Vulnerable

Chapter 10

'Please say something, love.' Logan's voice soothed. He got me from the front door to his bedroom before I disappeared into a panic attack. By the time Logan had calmed me down, I had come to the realisation I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what to say to him.

'I'm sorry I'm here. It was the closest place.' I mumbled.

'I told you that you can talk to me. You don't need to apologise.' His deep voice soothed. My face was buried in his chest as we cuddled on his bed, and I suddenly realised how intimate this looked and felt. I sat up slightly, moving to sit beside him rather than on him. 'How are you feeling?'

'Shit.' I forced a laugh. 'Thank you for being here.'

'Anytime.' He said, tucking my hair behind my ear. 'Do you want to talk about it?'

'I don't know how, Logan. It's so hard.' I whispered, my head resting on my shoulder. 'Things between us have already changed so much in so little time.'

'Not in a bad way?' Logan frowned, his fingers running up and down my arm slowly.

'No, I like whatever this is.' I whispered. 'But things will change when you know.'

'You don't know that Megan. I care about you, I don't think anything would change that.' Logan said softly.

'My own mum treats me like a monster.' My voice was hoarse and tears were forming again. 'The person who is supposed to love me unconditionally. She hates me. She doesn't believe me and thinks I lied.'

My head buried into my arms, as I started crying again. Logan wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead. 'I'm not your mum. Look my parents aren't great either, so I get it. You don't want to trust people when the people you're told to trust most hurt you.'

'She told everyone I was a liar. She posted it online over and over, she wrote to journalists and called me a monster and pathetic. Then tonight...' I choked on a sob.

'You're okay, love.' Logan soothed when I couldn't finish.

'She made me talk to him. He ruined my life and she trapped me and forced me to look at him.' I cried, feeling delirious. 'Why does she hate me?'

'Shh, you're okay Megan.' His grip on me tightened. 'I'm here.'

'I want to tell you, Logan but I can't. I don't know how. It's so hard.'

'It's okay, Megan. You don't need to tell me if you're not ready.'

'I'm sitting here crying in your arms, you deserve to know why. I want to trust you, but it's so hard to say it out loud. I don't want you to leave.'

'I'm not going to leave, Megan.' Logan sighed. 'I like you.'

I sat up and looked at him. Did he mean as a friend or that he like-liked me? Could I handle it if he like-liked me? It's common for 16 year olds to have never been in a relationship, but I wasn't a normal teenager.

'Meg? Say something?' Logan said, watching my shocked face.

'You like me?' I whispered. 'Like as a friend?'

'No. Well, I mean, yeah, I do like you as a friend but that's not what I meant.' Logan said, nervously running his hand through his hair. 'I like you as more than a friend.'

'Logan.. I...' I couldn't find the words. Did I like him romantically? I was definitely attracted to him, but I didn't think I could handle being in a relationship, being intimate with someone.

'Forgot I said anything.' Logan said, his voice suddenly cold, like when we first met.

'Logan, I don't know if I can do a relationship.' I whispered. 'I like you, I do, but it's complicated.'

'Whatever.' He sighed. 'It's getting late.'

'Can I stay tonight?' I whispered to him. I loved my dad but I didn't want to have to explain to him what happened today. Not yet.

'I don't know Megan...' Logan sighed, glancing at the door. 'If my stepdad finds you in here, he won't be happy.'

'Oh.' I nodded. 'Okay. I'll go then.' I said, rolling off the bed and picking up my jacket. I stood and walked to the door but before I could open it, Logan pushed it shut again.

'Wait.' He said. When he didn't continue, I could tell that something was on his mind. I turned to face him, my back against the wall, his hand on the door beside me.

'Logan?' I whispered, looking at his torn expression. His eyes met mine and I couldn't help but glance at his lips. I wanted to kiss him, but I was worried it would trigger me- Logan didn't deserve that.

'Fuck, Megan.' He whispered. 'Can I kiss you? Please?' My heart warmed at his question, glad he wanted my consent to do something as simple as kiss me. I nodded my head, and his lips were on mine instantly. His lips were warm and soft, gently moving against mine.

As we pulled apart, my lips tingle and my face blushed. His eyes searched my face, and I smiled at him softly.

'Stay.' He whispered against my lips. 'My stepdad won't come in.'

'Okay.' I whispered back, before pressing my lips to his again. His hands cupped my face and my arms wrapped around his neck.

Suddenly I realised I needed to stop this. What if he changed his mind when he knew the truth? I was used and broken, I couldn't get in too deep with Logan if he was disgusted by me when he found out. He deserved better than me.

'Stop.' I whispered, pulling away. 'I can't.'

'What?' Logan frowned, hurt in his eyes. 'Why?'

'It's not fair to you. You don't know everything and you might change your mind.' I gulped, my eyes trained to the floor.

'I already I told you I won't.' Logan said stroking my cheek. 'It can't be that bad.'

'It is.' I whispered. 'I'm sorry Logan. I'll tell you soon, but I don't want to get in too deep if you change your mind.'

'Let's just go to sleep.' Logan sighed, stepping away from me. I was playing with his emotions and it was unfair, I felt so guilty. Logan opened a draw and passed me a big shirt and a pair of boxers to wear as pyjamas.

'I'm sorry Logan.' I said taking them as he turned away to give me privacy.

'Whatever.' He mumbled. I changed quickly, and laid on the bed beside Logan who had climbed in. Logan switched off his lamp, and we laid in silence, facing away from each other.

'Goodnight.' I whispered.

'Goodnight love.'