The Half-Blood Prince | Hermione Granger x Male Reader (Book Six)

16. The Boy In The Mirror

Y/N's POV

This new person that I was slowly becoming appeared more and more frequently in my day to day life. From random outbursts such as punching a wall to violent acts such as the one I had committed to McLaggen the night of Slughorn's party.

Today was one of the days me and Hermione had agreed to meet up in the Room of Requirement and I really needed it. She was my anchor, my lifeline, without her this monster inside me would take full control over my body.

Who was to thank for this new side of me? My dear grandfather of course, thanks a lot Voldemort.

Hermione's hand intertwined with mine, we walked into the Room of Requirement, the same room appearing like usual.

When we arrived, the two of us sat down on the bed, I had replaced my usual suit with a plain, long-sleeved t-shirt and some trousers, simple. Me and Hermione spent a while talking, before she got other ideas and hastily started to kiss me passionately.

In the middle, when her hands started roaming to my torso, I let out a grimace as her hand brushed against my more recent scar. I immediately pulled away, leaving Hermione concerned.

"D-did I do something wrong? I-I'm sorry if I was moving too fast."

I shook my head. "No it's not that, it's just you touched a scar..."

Hermione was extremely embarrassed and started apologising profoundly, after the hunderth time I had told her to stop, she finally fell silent.

"It's honestly fine 'Mione." I said with a weak smile.

"Why can't you heal them?" Hermione asked. "Do you want me to take you to Madam Pomfrey?"

"She won't be able to do anything," I sighed, "it's Dark magic, the basic healing spells won't help it."

Hermione, eyes filled with concern, wrapped her arms around me and just held me. This was probably the best medicine I could get right now.

"Can...can I see them?" Hermione asked timidly.

Confused to why she wanted to see, I lifted up my shirt and it pulled it over my head only to be met with a loud gasp form her.

"Oh Y/N..." she whispered.

I stayed sitting on the bed, silent.

"Was...was this all him?" she questioned me.

I didn't know whether I wanted to lie to her and say it was all Voldemort's doing or say it was or tell her about my experiment and my creation of my own spell. In the end, I decided that although I could now lie quite easily to anyone else, Hermione was the only person I struggled lying to.

"No," I said plainly, "I've been spending a lot of time here-"

"-you haven't been hurting yourself have you?" Hermione demanded.

I started tearing up slightly. "I tried channelling everything into something to help me...but sometimes I do it for the pain, the pain numbs everything."

Immediately wrapping her arms around me, Hermione spoke to me. "Talk to me Y/N, tell me everything."

I took a deep breath and began. "This is hell Hermione, I hate myself, I hate who I am and if it wasn't for bloody Dumbledore and him guilt-tripping me into doing this for the safety of the Wizarding World, I'd be long gone Hermione. I wouldn't be here." I could feel a tear roll down Hermione's cheek and onto my back. "It's just, I've become this new person you know. Like I get so angry sometimes, McLaggen receives the worst of it. I miss who I was before everything happened you know, I just wish everything can go back to normal but it can't! I want my life back, I want my friends back! It hurts so fucking much everytime Ron looks at me with hatred in his eyes, I just want my childhood best friend back. And do you know what really tops it off? He doesn't even seem to care, it's like he's forgotten about me. He's too busy fucking snogging Lavender."

I paused before rolling my left sleeve up. "I have the fucking Dark mark burned onto my skin! Do you know how it feels? Of course you don't, every time you shower, every time you change you don't get a constant reminder of what you've become do you? No. The pain numbs me Hermione. It's such a bad thing to say but it takes everything off my mind. Over the summer I went through such excruciating pain that I couldn't even comprehend what was going on, I couldn't even think straight. All that was going through my mind was the immense pain he was putting me through. What I went through that summer I tried recreating in this very room, I tried to use the same technique to forget about everything and the scars are the proof."

Hermione pulled away and looked at me. "Look at me Y/N L/N, you shouldn't hate yourself. And I can tell you for a fact that Ron misses you, so much. Harry tells me he can hear Ron cry to himself sometimes, he just covers it up when he's in front of us because we try not to talk about you in front of him. When we mention you, he just becomes a mess, so Ron does miss you Y/N, a lot more than you think." she looked at me lovingly. "I don't understand what you're going through, I never have and I never will, but what I can do is support you and love you. This new you, you can control it Y/N, I know you can. Just think fo something that controls your temper...find your anchor."

"It's you." I said quickly. "You're my anchor."

Hermione had a surprised expression before she gave me a soft smile, she then placed her forehead on mine. "Then think about me," she said softly, "think about all the times we've had."

"Think about the times we've had before Dumbledore ripped it all away from me?" I said with a dry laugh.

Hermione sighed. "We both know it's inconvenient but I know that we both love each other and that's all that matters. Who cares if I can't kiss you in public, all that matters is that we love each other, regardless of what happens to each other."

I stood up, and walked to the nearby mirror. Looking in, I saw myself shirtless with my scars covering my torso along with the scar Voldemort had given me, slashed across my face.

Hermione walked up to me and joined me and I had an eerie flashback to my first year, when I saw the Mirror of Erised. I smiled internally to myself, at least I had gotten what I most desired.

"Hermione," I whispered, tilting my head so I whispered into her ear, "look in the mirror...is this the boy you really fell in love with? Or is he long gone?"

Hermione placed her hand on my chest. "He's still here, the boy in the mirror may not look like the boy I fell in love with but I know that he's still him right here." she finished by placing her hand where my heart was.

"You aren't just saying this to make me feel better right?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Of course not."

Smiling, I pressed my lips against hers and pulled her in for a sweet and soft kiss. The girl who I loved greatly loved me back. Regardless of what would happen, Hermione said she would love me.

But was that really the case?

It was inevitable, I knew that there was going to be a dilemma where I could have to choose. Dumbledore's task or Hermione. The answer seemed simple, Hermione, but I knew that there were so many other complications. When that time came I would have to make a decision that would have no positive outcome. If I picked Hermione, I would have her but then the Wizarding World could potentially lose the upcoming, brewing war. If I picked the Wizarding World, I could potentially lose Hermione. It was really a question of whether I was going to be selfish or selfless. However, I knew when the time came Dumbledore would most likely make that decision for me.

I beckoned Hermione to join me as I laid down on the bed, she joined me and I wrapped my arm protectively around her, I wasn't going to ever let anyone hurt her...even if the consequences meant death.

Staring up to the ceiling, I let all my thoughts invade my mind, but they all soon faded away as Hermione moved her head to my chest, the common fluttering feeling in my chest appearing again. She had a gift, even when I was truly broken, she still managed to make me feel fixed, she made me feel like I wasn't an abomination, a failure.

After staring up at the ceiling, I turned and faced Hermione, our faces so close that our noses were almost touching.

"I'll love you forever Hermione." I told her.

She looked at me. "You will?"

I nodded and sighed sadly to myself. "Yes. That's the problem."