shit.' I gasped, gripping his shoulders as I bounced up and down on him slowly.

All thoughts of the cold night air were banished as heat rushed through my body as our bodies moulded together on the park bench. Our pants were quiet, Logan's satisfied grunts in my ears as he sucked, bit and kissed my neck.

I felt him swelling inside me, as I began to peak, and he suddenly picked me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, and pinned me against the trunk of a tree, our bodies connected the whole time. A gasp escaped my lips as my back hit the tree, and his thrusts got harder and faster.

'Oh my god.' I screamed out, before Logan silenced me with a kiss, reminding me that even at 2am, this was still a public place. I felt Logan hitting me in the perfect spot, over and over again as my orgasm built.

'Cum baby.' Logan panted. 'Let me feel you orgasm around my cock.'

'Oh my god, Logan.' I moaned, his dirty talk making my cheeks burn. He thrusted into me hard a few more times, before I screamed out and came undone, Logan following suit. 'I love you.' I panted as we stood still, catching our breath, my back still pressed up against the tree, his body holding me up as he stayed buried in me for a few more moments.

'Come back to mine?' Logan asked as he pulled out of me, both of us straightening out our clothes. His eyes lit up when I nodded, in anticipation for round 2 through 5 that happened that night.