Vulnerable

Chapter 12

'Where the hell have you been Megan?' My dad yelled at me, as Logan and I walked in the door. He wrapped his arms around me tight, as if he was never going to see me again. 'I've been calling your phone all night.'

'I'm sorry dad.' I whispered. 'I think I left my phone at mum's house. I stayed with Logan last night.'

Dad stepped back and looked at Logan, who smiled awkwardly. Dad turned back to me and hugged me again. 'I was so worried.'

'Dad, can Logan stay here?' I asked.

'Huh?' He said glancing at Logan again, who shrugged. 'Why?'

'She hasn't explained much, but it's something to do with my stepdad. She doesn't want me there with him.' Logan said. Dad looked at me, questioning whether his assumptions were correct, and I nodded.

'You can stay as long as you need.' Dad said.

'Dad, I'll talk to you in a second, but I need to explain everything to Logan.' I explained, taking his hand and heading upstairs.

'I'm here if you need me.' He nodded as we disappeared into my room.

'You don't need to tell me if you're not ready, Meg.' Logan said as we both sat on the edge of my bed. 'Don't feel pressured.'

'I need to. I want to.' I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder. 'I just don't know how.'

'How about I ask some questions?' Logan suggested. 'You can chose to answer or not.'

'Okay.' I nodded, holding his hand, and I could tell he felt me shaking.

'Last night you said your mother made you talk to him. And the other week you said she wanted you to help him. Who is he?' He asked, his voice gentle and sensitive.

'My uncle. Benji. Benjamin Bolton.' I replied shakily.

'You're scared of him.' He stated rather than asking but I nodded anyway. 'Where is he?'

'Prison.' I answered quietly. I knew he was avoiding the 'why' question for my own sake.

'What for?' He asked, his thumb drawing circles on the back of my hand.

'The sexual abuse and rape of a minor.' I whispered, silent tears streaming down my face. Logan tensed beside me, putting the pieces of my story together.

'Oh Megan.' He sighed, pity in his voice.

'It started on my 5th birthday. He disguised it as a game, he made me feel grown up. That's all kids ever want - to be treated like a grown up. My parents worked a lot, went on business trips, weekends away. My uncle would babysit me. It just started with him touching me and making me touch him, but when I was 6, on his birthday, he started raping me. I didn't know that's what it was then. I didn't know it was wrong and he told me it was our secret, so I didn't say anything. I thought it was normal. Every time I saw him alone, he raped me, disguising it as a game. He did it a couple of times a month until I was 8. My parents were away for a romantic get away so I was staying with him for the week. He roofied me, but it was a small enough dose that all it did was make me lose control of my body, but I still knew everything that was happening. His friends came round. Or maybe they weren't even his friends because he made them pay. They took turns with me, they did drugs off my body and it hurt so much.  They were talking about not wanting to get caught and asking about my parents. I realised that night that it was wrong. Benji begged me all week not to say anything and I told him I wouldn't. When my parents got back, it took me a few days to tell my dad. I was scared I'd done something wrong and that I'd be the one in trouble.'

'This wasn't your fault Megan.' Logan said, and I noticed he was crying.

'My dad lost it. Got so mad and rushed out to Benji's house, and beat him to a pulp.' I said, my voice shaky. 'My mum found me home alone, and I tried to tell her but she didn't believe me. My mum stayed with Benji in the hospital and when he came round, he said after I went to bed him and his friends were watching a film with rough sex scenes in, and I woke up and watched it from the doorway. He said I got it mixed up. She believed him. My dad took me to get checked by a doctor but I waited too long, it was a whole week later and all the physical evidence was gone.'

'Fuck! Megan I'm so sorry.' He whispered.

'He filmed it a lot. Took pictures of me in bed, naked or in the bath.' I continued, knowing if I let myself breakdown now, I wouldn't be able to finish. 'The police searched his house and they found a few photos of me sleeping or in the bath but none of the sexual ones. When they investigated, they found he posted a video online, the one where he made me suck him off for the first time on my 5th birthday. The rest he managed to get rid of. Or hide them. But it was enough to convict him for 8 years. The trial took 2 years so I was 10 when he actually got sentenced. He's up for parole soon and my mum wants me to make a statement or confess to lying so he gets out before the full sentence.'

'How could she believe him? There's a video?' Logan spluttered.

'She got lost in conspiracies. She believed I saw a bad film and that dad and the police put the words rape and abuse in my mouth. She believed that dad hated Benji so much that he faked the video. Her official police statements all made me out to be a liar. She wrote to all the local newspapers, telling her version of the story. When he was found guilty she lost it, demanded a divorce for sending her brother to jail. She hated me. She was friends with all the mums at school and convinced them. I spent two years at school being bullied because of her, so as soon as the trial ended dad and I moved away. I've been terrified that someone would remember and say something, or their parents. It's bound to happen at some point but I don't want people to know.'

Logan pulled me into a hug, and I let all my walls down. I sobbed, letting out years of abuse and even more years of bullying from my mother. My head snuggled under his chin, and he held be tight as I cried, his hands rubbing my back soothingly.

'Megan. I need to ask something.' Logan said quietly, after I'd calmed down a bit. 'You freaked out when you saw Cole earlier. You were so sure he was dangerous...' he started. Was I really about to tell him that his step father was a child rapist? That we were both 8 years old when Cole raped me. 'He was one of the men, wasn't he?'

I sat up and looked at him, knowing that he was dreading my answer. When I nodded, he buried his head in his hands.

'Fuck!' He shouted. 'Shit, Megan, I'm so sorry.' He stood up suddenly, starting to pace the length of my small bedroom. 'He's an asshole. An addict. He smacks my mum and I around sometimes, but never... I couldn't imagine... a pedophile?' His voice was a mix of anger and sadness.

'He hits you?' I whispered. 'I know he did this morning but, it's a regular thing?'

'Yes. I can handle it though. I just stick around for my mum.' Logan said, running his hand through his hair. 'Shit. She's so dependent on him for bloody drugs. She won't leave willingly. Fuck.'

'Cole will figure out who I am eventually, Logan.' I whispered.

'Why didn't you press charges against him when it happened?' Logan's tone was bordering on accusing. 'What if he did it to other kids? What if he's been raping my mum?'

'Are you serious right now?' I whispered, in shock. 'I was 8, Logan. I knew nothing about them except their names. I was dealing with a trial detailing years of my sexual abuse from my own uncle. I was dealing with the fact I spent years being groomed by him, and believing that it was all normal behaviour. My whole life was crumbling in front of me, and you're asking why I didn't press charges against Cole?' I ranted angrily. 'Do you think I don't live every second of every day wondering if there were other people that got hurt because I didn't do something sooner? That I couldn't get the other men? You don't get to say things like that to me, Logan. That's not fair.'

'Megan...' Logan sighed, realising his concern for his mother and anger at Cole had been misdirected at me.

'I need a minute.' I said, taking a deep breath. 'I need to tell my dad what happened last night. Can you stay here?'

Logan sat on my bed, head in his hands, as I headed downstairs to speak with my dad. When I came back up a few hours later, he was napping peacefully, dried tears staining his cheeks.